Nuclear war - and other inane - questions

[weekender]

If you've seen Threads, The War Game and Dr Strangelove (Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb), you're almost certainly as confused about what the outcomes of a nuclear war would be as me.  Assuming you survived, obviously.  I don't want a thread full of people going "Well, a nuclear bomb like Hiroshima?  I think I'd probably die, actually, wouldn't have much choice, would I?  Nuclear bombs are powerful".  Shut up, head pricks.

The kind of questions that keep me worrying late at night are:

*After a nuclear war, how would I build a house in view of the fact that I don't have much architectural knowledge?

*How do you get METAL from the GROUND, anyway?*

*Where have all these fucking cockroaches come from, and how can I get rid of them?

Do you have other similar thoughts about nuclear war, and how you'd survive?  Do you have other similar thoughts about life in general - like when you watch those hilarious clip shows of buildings falling down, do you wonder what you'd do if you were in a building that was falling down?  Ever wondered about being wrongfully arrested for a crime you didn't commit, and how you'd react to try and prove your innocence?  You know, those stupid questions that you wonder about that ultimately mean nothing, will almost certainly never happen to you,  and yet you can't stop thinking about them?

Why not post about them here?

Ever not wondered about any of these things, and think I'm a fucking cock?  Why not post about that?  It's a free forum, and I don't give a shit what you think anyway.

*I'm assuming metal would be useful following a nuclear war - why?  What would I do with it?

[wheatgod]

Would society collapse?

Can we live without society?

How does one make a steak pepper slice, with no steak or pepper?

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

If I was offered a million quid to fight three minutes against Mike Tyson, could I keep running for three minutes?

[Pinball]

I was exploring South East England on Google Earth, and was absolutely gobsmacked by the size of Greenham Common. It's bigger than nearby Newbury! And clearly is a nuclear target. Which means that the "I'm x miles from London" argument doesn't work, as Newbury nuked as well as London would cover much of the South, certainly out west to Wiltshire.

So, where does one go to be safe from nukes? Devon perhaps? Hmmm, too fackin dangerous I'd say.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Oi, stay the fuck out of Devon. Too many of you outsiders here already.

Where does one go to be safe from nukes? Cheyenne Mountain would be a good place for a start. Getting in could be a problem though.

[Santa's Boyfriend]

The UK has one of the most, if not THE most densely populated nuclear targets in the world.  What with the proximity of military targets (eg military bases) to cities, there isn't really anywhere in England or Wales that is really out of the way of the bombs.  The Scottish highlands is the only place I can think of - and even then I'm not sure I'd be safe.  Best bet is to move to Sweden.

[pillockandtwat]

I'm a child of the Cold War, at least the one that was restarted in the eighties, and grew up constantly worried about it. I dug a bomb shelter at the bottom of the garden on my first date, with a girl called Jenny Wade. We were about nine. She went to Oxford and became a soliticitor. I also made a bomb shelter under my bed. All this was in part due no doubt to books like Brother In The Land, by Robert Swindells (bloody excellent that) and Z For Zachariah by Robert C O'Brien, and countless others.

Bruce Chatwin, who as a kid was terrified by Cold War Part One, looked into nuclear armageddon extensively, and found that at the time (taking into account wind direction and the inherent dangers of living on an island) Patagonia was the place to be. I kind of agree with him on principle: the only way to survive a nuclear war is to avoid it. You're not going to have to worry too much about building a house from the ashes, you're going to be dead if you're anywhere near it.

Funnily enough, did you know (you probably did) that the UK's biggest nuclear bunker was in Corhsam, Wiltshire? It was begun in the fifties, and boasts over sixty miles of roads, as well as its own pub (The Red Lion) and what was at the time Britain's biggest telephone exhange.

[Labian Quest]

Bruce Chatwin, who as a kid was terrified by Cold War Part One, looked into nuclear armageddon extensively, and found that at the time (taking into account wind direction and the inherent dangers of living on an island) Patagonia was the place to be.

The Beat wrote a song called 'Dream home in New Zealand' - someone had worked out that in the event of a nuclear war, it would take the fallout about 5 hours to reach NZ, probably not enough time to dig a shelter. I also remember hearing that if you did manage to get to a bunker the air would probably be breathable again within about 2 weeks, I don't know what you'd do about the water though.


30 odd years now, waiting for a flash.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Funnily enough, did you know (you probably did) that the UK's biggest nuclear bunker was in Corhsam, Wiltshire? It was begun in the fifties, and boasts over sixty miles of roads, as well as its own pub (The Red Lion) and what was at the time Britain's biggest telephone exhange.

I love stuff like that. Stuff like the bunkers under London and underground weapons factories. Can you actually go down and look at the bunker or is it all closed?

[ziggy starbucks]

I have a tent. I would try to predict nuclear war by a couple of weeks and head off to the coastal parts of the scottish highlands. I'd take some tins of food and my ray mears survival guide.

things I'd need

tent
sparker for fires
fishing rod
emergency food supplies
spare clothes
toothbrush

I'd only invite my young and healthy friends and family. No oldies slowing us down. I would also try to build up a harem of attractive women on my way up north so we could get busy repopulating the country

[ziggy starbucks]

thinking about it, I would want to take a Ray Mears book rather than go with ray mears myself and join his survival tribe. I always have the feeling that Ray would be a bit of an army psycho nutjob if he was completely freed from the shackles of civilisation. The boys would be taught how to hunt and kill by chasing the more useless tribe members through the woods and valleys. The punishment for mocking Ray would be some kind of Cannibal Holocaust nightmare.

[Alberon]

I live only a few miles away from the Atomic Weapons Establishment in Aldermaston, so in the event of all out war I'd be vapourised. And frankly after seeing Threads, that's the way I'd prefer it.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

No, Ray's as gentle as slightly podgy lamb. He doesn't come from a military background so he's unlikely to have flashbacks and go Rambo on you. Lofty Wiseman on the other hand...

[ziggy starbucks]

did you see how Ray Mears tracked, shot and killed a deer last week. He ripped the animal open and yanked out its liver. I love ray mears an awful lot but I know that if I was in his post-apocolypse tribe that would be my liver cooking on the fire.

and as a clear alpha male, he would be a threat to my lovely harem.

Hear me Ray, you'll never take my women!!

[extradave]

ray mears survival guide.

A land rover stacked with tins of spam, a shovel and a camera team.

Fucking charlatan.

[hoverdonkey]

Would life be worth living afterwards anyway? Survivalism's not all it's cracked up to be

[ziggy starbucks]

ray mears survival guide.

A land rover stacked with tins of spam, a shovel and a camera team.

Fucking charlatan.

you won't be saying that when you have to choose between the yellow mushrooms growing out of a tree and the white ones growing out of the ground. I'll be the one enjoying a lovely mushroom dinner and you'll be the one rolling around in agony with pus dribbling out of your orifices.

hell is other people, so post-nuclear britain will be paradise

[aaaaaaaaaargh!]

The Scottish highlands is the only place I can think of - and even then I'm not sure I'd be safe.

I would've thought the relative close proximity to Lossiemouth would scupper that plan.

Would I look good with a moustache?