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The Worst Record Ever?

Started by Ciarán2, January 07, 2007, 11:39:14 PM

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Ciarán2

Whilst browsing the excellent Metacritic.com, I decided to see which album had the lowest critical rating on the site. It turned out to be Kevin Federline's "Playing With Fire" You can check out Metacritic's page for it here.

Here are some choice reviews:

Quote from: "AllMusicGuide"Soon, he was dubbed as an "aspiring musician" in the tabloids, which soon gave way to "aspiring rapper." The fruits of his labor were first tentatively revealed when a portion of "Y'all Ain't Ready" was leaked on the Net toward then end of 2005. It may have lasted no longer than a minute, but that minute was jam-packed with memorable absurdity, most notably his timeless malapropism of calling paparazzi "Pavarottis" and his boast that his style was "straight 2008" when his sleepy drawl and backing track recycled every white wannabe-gangsta cliché from the past 15 years. Bloodied but not beaten, K-Fed â€" which he was now being called, with absolutely no irony on his part â€" unveiled his first full-length single on New Year's Day 2006. "PopoZao" â€" a celebration of Brazilian ass â€" was let loose on the Internet, where it was greeted with unfettered and deserved ridicule, as it lived up to the promise of "Y'All Ain't Ready." Both singles were awful, but they were gloriously awful, the work of a hack who believed he was a genius and was surrounded by yes-men were either too well paid to tell him otherwise, or were laughing behind his back as they gave him enough rope to hang himself high.

They go on to suggest it might be an unwitting comedy classic of some kind, only to scotch the hope....

QuoteAnd although he's "coming out like Janet's titty at the Super Bowl," he's not nearly as shocking as he'd like to believe or as amusing as his haters would hope: he just comes across as a big boob.

Quote from: "Rolling Stone"Britney almost saves this tragicomedy with some sexy purring in her brief vocal cameo on "Crazy." The rest is poison. If you can stomach making it all the way to the secret track, Federline actually offers one sage piece of advice: "Put your middle fingers up if you really don't give a fuck."

Oh dear.

Quote from: "Wikipedia"Critical reviews of Federline’s debut album have mostly been negative.

Erm, yes.

Well, to be honest I want to hear it now. Have any of you heard it? some of the negative reviews havebeen quite gleeful, and it's hard to escape the idea that it's all a big bandwagon to jump on. But I have to say the background to how the album came about is amusing.

What is simply the worst album you know? Is there a record so utterly wrteched that you can bearely bring yourself to speak its name let alone listen to it?

Cack Hen

Diificult to think of one, actually. But I think the newest Razorlight album is the worst album I've ever heard in...well as long as I can remember.

Ciarán2

I should add a quick one of my own. As a youngster I hated Magna Carta's 1970 offering "Seasons" so intensely that I'm convinced it once made me physically sick.

Thinking about it now, in my thirtieth year, it's not that bad. A bit dull. AMG gives it 2 and a half stars.


JesusAndYourBush

John Lennon - Cambridge 69

The Legendary Stardust Cowboy - Paralysed

lactating man nips

I would like to nominate anything by Sean Paul.

CaledonianGonzo



OK, it's only a single, but even still........{shudder}

Egyptian Feast

Quote from: "JesusAndYourBush"

The Legendary Stardust Cowboy - Paralysed

That's a great fucking song, and I say it without irony. David Bowie's a big fan too - according to him, this is where he nicked Ziggy Stardust's surname from. I was sorry I missed his performance at the Bowie-curated Meltdown a few years back, I'd love to have seen a crowd attempt to sing along with 'Paralysed'.

The worst album I've heard for a very long time has to be either Liam Lynch's 'Fake Songs' - aside from 'United States Of Whatever', it truly is one of the most witless and annoying records I've ever heard, and the free DVD is atrocious too - or Destiny's Child's 'Writing On The Wall', which is probably not all that bad, but I worked in a place for two years where I had to listen to it umpteen times each day, with no option to play something of my own to compensate. After the 200th spin you really want to kick Buoyancy's kneecaps in, especially when she's doing her lame Godfather pastiche.

Another vote for Deep Blue Something's 'Breakfast At Tiffany's'. An astonishingly cunty record with truly vile lyrics, only recently surpassed by Starsailor's 'Alcoholic' and The Killers' 'Somebody Told Me' & 'Glamourous Indie Rock & Roll'. I need a shower now.

Ray Le Otter

Dunno about the worst album but any album containing Carole Bayer Sager's "You're Moving Out Today" has to be a steaming pile of shit IMHO.

Altogether now.... "Pack up your rubber duck...."  FUCK OFF.

Or anything with "Lucky Stars" by Dean Friedman.

Although "Pocket Full of Kryptonite" by Spin Doctors is potentially the worst thing I've ever wasted £10 of hard earned cash on ever.

GetTheeBehindMeStan

QuoteOr anything with "Lucky Stars" by Dean Friedman.

Just remove the following words: with, Lucky and Stars.

Egyptian Feast

Quote from: "Ray Le Otter"
Although "Pocket Full of Kryptonite" by Spin Doctors is potentially the worst thing I've ever wasted £10 of hard earned cash on ever.

Ooh, I bought that steaming pile of dung too. God knows why, I can't remember even liking 'Two Princes'. 'What Time Is It?' - 'Fuck off, Catweasel!'

Christ, I seem to remember buying Crash Test Dummies album as well around that time. And Snow's album. And Pearl Jam's Vitalogy. I'm so glad I started smoking not long after, God knows what other abortions I would have spent my pocket money on.

thugler

Quote from: Egyptian Feast
Quote from: "Ray Le Otter"Pearl Jam's Vitalogy.

That's a good album, and one of their best though. Or do you just hate pearl jam?

Egyptian Feast

Quote from: "thugler"
Quote from: "Egyptian Feast"Pearl Jam's Vitalogy.

That's a good album, and one of their best though. Or do you just hate pearl jam?

Nah, not really, though I can't say I was ever a fan. Admittedly, I didn't think much of Ten or Vs even at the time, but I picked up Vitalogy just to be contrary because the reviews made it sound interesting and my Pearl Jam loving friends hated it. I must say I enjoyed it at the time, but I stuck it on a few years back and couldn't get through it at all. The 'experimental' tracks sounded a bit half-arsed and Eddie's earnestness seriously grated on me. In fairness, a lot of other bands from that era, like Smashing Pumpkins or Screaming Trees, sound horrible to me now, but I found Vitalogy particularly egregious on re-listening. Having said that, I haven't chucked it out, so I could stick it on again in a few years and start raving about it to all-and-sundry. Sometimes even my favourite albums sound crappy if listened to at the wrong time.

If I start a thread raving about The Spin Doctors or Snow in a few months though, you have permission to hunt me down and shoot me.

Derek Trucks

This thread has inspired me to dig out VerseBridgeChorus by Kinobe, an album bought I years ago from a 2nd hand shop with the feeling of "I like Slip Into Something...., how bad can it be?".  I never found out because I didn't get past the first track, a horribly turgid and sugary number that belongs on a Spice Girls z-side.  I'll see if I can stomach the rest of it.

In terms of singles, it's got to be The Ballad of Tom Jones hands down.  Even thinking about those twats singing it......

NoSleep

It's got to be something by Blue Cheer... a more ugly, brutal and stupid band I can't think of (offhand). At one time they unironically held the title 'The World's Loudest Band'.

Not that they didn't have their moments. either. I love the scene in the movie 'Troll' when Michael Moriarty jumps all over the furniture dancing to Blue Cheer's version of Summertime Blues (also an inspiration for Pere Ubu's 'Final Solution').

I always felt I should somehow like this band, but the actual experience is skullnumbing, and so...

Outside, Inside - Blue Cheer


The bit about Blue Cheer in this Silver Apples interview confirmed the worst about them...
QuoteOnce, too, we were on the bill in Chicago with Blue Cheer. Blue Cheer was not only the name of a dishwashing detergent but of a particular type of acid going around at the time. They had the reputation of being the loudest rock and roll band in the world. They had stacks of Marshall amps that lined the whole back of the stage. When we walked into the hall and saw that, we were quite impressed. After all, that was the point, I'm sure. We were to go on after them so we set up our gear off to one side, minuscule by comparison, ran through a sound check then went to the dressing room. Everybody shared the same dressing room. The Blue Cheer guys were snorting speed like crazy getting ready to go on and when they were ready they broke out the cotton balls and started stuffing their ears with great wads of the stuff, using pencils to pack it in. Danny and Barry and I gave each other the silent signal that meant, this is gonna be good, lets go watch, so we crawled under the curtains and hid behind the stacks of Marshalls. They lit into their first number which sounded like a tornado had hit the building and Danny crawled over to where he could see the drummer. He started laughing and waved me over. I crawled over and stuck my head around the corner of a stack and we could see him in profile. It was easy to read his lips, even though it was impossible to hear him over the roar. You couldn't even hear the PA system for that matter. He was screaming at the top of his lungs "Turn it the fuck down you stupid shitheads! I told I was quittin' if you did this again! I quit! You stupid fuckheads! You hear me? I quit!!!" This went on, non-stop through the whole set, which was this hour-long version of their hit, 'Summertime Blues', plus all the other riffs they knew. The house PA system was this gigantic surround-sound affair and you absolutely could not hear even a trace of it. We looked over at Barry and he was laughing and waving us over his way, so we crawled over and he pointed to the audience. Out of several thousand people that had previously occupied the hall, there were only about 15 totally spaced out people lying on the floor in the very back- and everybody else had gone out onto the sidewalk! The band played on, the drummer screamed his head off, and nobody but those 15 heard anything but the roaring tornado inside the building. When their set was over, everybody came back inside.

Egyptian Feast

Thanks for that, NoSleep! I've always wanted to hear some Blue Cheer, but never got around to it. After reading that interview, I'm desperate to get some of their stuff. Noise and stupidity is an irresistible combination.

NoSleep


rudi


Quote from: "Egyptian Feast"
Quote from: "thugler"
Quote from: "Egyptian Feast"Pearl Jam's Vitalogy.

That's a good album, and one of their best though. Or do you just hate pearl jam?

Nah, not really, though I can't say I was ever a fan. Admittedly, I didn't think much of Ten or Vs even at the time, but I picked up Vitalogy just to be contrary because the reviews made it sound interesting and my Pearl Jam loving friends hated it. I must say I enjoyed it at the time, but I stuck it on a few years back and couldn't get through it at all. The 'experimental' tracks sounded a bit half-arsed and Eddie's earnestness seriously grated on me.

I played it again not so long ago.  I found myself thinking that it would have fared better all round if they'd released the ten proper songs and left the four experimental pieces behind.  They really spoil the flow.

non capisco

Quote from: "Ray Le Otter"Although "Pocket Full of Kryptonite" by Spin Doctors is potentially the worst thing I've ever wasted £10 of hard earned cash on ever.

Also guilty. Although me and a good mate of mine initially bonded in conversation because both of us had bought this wretched artifact and neither of us could remember why. And the horror of the track 'Yo Mama's A Pajama' still hadn't receded all these years later.

Bingo Fury

I've never heard any albums by Ben Lee, but I've always suspected that whatever record he had out around the time I saw him live must surely qualify to squat among the all-time worst.

samadriel

Ben Lee's the worst type of horrible little dimwitted cunt; the type that thinks it isn't.

Egyptian Feast

Anyone heard that Moldy Peaches (or is it Adam Green solo?) song "I Wish I Was Ben Lee"? It's pathetic, the worst thing I've ever heard by Green, which is saying a lot (though I enjoy some of his stuff). Why on Earth would anyone wish to be that horrible little dimwitted cunt? That's like wishing you could ski like Sonny Bono or be handsome like Simon Weston. Silly twat.

Ray Le Otter

Quote from: "non capisco"
Quote from: "Ray Le Otter"Although "Pocket Full of Kryptonite" by Spin Doctors is potentially the worst thing I've ever wasted £10 of hard earned cash on ever.

Also guilty. Although me and a good mate of mine initially bonded in conversation because both of us had bought this wretched artifact and neither of us could remember why. And the horror of the track 'Yo Mama's A Pajama' still hadn't receded all these years later.

To be honest, that album is the one I still harbour the most hatred over. What's even worse is I couldn't even give it away, let alone sell it on, and it still festers away at the bottom of my collection like dry rot. I've never met anybody who liked it, "Two Princes" aside. It's a complete abortion. What was I thinking?

It's even worse than "Pomme Fritz" by The Orb, or "Medazzaland" by Duran Duran.

Egyptian Feast

Quote from: "Ray Le Otter"

It's even worse than "Pomme Fritz" by The Orb.

That's gotta be the most difficult album to trade in. Every second hand shop I've tried to give it to refused it immediately. There must be a mountain of copies gathering dust somewhere. I even managed to get rid of Pocketful Of Kryptonite, for fuck's sake.

The other album I've never managed to shed was Baby Bird's The Happiest Man Alive. No fucker will touch it with a bargepole. It currently resides in the back of a drawer. If it ain't good enough to sit alongside Daniel Bedingfield or James Blunt's latest masterpisses on the second hand racks, it ain't good enough to sit with the rest of my CDs.

Abbie

Two words for you: CRAZY FROG. Yes, it's that non-gender specific reptile from the TV ads. He has an album and my son's grandparents bought it for him a few months ago. Knowing my instinctive reaction when he bought it home would be to smash it to bits, he's kept it well hidden in his room, only occasionally polluting my ears. Worse than terrible. That boy should be ashamed of himself.

And despite an overwhelming urge to make mad passionate love to Nikki Sixx - i'm going to chuck Motley Crue into the mix. Take your pick of the albums. Hair metal *shudder*.

EDIT: Heh. The 10 year old has just sneered at me that Crazy Frog is, in fact, an amphibian. Whatever.

He wasn't non-gender specific, either: he had a little CG froggy cock and balls that they had to blank out because it was a cock and balls.

The Scissor Sister's 'I Don't Feel Like Dancing' is just a horrible grating noise to me, and the office I was in over Summer had Radio One playing it on constant repeat. Even than the combined wit of Colin 'n' Edith was preferable to that.

Catalogue Trousers

Now oddly enough, I genuinely like (sort of) Jimmy Olsen's Blues and Little Miss Can't Be Wrong. The former has some nice humour and the latter...sod it, we've all been there in an affair at some point, and they sum it up well.

However, just about everything else on that album is, indeed, complete shite. Painful stuff.

I'm surprised that no-one's nominated Rudebox or Dirrty yet. Two attempts to sound sordidly and daringly sexual that make Flanders & Swann's P** P* B**** B** D****** look like the height of arousing sauce.

Brutus Beefcake

Rudebox is the funniest son I've heard in ages, and the best thing that tosser has ever put his name to.


Quote from: "Ray Le Otter"
Quote from: "non capisco"
Quote from: "Ray Le Otter"Although "Pocket Full of Kryptonite" by Spin Doctors is potentially the worst thing I've ever wasted £10 of hard earned cash on ever.

Also guilty. Although me and a good mate of mine initially bonded in conversation because both of us had bought this wretched artifact and neither of us could remember why. And the horror of the track 'Yo Mama's A Pajama' still hadn't receded all these years later.

To be honest, that album is the one I still harbour the most hatred over. What's even worse is I couldn't even give it away, let alone sell it on, and it still festers away at the bottom of my collection like dry rot. I've never met anybody who liked it, "Two Princes" aside. It's a complete abortion. What was I thinking?

Two Princes is possibly my most hated song of all time, I hate to think how bad the rest of album must be.

Ciarán2

I'm finally going to buy "Rudebox" the album today. "Lovelight" was a good single. "She's Madonna" is also a good single. "Rudebox" (the single) remains rather embarrassing. Like I said before the album was released - interesting...

also, i like "Pomme Fritz" a lot.

Pseudopath

Quote from: "Ciarán"I'm finally going to buy "Rudebox" the album today. "Lovelight" was a good single. "She's Madonna" is also a good single. "Rudebox" (the single) remains rather embarrassing. Like I said before the album was released - interesting...
NOOOO! Don't do it! What's the very worst thing about Robbie songs? That's right...his rapping. This album contains 17 songs full of the shit and it hasn't got any better.