You May Debunk Myths About the Opposite Sex From Here

[Mr Wrong]

It's a myth that femininity is all perfumed loveliness -take a look at their gussets, their secret bits leak acid!

[Cerys]

And men's secret bits leak alkaline.  Funny old world.

[Morrisfan82]

! Are all the cool kids wearing pH paper underpants these days?

What next? Bras that go transparent when the sun goes behind the clouds? Global Hypercolour thongs? People pouring Universal Indicator over sanitary towels in adverts??

[Borboski]

What are you talking about, pH underpants?

[Morrisfan82]

"You do? Oh, that's wonderful! Can you keep it for me? My name? Oh yes, it's P... H... Underpants."

Mere frivolity. Or 'dicking about on here rather than doing work'.

[Mr Wrong]

It's not so much skid-marks that women leave, it's more like scorch-marks.

[Cerys]

You don't want to know what marks get left in the gusset of a lady who has recently inserted a pessary.  Seriously.

[Deadman97]

Well now, isn't this pleasant?

[Mr Wrong]

From Wikipedia...It can happen that the oil will leak, with the potential to spoil clothing. The oil is likely to cause rapid deterioration of any latex rubber contraceptives or sex toys inserted during its presence (plastic or silicone are less likely to be affected).

Are you a nurse Cerys ? Seriously.

[Charlie Potatoes]

You don't want to know what marks get left in the gusset of a lady who has recently inserted a pessary.  Seriously.

GD Lite: it does exactly what it says on the tin ;o)

[mook]

I saw a lady on the internet who had no gusset in her knickers at all! Had she used two pessaries then?

[Cerys]

Just out of interest, what do you understand by the word 'pessary'...?

[mook]

noo-noo tablet innit? Oh God I'm so wrong aren't I.

[Mr Wrong]

Just out of interest, what do you understand by the word 'pessary'...?

What do you understand about it? I had to look it up.
How come you know so much about these 'pessary' things?
tellusnow!

[Brutus Beefcake]

It's not so much skid-marks that women leave, it's more like scorch-marks.

Snail tracks.

[Cerys]

mook isn't wrong - it's a suppository for the ladyparts.  Well, in this case anyway.  There may be an equivalent for the blokeyparts, but if there is I don't want to know about it.

And I know so much about pessaries because I have thrush.  Yes, you heard me.  I HAVE THRUSH.  Yeasty and proud, me.

[mook]

Couldn't you just slather your ladygarden in natural yoghurt, or is that just something my ex used to do just because it felt good?

EDIT. Apparently you can.http://www.womenshealthlondon.org.uk/leaflets/thrush/thrushtreat.html

Or you can use garlic, fuck me that must sting a bit.

Garlic has strong antibacterial and anti-fungal properties, and may help stop thrush in some women. Peel a clove of garlic (be careful not to nick it), wrap it in muslin, to make sure you can remove it, and insert it into your vagina. Leave the garlic in overnight. Be prepared to smell quite strongly of garlic while you are using this treatment.

[Still Not George]

That was by way of a suggestion to you, I suspect.

[Entropy Balsmalch]

Many years ago with a previous lady friend in the early days of our relationship when we did do a great loads of sex we both managed to get thrush.

I wasn't aware of the fact blokes could get it - but they can and I did.

Not pleasant it was.

Anyway - the doctors gave us both cream and a pill to take and told us not to drink as it would make us very ill in combination with the pill and not to have sex for a week as we would keep passing the infection back and forth.

Which was fine except we'd booked to go away for our one year aniversary for the weekend.

That put the damper on that somewhat.

However, I was most amused by my doctor who said this to me when giving me the prescription.

[pointing]
"That's the pill - and that's the cream for you bell end."

[Morrisfan82]

*chokes on crisps*

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Be prepared to smell quite strongly of garlic while you are using this treatment.

Well that's a surprise. I thought the smell would be forest fruits.

[Mr Wrong]

Many years ago with a previous lady friend in the early days of our relationship when we did do a great loads of sex we both managed to get thrush.
Anyway - the doctors gave us both cream and a pill to take and told us not to drink as it would make us very ill in combination with the pill and not to have sex for a week as we would keep passing the infection back and forth.

Itsallcominoutonthisthread...
Why didn't you just wear a condom? And -if she had any garlic up there- a peg on your nose?

This is what I meant though: Downstairs, women are much more high maintainance. Case closed.

[mook]

This is what I meant though: Downstairs, women are much more high maintainance. Case closed.

I don't know about that, I'm just recovering from a twisted testicle, the left one if you must know. It was ten days of agony and worry. Periods, thrush, pregnancy and pessaries must be a walk in the park compared to wayward teste.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Whenever making any important decision think of your bollocks first, because nobody else will.

[ccab]

What possessed you to twist the thing?? Christ, I can understand a bored gent having a rummage of an evening - but twisting a ball???? - Haven't you seen what happens when you twist an apple on a tree?

Did it swell up?

[Joy Nktonga]

Twisted testes=worst pain imaginable.

MY TESTICLE HELL!

I went through a year of stomach and scrotum agony when I was around ten and all the doctor would tell my Mum was that I was faking to get out of school. The cunt. Problem is by the time you get an appointment the symptoms and pain have sorted themselves out until next time, so there's no evidence. Then one night I'm in screaming agony, ma balls were like fuckin' watermelons, man, I'm tellin'ye. I was throwing up and screaming. It was the worst experience of my whole life, no exaggeration. The doctor came out on an emergency visit and the look of panic in his eyes was shocking. He was on the blower pretty fast and within a couple of hours I was in the operating theatre having my left testicle straightened out and both of them anchored in place. I found out later that I was mere hours away from losing leftie altogether.

Never, never underestimate the pain or potential consequences of wobbly bollocks.

[aaaaaaaaaargh!]

^^^ouch

One of the boys in my class split his ballbag open in a mountain biking accident.  How we all laughed at him.

[mook]

Did it swell up?

No, thank fuck, it was just soooo painful to touch. If I moved slightly wrong and trapped it in my boxers the pain shot up my groin into my stomach, it was hell, I thought I was dying. God knows how it happened, I just woke up one morning in agony, I hadn't been fiddling with it or owt. Of course being a man I didn't bother the Doctor with it I just self medicated with lots of warm baths, which seemed to help and wearing nice snug safety pants I sent the missus down to Marks and Sparks for. I know I should have gone to the quacks, but I was in so much pain for the first 5-6 days after it happened I couldn't face it, after that I could tell it was on the mend so just thought better leave it be. Cowardly I know. I still haven't tried it out to see if it's still in working order, so it's very nearly 3 weeks without a jump or a wank! I might ring up the Guinness Book of Records about that.

[Mr Wrong]

I feel faint.

[Captain Crunch]

A kid at my school got thrush in the mouth / face.  It wasn't pretty.