Sinister 80s crying party

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

The wheelers from Return to Oz serving disgusting tasting cocktails. The Orange Organics play tear jerkers such as "There's No Reason Why" whilst a projector shows The Herbs in black and white on the wall behind them. Every so often, the "choc a bloc" music comes on at an ear-splitting volume, and that man in the yellow car drives round and round wearing a glum expression and bashing into people.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Wordy patrols the room, solemnly reminding people that "Hat becomes hate with e! Knif becomes knife with e!".

[sick as a pike]

Have you gone insane?  That's what's happened isn't it?  Delayed post traumatic stress disorder.  You're a loony.  Deffo.

[trotsky assortment]

I'd forgotten about Wordy.  He looks oddly sinister.

[Analrapist]

Wordy patrols the room, solemnly reminding people that "Hat becomes hate with e! Knif becomes knife with e!".

I was in a nightclub once and a dealer said, "Happ becomes happy with an e!" to me.

[trotsky assortment]

He should have listened to the scary-puppety-thing.  Happ isn't a word.

[butnut]

Isn't that his point? Life is meaningless without e, maaaaaaaan!

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Jimmy Saville perches on a high stool in the corner, controlling a long metal arm using a Kempton joystick and pinching passers by on the bottom.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Tony Hart gingerly scrabbles about on the floor for Alphabites, (he's very frail).

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Sylvester McCoy and "Ace" provide a live sex show in the upstairs boudoir. £5 entry fee which Greenclaws (the bouncer) brutally enforces.

[Captain Crunch]

Wizbit in House Rape shocker.

[Jemble Fred]

No one wears anything but felt trilbies and fluorescent socks/fingerless gloves.

[ziggy starbucks]

the IRA provide the fireworks. Three children and one orange are killed

[Beagle 2]

Big Fun collectively underestimate the clout of Babycham and are kicked out for brawling over what is best, Flight of the Navigator or Gregory's Girl.

They later blame it on the boogie.

[Morrisfan82]

Everyone has a headache from the wacky vision-mixing effects.

Fred Harris is sat in the corner eating a bag of Scampi Fries, waiting for some player-missile porn to load. Next to him is Paul Hardcastle, contemplating writing a follow-up to Just For Money about the Zeebrugge ferry disaster.

Except if it's a Sunday, in which case fuck-all happens.

[Jemble Fred]

Music to be provided by Huey Lewis tribute act HIP 2B SQUARE DANCING.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

DJ Pat Sharpe and MC Voice-of-an-actor will be playing Irish ditties from 9-11.

[Blumf]

A BMX bunny hopping on a human face, forever.

[non capisco]

Scene erupts into an orgy of industrial unrest, donkey jackets and falling AIDS monoliths.

The Pink Panther Will Follow Shortly

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Phew, what a great party! More of the same next Friday, I think!

[trotsky assortment]

Sylvester McCoy and "Ace" provide a live sex show in the upstairs boudoir. £5 entry fee which Greenclaws (the bouncer) brutally enforces.

I'm genuinely frightened by that imagery.  Thanks ETT!

[Ambient Sheep]

"Mine is the last voice that you will ever hear.  Don't be alarmed."

[Derek Trucks]

Jimmy Saville perches on a high stool in the corner, controlling a long metal arm using a Kempton joystick and pinching passers by on the bottom.

It's Kempston!  Lalla's right, attention to detail in comedy has gone to shit.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Jimmy Saville perches on a high stool in the corner, controlling a long metal arm using a Kempton joystick and pinching passers by on the bottom.

It's Kempston!  Lalla's right, attention to detail in comedy has gone to shit.

I did realise, but too late to go back and edit with having a big ugly "EDITED BY" sign on there.

Profuse apologies.

[rudi]

The decorations are revealed to be Rubik's Snakes white-tacked end to end, with 12" laser discs strung along their lengths, spinning pointlessly, catching the glow from a table-top Space Invaders game screen that never alters, grimly marching back and forth, back and forth as "O Superman" is played repeatedly for over an hour at ear-splitting volume to drown out the noise of the race-related riot going on in the street outside: "Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh..................."

[Jemble Fred]

Sue Pollard's doing the washing up.

Fucking loudly.

[rudi]

Sue Pollard's doing the washing up.

Fucking loudly.

That's a fine piece of multi-tasking there...

[non capisco]

Everything looks a bit deteriorated and grainy even though it was only 20 years ago and everyone looks pale and ill. Someone is having a breakdown in the corner because you never found out what that light in the sky was on 'Pigeon Street'.

[quadraspazzed]

A guy with Big Hair waits patiently for hours for computer games to load, only to realise that the game JUST WON'T WORK! So he goes off and watches The Neverending Story Part Eleven-Million on his Betamax instead.

And the Miners win.

(Well I wanted to give it a happy ending)