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Attacked by Pagans on the Moor

Started by Lt Plonker, April 21, 2007, 11:50:44 PM

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Lt Plonker

Last weekend I went camping on Dartmoor with my friend Chris from work and his chum Marcus.

We arrived at about seven in the evening. The view all around was serene - really gorgeous. Undulating hills and plains scattered with rocks and trees, all blanketed with a thin mist. We began trekking down a steep incline when we saw a small group of people knocking about around a blue tent. One of the group, a man sporting a black leather jacket and white beard suddenly shot off from the main crowd and began hiking uphill to intercept us. He greeted us with a "Good Evening" and prompty did a u-turn and wandered back down to his camp. We joked that they must be a group of doggers.

We set up camp maybe a quarter of a mile away. We built a fire with what we could find and had a nice BBQ. "Fire" may be too strong a term for what we built. The horsehair was damp and it took us well over an hour to get it self-sustaining. The night was black and tranquil.

And then the chanting started.

Followed by the drumming.

This carried on for a while - strange tribal shrieks and high-pitched warbles were accompanied by a rythmic drumming. It was about 11 or so when a torch went on the distance. Chris fumbled to turn his off but accidentally turned on the flashing mode. More torches went on in the distance and they began moving across the horizon, gradually getting brighter and the drumming - now beating out a death march - got louder. Marcus suggested that we should run, but we didn't because it was dark and we were drunk. The torched continually scanned over our way, but our fire was shit, so they didn't see us. The Pagan Nightmare soon ended and we went to bed.

We were woken by what sounded like a horse on a bicycle at about 5.30am the next morning, packed away and began our days walk across the Moor. Our target was The Warren Inn and using Chris' GPS, we actuated south and walked as the crow flies - ambling across huge plains, over rivers, through thick forest, up and down inclines, through marsh, over wire fences and through a bird breeding sanctuary. It really was a gorgeous walk. Some highlights:


We found this just a few yards from the rotting corpse of either a cow or a pony. We couldn't tell because the head wasn't really a head anymore.


A Moor Door. I knocked, but no one answered.


Marcus stands next to some more evidence of Pagan/Druid activity.


Moor hills. We walked over a lot of these.


We used this as a reference point during our walk.


We through a bird breeding sanctuary and around a resevoir to get here.

The pint of diet coke I had at that pub was the single most satisfying drink I have ever had. We ate and rested. I changed my socks. After some condescending advice from some jumped up little prick of a professional walker, we made out way back on a preset path known as 'Mariner's Walk', a much gentler walk.

We reached a point were the path went one way, and the GPS said to go another, more direct Ray Mears style route down a ravine, across a river and through a naked man's garden. We arrived back to the car park with several scratches, sore feet but thankfully no sacrificial scars from the druids.



Conclusion? Never go camping out on the Moors on Friday 13th.

Glebe

Nice pics, looks like a beautiful place! Glad you weren't sacrificed for the harvest, by the way!

Milo

Quote from: "Glebe"Glad you weren't sacrificed for the harvest, by the way!

So you want the harvest to fail? You bastard!

Marv Orange

Once found a maypole in a middle of a forest once near some farmland.

Marvin

I used to go camping round Tintagel in Cornwall, and we found a valley with a bizarre pagan shrine decorated with various rocks, flowers and trinkets, the next day we went past there was a lamb left on it with the blood everywhere. This freaked out some of the girls but not as much as the following morning when we awoke to small pyramids of rocks outside every one of our tents. This was a while before the Blair Witch and all that and in a very pagan area so not likely to have been kids.

Santa's Boyfriend

Quote from: "Lt Plonker"We were woken by what sounded like a horse on a bicycle at about 5.30am

There's a whole story there you haven't covered...

Lt Plonker

Quote from: "Marvin."I used to go camping round Tintagel in Cornwall, and we found a valley with a bizarre pagan shrine decorated with various rocks, flowers and trinkets, the next day we went past there was a lamb left on it with the blood everywhere. This freaked out some of the girls but not as much as the following morning when we awoke to small pyramids of rocks outside every one of our tents. This was a while before the Blair Witch and all that and in a very pagan area so not likely to have been kids.

Hells teeth. I guess we were lucky then!

Mr. Analytical

I did one of those walks once in Switzerland.  No moores in Switzerland but lots of valleys and mountains.  We walked using GPS and were going through this forest and came across this abandoned sanatorium.

Anyone who has seen the featurette on the last Withnail and I re-release will know the bit when they go to visit Uncle Monty's cottage and there are no roads and they have to hike round a lake to get to it.

It was a bit like that.  Middle of a forest, no roads leading to or from it and suddenly we crest a hill and there's a huge fucking gothic sanatorium place that had evidently closed in the 50's.

We were going to set up camp on their sun deck as it was relatively sheltered and it was warm so we didn't need a tent but as we were setting up, my friend turned round and saw this face looking at us through the window.  Long beard, mad hair.

I don't think I've ever run so fast and so far in my life.  I suspect it was just some old squatter bloke who lived in the building but Jesus!

Totem Hokum

Does anyone know what it means in Pagan(ish) when they leave piles of rocks outside your tent? Is it somekind of threat or curse? Or like when your cat brings you a dead bird as a gift?

clareQuilty

Isn't that from the Blair Witch Project? I think it means you're in a low budget film.

Totem Hokum

Heh, maybe it's an in-joke amongst the more irreverent Pagans, then.

Just wow!  You could have been the Wicker Man.  

Actually your post reminds me of an American Werewolf in London....

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

Ah, I love Dartmoor. Probably by second favourite place in the world after the North coast of Devon.

Lt Plonker

Quote from: "Banana Woofwoof"Actually your post reminds me of an American Werewolf in London....

Both my travelling chums mentioned this but I haven't seen it. Which was probably  a good thing.

Marvin

Quote from: "clareQuilty"Isn't that from the Blair Witch Project? I think it means you're in a low budget film.

As I said it was several years before the Blair Witch although I realise it happens in that too.

I don't really know why but pagan groups do use piles of rocks and stones quite a lot. If you go walking round north Cornwall you'll see loads of big ones.

Beck

Cor, is that a signpost-based pun up there? Is that geographically exclusive or are there lots more of these scattered over the country? I can't even begin to think of ones that might work...

Mr. Analytical

I wonder what they wanted... were they even looking for LtPlonker and his chum?

Catalogue Trousers

Totem_Hokum wrote:

QuoteDoes anyone know what it means in Pagan(ish) when they leave piles of rocks outside your tent?

Obviously, they just want you to get stoned.

Marv Orange

Quote from: Totem_HokumDoes anyone know what it means in Pagan(ish) when they leave piles of rocks outside your tent?quote]

It means they're are a twat, piles of rocks (cairns) used to be put on graves and stuff. They are still used as a symbol of OS maps

Santa's Boyfriend

I got attacked by penguins on the Moor once.  They were lost and getting SERIOUSLY pissed off about it.

biniput

Hello there we're Tinkers Rucksack and a part of a rambling group.

YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHATS GOING ON OUT THERE UP ON DATRMOOR.  Well theres a selection of pagans whole be coming up the hill, saying "allright" then just nickin' off again. Then later on.........

Huzzie

This is a great story (and pics) and I'm really chuffed my daft dyslexia makes me read the title as "Attacked by Penguins on the Moor" every time I see it.


EDIT: Maybe Santa's Boyfriend has the same affliction.

Santa's Boyfriend

No, I have no affection for dyslexia at all.

rudi

What an odd thing to say, I don't know anyone with an attraction to dysmorphia.

Huzzie

Quote from: "Santa's Boyfriend"No, I have no affection for dyslexia at all.

Well done, very well done indeed!:-)