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March 29, 2024, 12:14:15 AM

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I need a good story...

Started by Small Man Big Horse, June 24, 2007, 08:40:02 PM

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Small Man Big Horse

Okay, here's the general gist - as I've whined about previously, in January I slipped over on a piece of perspex glass and managed to break my leg. Cue an operation to put a metal plate in my knee, and four months plus of not being able to walk on it. And now last week they discovered that I've got a ligament tear as well, and I might need more surgery (though physio might be enough).

Anyway, I'm tired of having such a shit story about how it actually happened. Basically 'falling over' makes people snigger, and it just doesn't impress anyone. And it's also led to much piss taking at various comedy nights I've been to as well. So Whores, I need you to invent stories for me, one to impress the opposite sex, and perhaps one to stop comedians ripping the piss out of me...

Emma Raducanu

You let a friend use your leg as a golf club and the hole in one was worth it.

MissInformed

In a fit of pique, you tore it off with your bare hands and used it to beat to death the last comedian who ripped the piss out of you at a comedy night.

Sex-related injury

Run over by ambulance

Fell over due to imbalance caused by massive penis

Injured when trying to save tiny orphans from fire

Broke it deliberately to impress girls

MissInformed

#4
Was playing footsie with Waspy's wife...then let your eyes mist over and tremble a little.

ccab

You've got osteoperosis and you woke up with it in that state.

The result of a riot in a shinpad factory.

You used to have a Jamaican girlfriend and she was on top that day.

Tropical bonelice are infesting your tibia.

Skydiving accident - your parachute failed and one leg went down a chimney.

Small Man Big Horse

Quote from: MissInformed on June 24, 2007, 08:50:17 PM
Was playing footsie with Waspy's wife...then let your eyes mist over and tremble a little.

Heh, that's my favourite so far, but they've all been great.

Santa's Boyfriend

You were mugged by a troup of limbo dancers.

"God did it."

sproggy

You were sparring with William Hague on Blue Peter when he started showing-off and gave you one of his famous Judo Chops.  Despite excruciating agony, you completed the demonstation with grim determination in order to prevent mentally scarring millions of child viewers.



Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

Kicked an old lady in the face so hard your leg snapped.

You stamped on it with you other leg to prove your bravery and win the heart of a maiden fair.

If people asking about it all the time annoys you, go around with no trousers on, and paint the cast skin-coloured so your legs match. If questioned, claim your trousers are in the wash. But personally I think you should just be honest with people, boring and stupid thought it admittedly does make you sound (wink, get well soon, etc.).

Go With The Flow

You had to fight a Grizzly Bear, and that was the damage caused. but you should see what I did to the Bear...

Now might be the right time to buy one of those taxidermist-stuffed animal heads. Preferably a scary one. Of a Grizzly Bear.

rudi

Your leg is fine - it's the rest of you that's broken...

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

You got run over by a tank whilst protest in Tienanmen Square and the fracture in your leg still hasn't healed after all these years.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You're volunteering in a trial to make the first bionic man...

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien


Sheldon Finklestein

You were an over-literal drama student and you thought that to 'break a leg' was the only way to put in a good performance.

Or... You broke it jump kicking an asteroid back into deep space, thereby saving the world. But did you get your medal? Did you fuck...

You could say, "ain't nothing wrong with my leg, I'm just B-Boy limping."


Lady Beaner

You tripped over your own cock.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

...That was lying on the floor after being chewed off by a minotaur.

Neville Chamberlain

#21
You broke it in an unusual shaving incident.

You broke it playing chess.

You broke it while looking at disgustingly hardcore porn on the Internet.

It got struck by lightning.

You broke it jumping out of the 88th storey of the WTC.

Ambient Sheep

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 25, 2007, 12:37:17 PM
...That was lying on the floor after being chewed off by a minotaur.

...that is also on fire.

SetToStun

You kicked a great white shark to death, just for shits and giggles. But you realised that it would be ridiculously one-sided so you broke your own leg before you jumped into the sea, just to give the shark a sporting chance of escaping.

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien