*cough**splutter* Please list your minor or otherwise ailments here.

[the midnight watch baboon]

I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to either salt and toothpaste as my lips get all red and sore after eating or using them.

Also, I can't flex my left bicep! Can only get it big by bringing my fist up to my shoulder.

Please don't quote that last sentence and accuse me of perverse behaviour!

Also suffered from vasculitis'n'shit.

[gazzyk1ns]

Can you not even tense the part of your left bicep which starts to curl under that armpit? It's very common for the bicep which you don't "use" (assuming you're right-handed) to be very specifically developed due to the relative lack of co-ordination in that hand/wrist/forearm.

[aaaaaaaaaargh!]

Freederm's rubbish anyway, isn't it? I've never found any over-the-counter remedy to have any effect on the multi-car pileup diaster zone that is my skin. Only the odd course of antibiotics every two or so years has managed to stabilise it.

Well, just found out in a rather nasty way that I'm actually allergic to Freederm!  People keep asking me if I've caught the sun

[Glebe]

I'm asthmatic (I was hospitalised with it once), and I get this skin complaint called pityriasis versicolor-it's a non-contagious fungal yeast rash-you get patches of dry, itchy skin. You can use Nizoral on it.

[mrpants]

You know when you get sharp pains in your chest when you inhale, so you have to breathe really shallow?  What is that called and what is happening?

I know it's not just me as people I know get it too, it's just that no one knows what it's called or what it is.

[Make me smile]

You know when you get sharp pains in your chest when you inhale, so you have to breathe really shallow?  What is that called and what is happening?

I know it's not just me as people I know get it too, it's just that no one knows what it's called or what it is.

Stress?

[domesticgoddess]

I quite often get a vibrating ear drum, at least that's what it feel slike.  It's not painful, just really annoying.  Like hiccups nothing seems to stop it, it just goes away on its own eventually.

[mrpants]

You know when you get sharp pains in your chest when you inhale, so you have to breathe really shallow?  What is that called and what is happening?

I know it's not just me as people I know get it too, it's just that no one knows what it's called or what it is.

Stress?

Probably.

But seriously - people on here must know what I'm talking about, real people in the real world know what I'm on about...

[Captain Crunch]

I get that from time to time, I just put it down to smoking.

[mook]

I get that, but I smoke about 50 roll ups a day, I put it down to that. If you don't smoke 50 roll ups a day it's probably something serious.

EDIT beaten by CC.

[BadLieutenant]

I do get those pains when breathing in, but I put it down to one thing - smoking. I might be wrong, but I always assumed it was a side-effect.

[mrpants]

I've never habitually smoked, so I don't think it's that.  It's probably something very serious then.  Ah well.

[sick as a pike]

Yeah I was going to say don't google for it as I just did, as you will be convinced about your imminent death.
I haven't smoked for years and still get it, and in fact did before I'd ever smoked.  

Do you do the thing of taking a huge breath to get the pain out of the way in one horribly painful, cathartic moment?

[Saygone]

I get those chest pains too accompanied by a fucker of a painful throat.  I went to see the doctor though and she said there was nothing physically wrong with me, so its probably just stress and/or lack of exercise.  

I'm still absolutely convinced that its cancer, and that I'll be dead this time next year.

[mrpants]

Do you do the thing of taking a huge breath to get the pain out of the way in one horribly painful, cathartic moment?

Heh, yes!  I like to psyche myself up for it, as if I've got to perform some kind of emergency surgery on myself on the battlefield - although I stop short of biting down on the nearest piece of wood.

[Cupid Stunt]

I have a cold.

[Morrisfan82]

Some tuberculotic motherfucker was hacking his guts up in front of me on the bus yesterday morning, and lo and behold, I now have that tingling sensation at the back of my throat/nose. Cunt. I hope it fucks off before my sexy Easter weekend getaway, it was shitty enough that I developed a cold over Xmas week.

It's astonishing how affected a pissy little peppery sensation in your throat can make you feel. Colds are shit, they're like trolls, popping up just to periodically remind you that you're still susceptible to farty little pointless irritations.

[The Duck Man]

I have a dreadful back, because my posture's poor. It doesn't cause me much discomfort at present, but I'm sure it'll gradually get worse if I don't do something about it. All that happens now is I feel a vague tightness/light ache at the base of my spine. I then have to crack my back by either put my fists either side of my spine and pushing or lying down, back flat on the floor but with one leg bent across the other so I form a "h" shape. This needs to be done fairly regularly.

[hoverdonkey]

I had gangrene in my leg for a bit if that counts. Broke it playing football and Ealing Hospital regards hygeine as an optional extra for those who can be bothered to clean the ward in which they rest. It then had six weeks to fester under my cast, to the point where the nurse nearly passed out when she took the cast off. Apparently I was a week or so from having the thing lopped off

I was on a drip for a week and have scarring on my leg from the boils.

[Rubella]

I have currently a herniated/prolapsed disc in my lower spine which is a complete pain.  Have had to have nearly 2 months off work because of it.  Apparently an old injury - probably falling off a horse.  

I also suffer occasionally from clinical depression, stress and always manage to convince myself I have cancer.

[Banana Woofwoof]

I always think I have cancer too.  *TOO MUCH INFORMATION* I had arse bleeding for a while and was convinced it was colon cancer.  Every time I get a headache I think I have a brain tumour.  Still never bother to go to the doctors though...

[swarfmonkey]

It's only a matter of time until someone comes along and says

I've snapped my banjo string

Cue the collective winces of several hundred male verbwhores.

[Banana Woofwoof]

One my exes had his bollocks twist when they were dropping.  Falling like heavy pendulums and becoming entwined on the way down.  He said it was the most painful experience of his life.

[Banana Woofwoof]

Dp

[Neil]

I mis-read that as "hairy pendulums".

[duckorange]

It's only a matter of time until someone comes along and says

I've snapped my banjo string

My friend Tim snapped his banjo string. At school. And yes, he snapped it in the approved, teenage manner.

He became known as "Rumplesplitskin".

[SetToStun]

I have a dreadful back, because my posture's poor. It doesn't cause me much discomfort at present, but I'm sure it'll gradually get worse if I don't do something about it. All that happens now is I feel a vague tightness/light ache at the base of my spine. I then have to crack my back by either put my fists either side of my spine and pushing or lying down, back flat on the floor but with one leg bent across the other so I form a "h" shape. This needs to be done fairly regularly.

I know nothing about it, really, but I am informed that the Alexander Technique can sort that sort of thing right out. Might be worth a look if your problems really are down to posture.

[Rubella]

I always think I have cancer too.  *TOO MUCH INFORMATION* I had arse bleeding for a while and was convinced it was colon cancer.  Every time I get a headache I think I have a brain tumour.  Still never bother to go to the doctors though...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks they have cancer all time.  I only have to get a vague ache in my armpit and I'm convinced I have breast cancer.  I also think I have a tumour every time I get a headache.

[BadLieutenant]

I had an aching in my testicles for ages, like the after-effect of being kicked there. I spent about a month bracing myself to go to the doctor's (and not really checking the area for lumps, in case I did find one), but then I did a bit of reading, and about a day later, the aching had vanished completely. A lump in my mouth convinced me I had throat cancer, as did my tongue aching the other day. The one thing that does disturb is that sometimes I cough so hard I can taste blood, and the brown stuff that I manage to dredge up is probably not a sign of good health.

[Harold Lloyd's Safety Net]

I have a lump in my throat, that my doctor has checked and diagnosed as quite literally 'a lump in my throat' - as in when you're upset, nervous etc; Apparently there is bugger all there - although it can be caused by any damage done to nerves or blood vessels in the throat (through coughing I suppose) that feels large and cumbersome but is otherwise invisible.  It is an absolute pain in the arse really as it feels as though I've got a massive, swollen cyst down there.  Although maybe now I know what it is, it will disappear as I will no longer be stressed about it.  Apparently smoking and drinking don't help, which is a pity as they seem to help with every other problem I encounter in life.