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embarrass your parents

Started by sparklewhore, June 25, 2007, 10:04:06 AM

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sparklewhore

I was thinking at the weekend about how I asked my mum what hanky panky meant after it was used in a radio play when I was about 10.  I can't remember what she told me but I think that it must have been close to the truth as even now the word somehow gives me a slight warm feeling when I hear it.  I don't think that it was such an embarrassing thing to ask actually.
I also remember telling rude jokes that were going around school on a few occasions to some of my parents friends when I was a couple of years older, to their encouragment I must add.  I don't think I could have understood all of what I was saying and I cringe slightly thinking about it and just wonder how embarrassing it may have been for my parents.  I'm such  an insular and quiet person now that it seems strange that I once possessed the ability to ragail groups of people with blue material.  Maybe it was beaten out of me upon returning home and I've blocked the trauma out.   

Pseudopath

See http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=10342.0 for more hilarious examples, including my sorry, sorry tale on Page 2.

I remember my Auntie Fran asking me what I wanted for dinner in front of her hairdresser and I nonchalantly told her that 'I couldn't give a monkey's chop' which she absolutely bollocked me for. I'd picked it up somewhere but still don't really see the fuss or even understand the phrase, I was probably misquoting.

She also got in a right kerfuffle when I told her that Robocop 3 was 'a load of cobblers', I think she was just a bit sensitive to coarse language, even when it was absolutely harmless. I don't think she liked the intent, as if I didn't know better swearies at this point anyway.

I once got absolutely bollocked to tears by my mum for calling my brother 'a little cunt' in front of my mum's friend. I was perhaps 6 or 7 and my explanation was that it was a simple slip of the tongue, I said I'd intended to say 'runt'. I reminded her that she'd told me that this was acceptable whereas 'cunt' was not, I was trying to give her chance to save face in front of her friend but I obviously made things worse by showing that she has discussions with her children about relative curse word vulgarity.

I also got told off on the first day in my new primary school when I changed at the age of 8. A girl called me 'Gremlin', a hilarious play on my name (Graham), later I found that this was because she fancied me but I wasn't to be deterred from telling her to 'fuck off, Melanie...Mandrews!' because her name was Melanie Andrews. This was actually sharp as fuck because I'd only been in the school about two and a half hours so to learn her name and make a brilliantly abusive play on her name was quite an achievement. Needless to say, my mum was absolutely mortified when she came to pick me up on day one and had to speak to the teacher. Trying to mollify my fuming ma on the way home was one of the many steps I've taken towards becoming the sweet talker I am today.

buttgammon

I said cunt quite a bit when I was about 10 never realising exactly how bad the word is, and I once happened to say it in front of my mum and I couldn't understand why she got so worked up. Until then I always thought 'git' was considered strong language.

And when I was in the first year of juniour school (about 7 or 8 I suppose) my fervently Christian teacher overheard me saying "Oh My God" to my friend for some reason and she went mad with me. She started screaming and went "Oh my God! Oh my God! Using the Lord's name in vain! I'll give you oh my God, Buttgammon*!" And she didn't say anything when I said "I want to shag Milly in the toilets" (obviously not realising that it meant having sex rather than kissing).

In fact, I don't think I understood swearing at all at that age. I recall once just saying random syllables and asking my mum if they were swear words. Only once did I actually ask what a word meant, though. I heard a lad in the playground talk about 'come' so I innocently asked my mum what it meant. She said she didn't know.

*Used to protect the blasphemous.

BJB

When my mother asked me how my first day at school was i replied "fucking shit".

Then again, it was her fault. Swearing her head off all the fucking time.

non capisco

Quote from: buttgammon on June 25, 2007, 03:33:12 PM
In fact, I don't think I understood swearing at all at that age. I recall once just saying random syllables and asking my mum if they were swear words.

I'm told after my mum gave me a telling-off after hearing me say 'bastard' I asked her to tell me all the other swear words she knew 'so I know not to say them'.

I was playing round another kid's house when I was about 9 and was mortified, being one of those easily embarrased soft children, when he asked his mum 'Mum, what's having sex like?' Her reply was 'it's bearable.' Poor cow!

buttgammon

I do remember going to one kid's house, and for some reason he was perfectly allowed to say 'vagina' but he would gt a bollocking if he said 'penis'. So he would repeatedly say vagina in front of his mum, but when for some reason I said penis even though his parents weren't around he told me to keep my voice down! They're anatomical terms, anyway - not swear words.

I think my mum used to say 'shit' a lot so I didn't even realise that was swearing. It's lucky I never tried saying that out loud at school.

lactating man nips

Thanks to the old speccy game "streaker" I asked my mum what a pervert was which upset her a little bit. I can also recall asking what a period was and i think that provoked her to buy an human anatomy for kids type book, but to her credit i think she did also explain the mechanics of a woman's reproductive system after I asked.

She was also annoyed when I once called my sister a dildo, that was only because I heard my dad say it though!

MissInformed

My then three year old came out of nursery looking a bit down in the dumps. I asked if he'd had a good day and he said he hadn't. I enquired as to why and he replied "I said 'fuck' to my teacher and she didn't like it." All I managed to splutter in response was "well no, she wouldn't."

Small Man Big Horse

Blackadder's responsible for me having to asking my Mum what fornicate meant. I was only about 11 at the time, and wasn't ready for the long, drawn out description she gave me.

She's now at the age where she gets enjoyment out of embarrassing me. We went out to dinner for her 65th, recently, with my Sister and her boyfriend, and were talking about my step-father, who passed away about 15 years ago. The general feeling is that he was an okay guy but horrifically repressed, crap with children, and obsessed by his hobby (meterology) so that we barely ever saw him. I asked my Mum what it was that she saw in him originally, and she replied "Well, if I'd known how things turned out I wouldn't have married him, but at the time I was just impressed by the fact that he was a very well endowed lover." Cue silence, etc, whilst she laughed a lot. Sigh. That's just one occasion of quite a few recently where she's harped on about his penis too.

El Unicornio, mang

I remember me and my friend, when we were about 8, going to play football on the school fields, and a group of older lads shouted "Piss off you little wankers!"

Anyway, the next day I was with my Mam and my Aunt's 3-year old son, and he was acting up and I said "Ooooh, he's a little wanker!!"

(This thread is like a letters page from a local newspaper called "KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS!", but with rude words)

duckorange

What goes around:

1977: Lying on the living room floor during a family gathering to see what colour all the lady's knickers were. (Mum: "They're RED. Now go to your room"). Ah, Dr Freud would have had a field day.

2007: Eleven-year-old Duckorange Jr, as we tuck into quarterpounder and chips in our local - and very crowded Wimpy bar - "Dad - what's wanking?"


duckorange

Yes. Yes there are. Some of them are particularly awful. And after my little demonstration, I have been barred for life.