Valentine's Day

[Mister Cairo]

So what are you doing for Valentine's Day this year? Taking your other out for dinner, painting a giant ten-foot heart and throwing it through the window of the boy next door who is too sexy for his trousers, or standing on the pier with the girl that you've known for several weeks now, holding each other as you watch the sunset, people wandering past you as if ghosts, full of hope for the future and feeling happier than you've felt for months?

I might buy a card for this girl I rather like in my seminar, but I feel so lethargic and unarsed this year, I might just spend the day doing work.

I'm listening to "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" as I type this, by concidence.

[samadriel]

Fucking your mother.














Slumping despondently.

[Utter Shit]

I imagine I'll probably go to the local discotheque and crack onto the most desperate and unhappy looking girl there, eventually taking her back to my abode for disheartening and unimpressive sex.

After that we'll develop a spiritual bond and fall in love, and all you cunts will finally have to shut up about Valentine's Day being pointless. Because it will have helped me find love.

[Goldentony]

I imagine i'll listen to Black Flag in he dark untill i'm too fucked to comprehend standing up then cry myself to sleep in the front yard.

[Lady Beaner]

Valentines Day can suck my preverbial cock.

Though I will readily accept any cards, cash, vouchers, chocolate, lingerie, and other girly things.

It falls on a Wednesday doesn't it? Thank God. Worst thing is Val's Day falling on a weekend - wading through crowds of fawning eyes and having those rose sellers thrust in your face as you walk through Leicester Square.

Yes, I am single and bitter... 2nd Val's Day and counting!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I'll be treating it as if it were any other day. I'm poor at the moment so it's probably best I'm not spazzing what little money I have away on ladies. Indoors with a meal and a beer and some telly.

[Mister Cairo]

Anyone else never had a card?

I just know that this is another year of watching my housemates scurry to the letterbox to pick up light red envelopes while I stand in the kitchen watching, a cheese sandwitch in the toaster.

[trotsky assortment]

I'll be doing absolutely nothing.  Pointless day where Clinton's get to make more money from tacky greetings cards.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Anyone else never had a card?

Me. I've had a couple of decent valentines days mind.

[quadraspazzed]

I just know that this is another year of watching my housemates scurry to the letterbox to pick up light red envelopes while I stand in the kitchen watching, a cheese sandwitch in the toaster.

At least you'll have a toastie.

[Kazuo Kiriyama]

Anyone else never had a card?

Ooh ooh, me sir! Please sir, me!

This year will be my 28th straight cardless year, for I am the King of Valentines Day.

[AMG]

Put me down for wallowing in self-pity.

[Lady Beaner]

Awww, well let me be the first to give Val's greeting to all non-card loser whores!

[boki]

I'm going to be at my cousin's wedding, so I at least get a piss-up out of it.

Now that I think of it, there's only ever been one VD (hoho) where I've actually had a girlfriend, so I've been pretty luck in that sense at least.  Yay!

And Lady Beaner - I've already threatened you with bad poetry once.  Don't think I won't.

[The Duck Man]

I'll spend it on here, probably.

[Banana Woofwoof]

Give me a cyber-Valentine!

[chand]

Disappointingly I've never actually managed to be physically together with my lady on Valentine's (which also happens to be her birthday). This will be our fifth one too. As usual we'll talk on the phone, I've sent some presents too. Birthday presents, mind, so as not to compromise my previously anti-Valentine's Day stance.

[Milo]

My one boss's wife has a baby due on valentine's day so it's probably the day I take over the unit while he goes on paternity leave. This may be stressful for me, rather than romantic.

[butnut]

I'm really looking forward to Valentine's Day. I'll be spending the evening in the company of about six other sweaty men. Ooh heaven.

Yes, it's the first cricket nets of the season.

[23 Daves]

I'm supposed to be cooking Mrs Daves a fantastic meal because I promised her I'd do this in a drunken romantic moment.  This is going to be interesting because I'm a notoriously bad cook.  But I've promised I'll practice beforehand, thereby resolving the problem.

If I'm single on 15 February, everybody is going to know why.  If she hasn't dumped me, she'll probably have dropped dead due to food poisoning.

[actwithoutwords]

Never had a Valentine's Day with my girlfriend either. She was at the other end of the country for one and I was living in another country for another.
The second one was absolutely horrific. There had been an incident with us on the phone the night before (well, I didn't actually realise this) and she had been really hurt. I had arranged that a friend would call over to her house to give her flowers on the day itself, however, he wasn't able to do this until after 6 o'clock. I had also sent a card and a present that got stuck in the post and didn't turn up for another week. So she spent the entire day crying about what happened the night before and gutted that I hadn't done anything for Valentine's Day. I was oblivious to all this until I got a gasping phone call that evening thanking me, unfortunately as the conversation continued it became clear that the anger and upset that had been building all day wasn't now just going to go away. She had to go to dinner anyway with a bunch of single girlfriends of hers and I didn't hear anything else until about 2 in the morning when she phoned again, drunk, unreasonable and looking for a fight, whereupon we shouted at each other for about an hour. She then hung up on me.
Coupled with the already depression-inducing fact that we were living in different countries and the further news (from the day before) that she had been accepted to do a doctorate in the USA, an absolutely fucking horrific day. I imagine this year's Valentine's Day will largely involve desperately trying to seek solace in the fact that not having a girlfriend means this one won't be anywhere near as bad as last year.

Anyone else have disasterous Valentine's Day stories?

[Garth Vader]

A long time ago i fell in love with a woman, she was already married and so was I.  We were both trapped in loveless marriages.  We agreed that the following year, when we had sorted out our lives and if we were still in love with one another we would meet.  We arranged to meet at the top of the empire state building on St Valentines at mid-day.  
My feelings for her grew even stronger the longer we were apart and I yearned for the year wait to be over.  Finally it was Valentines day, I knew I was just hours away from eternal happiness.
However, she didn't turn up, i waited all day, she didn't come.

It felt like my heart died that day.

A few months later i saw her in a wheelchair and she explained she had been run over on the way to meet me.

She'd gone really fat and her hair was a right mess, so it was a lucky escape.

Cloud...silver lining and all that.

[Ronnie the Raincoat]

That's not true, now, is it.

This Valentine's Day I shall be remembering the St Valentine's Day Massacre.

[Joy Nktonga]

I shall neither receive or send any cards or gifts for the millionth year running. This year I will spend the holiest of all saints' days remembering:

[swarfmonkey]

Well I'm hoping to have a better one than you sad lot.

Me and Mrs. swarf will be in Prague, hopefully getting drunk and having lots of dirty sex...... Some of which may be with each other.

[quadraspazzed]

This is not really about Valetines Day as such, but on a similar theme.

An acquaintance of mine (ie someone who drinks in the same pub) 'met' this girl on the internet. She lived California, he in a small Irish town. Anyway, after talking to her for a couple of weeks online, he got her address, ostensibly to send to her stuff. A week or so later, he turns up on her doorstep, uninvited. She calls him insane and slams the door in his face - and he's left in California on his own, with nowhere to stay. He calls up my mate who is living in Mexico at the time, only to find out that he's going back to Ireland the next day. I think he just bought another flight home then, not too clear on that bit.

And that is at least 98% true (I've only heard the story while drunk, so some details might be slightly wrong - but the general gist is what happened).

Idiot!

[Lady Beaner]

A few months later i saw her in a wheelchair and she explained she had been run over on the way to meet me.

She'd gone really fat and her hair was a right mess, so it was a lucky escape.

Had 'she' also had a sex change?

[Garth Vader]

WHY MUST YOU REOPEN THE WOUNDS??!!

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Right. Valentine's Day. Apart from when I was very tiny (and sent my sister's friend a card) I've never sent a serious one. And I tend to not get them either, for reasons that I'm well aware of, thank you.

EXCEPT. One year, when I was in Sixth Form: I actually got two, delivered by post to my house. They were in different handwritings, and they were both anonymous - and I still don't know who they were from. (No one cool though, I'm guessing).

Since then - business as usual, those cryptic question marks have never been decoded, and I have been cardless now for a good few years. This year on the day itself, I'll be at work, in my office full of blokes, having discussions at least as bleak as this thread about how it's just a holiday invented by those evil multinational card making companies anyway, and how we never wanted a card anyway, and - specifically - how crap everything is.

The difference is - unlike them, I'm not 45. In your face!

[Mister Cairo]

I'm arsing around on Amazon putting off planning my dissertation, and it seems you can buy your loved one anything you like, as long as it is red or silver.

For her:

£100 2-slice toaster in red.
£45 kettle.

For him:

£25 Marco Pierre White (interesting choice!) steak pan
£100 toaster.

Anyone ever received a £100 red toaster from their lover?

"Darling, as a token of my love for you, let us cook toast in an expensive way."