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Mums and Grannies Say the Funniest Things

Started by buntyman, July 02, 2007, 01:33:38 AM

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alan nagsworth

My great grandma calls black people "jungle bunnies"... I think she uses it in a kind of cute way, like calling a child "scamp" when he smashes a vase with a football.



Oh wait, no, she's racist.

Anon

For some reason, my mum refers to the film "Hot Fuzz" as "Fuzz Buzz".  Hey, it's half right...

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: nagsworth on July 24, 2007, 04:01:52 AM
My great grandma calls black people "jungle bunnies"... I think she uses it in a kind of cute way, like calling a child "scamp" when he smashes a vase with a football.



Oh wait, no, she's racist.

:)

Thanks for that nagsworth, you erased my memory of a whole afternoon for a chuckling moment there.

buntyman

My sister said she hated her new mobile phone last week at dinner and liked the look of Blackberrys. My gran responded with "blackberries? I've always called them brambles". I hope that catches on as a fashionable way of referring to them.

samadriel

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 22, 2007, 08:40:44 PM
It's where he stored them that's the real clincher.

In his kitchen.
His moustache, surely?

Jemble Fred

My Mum has told me more than once that I 'wasn't an accident'. Oh, it always makes me laugh.

Mister Six

Quote from: Fielding on July 02, 2007, 03:01:21 PMSo modern games like GTA are nightmare:
"It's going to explode. Press triangle quick to get out."
"I'm pressing it!"
"No! Just press it once. Press it once"
[*boom* Car explodes.]
"Is that it? He's dead now is he. Oh dear, well I don't think much of that for...what was it - £30 or something ridiculous that you paid for it?"
"Yes Mum."

Reminds me of showing my grandad my fancy new Dreamcast years back:

"It's very clever, isn't it? But I bet it gets annoying when you have to rewind the tape."
"It's on a CD, grandad."
"Well, when you have to rewind the CD, then, clever dick."

He also used to call calculators "ready-reckoners". Bless.

Ambient Sheep

Quote from: Jemble Fred on September 06, 2007, 08:27:34 AM
My Mum has told me more than once that I 'wasn't an accident'. Oh, it always makes me laugh.

The odd thing is, my Mum let me know some time in my early(?) teens that I was an accident.  I'm not sure why she chose to do this, maybe it's because I'd alluded to the fact that my two brothers are around 15 and 17 years older than me (yup, that's right, my oldest brother turns SIXTY next February, get your head round that) or something, so she decided to clear the air, even though it didn't need clearing.

It's even weirder that I wasn't (and still am not) particularly bothered about it - perhaps because she made it clear to me that despite being accidental, I was most certainly not unwanted, and that I was always very loved.  And I did more-or-less feel that.

Still, it's a little strange to hear one's own late-fifty-something Mother tell you that your entry into existence was accompanied by my Father emitting the words "Oops, I think it's split"...

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

And your birth was probably accompanied by the Midwife emitting the words "Opps, I think it's* split..."



*Your mother's gooch I mean.




Mister Six

Quote from: Ambient Sheep on September 06, 2007, 10:12:39 PM
Thanks for that, you cunt.

Now fuck off.

Were those the words your father emitted as you were born?

Neville Chamberlain

My parents too admitted that I was an accident. They were mortified at first, but then they grew to like me.

buttgammon

Quote from: Neville Chamberlain on September 07, 2007, 11:09:18 AM
My parents too admitted that I was an accident. They were mortified at first, but then they grew to like me.

You poor sod Fernando. No wonder you don't think Neville is such a bad name in comparison.

Pogue Mahone

Whilst recommending for me to watch the The Last King of Scotland on DVD, my mum informed me that it starred "that famous Oscar-winner; Forrester".

When it comes to technology, my parents are a source of great amusement. All gadgets (including the Xbox, PC and DVD player) are each known simply as "the machine". If my mum wants something scanned, she'll ask me to photocopy it for her and, funniest of all, when my dad would like something printed out, he'll ask me to download it for him, regardless of whether the printed material is derived from an internet source or not.

Other misuses of which my mum is guilty include using the word "geek" as synonymous with, say, "idiot" or "pest" (for example, "He roared past me on his motorbike and nearly hit my wing-mirror, the geek!") or "kinky" in place of "clever" (for example, "Those new iPod things are quite kinky, aren't they?").

lipsink

I remember when my mum and stepdad were watching 'Stars In Your Eyes' and this lady from the public was singing Dolly Parton, my stepdad said: "Oh look, she's doing Dorothy Perkins!"

Kazuo Kiriyama



The band OC/DC, there, according to my mum. Presumably they never get all the way through a song because they have to keep stopping to wash their hands. She also once referred to internet porn as "all those willy sites."

purlieu

Quote from: Lookalike Mark Chapman on July 02, 2007, 08:02:22 PMPlus she devised the useful idiom, 'that's the popcorn in the kettle black.'
Love this.

If my mum asks me to "tap in her email number" or asks if she can "website someone" once more, I'm going to politely tell her she's a moron.

Ambient Sheep

Quote from: Mister Six on September 07, 2007, 11:03:14 AMWere those the words your father emitted as you were born?

I dunno.  I'd ask him, but he died just 95 days ago.

But somehow I doubt it.

non capisco

Quote from: purlieu on September 07, 2007, 03:58:58 PM
  Love this.

I love those sort of mishearings, especially if accompanied by a point blank refusal to admit they're wrong, like Will Ferrell in 'Blades Of Glory' with "mind bottling", or Jory from Friends' "that's a moo point".

I know someone who will not accept there is no such phrase as 'I'm on tender hooks'.

Cambrian Times

I'm laughing so hard at these, I'm getting funny looks in the internet cafe.

I was watching Seinfeld on my laptop today, and laughing quite loudly. Mum comes in and asks, 'Are you having a podcast?'

(I wasn't)

Mister Six

Quote from: Ambient Sheep on September 07, 2007, 08:11:11 PM
I dunno.  I'd ask him, but he died just 95 days ago.

But somehow I doubt it.

Great, now I feel like a proper cunt. Sorry.

chocky909

My dad died. He choked on a ridiculous cocktail. You utter shit.

samadriel

That's not funny, my brother died that way.

chocky909