What female body type do blokes go for? (Yes, I have silly girly weight worries.)

[SOTS]

The BMI is saying i'm a bit overweight. I'm currently trying to lose some (by not snacking or drinking) I can be a size 10, 12 or 14 in tops but i'm a 14 in jeans.

What I really want to know is... what size of women do blokes like? I know it's all different sizes... but I should it could be like a small survey to see what the general opinion is on here, as there is a lot of blokes. And i'm not really looking for celebrities you fancy or anything but more... what have your previous girlfriends been like?

Sorry if this is just nonsense and I know I probably shouldn't post this type of thread on CaB because i'll get the piss taken out of me, but i'm genuinely curious. Part of the reason I worry about my weight so much is that I feel that guys will only be attracted to me once i've lost a bit of weight.

[Analrapist]

Sorry, what was the question?

[Rev]

You know who I fancy?

Women who don't give a shit about possibly being a bit overweight.  It's an unattractive obsession, the weight thing.  Fuggeddaboudit.

[butnut]

What I really want to know is... what size of women do blokes like? I know it's all different sizes... but I should it could be like a small survey to see what the general opinion is on here, as there is a lot of blokes. And i'm not really looking for celebrities you fancy or anything but more... what have your previous girlfriends been like?

HANG ON

I thought that women wanted to be treated not as objects, but as real people with personalities and everything. To just talk only about what you like like is very saddening. Yes, attraction is important, but being with someone who is fun to be around is just as important, if not more so in the long run. But hey, it's very easy to say don't worry about it.

And for the record, my two serious girlfriends were about a different as you can get: one a petite dark Slav, the other a blond Scandinavian. Either I'll take whatever comes along (quite likely) or there was something else, apart from their looks, that drew me to them.

[mook]

Don't worry about your body shape, just become a total slag and you'll soon have blokes throwing themselves at you, mark my words.*



*mook, administering great advice on the internet since 1998.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

I fancy men. Grow a willy :o)

Nudging sizes 12-14 isn't really the time to worry. It's good you're being sensible and not crash dieting or anything stupid like that. Seriously, most men couldn't care less, like 'curves,' and actually prefer someone who likes the odd burger, rather than counting calories, eating cabbage water, and all that nonsense.

[rudi]

Drink pints, be filthy, smile.

Do those three and you have all the attributes I look for in a woman.

A man who has an "ideal shape" in mind is an irredeemable twat.



Having said that, I am partial to the bigger-bottomed girl...

[Jemble Fred]

Well I for one feel empowered to speak for ALL BLOKES EVERYWHERE:

Awwww. We're not bothered, honestly.

[Borboski]

Most men prefer slim girls and not fatties.  I reckon most women prefer slim blokes and not fatties.  That's just to look at, mind.

12-14 is perfectly normal, though.  I wouldn't worry about losing weight, rather do a bit of exercise and tone up if you're bothered, sistah.

[Mr. Analytical]

I don't honestly think that most blokes mind.  I really don't.

I'd say that there's a maximum size that most blokes would consider attractive (and you're nowhere near it) but in general I think that it's more about a general aura of sexiness and confidence.  If you're the type who is so worried about your weight that you'll go out to dinner and keep your coat on then you won't attract many people even if you're a size 10.  However, if you exude a sexy vibe, can talk and have a bit of confidence then you'll be fine.

The unfortunate problem is that many women don't seem to be able to have confidence until they're thin and if that's your case then you have my best wishes and would suggest either a therapist or that you keep going until you're happy.

EDIT: This thread is worthless without pictures...  we need data to go on.

[Joy Nktonga]

In all likelihood if a woman is below a size 12 and above a size 16 I won't get all phwoar on appearance alone, but it's not all about the phwoar is it? I've had girlfriends across the years who have been below, within and above that phwoar range because it's the person as a whole who creates the attraction needed to form a relationship that is beyond a shag-only* thing.

*I've had two of those "relationships" - one was the classic one-night-stand with a stranger never seen before or since and the other was a two-month affair that started fine, but was the most unrewarding and unfulfulling relationship ever.

So, in summary: Although women sized 12-16 will catch my eye, it doesn't really matter what you look like . If a woman displays a little interest in me and vaguely likes some of the things I like then the seed of attraction is already sown.

[Brad]

I like Coleen Nolan. She's lovely.

[Sovereign]

I don't care as long as you've got your own teeth, at least 3 limbs and your still able to get out of bed unaided.

[Orias]

Having said that, I am partial to the bigger-bottomed girl...

Talk about mudflaps!

The woman at work I am currently obsessing over is about 5ft 9 and is definitely curvy.  Fantastic crystal blue eyes and a smile that lights up the room.  But the most attractive thing about her is intelligence and confidence.  She's opinionated and doesn't take any shit.  When she quoted Carl Jung at work the other day (seriously), I immediately got the RFH.

Not sure about my point, but I'm sure it's something about style over substance...

If a woman displays a little interest in me and vaguely likes some of the things I like then the seed of attraction is already sown.

And I very much agree with this.

[Mr Wrong]

What shape?
My rule is: there aught to one, I wouldn't say that someone couldn't come along and turn this upside down, but if you should stray into abnormal weight gain or loss  you become less attractive, simply because it suggests that you have 'issues'.

SOTS, perhaps you should focus on the sort of bloke you want to attract, for instance: if you prefer sporty fit blokes then ease off on the monging and grazing, because chances are he'll frown upon such things. Maybe you're not really that prejudiced at all about the sort of man your after, in which case could it be that you have learned to feel anxious about your body weight from marketing people and celebrity culture?

Don't suffer in silence! I am ready to help. Simply PM me a picture of your scantily-clad self, and I,  free of charge, will issue you with your unique shag-ability rating. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity that could lead to the sex life of your dreams. SO today, look at yourself in the mirror and say "Yes! I will nude-it-up for Mr Wrong on the world wide interweb!"
I'll be glad you did -and that's GUARANTEED.

[rudi]

Mr Wrong, off to peruse the picture,earler:

[aaaaaaaaaargh!]

Sorry if this is just nonsense and I know I probably shouldn't post this type of thread on CaB because i'll get the piss taken out of me, but i'm genuinely curious. Part of the reason I worry about my weight so much is that I feel that guys will only be attracted to me once i've lost a bit of weight.

Pics plz.

Girls are just great.  I prefer a bit of a curve personally.  I once took a skinny girl from behind, but kept getting put off because her body shape reminded me a bit of my 10 year old self (she was 17 before anyone makes funny comments).

So long as your face doesn't look like a bag of spanners I'm sure most guys would want to poke you.

[Milo]

Thing is, the kinds of guys who would consider size 14 to be 'too fat for me' are tossers, purely by holding that view.

Don't put too much emphasis on your size. One of the most attractive things is showing an interest - just about any girl who shows an interest in me automatically becomes attractive and I think that's the same for a lot of people. And the handy thing is that this is something you can easily control, while controlling your weight is a really massive hassle.

[Famous Mortimer]

Would you be bothered about the sort of bloke who'd only fancy you when you were thinner?

I understand the massive social pressures on women to be thinner so I'm not going to have a pop at any woman who says something like that, but all I can do is reassure you that all shapes and sizes are good at Chez Mortimer, as they are at the homes of virtually every decent, sensible man.

[gazzyk1ns]

I was in the bath in the week, trying to bear an 'Alan's Deep Bath'-type phone-in show, because on the non-DAB shitty radio in the bathroom, it was the best option at the time (yeah, I know, I should have just turned it off). At one point they read out an Email they'd been sent by a female, which started off with one of the most refreshing things I've ever heard on a show like that, and then ended with... well, here it is, from memory:

People always say that a good personality is as important as looks, but often you'll initially be attracted to someone solely by looks, and then go from there. In any case, if you're out, then you're not going to approach someone you're not particularly attracted to and say "Hello, have you got a good personality?". When I'm out I go by looks first and then get them on the dancefloor, and feel the package. If they've got a big one then I'll stick with them, if it's not big then I'll move on.

I think any potential for a point about the part looks play in social situations was very much undermined by her attitude, and also her misunderstanding of male genetalia.

Whether or not this is on-topic is another point, too, it just made me laugh and I forgot to post about it at the time.

[boki]

Drink pints, be filthy, smile.

Do those three and you have all the attributes I look for in a woman.

A man who has an "ideal shape" in mind is an irredeemable twat.

Yup, I'm always wary when a guy can reel off a precise description of his exact type, especially when the end product is very, very predictable.

Having said that, I am partial to the bigger-bottomed girl...

Oh, it definitely helps if there's a bit of substance there, for sure.

[Mr. Analytical]

I think she just has a very simplistic sexuality. [the woman is Gazzy's quote, not the OP]

She's heard all of this stuff about personality but despite this she's unable to realise that there's a difference between "they're quite nice looking" and "I'm attracted to that person.

I have found this to be quite a common failing.

I spent six months on an online dating site and this kind of thing is, I'd say, the default setting for the human race.  People don't put that much thought into any other aspect of their life, why should they put any thought into choosing a partner?

[Mr. Analytical]

oops

[solidified gruel merchant]

I like Coleen Nolan. She's lovely.

Me too!

And Carol Vorderman.....

And Malcolms mum off Malcolm in the Middle....

[Vaguely Phallic]

As long as the skin on a girl's inner thighs hasn't hardened due to her obese legs rubbing against each other as she shuffles along trying to drag her great mass when walking - then she's alright.

That was the last time I mixed alcohol with a one night stand.

just about any girl who shows an interest in me automatically becomes attractive

Unfortunately I suffer from the Groucho Marx syndrome, it's really stupid.

Others have already said you should try not to worry about your size, quite rightly, although I appreciate the horrible pressures women have (and, increasingly, men too). And that any man who judges you on your BMI is not worth the time of day. But also, consider the situations you meet people at. Nightclubs are full of men looking for a fit bird to lay. There must be an alternative. Book groups, I don't know.

[Janek's Little Black Box]

I feel that it's acceptable, and indeed encouraged, that we should take a rigorous approach to selecting our partners mental characteristics and personality traits but it's less acceptable to do the same with their physical characteristics. This would appear to have at least some foundation from reading this thread as so far we've had:

A man who has an "ideal shape" in mind is an irredeemable twat.

Thing is, the kinds of guys who would consider size 14 to be 'too fat for me' are tossers, purely by holding that view.

I'm always wary when a guy can reel off a precise description of his exact type, especially when the end product is very, very predictable.

I'd be interested to know people's views on this. Specifically the posters I quoted. Why is it ok to be rigorous and selective regarding personality traits of potential partners but not physical ones? I realise that none of you actually said as much but I felt like it was being implied. For example boki, would you be similarly wary if someone could rattle off a long list of mental characteristics that their 'exact type' should posess? And what are you wary of when they do so in regard to physical ones?

[Milo]

Why is it ok to be rigorous and selective regarding personality traits of potential partners but not physical ones?

Good question. Perhaps it comes down to the feeling that the body is more or less just the box that the person happens to be in. Or that personality is ultimately more important for people to stay together in the long-term - so that becomes the most important thing for lasting relationships. As people become more grown-up they tend to want lasting relationships rather than brief affairs so the factors affecting long-term relationships become the more important - we want a compatible person rather than just a pleasing body.

I wonder if it's maybe the consequences of a physical emphasis that make it seem more wrong. ie; emphasising particular shapes/weights/teeth/whatever can lead to quite destructive behaviours. Eating disorders, neuroses, unnecessary and potentially dangerous surgery. Are they any negative consequences of emphasising particular personality types? All I can think of is that it might make some girls refuse to play World of Warcraft (or similar) for fear of being thought a nerdy type. Guess it depends on what the desirable personality traits are.

EDIT TO ADD: Thinking about it, I've come to feel that I have a very poor personality and it makes me pretty much hopeless for my future prospects as it is something that is only tweakable within certain narrow limits. Whereas my body has improved much over the past few years due to eating sensibly and exercise (and I have even been referred to as 'a bit hunky') but my body being alright doesn't make me feel any better about myself. So in this case, emphasis on personality is actually quite harmful to wellbeing. So I guess I've actually answered my question about negative consequences of this emphasis right there. So why is it alright? Or is it alright for one gender and not the other?

EDIT AGAIN: shit, this is GD Lite, right?

[Mr Wrong]

I'd be interested to know people's views on this. Specifically the posters I quoted. Why is it ok to be rigorous and selective regarding personality traits of potential partners but not physical ones? I realise that none of you actually said as much but I felt like it was being implied. For example boki, would you be similarly wary if someone could rattle off a long list of mental characteristics that their 'exact type' should posess? And what are you wary of when they do so in regard to physical ones?

...or are they just tellin porkies to sound all nice and caring like?

[Mr. Analytical]

Because looks are far more fleeting than personality.  An unexpected illness, age, an accident, pregnancy, weight-gain can all quite radically change the way a person looks in quite a short timespan so by being incredibly rigorous about looks you're effectively engaging in a relationship where any negative deviation from the relationship's starting position can be terminal.  That's a recipe for having a string of short-term relationships.

Personality can change but it takes a lot longer and is more prone to staying still than looks, particularly over longer time spans.  So if you CAN value personality over looks, it's generally a wiser strategy for getting a long term relationship.

I think in truth though, personality has necessary rather than sufficient conditions.  If you think about it, the standard British relationship is meeting at a pub or a party then maybe meeting again for a proper date and then moving quickly to a sexual relationship.  This matches the pattern not of someone wanting to get to know someone before entering into a relationship but rather wanting to be sure that there are no obvious problems like mental illness or a marauding ex.

This is why many less rigorous daters tend to fall into the "I want someone who is a laugh" by this they mean someone who won't sit brooding or possibly cutting themselves... someone easy to get along with.

I'd also say that there are physical necessary conditions.

For sufficient conditions it's going to vary from person to person, but I'd say it's comparable to THAT track that makes you buy a CD.  It's a certain je ne sais quoi but in many cases that je ne sais quoi can just be satisfying both sets of necessary conditions.

 "Got 4 limbs?  check... Not a nutter? check... right, off we go!"

 You can also have turn offs.  I had a friend who swore blind that girls with alternative tastes are invariably damaged.  Something that wasn't true of men.

[Cack Hen]

I have no real preference, but I am very random with who I'm attracted to. Or at least it seems random. I once had this exam where this girl was sat to my left and about two desks down, she had ginger hair (not my favourite colour) and had clothes on I didn't like particularly but I was infatuated and barely passed the exam. I spent the next two weeks desperately trying to find her again, but had to give up.

Very rarely am I attracted to girls based on their appearance, it's usually a look in their eye or a way they smile. Yeah yeah, I'm sure that's how girls like to think blokes think, but it's not as romantic as it sounds, it's a nightmare. It never works out.