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What's the nastiest thing you've ever said to someone?

Started by weekender, January 31, 2007, 06:40:41 PM

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weekender

So I was standing outside a shopping centre having a cigarette when a teenage lady walks past me, tuts, and says:

"Smoking kills"

She was shaking her head as well.

Quick as a flash, I replied:

"So does obesity"

She was very fat.

I didn't feel great for what I'd said because it was a bit nasty, but I was also a bit proud about what a great insult I'd come up with without even thinking about it.  Brilliantly, she was too stunned to respond and just waddled off.

What's the nastiest thing you've ever said to someone, and how did they respond?  Keep it to the light-hearted ones if you can, I don't want to know about when you broke up with someone and called them a syphilis-ridden cunt (unless you make them entertaining and frivolous, thus keeping the light-hearted nature of this forum alive).

quadraspazzed

"No, would ye ever fuck off?"

The short version is that I convinved (via an intermediary) an ex-girlfriend (who had cheated on me) to ask me out after school one day in front of a bunch of people - to which the opening line was my response. She ran off crying and I felt good for about 30 seconds, then like a prick about it for... well, ever since to be honest (thats over 10 years now). It was a nasty thing to do. Mind you so was cheating on me...

Almost Yearly

After a gig once, I said to the oddly-shaped lady folk singer who'd worn an ill-advised sparkly miniskirt and the wrong top on stage, that she didn't look at all like mutton dressed as lamb. It just came out. I still cringe now. Now I'm her drummer.

boki

Quote from: "Almost Yearly"Now I'm her drummer.

So basically she got the last laugh.

{insert drummer jokes here}


Artemis

"Why don't you get off your fat arse and do it yourself"
- said to my (now ex) friend when she spent her time ordering her housemate around.

"I hope something awful doesn't happen"
- said infrequently whenever I hear too much "touchwood" bollocks going on.

Ciarán2

I was really horrible to good friend of mine. I told her to "fuck right fucking off and stick her happiness up her fucking hole". But I was dreadfully depressed at the time and not a day goes by when I don't regret what I said to her.

Ronnie the Raincoat


Hornet

Quote from: "Ronnie the Raincoat""Your nose is as big as your dick".

However, possibly a compliment if your name is Cyrano de Bergerac

swarfmonkey

Am I gonna get a fuck out of this? If not I'm going because you're fucking tedious talking to a girl in a club many years ago. She was telling me about how she'd split up with her boyfriend, her sister was ill and other, far too personal, things to be telling some bloke you'd just met. Looking back it was a twatty thing to say, she was obviously emotionally unstable.

What I should have said is "He was a wanker and doesn't know a good thing when he sees it, your sister will get better etc." Shagged her, left early in the morning and gave her the wrong phone number.

'What are you, some sort of cunt? I dunno why they employed you, you fucking retard'.

Not one of my better days, but a railway employee pissed me off and treated me like I was the stupid one.

Neville Chamberlain

I once told an employee in Asda that he was "really getting on my goat". That told the fucker.

MissInformed

I have read the title of this thread, but I still wanna add to it even though it's arse about face.
It wasn't the worst thing anyone ever said to me by far, but last friday night my ex-husband (who had arrived unannounced on my doorstep to take possession of the family car, meaning I have to take my three children to school via two buses and more than a mile walk and don't even get me started on trying to do food shopping by bus and as my four year old pointed out "I can't walk far I only have little legs") said "I haven't come here for an argument, although you're very good at it!"

I don't think he meant it as a compliment which is how I took it.

Captain Crunch

A while ago I accused my Dad of raising a bunch of emotional retards.  That wasn't very nice of me, I should apologise.  Or I could tie a load of sticks together and leave them outside his trailer.

Ronnie the Raincoat

Quote from: "MissInformed"I have read the title of this thread, but I still wanna add to it even though it's arse about face.
It wasn't the worst thing anyone ever said to me by far, but last friday night my ex-husband (who had arrived unannounced on my doorstep to take possession of the family car, meaning I have to take my three children to school via two buses and more than a mile walk and don't even get me started on trying to do food shopping by bus and as my four year old pointed out "I can't walk far I only have little legs") said "I haven't come here for an argument, although you're very good at it!"

I don't think he meant it as a compliment which is how I took it.

He sounds like a wit.

MissInformed

Quote from: "Ronnie the Raincoat"
Quote from: "MissInformed"I have read the title of this thread, but I still wanna add to it even though it's arse about face.
It wasn't the worst thing anyone ever said to me by far, but last friday night my ex-husband (who had arrived unannounced on my doorstep to take possession of the family car, meaning I have to take my three children to school via two buses and more than a mile walk and don't even get me started on trying to do food shopping by bus and as my four year old pointed out "I can't walk far I only have little legs") said "I haven't come here for an argument, although you're very good at it!"

I don't think he meant it as a compliment which is how I took it.

He sounds like a wit.

Sorry did you mean to say twat? If so, you are correct.

I think he was being ironic.

The nastiest thing I think I've said to someone was when I informed my ex-girlfriend that I was shagging her best friend (who she sat next to in all her classes at college).

She fucking deserved it though.  Not a day goes by when I don't smile about that moment.



Shoulders?-Stomach!

"Why do you exist?"- I yelled at Kenny Dalglish's son Paul Dalglish during his unsuccessful spell at Scunthorpe. I'd watched him surrender possession and generally be rubbish persistently for 70 minutes and then when he failed to control a ball that resulted in a throw-in, he was near enough for me to actually shout some abuse at him. He gave me a look over his shoulder as he was running off.

I can't think of any other examples where I've been in a room and said something intentionally nasty towards someone I dislike. It usually ends in violence as far as I've seen it. When do you get the opportunity?

Neville Chamberlain

I called a shopkeeper a "ruddy idiot" a few days ago. Well, I didn't actually say it to his face, I just sort of mumbled it quietly as I went out the door.

mothman

"YOU FAT FUCK-FACED TROUT!!!"

Said to a middle-aged woman who'd just ducked in and nicked the car-parking space we were already in the process of backing into. I got out and remonstrated with her, to no avail, even after my wife got out of the car and joined in. So we walked back to our car and parked elsewhere, not much farther away, but not without tossing that little gem over my shoulder. We weren't really inconvenienced, in the final analysis, but she'll always remember being called a fat fuck-faced trout.

ziggy starbucks

Quote from: "mothman""YOU FAT FUCK-FACED TROUT!!!"

Said to a middle-aged woman who'd just ducked in and nicked the car-parking space we were already in the process of backing into.

turns out that she was your own mother

Borboski

This, I shouldn't have to remind you all, brings to mind Oedipus Rex, Sophecles dramatic masterpiece.

All along Oedipus has been SHAGGING his mother, Jocasta, the dirty shit, and on finding this out his mum hangs herself and he stabs his eyes out.

And so don't go around calling old women names, or SHAGGING your mum.

clareQuilty

This is all pretty tame stuff....or you're all actually much nicer ( or more polite) than I had imagined.

What have you fucking well done then, spill it sonny.

mothman


Make me smile

Quote from: "Shoulders?-Stomach!""Why do you exist?"- I yelled at Kenny Dalglish's son Paul Dalglish during his unsuccessful spell at Scunthorpe. I'd watched him surrender possession and generally be rubbish persistently for 70 minutes and then when he failed to control a ball that resulted in a throw-in, he was near enough for me to actually shout some abuse at him. He gave me a look over his shoulder as he was running off.

Heh, Paul Dalgleish was a source of unending frustration for Norwich fans (was it Scunny we sent him on to?) while he was here. The one time I took my ex to the footy was us against Pompey. It was a dire game, my ex (a Scunthorpe fan as it happens) remarked about Dalgleish, 'he runs like he has scurvey and lead socks and shoes.' Which I thought was about right.

El Unicornio, mang

"I'm going to slice your face off and mail it to your cunt whore mother. And I bet your dad molested you too"

I was really stressed out that day

Jack Shaftoe

Having run the gauntlet of charity muggers on Tottenham Court Road the other day, I told the third one to come up to me in a thirty-second period to 'fuck OFF, something I have never said to a complete stranger. He looked completely outraged as well, and a minute later i seriously considered going back and apologising, but i didn't in the end, fuck him., the fucking fucker.

I think that's the worst thing I've ever said to a complete stranger. Basically I'm terribly polite and will do anything to avoid a confrontation. You bunch of fucktards.