My cat is in heat

[Banana Woofwoof]

I can't believe it- I feel like a mother. She's eight months old and been such a dependant, affectionate kitten and now, well, she's an adult! She is miaowing plaintively in what I can only assume is frustration. She has been on my knee most of the day while I've been trying to reassure and calm her down.

Poor little thing.

Animals are weird, they have a "season".  Imagine if humans did.  Shag guaranteed!

[Shaun]

http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=737861

How to calm a cat in heat

(idea) by TinFoilGod (6.4 mon) (print)        ?     3 C!s   Thu Sep 07 2000 at 18:27:28
Equipment:

   * 1 cat in heat
   * 1 Q-tip


Procedure:

   * Grab wailing, squirming cat and place it on your lap with its hind quarters readily accessible. Chances are the cat will freely offer them, if not the first time this procedure is followed, then certainly each time afterward.
   * Insert the Q-tip into the cat's vagina. It will be exposed and puffy. Do not insert the Q-tip into the other orifice. Either way the cat will begin to scream, but there is a subtle and audible difference in the scream of satisfaction and the scream of rectal pain. Experiment a little until you can distinguish the two.
   * Move the Q-tip in and out of the cat's vagina slowly at first, then more rapidly. No need to be gentle, no matter what you do with the Q-tip it beats a barbed cat penis digging around in there.
   * You are finished when the cat is finished. You will know when the cat is finished because it will either begin immediately to have a cat orgasm, or it will run away with the Q-tip sticking out of its ass. If this happens let it enjoy itself for a few minutes before attempting to retrieve your Q-tip.
   * That is it, you are done. Enjoy the peace and quiet until the cat flares up again.

[Suttonpubcrawl]

Isn't eight months old enough to get it spayed? Why haven't you had her spayed yet?

[SOTS]

Ugh, I know how you feel, sort of. I got a dog from an animal shelter and two days after getting her she went into heat.

Cue a month of having to avoid every male dog in sight when I took her on walks, stray dogs from the campsite lurking outside our door because they could tell she was in heat, blood on the carpet, her backing up her exposed genitals onto pieces on furniture and our legs and rubbing against them and her acting like a moody little cow for what felt like forever.

After she had properly came out of heat, she went through a phase of thinking she was pregnant, and then thinking a plastic toy was her puppy.

Thankfully, she's over it now. Let's just hope we can bloody get her spayed before it fucking starts again.

[Lt Plonker]

How to calm a cat in heat

Hells teeth. I think I'd rather deal with the litter of kittens thank you very much.

[Buck Naked]

Following Horza's post, I am now going to have a long bath in pure bleach.

[clareQuilty]

Spay it don't spray it.

[ccab]

I've heard a good way to solve the cat-in-heat problem is this magical process called 'decapitation' (google it). It's got a 100% success rate.

[Analrapist]

After she had properly came out of heat, she went through a phase of thinking she was pregnant

Your cat is Charles Hawtrey in Carry on Doctor and I claim my five pounds.

[mook]

Isn't eight months old enough to get it spayed? Why haven't you had her spayed yet?

I agree with this, get the fucking thing done. If you can't afford to pay for the vet I'm sure the PDSA with get it done for you, you might like to leave them a donation like, just to show willing.

[Banana Woofwoof]

We are, when we bought her to the vet's at 6 months, she wasn't very well and the vet wanted to wait until she was better to be neutered.  She's only eight months now, so. We're bringing her back at the end of the month.

[petula dusty]

BWW, I know you probably know this but please keep her indoors until you've had her done as once she's pregnant that's it.

I didn't get one of my cats done (no money) and she ended up having three litters (9 kittens in all) very close together. I know, I know I should have got her done but couldn't get vouchers towards the cost as I was working, nearest PDSA at least 3 long bus rides away and I suppose I thought I could just keep her in when she was on heat and get her done when I'd got some spare cash. Trouble was I couldn't tell when she was on heat and she was incredibly devious at getting out of the house and finding the nearest tom. At one point I had 3 cats and 7 kittens scampering about the place. It was hideous but thankfully I got them all rehomed and now only have one left.

The other female I had had one litter and never got pregnant again despite being regularly rogered senseless in our back garden.

[rudi]

Yeah, sorry about that. I have a girlfriend now...

[Mr. Analytical]

Following Horza's post, I am now going to have a long bath in pure bleach.

???

 Why?  isn't that what you're supposed to do with a cat in heat?  a friend of mine used to do it all the time.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

I know but....ewwww...but also HAWT!! You could at least use a finger or tongue.

[Mr. Analytical]

I know but....ewwww...but also HAWT!! You could at least use a finger or tongue.

 No, that would be grotesque.

[thewomb]

"How do you stop a dog humping your leg? Pick him up, suck his cock."

[chocky909]

I don't think there's anything wrong with appreciating animals' sexuality. Apparantly watching mating pigs is supposed to be a helluva sight. They go at it for ages. You love it.


Don't have sex with animals

[Oscar]

Heh! That's so funny! Because i was just only yesterday talking to someone about giving a blow job to a dead dog. Coincidences are great aren't they?

[rudi]

Heh! That's so funny! Because i was just only yesterday talking to someone about giving a blow job to a dead dog.

And did you close the deal?

[Oscar]

Apparently it was already spoken for. Such is life.

[Cupid Stunt]

If you can't afford twenty quid to get a cat spayed then you've no business getting a cat in the first place for fuck's sake.  If you can't even afford the spay then you certainly couldn't afford the vaccinations, so you're sending it out to get flu or FIV and pass it on to other cats before dying a horrible death.  Flea treatments alone cost £20, I really wish people would think and do a bit of basic fucking research before prancing out to get a cute ickle kitten or puppy.  This isn't directed at you BWW, I know you intend to get her spayed, it's a bit of a directionless rant because I used to be a vet nurse and had to watch 4-week-old kittens dying helplessly because the lazy-arse thick cunt owners hadn't bothered to get the mother's flea infestation cleared up.  The poor little fuckers were crawling with fleas and died of anemia - fucking died of flea bites right in my hands, so that's why it pisses me off.  I've also been asked if we would euthanase perfectly healthy kittens because the owner was having trouble finding homes for them - when I tried to get her to book her cat in for a spay under the PDSA scheme so that it didn't happen all over again she refused and accused us of only being interested in money.  We used to get people bringing in pedigree puppies and sigining onto the PDSA scheme to get treatment, and saying they couldn't afford to get all the vaccinations for them because they were unemployed, but we knew that the pedigree dogs must've cost them up to £1,000 and they'd all be dripping in hideous bling and driving 4x4s.  The owners, not the dogs.  

So um, yeah, I just wish people would think before taking on a pet, they're expensive and they limit the things you can do with your time and money.