Fake TV shows

[Cerys]

Git's Den
Various people sit in their den being gits because it's their den and they're gits.

Note to self: laughing this much while trying to keep quiet bloody well hurts.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Lez is Moore

Documentary tries to out the star of Ghost and Striptease, claiming the GI Jane film to be little more than same-sex military-fantasy stuff.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Bass! How low can you go?

Live limbo-dancing for fish.

[Morrisfan82]

Hear The Drummer Get Wicked!

Prime-time celebrity contest, where ten legendary drummers battle it out to see who can do the best witch impression.

followed by

Give Us A Clue, You Bastard

Violent charades.

[swarfmonkey]

CrossRhodes

Celebrity chef and tosspot, Gary Rhodes, plays an aggressive receptionist who verbally abuses guests in a West Midlands hotel constructed entirely from cardboard.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Cage'd Animals

Assorted members of the animal kingdom are made to watch the entire back catalogue of Hollywood A-lister Nicolas Cage in chronological order. Even The Weatherman, the poor bastards.

[mothman]

Tashes to Ashes

Makeover show targetting people with facial hair. Narrated by Philip Glenister.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Diagnosis: Girder- Dick Van Dyke inspects the quality of West Coast Constructions building materials.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Promises, Promises Turn To Dust..

An over-ambitious run of the new Galaxy Promise range ends in several thousand out of date bars being cremated in this harrowing documentary.


Why Were You Born?

Aggressive show in which members of the public are given three minute to defend their lifestyle, under duress. Then told it's just for fun.

[sick as a pike]

Pick that up, run over there, do a little dance then run back again.

New show in which contestants have to pick that up, run over there, do a little dance then run back again.  
Week 1: Lily Allen and elderly Brazilian architect Oscar Niemeyer go head to head.

[non capisco]

Hart Failure
Each week Tony Hart is challenged to perform a task he has no earthly hope of completing.
5/12: Tony Hart is given a three hour deadline to lick every leaf in the New Forest.

[Morrisfan82]

Bollockbusters

Bob Holness brandishes a sledgehammer in the harrowing teatime quiz.

[Suttonpubcrawl]

Log it
Antiques experts are asked to log the prices items sell for in an antiques auction.

[Mister Cairo]

Shobling: Updated version of Shoestring starring Ice Cube

Currie and Clips: Documentary about former Tory MP and celebrity wife swapper Edwina Currie, using "talking  heads" and archive footage.

[Clone Army]

Iceburgh - Two teams of international assassins compete to 'remove' singer-songwriter Chris De Burgh. With Dermot Murnaghan.

The Origin of Speccies - Optometry documentary.

By Hooke or by Crook? - Schoolchildren guide hapless Peter (Dermot Murnaghan) through a series of contrived 'what if?' scenarios. But should he break the law? Or apply Robert Hooke's formula for describing linear springs?

[quadraspazzed]

Hitler's Pets
A new documentary that delves into the previously unexplored area of Hitler and his relationship with the animals he loved so much. The love would eventually go sour in the final days, and it would all take a tragic turn.

The Nazis' Nazi
Unknown to historians for years, newly declassified documents from the Nuremberg Trials reveal that former top Nazis were questioned on their personal favourite fellow Nazis. Channel 4 present a run down of the top 50 over two nights. Also featuring Kate Thornton.

Nasty Nazis: Top Ten Crimes
A fascinating run-down of the Nazis' top crimes, serving to remind us all that no matter how many babies we bomb in Iraq, we'll still never be as bad as the Nazis. Also featuring Kate Thornton.

Nazidol
A panel of self professed experts sit around in a studio and discuss nominations for the prestigious title of This Week's New Hitler. In contention this week are Iran's Ahmedinejad, Mugabe from Zimbabwe, Hezbollah's Nasrallah, a guy you've never heard of from Sudan and some bloke who once asked "why is an ethnically Jewish state actually considered a good thing anyway?".

Before they Were Nazis
Who is this chubby little chappy in this old photo from 1912? Well, it's none other than famous genocidal maniac Heinrich Himmler! Ahhh, those were the days. (It goes on like this for another half hour)

Bad Lads' Concentration Camp
Socially dysfunctional young men are sent off to a replica Buchenwald to show 'em what it were like during the war.

I'm a Nazi, Get Me out of Here
Ant and Dec travel back in time and, with the help of the Vatican, pit Nazis against one another in a South American jungle. The winners gets to live on anonymously until...

World's Wildest Mossad Videos
...when said Nazis are hunted down by Mossad with the help of the ghost of Simon Wiesenthal. Over the top narration and terrible aliteration by Sheriff John Bunnell.

The Nazis: A Blessing From History
A new 675-part documentary about the greatest ever documentaries about the Nazis. Explores how the Nazis have been a goldmine for lazy history documentarians.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Don't Shoot Melinda Messenger - celebrity rifle-owners line up at a range to shoot naked Page 3 models between the eyes. BUT if they hit Swindon stunner Melinda Messenger, they have to give their fee to charity.

[actwithoutwords]

Girls Allowed

Documentary following the decline of male-only treehouses and secret dens.

[biniput]

Still not George? and MiIldred

this weeks episode finds still not george wondering still wondering who the f*** this Milldred is.

[gazzyk1ns]

Buy ting off More Than - you can, Chew!

Rastafarian guide to buying insurance from popular British companies. An in-costume Peter Mayhew demonstrates.

[the midnight watch baboon]

God I'm Hungry

Starvation-ravaged African kids are given the chance to vent their frustrations at the big guy.

[Still Not George]

Still not George? and MiIldred

this weeks episode finds still not george wondering still wondering who the f*** this Milldred is.

Thank you, it's been a shitty week and that's just made me smile.

[Fielding]

Mika Difference Campaign

Trevor MacDonald travels the breadth (but not the length) of the country to raise public awarenesses of the many and acute differences between joke pop song act mop-a-like: Mika, and Finnish former F1 World Champion; Mika Hakinnen.

[terminallyrelaxed]

Pokerface!

Members of the public are invited to skullfuck Victoria Coren. Jimmy Carr holds her hair back.

[actwithoutwords]

Comedy Cuts

The lighter side of self-harm.

[Fielding]

No Shit Sherlock

Conan-Doyle's famous fictional detective solves crimes whilst suffering from cronic constipation.

[Brad]

Inherit the Wind

A science teacher explains how IBS and flatulence can be passed down the family through successive generations resulting in more advanced farts.

Meanwhile some religious fundamentalists disagree.

[Goldentony]

Danson is cleaning my eyes

Midge Ure tells the tale of how Cheers star Ted Danson helped him beat a nasty case of Conjunctivitis

[Fielding]

Hose A, Maureen Yo!

Huggy Bear from whatever 70's cop show huggybear was on, must go around Britain watering all the premiership pitches in the land. His only help is from the glamourous Maureen Furgerson - who's in charge of the hoses.

Me Love You Long Time

ITVs answer to Question Time, except that political discussion is not on the agenda, and the only conversation is audience and panel members expressing how much they love comedy wunderkid - Josie Long. Presented by which ever Dimbleby is free on the day.

[Slaaaaabs]

Most Taunted - Live!

Derek Acorah and Yyvveettee Fielding traipse around in the dark being called twats by the nation.