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Do you feel guilty when good things happen to you?

Started by Banana Woofwoof, April 21, 2007, 10:23:38 PM

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I've been getting a lot of recognition lately because of my blog.  The BBC want me to write a short film, Oxford University want me to write something for their bipolar foundation and it's up for an award.

I sound like an ungrateful fuck but it's a blog.  Blogs aren't art, they're indulgent wank and mine is no different.

On the flipside, anything I do raises awareness of bipolar disorder.  But I can't help feeling that I'm not the right person to do it.

The past year of my life has been shit.  I'm now single and moving out on my own, lost my dad, got sectioned, blah.  So when nice things happen, I don't know how to handle it.

I don't like being miserable, but it's a default setting, or at least, shit things happening in my life seems to be the norm.

How do you cope with happy events?  What's the line between boasting and being proud?  I feel almost ashamed of myself for some of the stuff recently.

Milo

Happy events can be a bit tricky to deal with when you're used to it being a bit shit. I find that I am very wary about them as I never believe they will last. Although you don't like being miserable it can become comfortable, in a way with happiness provoking a weary, "How long is this going to last?" response. At least you know where you are with misery. It's stable and lasting and safe. Happiness is volatile and unpredictable.

Oh, and I think the line between boasting and being proud is just whether or not you want people to fawn over you. If you're just excited and want to tell people then it's proud and you're alright.

Santa's Boyfriend

One of the problems here I think is the way we culturally look at success these days.  A hell of a lot of magazines and TV programmes are geared towards making us believe that the rich and successful are some kind of super-class that we can only ever aspire to.  One of the side effects of this is that it leads to utter twats wanting to be famous despite having no talent whatsoever (leading to the whole Big Brother thing, for example), and another is that if someone without an overly-inflated ego is doing something genuinely interesting who then gains attention, they are effectively made to feel like a charlatan because they don't feel like they are one of those in this super-class that we're always being told about.

I'm gaining some considerable critical acclaim from some people about a book I wrote, and I felt exactly the same way for quite a while - until I realised that I didn't have to feel that way at all.  I wrote a book, people like it.  That's it.  Hopefully I'll write another one, people might like that too.  I don't have to be an arsehole member of the new royalty wandering around going "do you know who I am?" in order to enjoy that.

Regarding your blog, you're giving people an insight into a world they are aware of but don't actually know much about, and that is very valuable to them.  The reason they are asking you to do this stuff is quite simply because you've got something that they don't have - both insight and an ability to write.  You can consider what they're offering you success if you like, but you're still you.

Sorry I just woke up, I hope that makes some kind of sense.

clareQuilty

Samuel Pepys kept a diary, so did a lot of other people i'm too lazy to look for. Same principle isn't it? If it's well written, it's well written. Doesn't matter what particular form it takes.
When happy things happen to me I like to savour them like a nice fart under the sheets because they'll all blow away in the wind before too long.

The Mumbler

I'm not "guilty" when good things happen. A bit confused, yes.

hoverdonkey

clare's right. You shouldn't feel that your blog is somehow culturally inferior just because it's written on the internet. Be justifiably pleased/amazed/proud that it stands out above everything else written. If you printed your writing out and put it in book form, would it gain credibility in your mind? If so, do it and get a load of cash in the process!

Just don't be scared of success. You are absolutely the right person to write what you do.

Suttonpubcrawl

Oh for God's sake, can we shut up about the blog.

Neil

You should actually be writing a book.  Are you?  You should.

ccab

Get your act together BWW & bring us home the Booker prize.

Quote from: "Suttonpubcrawl"Oh for God's sake, can we shut up about the blog.

Can you just shut up in general?  The topic's not about the fucking thing, it's about how you feel when good things happen.

I've had one thread about it when the metro thing happened and apart from that, it was only in links thread, so really, shut your face and use that "reply" and "post" button for something other than your fucking moaning.

I'd go with it if I were you, Woofwoof. Definitely.

Quote from: "The Mumbler"I'm not "guilty" when good things happen. A bit confused, yes.

I want to meet these eternal optimists and executive God Given Right people who wink and say stuff like, "I'm a winner!"

Jemble Fred

Well since we're being open about our creative antics, I'm further along the road to getting a book published than ever before, meaning that my entire life rather hands in the balance right now â€" but there are many many imponderables, which makes me feel it's safer to expect failure yet again.

So, fully aware of appearing to be irritatingly self-pitying, in answer to the thread title, I have to say:

Nothing good has happened to me. But I'll tell you when it does.

Perhaps if you read this post in a Droopy voice it will work better.

Quote from: "Jemble Fred"Well since we're being open about our creative antics, I'm further along the road to getting a book published than ever before, meaning that my entire life rather hands in the balance right now â€" but there are many many imponderables, which makes me feel it's safer to expect failure yet again.

So, fully aware of appearing to be irritatingly self-pitying, in answer to the thread title, I have to say:

Nothing good has happened to me. But I'll tell you when it does.

Perhaps if you read this post in a Droopy voice it will work better.

What kind of book is it?

wherearethespoons

Quote from: "Banana Woofwoof"Can you just shut up in general?  The topic's not about the fucking thing, it's about how you feel when good things happen.

Looking at the word ratio, you'd struggle to see the focus of the thread was on that bit. I don't want to get into an argument but it is basically a list about how great things are going for you. If it wasn't you could have simply asked the question, how do you cope with happy events? So, if he has misunderstood where the focus is supposed to lie, I can see why

Quote from: "Banana Woofwoof"Blogs aren't art, they're indulgent wank and mine is no different.

See also this thread.

Now tell me to shut up, please.

Okay.

Shut up!

*plays "Fever" bassline*

Well, you can't just hop into a thread with no explanation.  Then people post going, "Yeah, a bit of explanation would be nice".

wherearethespoons

[enter wherearethespoons]

Banana Woofwoof:
Okay. Shut up! *plays "Fever" bassline* Well, you can't just hop into a thread with no explanation. Then people post going, "Yeah, a bit of explanation would be nice".

wherearethespoons: Ah.

[exit wherearethespoons, in time for another Banana Woofwoof soliloquy]

rudi

So you're single you say.....?

Heh, sorry, I realise you can't see me doing the hiLARious Vic Reeves thigh-rubbing thing.



Anyhoo - yeah, why not go for it? The worst that can happen is you fuck it up then you'll be no worse off than you are now, surely?

It's not really a case of being able to do it or do it well, either, more a case of having tried something new, no?

biniput

BWW

Whats wrong with just publishing the blog as a book as if the Oford thing needs some writing then that is the most authentic stuff.  It may feel like indulgence but it is still the real thoughts of a real Bi-polar sufferer so to anyone without it is represents a real window on that universe.  Feeling guilty is not the right way as:

1,  You did not give yourself bi-polar you where born with it.
2,  This blog may help you or others cope somehow.  Especially that photo therapy idea for that other difficulty.
3,  This is all real, authentic stuff and when read presents no image of self indulgence or bigging up or over dramatising the issues or suffering.
4,  This blog was created on your own when you where relatively on your own in the internet universe and so it has been picked out entirely on merit.

Why would you feel guilty?  If anyone tells you to feel so that would be wrong and that is the way to counter the self imposed guilt i think.  Why feel something so negative.  I think the fear of success could be to do with the fear of the effect on the personality as in without guilt it may be difficult to keep your feet on the ground about something.  I would feel like i had done an achievement with this blog thig if i where you.

I suddenly feel cool for having you on my myspace site as one of the friends.  Now should i feel guilty for that feeling as it came about by chance.

See- here is the guilt!  I now feel guilty for mentioning the fucking thing at all.

Sovereign

No offence but I think your blog is pretty self-indulgent shit and you ought to feel fucking guilty if your getting attention from Oxford University and the BBC coz of it. For all you now someone talented is being overlooked in your favour, and thats a terrible thing.

Well, quite.  The attention, though, isn't literary attention.  It's from bipolar types, research and etc, nothing much to do with literary merit. The talented people can sleep safe in the knowledge that I'm not stealing their limelight.

Anyway, I've asked Neil to lock this because I'm frankly fucking embarassed to have written in it and want to pretend I never posted it!  It really wasn't meant to be the focus of the thread.  I just talk too much.

Neil

Quote from: "Sovereign"No offence but I think your blog is pretty self-indulgent shit and you ought to feel fucking guilty if your getting attention from Oxford University and the BBC coz of it. For all you now someone talented is being overlooked in your favour, and thats a terrible thing.

Yes I've locked this as requested, but have to say that this is a bloody stupid remark, Sovereign.  Did you even read WHY Woofwoof is being contacted by these people?  Oxford University want her to write something for their bipolar foundation, so how on earth could she possibly be taking attention away from someone 'talented.'  And frankly it's talent that's brought her to their notice, above the writings of other bi-polar bloggers.  She's an extremely good writer, whether you have the capacity to recognise that or not.  

And the lazy old idea that anyone who talks about themselves or their life on the internet is 'self-indulgent' is really quite irritating.  It's not self-indulgent, it's not looking for sympathy.  Try reading it and you'd understand that.  

Sorry to hit and run like this but a lock has been requested, so PM me if you want to continue this conversation.