Threads That Would Not Be Out of Place in "General Bullshit"

[Neville Chamberlain]

I've Just Found Twenty Pounds In My Wallet. Should I Hand It To The Police?

[Neville Chamberlain]

I've Done Nothing Wrong. Should I Turn Myself In To The Police Anyway?

[butnut]

RAPED BY PINBALL

[Blumf]

How long are your legs?

Exactly the right length to reach the floor, amazing coincidence really.

[Neil]

Someone should start 23 Daves' old "What do you think other posters look like" thread again, that was great.  I would, but I'm lazy.

[Neville Chamberlain]

How long are your legs?

Exactly the right length to reach the floor, amazing coincidence really.

But then that surely means you have no feet, because feet surely do not constitute a part of the legs.

Hmmm, we'd better not start talking about at which point legs turn into feet, otherwise we'd be here all night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Neville Chamberlain]

Getting A Christian to do 20 press-ups.

[buttgammon]

Getting a Christian to have mad thoughts about replicating the massacre in America, write a dissertation on it and grow a hairy cunt.

[Uncle TechTip]

I wrote an important phone number in tippex on a horse, but it ran off. Can I sue?

That one's more 'Complaints Desk' in 'Modern Toss'. "What are you going to do about it?"

Wii thread
Wee thead
Xbox thread
Brown box thread

[Blumf]

How long are your legs?

Exactly the right length to reach the floor, amazing coincidence really.

But then that surely means you have no feet, because feet surely do not constitute a part of the legs.

That would explain the difficulty in finding good fitting shoes, and standing up straight.

[Neville Chamberlain]

What's the most unusual thing you've sprayed all over your monitor.

[Uncle TechTip]

many times I've nearly gone and dun this:

[ Poll ] Should posters set up a poll for every fucking thread they start or what?

[BJB]

A Man Has Just Put A Gun To My Head. Do I Worry?

[Mr. Analytical]

Which was your favourite SS division?

[Oscar]

Should my foof look like this?
How many of you does it take to change a lightbulb?
Has anyone seen my keys?
Given the appropriate super powers and equipment what would you have for dinner?
Some crap I found behind the fridge

[chumfatty]

I had to have a shit AFTER a shower and now my whole day's ruined.

Yes, brilliant!  Could be followed up with;

Having the toilet at work

I love work poo, I purposely hold one in until I arrive at work and get paid for the pleasure.  I'm not a smoker so I have poo breaks, ban that in public places Tony Blairs.

[petula dusty]

Here's a few from another forum I frequent:


HELP - which mattress - too much choice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I being unreasonable? : To insist my 5 your old son uses toilets in Halfords, when they say 'NO' due to insurance reasons?

Do you defecate in other people's toilets?

Just found out Nestle own Go Kat.. how do i make my cat ethical?

What is the smallest field you could keep a pony in?

[Neville Chamberlain]

Here's a few from another forum I frequent:


HELP - which mattress - too much choice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I being unreasonable? : To insist my 5 your old son uses toilets in Halfords, when they say 'NO' due to insurance reasons?

Do you defecate in other people's toilets?

Just found out Nestle own Go Kat.. how do i make my cat ethical?

What is the smallest field you could keep a pony in?

Blimey! What kind of forum is that?!?

(Mind you, the one about defecating in other people's toilets has definitely got legs...)

[buttgammon]

I bet it's Digital Spy!

[petula dusty]

Nah, it's a forum for mothers and I don't mean in the gangsta sense.

Some of them seem incapable of making a decision by themselves. There are hundreds of new threads started every day. Here's some more that have just appeared:

My 11 year old son has just asked me to buy him some condoms .....

I Think My Cat is going into labour!

For how long should you know another mother at the school gate before entrusting your child to their care?

I'm a woman and proud of my breasts - anything wrong in that????

Assymetric bob for naturally curly hair - yes or no?

[buttgammon]

My 11 year old son has just asked me to buy him some condoms .....

I Think My Cat is going into labour!

For how long should you know another mother at the school gate before entrusting your child to their care?

I'm a woman and proud of my breasts - anything wrong in that????

Assymetric bob for naturally curly hair - yes or no?

I've got some answers for the folk on that forum, then:

At least he's got the sense even if he probably isn't going to use them.

Call a vet.

It depends on whether you personally trust the individual or not.

I'd be proud of mine if I was a woman.

It depends on how you want it to look.

I find it a bit strange that people just can't think for themselves and have to ask for advice on every tiny little situation. It may sound a bit of a cliched grumpy old man kind of thing to say but what would people have done before we had the internet?

[Neil]

Post more, post more!  From now on when I have to use the phrase "how long's a piece of string?' I will instead say "what's the smallest field you could keep a pony in?"  And I certainly don't defecate in other people's toilets; I discretely foof in a hanky when they're fetching food, and then place the contents in my pocket to be disposed of at my leisure.

"How do I make my cat ethical" god that's just beezer.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Is that Babyworld, Dusty? My friend posts on that a lot but can't believe some of the threads on it.

[petula dusty]

I can easily post more as there is a neverending deluge of similar threads on there. To be fair they are very supportive if you have problems but  they can be very judgmental and sometimes quite harsh with each other. Lots of fighting and debating goes on - it's quite addictive.

Here you go, Neil more from the last half hour:

Would you object to 14 month putting weebles in his mouth & walking round with drink?

Whats for dinner?????????????????????

I am terrified of having Botox!!!!!

My bloody neighbours have eight kids and the whole lot of them are out there right now practising their stuppid dance routines

My very self conscious 7 year old is getting himself upset because he is getting into trouble for not answering the register like a pirate!

How on earth do i find a conveyancer?

[petula dusty]

No, smbh it's Mumsnet. They were in the news last year because Gina Ford, a parenting 'guru' who advocates leaving babies to cry themselves to sleep and feeding them to a schedule rather than on demand, threatened to sue the websites owners after some members criticized her methods.

One poster commented in a thread  that she 'strapped babies to rockets and fired them into Lebanon' which was the last straw for Ford I think. The sites owners have been forced to ask members not to mention her name or discuss her methods.  Imagine if that happened here? Neil would have hundreds of lawsuits against him for the content of Comedy Chat alone.

[Santa's Boyfriend]

"Morris to host Blockbusters"

[Neil]

Would you object to 14 month putting weebles in his mouth & walking round with drink?

My very self conscious 7 year old is getting himself upset because he is getting into trouble for not answering the register like a pirate!

God I'm pissing myself - especially at the pirate one - thanks so much for these!  I guess they meant to say a drink, but without that crucial letter it does sound like a toddler wobbling round with toys in his mouth and a tin of Stella on the go.

[Howj Begg]

-I'm not going to lie to you people: I've got gas.

-Funniest Nazi

-Wanks of the future

-What does your Taint look like?

[boki]

How do I go for a shit?

Describe the look on your face as you read the post above

No, really - how?

Another man just touched my cock and it went up - could I have caught his gayness?

Drugs you have taken whilst on drugs

[Tokyo Sexwhale]

"Words that get caught in over-zealous spam filters"

Including analysis, document and Scunthorpe.