What's the stupidest thing you've said whilst having sex?

[clareQuilty]

"what have you been eating..."

[Evil Knevil]

Well, looks like I've pulled. PM me and we'll arrange a date and time for your session. I may even be willing to waive my fee.

See, I said this would be an educational demonstration.

Yeah, me and explodingvinyl have been fucking for a couple of years now*

Obviously not, but I wanted to make an oh-so clever reference in lieu of a joke. Hey, I'm Family Guy

[samadriel]

"Hi five!"

"Of course!"

"Classic sex!"

"We're actually having sex!"

"Shall we just call it a day?"

"That's beautiful... and another!"

"TWAT!  That was LIQUID sex!"

"Did you feel that?!  You must have a cock like a traction engine!"

[VegaLA]

I made a racist joke to a Korean girl just as we settled into bed. I picked up my Cat and said.
"This is my Cat Princess, I love her very much, don't be waking up in the middle of the night to eat her."
To which she replied "Fine, don't expect to be dining on my pussy either!"
Which was weird since she did'nt have any cats with her, actually I don't think she owns any cats at all.
I don't recall get any either, cold night actually.

[rudi]

You could have used the immortal line "Ohhhhh, you said you wanted me to take you up to Korea. Sorry about that...".

Then wiped your cock on her cat and left.

[clareQuilty]

I thought Koreans were s'posed to eat dogs. Jeesus, get your racism right.

[Paaaaul]

"Hello" , to then girlfriend's Mum.

I could see that she was standing in the doorway, but due to position, my girlfriend couldn't.
We split up a couple of weeks later.

[Brunette Romana 2]

OK. This is tenuous, as not only is it not my story, but it happened post-coitially.

A friend of mine, leant back after sex with his girlfriend Loveday, and said "Oh Lovejoy".

The spectre of Ian Mcshane in the love nest? Not an arousing thought (except, perhaps for Mrs McShane, I grant you).

Needless to say, she kicked him straight out of bed. I think I would have laughed...

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

"Look, I can stand on my head!"

[Glebe]

"My arm is getting tired-wait, who am I talking to?"

[chocky909]

Yikes!

Once I made a terrible joke that had no place in the bedroom. But we laughed. And when I remember it I cringe and slap my forehead repeatedly. Fuck.

"Aaaaaaah... Bisto!"

Lord have mercy. I'm sure it might make someone smile so here goes posting it.

*deep breath and Submit*

-

This one really set me off, mainly because I believe you. You'd better be telling the truth mind.

[Small Man Big Horse]

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to, I mean I was sick earlier."

[Melody Lee]

Yikes!

Once I made a terrible joke that had no place in the bedroom. But we laughed. And when I remember it I cringe and slap my forehead repeatedly. Fuck.

"Aaaaaaah... Bisto!"

Lord have mercy. I'm sure it might make someone smile so here goes posting it.

*deep breath and Submit*

-

This one really set me off, mainly because I believe you. You'd better be telling the truth mind.

I wish it wasn't true. And I'm glad you laughed, it does justify it. I believe so, yes.

Thing is, most of those embarassing things you say can be eased out of mind by the likelyhood that you're the only one who remembers it, but sex stuff... Well.

There's some cuteness in this thread, though. A lot of it isn't that terrible!

-

[Bingo Fury]

"Say, you guys wanna team up and take over Sunnydale?"

[Huzzie]

He never said he laughed, he just said it "set him off".

[Huzzie]

He never said he laughed, he just said it "set him off".

EDIT: That to Melody. Fuck sake BINGO!!<daggers>

[daisy11]

Uh-Oh. Uh-Oh, Uh-Oh, Uh-Oh, Uh-Oh, Uh-Oh, Uh-Oh, Uh-Oh, Uh-Oh, Uh-Oh, Uh-Oh ...

[daisy11]

dp, oops

[samadriel]

I think I can, I think I can...

[Neville Chamberlain]

dp, oops

That's the best one yet!

[danielsan]

If you want something really stupid - and in retrospect not funny at all... - then step right up!

You know when you say the first thing that comes into your head cos you think its funny, and as soon as you've said it, you realise it wasnt? Well I was with a young lady and was enjoying a quite spectacular pair of breasts, and as a joke I said "ooh, is that a lump?" Well, after a minute of mild panic I was asked to leave! Ho hum, I'm a twat!

[Angst in my Pants]

danielsan, that's terrible and hilarious at the same time.

I'm ashamed to admit that I once exclaimed "Oh my!" when presented with a gentleman's todger.  It was impressive, but what a silly expression to use.

[Morrisfan82]

"ooh, is that a lump?"

You could've repaired that by going

"... in my TROUSERS!"

Possibly.

[danielsan]

"ooh, is that a lump?"

You could've repaired that by going

"... in my TROUSERS!"

Possibly.

Haha, damn you and your quick thinking!!!

[Huzzie]

Of course I have never said anything stupid in bed. I am incredibly witty and have women in stitches every time. Many times before I have even said anything.

There was one time though, many years ago when I was just a young 'un, very inexperienced and desperate not to spoil things and for a man, that means making the whole experience as horrible for yourself as possible.

This one time, to try and make myself last that bit longer I was trying to think the most unsexy thoughts I could.

It was the thought of my old (both in terms of time and age) Head Mistress, sat on my face and shitting in my gawping mouth that made me blurt out.
"EEEeuuurrrrrrgghhhhhhh!"

I've never seen a person turn so self concious in such a short time.

[Neville Chamberlain]

It was the thought of my old (both in terms of time and age) Head Mistress, sat on my face and shitting in my gawping mouth that made me shoot my load there and then.

Blimey, Sir!

[duckorange]

It was the thought of my old (both in terms of time and age) Head Mistress, sat on my face and shitting in my gawping mouth that made me blurt out.
"EEEeuuurrrrrrgghhhhhhh!"

So, you went to the same infants school as I did, then?

[Small Man Big Horse]

Whatever happened to the good old days of trying to remember the line up of the 1974 Everton team, eh?

(That's in response to Huzzie & Jim, not something I said during sex btw)

[Huzzie]

There's no way I'm going to assimilate embarrassment from the deed with embarrassment from you lot because of what I was thinking!

No way hose! No way!

Not after I have read your stories!;-)

[Brunette Romana 2]

There have been rare occasions I've been caught off guard and involuntarily blurted out my internal thought process which usually revolves around delaying the inevitable.

After one particularly filthy suggestion by my very vocal ex, I exclaimed "Pea Soup!" as I was trying to think of all the different kinds of soup there could be.

Unfortunately, this popped into my head while I was "getting intimate" with my other half last night and I burst out laughing, so thanks for that!