Food Order Mastication Choice: Self-Reward or Self Denial?

[mothman]

Yeah, if you're gonna obsess about mixing foods of different textures, then you might as well blend everything up and drink it through a straw.

[swarfmonkey]

You lot can fuck off!

I bring up a sensible point and all I get in return is "Oooo look at that obsessive swarfmonkey". You lot were wittering on about cutting toast East to West, NE to SW, upside down and back to front. And now I'm anally retentive.


Well bollocks to the lot of you.

[AMG]

I have yet to find another acolyte of my pizza technique - starting at the perimeter with the crust armed with knife and fork then working inwards in an ever-decreasing spiral, rotating the plate as I go, until finally ending up in a crescendo of ecstacy with the topping-laden centrepiece.

I've been doing it as long as I can remember; despite occasionally flirting with the hands-on convenience of slices, I always come crawling back.

[sick as a pike]

this most trivial of threads

Spack off, fucko, this is spun gold.

[Neville Chamberlain]

Don't get me wrong, Sir. I think this is possibly the most brilliant thread this board has seen in many years.

[asv]

This has bugged me for a while.  When I have a chocolate bar and a packet of crisps of an evening I always eat the crisps last cos I love crisps.  Now, people have commented that the "correct" order should be sweet following savoury, like pudding after a main meal (an order to which I do adhere).  Am I wrong about the crisps thing?

I am with the midnight watch baboon on eating my evening meal to something good on the TV.

[mothman]

Say you're in a hotel and pigging out on their buffet: wou;d you have cereal first and then a cooked breakfast - thereby breaking the sweet-then-savoury rule - or vice versa?

[Neil]

I vaugely recall that Ardal O'Hanlon had a routine about this, where he'd draw a comparison between having a shit, and eating a fish supper.  Something to do with a little bit of wee at the end of the poo being the same as leaving some chips to last.

Err.

[asv]

Say you're in a hotel and pigging out on their buffet: wou;d you have cereal first and then a cooked breakfast - thereby breaking the sweet-then-savoury rule - or vice versa?

Cereal then cooked breakfast would be sweet-then-savoury wouldnt it (assuming something sugary like Frosties, then cooked breakfast ), and thereby not breaking my sweet-then-savoury (chocolate-then-crisps) rule?

[sick as a pike]

Excellent, I have drawn Neil into talking about wee and poo, rather than GLR and Chilton & Bell.  Tonight I shall sleep the sleep of the righteous.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Say you're in a hotel and pigging out on their buffet: wou;d you have cereal first and then a cooked breakfast - thereby breaking the sweet-then-savoury rule - or vice versa?

Just don't eat any cereal, durrrr!

[mothman]

Say you're in a hotel and pigging out on their buffet: wou;d you have cereal first and then a cooked breakfast - thereby breaking the sweet-then-savoury rule - or vice versa?

Cereal then cooked breakfast would be sweet-then-savoury wouldnt it (assuming something sugary like Frosties, then cooked breakfast ), and thereby not breaking my sweet-then-savoury (chocolate-then-crisps) rule?

Bugger. Meant to write savoury-then-sweet, but got confused,

[asv]

Figured that was it.  I would go with ETT's thoughts and and skip the cereal!

[Neil]

Excellent, I have drawn Neil into talking about wee and poo, rather than GLR and Chilton & Bell.  Tonight I shall sleep the sleep of the righteous.

Heh :-)  I wonder if anyone else can remember it though, i never actually saw the routine, just read it paraphrased in an interview with him in Loaded (oh no, it gets worse) when that mag first came out in the 90's.  For some reason, it's stuck with me since, and I've tried to recall it before.  

Something about how the chips are the pee and the fish is the poo, and you have some chips first, then get stuck into the fish, then finally finish off with a few more chips.

[Neville Chamberlain]

I vaugely recall that Ardal O'Hanlon had a routine about this, where he'd draw a comparison between having a shit, and eating a fish supper.  Something to do with a little bit of wee at the end of the poo being the same as leaving some chips to last.

Err.

And who says he was only ever any good in Father Ted...?

[Mister Cairo]

I usually eat the ends of my sausage before the rest.

The same often goes for my chips.

I seem to eat ketchup with most meals, even when other people tell me "this meal doesn't go with ketchup".

[The Region Legion]

I just eat whatever is on the plate in whatever order takes my fancy, but always save one piece of everything that was on the plate to last, to savour each flavour one last time. Clearly the best method.

[Neil]

I just eat whatever is on the plate in whatever order takes my fancy, but always save one piece of everything that was on the plate to last, to savour each flavour one last time. Clearly the best method.

I would have to say that you're almost certainly a perverted serial killer with a large collection of 'trophies' that you've taken from your hapless and helpless victims.

[slim]

So- I was just eating two pieces of toast which I'd sliced in half in what I imagine to be the normal way i.e. West-East, rather than North-South.
I prize the halves with the rounded ends over those with square ends and therefore eat them last.

Eek, mindtheft! This is me, to a tee. I hate diagonal cutters, or worse the flagrant "I'll have a nice round bit on each side" absolute cuntery.

I also tend to eat sandwiches (cut the same) in a set way so that I get the maximum possible culinary pleasure from them.

I eat pizza from a box in a certain way too, but this time to ensure the most possible coverage with dipping, should it be desired.

At least 50% of a packet of Malteasers would be skinned of their chocolate, which is then melted on the tongue whilst the honeycomb centre sits undisturbed in a cheek, ready for a crunchy demise.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I don't bother cutting my toast in half anyway.

[sick as a pike]

And I suppose you don't lower your trousers for bum-toilet either?

[weekender]

If I'm having beans on toast, I eat the toast first and then the beans.

[Deadman97]

Perfect toast-

Allow to thoroughly cool before buttering. Serve with tea.

Dip.


Try it before you call me a freak.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Degenerate.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

No, no, no. The butter must melt on hot toast for the full loveliness. No margarine though; people who eat that crap disgust me.

[gazzyk1ns]

I hate diagonal sandwich cutters who only cut once, it makes no sense. Triangular sandwiches which are half-a-slice big are prone to spilling their contents. Don't tell me to use a better or different grip, because whilst I could, it's unnecessary.

People who fill sandwiches with large pieces of flat things (e.g. bacon, lettuce) should be shot. It's an invitation for the filling to be pulled around undesirably, and occasionally fall out completely, whilst you take bites. Again, don't tell me to adjust my grip or bite because it obviously shouldn't be necessary. I have a mate who is a sandwich grip freak, and I always tell him that it's up to him if he wants to have greasy fingers and a slightly unpleasant last couple of bites of a bacon sarnie, but I'll carry on cutting the bacon into smallish pieces before I fry it. Everyone has the scissors ready to cut the main bit of fat off the bacon when you get it out of the fridge anyway; unless they're very unhealthy, or perhaps some sort of wannabe chef who thinks they're good because they value a bit of unneeded bacon fat whilst making a sandwich.

[El Unicornio, mang]

No, no, no. The butter must melt on hot toast for the full loveliness. No margarine though; people who eat that crap disgust me.

What's wrong with margarine? Butter's too hard to spread, I only use it with cooking

[El Unicornio, mang]

I hate diagonal sandwich cutters who only cut once, it makes no sense. Triangular sandwiches which are half-a-slice big are prone to spilling their contents. Don't tell me to use a better or different grip, because whilst I could, it's unnecessary.

People who fill sandwiches with large pieces of flat things (e.g. bacon, lettuce) should be shot. It's an invitation for the filling to be pulled around undesirably, and occasionally fall out completely, whilst you take bites. Again, don't tell me to adjust my grip or bite because it obviously shouldn't be necessary. I have a mate who is a sandwich grip freak, and I always tell him that it's up to him if he wants to have greasy fingers and a slightly unpleasant last couple of bites of a bacon sarnie, but I'll carry on cutting the bacon into smallish pieces before I fry it. Everyone has the scissors ready to cut the main bit of fat off the bacon when you get it out of the fridge anyway; unless they're very unhealthy, or perhaps some sort of wannabe chef who thinks they're good because they value a bit of unneeded bacon fat whilst making a sandwich.

You'd hate American sandwiches. They put so much crap in them (lettuce, tomato, pickles, meats, cheese, etc) that you can't get through one without spilling half the contents out

[sick as a pike]

On the subject of American sandwiches I remember reading somewhere (Bill Bryson?) about American confusion at the notion of making sandwiches with bread you cut yourself.  
Presumably the sliced, rather than whole, loaf dominates that bit between Canadia and Mexico.

[fanny splendid]

Everyone has the scissors ready to cut the main bit of fat off the bacon when you get it out of the fridge anyway; unless they're very unhealthy, or perhaps some sort of wannabe chef who thinks they're good because they value a bit of unneeded bacon fat whilst making a sandwich.

Tell you what, FUCK OFFFFFFF, and don't buy bacon anymore. Bacon is nothing, NOTHING, without the rind. That's where the taste is. If you want to stay your particularly perverted version of healthy, then don't fucking eat bacon.