The Most Audacious Thing You've Ever Gotten Away With

[Artemis]

Well?

Knowing my immediate boss was off ill this week, and that the rest of the monkeys who attempt to do her job in her absence are notably poor at doing so, I took the calculated risk of not showing up today for my four hour shift. I'm going to be on holiday for two weeks from tomorrow anyway, and if my absence was noticed I could say I got the holiday dates confused, but as I suspected, the fact I wasn't there went completed unseen by everyone who could do something about it. The result is money in the bank for absolutely no work whatsoever, at least as far as today was concerned. Before the morality police start saddling up, let me just say that the hell that is my work justifies this move on my part a million times over.

It got me wandering what you Whores may have gotten away with in the past. Nothing overtly illegal please, but juicy stories are very welcome!

[Marvin]

I did once phone in sick at a job where this meant I still recieved full-pay for the day in order to go and do paid work elsewhere, thus being paid twice. Not very proud of that though.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I worked at my student union bar during my first year at uni and at the beginning really hated it. Everyone was terrified of the angry Scottish manager who would scream at you for arriving even a minute late, and nobody ever argued with the shifts they were given however crappy.

I got fed up with the shite treatment and poor pay fairly early on though, and one quietish Wednesday night when it got to about 10.30pm and there was nothing left to do, leant against the bar and did nothing for about 2 minutes for the first time since I'd started the job. Of course it wasn't long before he appeared, swearing his head off at me for being a lazy bastard.

I'd had enough of it all by this point, so told him that he knew how hard I always worked, and that he could just fuck right off. To my amazement he just burst out laughing and walked off. And after that I got on really well with him, to the confusion of every other member of staff, and just point blank refused to work any shift I didn't want too, which he didn't seem to mind at all.

So, erm, yeah, I guess the moral is, if your boss is a bastard., earn his respect by telling him to fuck off. Possibly.

[Little Hoover]

This isn't reall a proper example but as a part of English G.C.S.E you have to do an oral presentation - that means  talking out loud about something, before any of you came up with any smarmy jokes - to a couple of teachers, which is worth about 10% of the grade, and I just couldn not think of anything good to do, so I did my presentation on "preparing for an English oral presentation" It had the two teachers laughing throughout, and my isolated grade for that was a C+

Anyway I think that can be considerd a fairly Audacious idea to do for an exam of sorts, and it was accpeted, and I got a decent, so I got away with in that sense.

[Seymour Clufley]

(removed by request)

[Saygone]

I stole £30,000 from a previous employer.

You, sir, are a hero. :)

[Beck]

Fucking hell, how did you manage that?!

[Banana Woofwoof]

Yes, tell more!  Fucking hell.  I kind of envy you for that!

[Sheldon Finklestein]

Oh, yes, because you stole from a rich corporation, that stops it from being a crime. You're a bit like Robin Hood.

[Banana Woofwoof]

It's still a crime, I just want to know how he did it!

[Analrapist]

A friend of mine is currently in deep shit for stealing about £20,000 off his employers. He had some scam with air miles going, but was caught and is now apparently looking at a spell in chokey. Nasty.

[Vaguely Phallic]

I was buying a motherboard in a little computer shop but the payment didn't through on my credit card. The man didn't seem to care, and half heartedly wrote down my card no. and gave me the board anyway. I was never charged (or defrauded!), but I think the shop was just a front for criminal activity really, so what are you gonna do.

Another time my bank statement showed I'd been charged £2.80 for the fare for my local train journey, and then £28 as well. I phoned up the train company to complain and they said it would be quicker to just tell my bank it was an unauthorised transaction, which I duly did and got the £28 refunded. I never heard from the train company again, but did realise shortly after that I had made a national train journey later the same day as well. Whoops.

Having worked in a monkey role for a couple of multinationals, it's not hard for customers to get money out of the company. The trick is for their complaint to be something that takes more time to verify than it would just to refund or compensate, especially regarding things that can't really be checked. E.g., bills going out by automated letter systems - the company only know it's gone out due to a tick on the computer, they don't actually know, and these systems are always fucking up. You just need to be able to give the impression you're being honest and threaten to go to an ombudsman.

Just to balance it out I did something a bit like Analrapist's post above (but quite different) and also got caught. Fortunately they were happy for me just to leave.

[Little Hoover]

Just the other day I got on one of those different busses (the 515 I belive, it was going in the same direction as the bus I'd usually get, the K3) that doesn't take Oyster cards,  but I didn't know this as I got on, so when I did, I see there's no panel for it, I ask the conducter about it, and he said something, I'm not quite sure what and just let me on, for some reason I couldn't help some paranoid worry that he was going to charge me as I got off, and I didn't have any cash on me, but nope nothing. I mean unless their supposed to be free with Oyster card, I don't quite understand what happend.

Maybe I unintenionally did some Darren Brown (because that's his real name, not Derren) type trick that made him think I'd payed.

[Saygone]

Darren (because that's his real name)

I think you'll find his real name is Mephistopheles.  And he pulled off the most audacious thing of all and got away with it.

He convinced us that he doesn't exist.

[Little Hoover]

Well an aquitance of mine went to university with him and said his real name was Darren.

[danielsan]

At a job I had a few years ago,  me and my mate went down the pub at lunchtime and ended up staying till about 5pm. It was his last day so he didn't care, but when I got called into the managers office to explain where I had been I told him I had been hit by a car on the way back to the office, and had been taken to A&E to get checked up. He quite obviously didnt believe me so I started to take my trousers down to show him my bruises. Luckily he stopped me before I had a chance to show him there was nothing there and he let me go!

I also stole a lawnmower from B&Q but my mum made me take it back. Less proud of that one. I was 16 - what the fuck did I need a lawnmower for!

[Dark Sky]

Well an aquitance of mine went to university with him and said his real name was Darren.

Is it true that he's gay?

I heard that on the grapevine.  (Co-worker who has friend who worked at a theatre where Dearram performed once, and apparently revealed gayness...)

[Artemis]

I stole £30,000 from a previous employer

I still want to know how you did this!

[Milo]

I stole £30,000 from a previous employer

I still want to know how you did this!

He worked for the Parker Brothers in their Monopoly division.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I stole £30,000 from a previous employer

I still want to know how you did this!

He worked for the Parker Brothers in their Monopoly division.

Surely if that were the case he'd just be boasting about how he once managed to win second prize in a beauty contest.

[Vaguely Phallic]

Just don't remind him it's his birthday or we're all fucked.

[Little Hoover]

Well an aquitance of mine went to university with him and said his real name was Darren.

Is it true that he's gay?

I heard that on the grapevine.  (Co-worker who has friend who worked at a theatre where Dearram performed once, and apparently revealed gayness...)

That, I don't know.

[alex]

After closing up the store I used to work for back in my teens, I got away with sitting at one of the tills, feet up, smoking a reefer before going on a munch spree and doing the family's weekly shop and a small gift of a brand new fridge-freezer. Two CCTV camera's were in the store, one at the entrance and one at the back door/loading bay. It was so easy to cover your tracks and the level of trust for a low paid 'supervisor' role was ridiculous. Great times :-)

[Notlob]

Just the other day I got on one of those different busses (the 515 I belive, it was going in the same direction as the bus I'd usually get, the K3) that doesn't take Oyster cards,  but I didn't know this as I got on, so when I did, I see there's no panel for it, I ask the conducter about it, and he said something, I'm not quite sure what and just let me on, for some reason I couldn't help some paranoid worry that he was going to charge me as I got off, and I didn't have any cash on me, but nope nothing. I mean unless their supposed to be free with Oyster card, I don't quite understand what happend.

Maybe I unintenionally did some Darren Brown (because that's his real name, not Derren) type trick that made him think I'd payed.

This is the most audacious thing you've ever done? Pathetic.

I have managed to smuggle anti-House of Saud literature into Saudi Arabia. Twice.

[Little Hoover]

Well it's not actually, it was probably the english oral exam thing I mentioned earlier.
And actually the thread is about the most audacious thing you've got away with.
There could be plenty of much more audacious things, I haven't got away with.

[mothman]

OK then, lemme see. . . used the off-road power of a 4x4 I was driving to go over a grass verge and escape a particularly inconvenient traffic jam?

Or, a bit like Vaguely's this, we once got let off paying for electricity and gas for 2 years because one supplier stopped billing us and the new supplier we'd never moved to never sent us bills either. When we moved out they tried to hit us for several hundred quid but we refused because we'd never agreed to sign up with them. We did this in full confidence because we'd been amongst those fraudulently signed up to switch to London Electricity (for their alleged proof they produced a sheet ostensible signed by a Mr S. MrsMothMaidenName - there is no such person).

Unpacking in the new house, I was going through my wife's papers and found a proper official letter in which she agreed to sign up with the new supplier, three months before I met her!

And I got into the South of England Show once without paying by climbing over a fence. Whee.

[butnut]

I have managed to smuggle anti-House of Saud literature into Saudi Arabia. Twice.

Me and a friend broke into the Saudi embassy in London once, when very pissed. When I say broke in, we got through the first door, as it had the same security code as the garage my friend worked at at the time. We couldn't get through the second locked door. And it was probably for the best that we didn't, with hindsight!

[Marvin]

I repeatedly defrauded the Oxford Tube bus service to London last year and travelled free on it 20-30 times.

[Suttonpubcrawl]

My girlfriend once came to stay with me for a week without her parents knowing when we were both 18. That's a bit more impressive than it sounds because she's American and so she was 4,000 miles away from where they thought she was. Years later they still don't know, and we probably won't tell them for a looooong time.

[Marvin]

Oh that reminds me, at the age of 16 I went to Ireland for two days completely unplanned without a passport and without any of my family ever finding out I went for several years. It's quite a long story which involved bribing a member of the ferry staff to let me on board and coming home in a friend's privately chartered plane.