The British Citizenship Test

[Santa's Boyfriend]

I doubt many people here are aware of this (although I'm sure some are), but a friend of mine has recently had to take a British Citizenship test in order to get a British passport.  Being from a European country outside of the EU, she doesn't have the rights that someone from, say, France would have - and is encountering some extraordinary beurocracy along the route that others don't seem to have to worry about.

Anyway, the latest is the British Citizenship test.  This is a test designed to demonstrate that you know a little bit about Britain, both is past and its present, as well as whether you will make a good citizen.  However, the questions are really strange.  You have to regurgitate an awful lot of statistics and figures that I can guarantee 99% of British-born citizens would not be able to answer without looking it up themselves.  It's really odd.  She's been filming the process so I'm hoping she's going to make a film out of it, but I was really stumped by the questions.  (Also, if you look online for sample tests, you'll notice that you have to pay for them.  It's like that with everything she's going through - if you're not EU, they will take you for every penny you've got.)

Anyway, here's a sample of the questions you may be asked if you were to take one of these tests.  See how many you get right, and see how many you think are actually relevent to being a British Citizen...

http://www.3g4g.co.uk/Stuff/LifeInUk/

[Steve Lampkins]

I'd better renounce my citizenship then.

[George Oscar Bluth II]

How many do you have to get right? I fail to see, in all honesty, how knowing when St David's day is makes you more worthy of citizenship than someone who doesn't.

And some of the questions are ludicrous:

Question 2: From any place in britain what is the largest distance to the coast?
option 1: 60 miles
option 2: 65 miles
option 3: 70 miles
option 4: 75 miles

WHAT? WHAT? WHY DOES THAT EVEN MATTER?

[Blumf]

All MP's belong to some or the other party
option 1: TRUE
option 2: FALSE

Um... 'some or the other'? Huh?

[Bogey]

How many percentage of children live within a step family?
Approximately at what age do young people give GCSE's?
Women in Britain make up how much percentage of workforce

Are they being ironic?

[buttgammon]

If I was a foreigner doing the test in an attempt to gain British citizenship, I would probably decide not to become a British national after all because of the low standard of English there!

[Tamarind Massacre]

I know someone who took the test about a year ago, and had a laugh with him about it in the pub.

Of course, since the questions consist of such pointless trivia, many people taking it pay to go on a course that will drill them in the answers, give them mock tests, etc.  Then they memorize as much as possible the night before the test, and promptly forget much of it once they pass.  So it becomes not only a pointless hoop to jump through, but a pricey one too.

Whenever you hear politicians talking about the importance of integration of immigrants, how they should have a proper understanding of Britishness and the English language etc., you can be sure that any action taken will result in more of this kind of crap.

[Santa's Boyfriend]

Are they being ironic?

I assure you, they are not.  I have no idea why they are asking such pointless shit, but these kinds of questions are certainly representative of the kind of things you get asked.  There are more useful questions in there too, like what you should do if you spill someone's pint, and what the ethnic make-up of Britian is (although again, they want exact percentages, which nobody in the UK knows offhand).

The real problem with this shit is the reliance on percentages and statistics.  If they asked vaguer quesitons it wouldn't be so bad - but it's the fact that if you put 10% afrocarribean population instead of 8%, then it's a fail.  All you need to know is that Britain has an afrocarribean minority community, surely?

[Artemis]

Question 15: How much percentage of the total money available to the councils come from the Council Tax.
option 1: 10%
option 2: 20%
option 3: 30%
option 4: 40%


Don't let 'em in if they don't know!!!!!

[Bogey]

The real problem with this shit is the reliance on percentages and statistics.

And that they don't seem to be able to decide whether to say "how much percentage" or "how many percentage".
It's "what percentage" surely?

[Santa's Boyfriend]

Perhaps we should come up with some questions of our own.  What would you put in a British Citizenship test?

I suppose the first one would have to be this:

The British Government launches an agressive and illegal war against a country whose people have the same culture and/or religion as you.  Do you:

A) Take no notice.
B) Tut quietly and whisper "honestly!"
C) Join a street protest (whilst making sure the proper permission has been granted from the police).
D) Declare Jihad and blow up a tube train at rush hour.

(The correct answer is B)

[El Unicornio, mang]

That reminds me of one of the questions on the green card test here, which I might add is asked by an immigration officer, not on a written test:
"What is your wife's favorite sexual position? (doggystyle, cowgirl, etc)"

Fortunately they never asked me that one or I might have started giggling manically and  got shot or something

[Santa's Boyfriend]

That reminds me of one of the questions on the green card test here, which I might add is asked by an immigration officer, not on a written test:
"What is your wife's favorite sexual position? (doggystyle, cowgirl, etc)"

Fortunately they never asked me that one or I might have started giggling manically and  got shot or something

Where's here?  And what if you're not married?

[El Unicornio, mang]

Where's here?  And what if you're not married?

The US. They only ask if it's a green card application based on marriage to a US citizen

[quadraspazzed]

I reckon they should make everyone currently living in the UK take the test and boot out everyone who fails it. That would be brilliant.

[Pinball]

So, have the people who cover themselves head-to-foot in robes, have ten children and make clicking noises passed the test? Sweet.

[All Surrogate]

So, have the people who cover themselves head-to-foot in robes, have ten children and make clicking noises passed the test? Sweet.

Yeah, I think they're still letting priests in.

[thugler]

It's ridiculous. I've know barely any of the answers and I'm a fairly intelligent native. The 'how many percentage' stuff is insulting too.

[Rev]

Question 3: Tom owns a house and lives in it. Jim shares the house with Tom and pays rent to him. They both own a Television in their sleeping room. Tom buys Jim things.  He loves it.  They also have a TV in the lounge. Tom dresses him up like a puppet.  How many TV licenses should they have in the house?
option 1: 1 license
option 2: 2 licenses
option 3: 3 licenses
option 4: More than 3 licenses depending on what other TV watching or recording TV programmes capable devices are there in the house

[gazzyk1ns]

Perhaps we should come up with some questions of our own.  What would you put in a British Citizenship test?

Wheres the most percentage of people's that devised this test originate from?

Option 1: British people
Option 2: Non-British people
Option 3: India
Option 4: Stupid cunts who are hoping that badly worded, overly complicated, and bizarrely irrelevent questions might keep "them coming over here" to a minimum; whilst the whole test policy placates key racist voters at the same time

[Tamarind Massacre]

Option 4: Stupid cunts who are hoping that badly worded, overly complicated, and bizarrely irrelevent questions might keep "them coming over here" to a minimum; whilst the whole test policy placates key racist voters at the same time

Well, the test is taken by people who are very close to getting the British passport.  Anyone that far along the process will already have indefinite leave to remain and work in the UK.

My guess is that the test was put in place by home office staff under pressure to do something, anything, to show that the government is making sure immigrants "integrate" into British society.  But the only way to do that without discriminating on grounds of race, religion, etc. is with silly tests like this.

[hencole]

I'm sorry can someone clarify this for me as your all talking as if it were real.. This test is a parody isn't it? I mean asking questions about where Santa Clauss comes from is hardly likely to be in a proper citizens test is it?
I'd like to believe they were that clueless, but it seems unlikely.

[Santa's Boyfriend]

I'm sorry can someone clarify this for me as your all talking as if it were real.. This test is a parody isn't it? I mean asking questions about where Santa Clauss comes from is hardly likely to be in a proper citizens test is it?
I'd like to believe they were that clueless, but it seems unlikely.

No, these really are the kind of questions you get.  You have to answer 24 questions of this kind, and have to get at least 75% right in order to pass.  Some of the questions are rather questionable themselves (ie the correct answer not necessarily being correct) but I guess they figure it's the thought that counts.

[Ambient Sheep]

The US. They only ask if it's a green card application based on marriage to a US citizen

Heh, so what do they do, ask your wife the same question, and if you don't agree you get deported?  Sort of like Mr & Mrs with cavity searches instead of teasmades, from the sounds of it.

[Ambient Sheep]

So, have the people who cover themselves head-to-foot in robes, have ten children and make clicking noises passed the test? Sweet.

I beg your pardon?!

[Uncle TechTip]

option 1: 1 license

FAIL - in the UK it's spelled 'licence'

[Hank_Kingsley]

Pinball is obviously referring to dolphins.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Flipper is now a British citizen!?

[Little Hoover]

It gets me wondering though, why exactly do so many immigrants want to come here, it's cold, it's expensive, there's a lot of racists about. I suppose we've built up a reputation for being a very multi-cultural place, and so you've a good chance of meeting with other people of your country of orgin here, but still it seems odd that britan is such an attractive prospect to immigrants.

[The Duck Man]

Well, for a lot of them I imagine it was the fact that 100 years or go we were marching around their country telling them how superior Britain was. That notion is probably going to remain risidually.