Food Order Mastication Choice: Self-Reward or Self Denial?

[gazzyk1ns]

I knew someone would take objection to that, and I knew it might be YOU. Last night I was going to post something similar about diagonal cutters and I even found myself typing a disclaimer especially for you, about people with special requirements due to facial hair. But I'll carry on doing what I do to bacon, because I think it has enough fat in it already. If there's one thing which is going to provide you with adequate fat no matter what you do with it (unless you're a Rosemary Conley type who uses kitchen roll on cooked bacon), it's a bacon sandwich. The rind is also not going to make my bacon sandwich taste any better or worse because this will either be bacon from Tesco, or the local butcher, who is shit. All it'll do is introduce an undesirable mouth-feel to portions of my sandwich. And also, stop keep implying I've got a weird view of what's healthy fanny, you used to do that all the time.

A kick in the cunt to the first person to suggest that I do something like cut my rind off BUT wrap it around a poached pear, and fry that with the bacon before adding star anise and deglazing the pan with balsamic vinegar and brown sugar in order to make some sort of dipping sauce.

I just Googled (Wiki was down) Rosemary Conley's name because I thought it was spelt "Connolly":



What kind of woman aspires to look like that?

[fanny splendid]

I've got a weird view of what's healthy.

[gazzyk1ns]

You really do live up to your name - most of the time you're very pleasant, but then every so often something a bit nasty comes out of you.

I don't really think you were being nasty, I've just been wanting to say that for a while now and you've not posted much recently.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

No, no, no. The butter must melt on hot toast for the full loveliness. No margarine though; people who eat that crap disgust me.

What's wrong with margarine? Butter's too hard to spread, I only use it with cooking

Well apart from the fact that it's not really very good for you (trans fats and such) it also tastes nasty, feels horrible in the mouth and doesn't behave very well when you cook with it instead of butter. Butter - Ingredients: Butter and salt. Margarine has loads of flavourings, colourings and such to make it not look and smell disgusting. Basically it's an inferior product.

[samadriel]

(picture)

What kind of woman aspires to look like that?

[Borboski]

Do you know how I eat my creme eggs?

I smash them on a clean table, mush it around, and then lick it all off.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Everyone has the scissors ready to cut the main bit of fat off the bacon when you get it out of the fridge anyway; unless they're very unhealthy, or perhaps some sort of wannabe chef who thinks they're good because they value a bit of unneeded bacon fat whilst making a sandwich.

Tell you what, FUCK OFFFFFFF, and don't buy bacon anymore. Bacon is nothing, NOTHING, without the rind. That's where the taste is. If you want to stay your particularly perverted version of healthy, then don't fucking eat bacon.

I agree entirely.

As long as the bacon is grilled! Fried rashers of bacon are always rubbish!

[gazzyk1ns]

You two are idiots.

[El Unicornio, mang]

American bacon is shit. It's like eating crispy pig's ears.

Speaking of pigs, I saw a huge jar of pigs feet at the supermarket the other day. Pigs feet.

[TotalMink]

What's wrong with margarine? Butter's too hard to spread, I only use it with cooking

Get a butter dish and keep it in the pantry ffs!

[El Unicornio, mang]

What's wrong with margarine? Butter's too hard to spread, I only use it with cooking

Get a butter dish and keep it in the pantry ffs!

That doesn't really work when it's 90 degrees every day though.

[Almost Yearly]

Best 'til last, following complex algorithms a bit like Jim's.

The missus finishes all the best before even starting on the rest. Freak. She's done the same with me too.

The round end of the bread is better pike? You insufferable twat. You get less bread, more crust and ill-fitting slices of ham or cheese*. I expect you still cut it that way if a one slice sandwich is in the making don't you. Philistine.

*Bill Bailey did a good bit once about a handyman "offering up" the ham to the bread.

[sick as a pike]

You insufferable twat.

Careful, or I'll come to your village, buy up all the houses and restrict dental assistance to the Lord of the Manor only.

[Rubella]

What about eating crisps then?  I lick all the flavouring off the crisp first before eating the crisp.  Except with Quavers because they go soggy if you do that.  Does anyone else do this crisp licking thing?  People always seem really suprised that I eat crisps in this way.  I guess I just like savouring the flavour dust on the crisp.

*Top Tip* Put Quavers in the freezer before eating them - it makes them taste 100% better in every way!  Try it and report back!

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

One of my petpeeves is when people mess around unnecessarily with their food - ie eating the chocolate off a biscuit first, or taking apart a custard cream to eat it, or LICKING THE FLAVOUR OFF A CRISP!

It's weird and disgusting.

[Rubella]

I have a strange phobia about eggs - don't like 'em. Have a horror of cold hard-boiled eggs. Can eat fresh-boiled eggs provided there's plenty of toast handy. Can eat fried eggs provided there's plenty of bacon or sausage to go with it - but baked beans must be well separated and never interact with the egg. Likewise scrambled eggs, although they are allowed to be on their own on toast. Anything with cold egg (or pieces of) in - "full breakfast" pre-packed sandwiches, salad Nicoise, scotch eggs, etc. - is a no-no.

I, too, cannot allow eggs to interact with either baked beans or ketchup - its wrong and unpleasant.  I get very upset if I order a fry up in a cafe and they come squidged together.  I then have to spend ages building a dam between the two of them and scraping the bean juice off the egg.

On the subject of eggs, if I eat a fried egg I baste the yolk (although it MUST remain runny inside) and then cut around the yolk leaving the white behind.  I dont like fried whites but like boiled or poached ones.  Plus I hate it when people fry eggs until they go crispy.  For me, a perfect fried egg must resemble one of those fried egg fridge magnets.

On the bacon argument - it MUST always have the fat intact and not cut off.  Streaky bacon is perfection.

On the butter argument - Butter wins everytime.  Marge tastes synthetic and doesnt melt.

[Lady Beaner]

*Top Tip* Put Quavers in the freezer before eating them - it makes them taste 100% better in every way!  Try it and report back!

Hang the fuck on, FROZEN Quavers? You fucking perv!

[Borboski]

Aarrgh, what REALLY pisses me off, is Mrs B, you will take a baguette-shaped loaf, i.e quite long and tall, and slice it the wrong way.

So the right way is to slice a, well 'slice' downwards, 2 x slices, leaving you with enoug bread space to put the contents on.  

Mrs B slices one great fuck off slice, but still only, say 4 inches thick, and then slices that in half.  And then still doesn't fold the two, but stacks on on top of the other.

Does that description even make sense?  I don't know...

[Captain Crunch]

Quavers in the freezer, sheesh you'll be telling people to do that with creme eggs next.  Not that I can even look at a creme egg now, not since I found out my mate ate one 'from' his missus *shudder*.

[mook]

Does that description even make sense?  I don't know...

Nope, that made no sense whatsoever. We need pictures, or failing that a MSPaint knockup to explain it.#

Quavers in the freezer, sheesh you'll be telling people to do that with creme eggs next.  Not that I can even look at a creme egg now, not since I found out my mate ate one 'from' his missus *shudder*.

I don't know about cream eggs, but I've been on the recieving end of a Viennetta blow job! Those little shards of chocolate hurt I can tell you.

[Rubella]

*Top Tip* Put Quavers in the freezer before eating them - it makes them taste 100% better in every way!  Try it and report back!

Hang the fuck on, FROZEN Quavers? You fucking perv!

Honestly - don't knock it 'til you try it!

[mothman]

Oh, and that chilled champagne/white wine and hot coffee trick, as described in Iain Banks' Complicity? Holy moley.