What's the nastiest thing you've ever said to someone?

[Lady Beaner]

No, seriously some of them deserve it. So for him to be so outraged it actually quite funny. Surely they should be expecting that sort of retort every so often?! I am too much of a pussy to do it myself. I was back home in Bristol last weekend, in my nice sleppyish area. I popped down to the shops and they honestly came out of nowhere! Five charity muggers dressed in red.

I went to the length of running down a few backstreets and an extra ten minute walk just to get to Morrisons to buy some milk. The cunts.

[Borboski]

I said "fucking bollocks" to a scientoligst sat with one of those free personality-test kits, it popped out before I even knew it had happened.

I hadn't meant to say it *to* him, it was just as I looked down and saw the kit on the table, but then there was eye contact and I felt well sheepish, baaaah.

[Jack Shaftoe]

Thinking about it, further Totteham Court Road there's a Scientology place with people trying pull you in, isn't there? Glad I didn't go any further, there might have been blood spilled....

[non capisco]

'What are you, some sort of cunt? I dunno why they employed you, you fucking retard'.

Not one of my better days, but a railway employee pissed me off and treated me like I was the stupid one.

They have a knack of doing that, don't they? I'm sure they get taught at seminars how to pull varieties of sullen, belittling faces. And then there are the tube workers that stand about and speak in a superior 'Brian Coat' voice over the tannoys to the passengers about moving down the platform like they're mentally subnormal.

[23 Daves]

I think one of the nastiest - if not the nastiest - things I've ever said about someone were the irate comments I made about Josie Long on here, which she almost certainly read.

I do feel bad about that, but I still can't manage to find her funny I'm afraid.  I think what was bad about what I said was the fact that I picked on her personality (or on-stage personality, as it may be) when if you actually examine the facts (she celebrates the power of the amateur, enjoys slightly twee indie bands, likes a lot of cultish novels) you could be referring to half my bloody social circle.  I'm still not entirely sure why I did that.

[rudi]

I'm still not entirely sure why I did that.

I tend to get carried away with the joyous language of insult and end up, in hindsight, being far nastier than I intended, just because I was enjoying saying/typing the words at the time.

[Brutus Beefcake]

I mean everything I've said about Josie Long and more.

[Capt.Midnight]

"He is SHIT" - shouted this statement in a bar about the accoustic singer/songwriter playing at that time. Although it was intended to be heard only by my friends there was a sudden, unpredictable silent part in the song, to which my loud opinions resonated throughout the entire establishment. I felt a complete twat for days after, being a 'fellow' guitarist you'd think there'd be a sacred pact of unconditional appreciation for others music. Little did I know this pact meant fuck all when completely plastered.

[sick as a pike]

I very nearly did that to Bon Jovi.  I was at a sound check in an otherwise empty hall and realised they were so loud that I could scream "Shut up!  Fuck off!" and other clever insults at them.  I'd just stopped when the song unexpectedly went silent.  Their quite big and aggressive looking securty guards would have known it was me.
My colleague then nearly compounded this by telling the same story to a woman backstage that evening- who turned out to be Tico Torres' girlfriend.  Thankfully she was Eva Herzigova, and didn't really understand.

Now which one of you is going to make the ridiculous accusation of name dropping?

[Whug Baspin]

Recently I was on a train back to my home town with a box containing my Dads ashes. I had them in a box and put them on the seat next to me thinking he deserved more than to be stuck up with the luggage. It was quite a busy train, but there where other seats. A woman looking a bit indignant came and asked 'is anyone sitting in that seat?' I said 'my dads ashes' and she looked mortified, but the thing is I really wanted someone to ask so I could put them in this awkward moment. It was a horrible bit of calculated spite aimed at a complete stranger.

[23 Daves]

"He is SHIT" .

Many years ago a very similar thing happened to me whilst I was onstage, but unlike you the person in question didn't seem very remorseful.  I kind-of gave him a "look" in return and he glared at me back.

I think everyone who has to get on stage to do things expects that there's going to be some drunken person who hates what they do at some point or another.  It's not enjoyable, but it's an occupational hazard.  But I agree, I hate it when people heckle performers, just because it seems like the ultimate form of disrespect if you're aware of what it feels like yourself.

[Capt.Midnight]

Many years ago a very similar thing happened to me whilst I was onstage, but unlike you the person in question didn't seem very remorseful.  

This heckler/ape blatantly has no remorse... - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WC0JGHTHkSI

[Cerys]

To a girl in school whom I really hated:  "Don't worry, Wendy.  I'd probably be a complete bitch too if my dad fucked me.  It's not your fault.  Mind you, it's your fault you like it, you fucking slut."

... is what I wanted to say.  I didn't, because I only thought of it years later.  And I'm glad, because knowing my luck it'd turn out that her father did fuck her.  On a regular basis.  It would certainly explain why she was such a sour-faced cunt.