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Twenty-One Words At Christmas

Started by TJ, December 15, 2006, 09:19:11 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

gazzyk1ns

have a strange sense of humour at times. It only makes us love him even more, though.". Meanwhile, Santa was inserting

butnut

an American spell-checker onto his computer, and was puzzled by the spelling of 'humour' by the White House. Meanwhile, Rudolf

gazzyk1ns

did a massive piss. The next morning, they all awoke to find themselves covered in a soft white substance, which wasn't

pleasant.  "Oh Santa" moaned Rudolph.  "Have you forgotten to use your Head and Shoulders again?"  Santa's problem was getting worse, and

TJ

wasn't helped by AY (dressed as Santa) and PLC (a reindeer) arriving singing "just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-ting-a-ling too..."

Stress always made his condition worse, and the thought of a rival Santa sent his itching scalp into overdrive. In fact,

gazzyk1ns

things quickly got to the stage where Santa had scraped his scalp bare. "Oh heavens..." he lamented. "How can I possibly

Mister Cairo

attend any more meets now? I will be told that not everyone cares about my fucking bald patch, while Putin sits

Jemble Fred

his eleven-plus, nicking all the right answers from Berlusconi?"

Father Christmas, Ebenezer Scrooge and Noel Edmonds came out of Lidl carrying

the midnight watch baboon

Sayle, metophorically- Alexei's teamscripting contribution had disappointed everyone again, and a Christmas miracle was needed if our unlikely team was to

Jemble Fred

recreate the great days of 'Vicar at The Bo Selecta Bear's wedding or whatever'.

Little Alexei screwed his eyes tight shut

Jemble Fred

and wished that he could go home, as it was his last day at work and he was very fucking bored.

Mister Cairo

However, he still had to photocopy his buttocks ten more times. Alexie's sales were doing very well due to the sudden

Catalogue Trousers

epidemic of explosive diarrhoea which had left smelly, leaking patients across London tucked up all cosy with The Dog Catcher and

Jemble Fred

The Cat Strangler.

Pictures of this perverted orgy were splashed all over the tabs on Xmas morning, and Alexei's mum announced

the midnight watch baboon

that so sickened was she by Alexei's priapic, dirty lifestyle that she intended sending for The Mighty Boosh's boys to administer

Mister Cairo

a sound strangulation to Richard Littlejohn, who had decided to test  his readers by writing of his desire to fuck Queen

's Park Rangers' manager, John Gregory.  Unfortunately for Littlejohn's ego, his faithful readers were all too busy being outraged and offended by

Catalogue Trousers

the fact that a prostitute had stuffed a pineapple violently up Richard's rectum and that he hadn't murdered her ruggedly like a

Jemble Fred

bad, baaaaad boy.

Still, chastened by a smacked bum, Alexei said his prayers and went to bed, all excited that 'Santa'

Mister Cairo

would be reading his letter.This letter was written with the finest quill pen, so fine that even Rymans did not

Princess Anne

admit it  existed. Instead they marketed their own feather-like  pen, which wasn't  as good because it was made out of

Clinton Morgan

fur, biscuits and rice. The biscuits themselves of which there were three had to be of the highest standard to make

Catalogue Trousers

Little Jimmy successfully clap his hands and get an ice cream. The wee tyke's favoured ice-cream was the legendary "Scarlet Twotripper", which

gazzyk1ns

, despite its name, actually caused most people to have three "trips". Back outside Lidl, Edmonds was doodling a symbol on his

Mister Cairo

crinkly bottom, as it was the only part of his body not coated in smelly marker pen which he had stolen

Tits McGee

from an old woman who had so many signed pictures of Jim Davidson she had to
have a bonfire of them and

the midnight watch baboon

apologise to the many villagers who objected to Davidson-soiled ash clogging up their chimneys and kids. Nevertheless, Christmas it was,

Mister Cairo

and everyone knows what verbwhores do at Christmas. They record their own version of the Queen's speech, wearing a tiara and

Princess Anne

trousers pre-faded. It's enormous fun, but when it's finished, one can't help but feel a deep sense of sadness tinged with