EastEnders

[non capisco]

I think I have a false memory regarding Eastenders that maybe an avid fan might be able to put straight. Me and a work colleague both recall a weird 'filler' sequence in one of those two hour specials they used to do that I don't think can actually have happened. In the episode(s) in question a bunch of characters, include Phil and Grant the Weetabix twins, went on holiday to Spain. Was there or was there not a real time 2 min sequence involving the Mitchell brothers noisily and wordlessly munching their way through a fry-up they'd ordered called a 'Gutbuster', with the camera circling round the table as they devoured it, culminating with a stupidly long pause finally broken by one of them going "Gor, I could 'ave anuvva wunna them, bruv!"?

I reckon I've built this up in my head to have lasted longer than it actually did, but the guy I work with also remembers it going on for a punishing amount of time, and actually seemed quite excited that someone else rememered it when I brought it up in a discussion about weird TV moments. 

[gmoney]

Strangely, I can definitely remember Phil Mitchell eating a fry up on a foriegn holiday. I don't remember anything odd about it however.

[buttgammon]

Does anyone else remember some 'bite-sized' 15 minute long episodes they made around the time of the 1998 Football World Cup, where a load of characters (including Big Mo, Charlie and some others) went over to France to watch the football?

They seem to like taking the show overseas every now and then.

[Kazuo Kiriyama]

I think I have a false memory regarding Eastenders that maybe an avid fan might be able to put straight. Me and a work colleague both recall a weird 'filler' sequence in one of those two hour specials they used to do that I don't think can actually have happened. In the episode(s) in question a bunch of characters, include Phil and Grant the Weetabix twins, went on holiday to Spain. Was there or was there not a real time 2 min sequence involving the Mitchell brothers noisily and wordlessly munching their way through a fry-up they'd ordered called a 'Gutbuster', with the camera circling round the table as they devoured it, culminating with a stupidly long pause finally broken by one of them going "Gor, I could 'ave anuvva wunna them, bruv!"?

I reckon I've built this up in my head to have lasted longer than it actually did, but the guy I work with also remembers it going on for a punishing amount of time, and actually seemed quite excited that someone else rememered it when I brought it up in a discussion about weird TV moments. 

I remember this pretty much as you describe it, although I can't vouch for the reliability of my memory, especially after reading that post. Anything with Phil Mitchell is usually TV gold. A few months back when he started drinking again, his son was having a birthday party upstairs at The Vic, lots of the square there, joining in. In staggers Phil, all drunk, just as they've lit the cake and his son is about to blow it out. What do you know, he trips and falls face first into the cake. A wonderful, wonderful cliche.

[buttgammon]

A few months back when he started drinking again, his son was having a birthday party upstairs at The Vic, lots of the square there, joining in. In staggers Phil, all drunk, just as they've lit the cake and his son is about to blow it out. What do you know, he trips and falls face first into the cake. A wonderful, wonderful cliche.

That was great, hilarious and tragic at the same time. I remember watching that, half-drunk and diving at the screen screaming "Noooo! Don't do it Phillllll! Don't let Stella get to you like this!" Happy days.

[MuteBanana]

Any episode with Jean in is gold.

[Kazuo Kiriyama]

Another great Drunk Phil moment was when him and Kaff and Grant and Tiff all went to France. During a big argument in the hotel lobby, Phil referred to Kaff as a OBG, Oldie But Goody, then they went outside and he tried to punch Grant, who moved out of the way, and Phil ended up punching a car and sliding down it as they drove off and left him in the gutter.

The best Eastenders ever though, was the Ian Needs A Large Sum Of Money in 30 Minutes Or He Goes Bankrupt episode. Pre-dating 24, this genuinely was some fantastic edge of the seat, ticking clock real-time stuff, especially for a soap. The episode where Mark Fowler got revenge on Nick "Ello 'ma" Cotton by spiking his beer with LSD and tricking him up onto the bridge where he jumped and crippled himself was amazing too. That sounds like I'm making it up, but it really did happen, complete with wibbly-wobbly POV LSD special effects too.

"Don't tell Jesus on me"

[non capisco]

The episode where Mark Fowler got revenge on Nick "Ello 'ma" Cotton by spiking his beer with LSD and tricking him up onto the bridge where he jumped and crippled himself was amazing too. That sounds like I'm making it up, but it really did happen, complete with wibbly-wobbly POV LSD special effects too.

"Don't tell Jesus on me"

Preceded by Nick Cotton giving acid to Martin in the laundrette. Martin's trip consisted of seeing Nick Cotton through a fish-eye lens.

[Kazuo Kiriyama]

Preceded by Nick Cotton giving acid to Martin in the laundrette. Martin's trip consisted of seeing Nick Cotton through a fish-eye lens.

Ha, yes. Does anyone remember the epic moment, the single worst performance of a line ever, when a down on his luck Danny Moon ran out of the club into the street in tears and shrieked "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" at Sam Mitchell, who was leaning out of the chip van? If TV Burp had been airing at the time that went out, Harry would have imploded. It was fucking spectacular.

[non capisco]

This faintly cliched bit of observational comedy is more or less correct, isn't it? Martin Fowler was a baby, then he lived life upstairs and the only signs of his existence were some footsteps when Pauline shouted that his tea was ready, then he was a teenager.

[Marv Orange]

I catch this pile of depressing shit every now and again. Couldn't help but notice that there was a recent episode devoted to 3 or 4 different pairs of women getting depressed and sobbing alternately. What a bag of cunts.

[boxofslice]

I haven't properly watched this in years but to this day me and my mates will still shout "Sanjay, are you gambling again?" to each other.

[trench]

Ha, yes. Does anyone remember the epic moment, the single worst performance of a line ever, when a down on his luck Danny Moon ran out of the club into the street in tears and shrieked "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" at Sam Mitchell, who was leaning out of the chip van? If TV Burp had been airing at the time that went out, Harry would have imploded. It was fucking spectacular.

That really was a spectacular piece of non-acting, when it happened my girlfriend and I could barely believe what we'd just seen/heard. Truly comical. It just came out of nowhere, which added to the shock and hilarity. What on earth possesed them to keep that take?

Another piece of similarly poor acting, though not nearly as funny, was Pat Evans' cries for help after getting run over by Roxy Mitchell.

[boxofslice]

What was awful though was those two-handers they did to try and raise the show above the 'just a soap' tag, especially the Dot and 'queen of the monkey men' Ethel ones. I'm sure they were only on for half an hour but it felt like two.

[buttgammon]

Tag limit full!

Waaagaaggagaghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: the stuff about Phil Mitchell drunk:

/tag "Phil Mitchell falls off the wagon, and through the cake"

[MuteBanana]

Ha, yes. Does anyone remember the epic moment, the single worst performance of a line ever, when a down on his luck Danny Moon ran out of the club into the street in tears and shrieked "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" at Sam Mitchell, who was leaning out of the chip van? If TV Burp had been airing at the time that went out, Harry would have imploded. It was fucking spectacular.

I remember that episode. He bought four cans of Skoe lager and by the third one he was so out of it he set fire to a house.

The Masoods are a more than suitable replacement for all you Gita and Sanjay fanciers out there.

[Gulftastic]

Especially since the Masoods have now moved onto the default storyline for all Asians in UK drama, i.e. Parents old ways -v- kids new ways.

[Custard]

One of my favourite 'Enders moments was the day Vicki Fowler suddenly stopped talking in an appalling American accent and became a cockney. GOOD ON YA LUV! etc

Must've been slightly embassing for the actress eh? "Sorry luv, it's just not working, is it. Just speak in your normal voice from now on and hopefully no one will notice"

[amputeeporn]

This thread aches with truth. Haha, the Masoods' storyline is p a i n f u l l y predictable to watch.

What was awful though was those two-handers they did to try and raise the show above the 'just a soap' tag, especially the Dot and 'queen of the monkey men' Ethel ones. I'm sure they were only on for half an hour but it felt like two.

This is SO prevalent in 'enders! And they're uniformly awful. Phil and Sharon was a great character piece...So can we quickly descend into hilarious phrases we've garnered from the show and use with our friends?

Phil, to his ex bint (Lisa?): YOU DIRTY...LITTLE...SCRABBA*

*each elipsis denotes a minimum five second pause, but the longer the funnier. If you can somehow make your face red, your friend will die of laughter poisoning. Oh and 'scrabba' = 'scrubber'. Have fun.

[Deadman97]

Terrible, terrible news.

Spoiler alert

Gemma Bissix is to leave EastEnders later this year, it has been confirmed.

The actress, who plays maneater Clare Bates, will leave the show when her character's selfish intentions are exposed.

A Walford source told The Mirror: "Clare has been working her way round the men of Walford for the past few months but what she had thought was a masterplan to bag the man of her dreams soon gets out of hand.

"She is forced to flee as it is clear she is not welcome in Albert Square anymore."

[close]

[Custard]

Aye, she was actually attractive and it was off-putting to male viewers.

[Braintree]

This whole Roxy "OMG WHO's THE DADDY!?" storyline is fucking stupid. It is obviously Sean's. You don't find out you are pregnant less than two weeks after having sex with someone. She should have shagged Jack a month ago and then it would be a real whodunnit?

Also last week I think they made an unecessary dig at Nadia something's weight. They were cruelly reminding her she wasn't as thin as she was in Goodness Gracious Me. What Bastards.

Spoiler alert

I'm glad Gemma Bissix is leaving. She's been terrible in Eastenders. She really acted her socks off in Hollyoaks and quite rightly won a lot of awards for her portrayal. I think Eastenders saw this but didn't actually know what to do with her when it came down to it and IMO she spends far too much time with lovely Bradley but Bradley is also a useless character if he has nobody good to bounce off.

[close]

[amputeeporn]

I think that Clare woman is the worst working actress this side of tea-time. She has this one 'hands on hips' eye-contacty really shit method. Awful. To paraphrase Seinfeld, she really should be spat out at the bottom of the porn industry.

[Uncle TechTip]

Yeah, for a second I thought it was Roxy in the spoiler, because I really fancy her. Whoops, spoiler! Don't worry guys, it's not Roxy.

[buttgammon]

Yes, I really do as well. But I'm sad to see Claire go.

They really need to do a 'late night' special featuring Roxy and Claire's attempt at lesbian experimentation don't they.

Erm...

[Gulftastic]

Yes, I really do as well. But I'm sad to see Claire go.

They really need to do a 'late night' special featuring Roxy and Claire's attempt at lesbian experimentation don't they.

Erm...

They've certainly got the look of a pair of Ben Dover & Pascal's victims.

[Lady Beaner]

OK, I am guilty of 'loving' Eastenders. But, the Masood stupid storyline is doing my head in. The whole thing about 'Oh there was a fire with a magical cookery book, and it burnt, and then Harry Potter turned up and said 'Flippendo' and now I have turned back into Delia Smith again' - is... a pile of toss.

Sean Slater = Hulk... completely with overly fuzzy hair. I do think he is one of the worst characters on the programme at the moment. Eye candy? Piss off.

 

And when the hell are they going to get rid of Patrick? If I have to hear him say 'Ya maaaan' again, I am going to gouge my eyes out.

[Deadman97]

You're such a racist.

[Lady Beaner]

Shut it, cracker. :-)

[Custard]

I guess that now Janine is returning they didn't really need Claire anymore. What could they do with two resident scheming bitches, make em a tag-team? Actually yes, that'd have been great.

I know in my head it's wrong, but i've always really fancied Janine. A classic Viz borderline-boiler methinks!