What is the best thing in the world?

[chocky909]

Having a big shit while watching a great football match, eating a bucket of chocolate chip ice cream, listening to Bitches Brew and smoking a big Cuban cigar. In Paris. In a giant hotel suite with a marble floor. With a beautiful woman and a bottle of pink champagne.

Yeah, I guess my life isn't so bad...

Despite being a big fan of 'combining' pleasures, I've never enjoyed eating and shitting at the same time. I've always wanted to eat a fry-up in the bath though ever since I saw it in The Darling Buds Of May.

[purlieu]

I can imagine listening to Bitches Brew and watching a great football match at the same time could get incredibly tedious.
Also: shitting in front of a woman is far from what I'd call the best thing ever, but each to their et cetera.

Best thing ever?  The first couple of weeks of a wonderful relationship.

[phes]

crunchy eye-dust.

[mister_enmity]

Genocide Masturbation

[purlieu]

Genocide Masturbation

Same thing, innit?

[buttgammon]

I suppose that would be a bit much. How about eating about five minutes after having a big shit? And if I have to stick to one, just having a really big shit.

[Artemis]

Raiding my parent's consistently and absurdly well-stocked fridge on one of my rare visits.

[Murdo]

In third place after Mrs Murdo and our dog, stolen free music off the internet.

[Ambient Sheep]

[Borboski]

The feeling of reward after hard work - be it getting a job after an interview - or scoring a goal - mixed feeling or joy and relief and egotism.  Or, just as good, other people you care about being pleased for you.

Or - doing something which makes someone else genuinely happy.

[fanny splendid]

Heh, sheepy!

Also: shitting in front of a woman is far from what I'd call the best thing ever, but each to their et cetera.

No, it's her that shits, whilst you're precariously balanced, facing the pan, with her on your lap facing you, both of you with legs open. Feel the squeeze...

[buttgammon]

Heh, sheepy!

No, it's her that shits, whilst you're precariously balanced, facing the pan, with her on your lap facing you, both of you with legs open. Feel the squeeze...

That does actually sound quite fun, but where would I put the ice cream?

[fanny splendid]

Just off the top of my head;

• Her nipples
• your nipples
• Your lower back/arse
• Both your mouths

[MissInformed]

Sick bags will be provided.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The countryside is the best thing in the world.

[MissInformed]

Just off the top of my head;

• Her nipples
• your nipples
• Your lower back/arse
• Both your mouths

You poor thing. Was that a lengthy operation? :-)

[buttgammon]

Okay. I think I'm going with her nipples, because that would presumably count as a kind of foreplay. Although I might miss the match. Maybe it's true that men can't multitask.

[Aubrey Barkus]

A Fray Bentos pie, a litre of Riesling and drawing nudie pics on Etch A Sketch with Supervets on in the background.

[fanny splendid]

Flat screen televisions can be unobtrusively placed on any wall, and above any cistern. May I suggest a lower league match for all of those long balls up the front?

[buttgammon]

Thank you for the advice. Morecambe v Bradford City will be an intriguing one next season. Edited highlights of that, chocolate chip ice cream all over her tits. Next time I go on a date, I'll try and get this to happen afterwards!

As you can tell, most people don't like to go on a date with me. Of course, the charges were dropped. It was only a paracetamol, anyway. I wasn't to know that she was allergic to them.

[Oscar]

Getting a "Oh! I like people!" feeling due to strangers doing something unexpectedly nice or providing pleasant company.

[Lady Beaner]

Sex. Free drink. Waking up in a kingsize bed. iPod.

Guaranteed 'Cheshire Cat' moments.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I often wake up in the morning to a satisfied pussy.*

*Sorry, but I was legally obliged to fill in the gaps. Oo-err, etc.

[aaaaaaaaaargh!]

This girl I met a few months back is the best thing in my own personal world.

[Fry]

[infant school] making new freinds[/infant school]

True though, those kids got it right.

[fanny splendid]

You poor thing. Was that a lengthy operation? :-)

Jake and Dinos Chapman copied me!

Thanks for filling in the gaps S?S! whilst I was picking my girlfriend up from school.

[buttgammon]

[infant school] making new freinds[/infant school]

True though, those kids got it right.

Being a bit more realistic than the ice cream/shit/sex/lower league football fantasy, that's another great thing.

The last friend I made  was especially great, because we previously had the most awkward relationship imaginable. I repeatedly embarrassed myself in front of her while trying to somehow get her to go out with me before. I prefer the amicable 'just mates' arrangement we have.

I've not seen her for a while - she probably thinks I've gone to the Solomon Islands with a load of Krautrock records seeing as I'm a bit of a weirdo and she's got an equally weird imagination.

[Marvin]

Meeting people is brilliant, except when the people in question are twats, but that's the thing. I hate 'people' and their stupid getting-in-my-way-in-the-shops but when you sit next to them on a long train journey, they all seem to wonderfully interesting.

[buttgammon]

People on planes are generally very interesting and nice to talk to as well. Apart from the bloke who sat by me on the way to Paris with his copy of the Torygraph practically covering the whole row. Did he get an oversize edition or large print or something like that?

[CaledonianGonzo]

Being about 10 feet away from your favourite band as they hammer out your favourite song, 50,000 people going nuts behind you as you share a bottle of Islay malt and some poppers with your mates and waving an inflatable palm tree having spent the whole day drinking mojitos in the sun.