Talk to the Hand
Every sodding night
Ftn
3.45am
Ah yes, this is what Freeview's all about. Simply appalling yoof discussion show presented by a scary looking woman with an afro and a less-convincing cockney accent than Jamie Oliver. Oh, they discuss all the issues! He's no good for you, drugs, double standards, fans of Westlife, it's all in there.
Every episode has a hippy type with pink hair who goes on about "healing people with colour" and how she was an outcast in drama school because "everyone was jealous of her". Yeah, that's right daahlin. It wouldn't have anything to do with you being one of the most annoying people alive and that every second spent in your company is more dangerous than taking a shower is Auschwitz, would it?
What's even funnier is that as you watch more and more episodes you see the same guests being repeated over and over again, but just with different names. And that's not all, throughout the show there are vox pops with people supposedly going about their business in town. Nothing strange about that, you may think, and you'd be right. But then you realise that they have all been on the show as guests in previous episodes!
Must see television. Watch it before Charlie Brooker writes about it in his column next week (hoho!).