Something's fucking going on here.

[TJ]

All hail the new Jennifer Finch...

[MissInformed]

C'mon Deadman, what's the latest?

[23 Daves]

I'm glad to know I'm not the only person who has ever received odd mail.  Back when I was at university I did a lot of work for the Student's Union (although I don't like to talk about it now) and so had my own mail pigeonhole there.  One day I went to pick some stuff up, and found in sealed envelope the most almighty anonymous rant waiting for me, full of stuff about how the person "wanted to punch me", how I was a talentless shit, etc. I haven't kept the particular missive, you understand, so I can't remember the exact wording of it, but it was generally quite negative in tone.  To cap it all off, the person left me clues that he "knew where I lived" by mentioning my local newsagent, the area of the city I lived in, etc.

Now, I was asked by an official at the Union whether I had any idea who could have sent it, and the worrying thing was there were tons of candidates.  The Young Conservatives at the Union (basically the BNP in disguise at this particular establishment) loathed me because I used to answer them back in meetings, and one of them had already threatened me once.  That said, at least he did it to my face.  On top of that, once, in a private conversation, I mentioned that I thought the Ents Officer there was doing a really shit job, and that somehow got back to his girlfriend who told me through a friend that she would "smash my face in" if she ever caught up with me.  The Ents Officer there was also well known for stealing promo CDs and vinyl from people's pigeonholes, mine in particular.  No record label or press office would ever send him any direct because he was so fucking bad at his job.  If anyone needed a bit of a clip round the ear, and indeed a kick up the arse, it was most definitely him.

Additionally, some of you may remember that I mentioned in the Facebook thread that around about exactly this time I was going out with a girl who was also being stalked by a very strange man, who even went to the trouble of stalking us both as we walked home one night, following us a few yards behind all the way glaring.  The smart money's on him, I reckon.  It's precisely the kind of oddball thing he would have done.  But you never can tell.

[Deadman97]

C'mon Deadman, what's the latest?

Well, seeing as I've got an unexpected day off work I'm going to have to reply, aren't I? Not necessarily to find out who'd behind this, but because I'm enjoying having this mysterious person out there somewhere and I don't want them to forget about me.

[Jemble Fred]

Make sure you include a photo, a map and a flight ticket.

[Still Not George]

Additionally, some of you may remember that I mentioned in the Facebook thread that around about exactly this time I was going out with a girl who was also being stalked by a very strange man, who even went to the trouble of stalking us both as we walked home one night, following us a few yards behind all the way glaring.  The smart money's on him, I reckon.  It's precisely the kind of oddball thing he would have done.  But you never can tell.

Nah, the letter was someone else. Sorry if I worried you, btw. I wasn't glaring, I was looking at your arse.

[jennifer]

Yeah I bet.

Question: if you wanted to do a similar thing, write a letter to yourself (actually, could be anyone) to not be delivered until some time in the future, but you haven't been on a training course, how would you go about it? I'm assuming the Post Office doesn't offer such a service- would you have to instruct a solicitor or something? And does anyone know what the proper name for this is?

There's a thing you can sign up to where you can email yourself in 2 to 10 years time, can't remember the name but try googling 'email your future self' or similar. I don't even use the email address I signed up with but I'll periodically check, it's fun to list all the bullshit that you're worrying about now and see how hideously it's dated.

With regards to that letter, this is why when I watched the film Amelie I just felt creeped out, rather than heart-warmed and magical. In real life, this sort of thing is just disturbing.

[mothman]

This guy's available:

[chumfatty]

Well, seeing as I've got an unexpected day off work I'm going to have to reply, aren't I? Not necessarily to find out who'd behind this, but because I'm enjoying having this mysterious person out there somewhere and I don't want them to forget about me.

Wear gloves and use self  a seal envelope you don't want you fingerprints and DNA stolen[/Pinball]

[MissInformed]

This guy's available:

Who he? (and pardon my obvious ignorance!)

[Bingo Fury]

He's the bloke that brought Sally Sparrow the letter from her friend who had been dragged back through time to the 1920s (although as far as Sally knew her friend was still hanging around upstairs). He'd been instructed years before to bring the sealed envelope to that house on that specific day and hand it to her personally. And if you don't know who Sally Sparrow is, you simply haven't been paying attention to current affairs.

[Deadman97]

I'm writing my reply now, and will insert my favourite line of a verbwhore's choosing.

[petula dusty]

I thought it was Austin Powers' boss whose name I can't be bothered to look up escapes me.

Deaders, this is all very exciting. Are you going to send them an equally obscure letter back?

Edit: Cross post. I can't think of anything witty for you to insert. Oooh, careful!

[Deadman97]

Are you going to send them an equally obscure letter back?

I'm going for obscure, but friendly. Handwritten, of course, with some sort of personal touch like the sticker on the back of the envelope I received . I feel like I have to cover all these bases:

a) that the sender has researched the address of the wrong Deadman97- that they're looking for Deadman97, but have found the wrong one.
b) that it's someone who knows me and is having fun weirding me out.
c) that it's a telephone-directory-pin-sticking mental who's going to kill me anyway.

I'm having difficulty getting the tone right.

[rudi]

Be rambling. Nothing's more subtly creepy than a meandering, rambling letter.

[Lady Beaner]

I think it only polite to include a picture of your flaccid cock with the letter.

[Ambient Sheep]

I think it only polite to include a picture of your flaccid cock with the letter.

OK, you might as well own up now, it was you, wasn't it?

You could have just PM'd him and asked him, y'know, and saved everyone all this trouble.

[rudi]

But then she wouldn't have got to write "flaccid cock" this evening and she's on such a great run at the moment.


(Actually, she could've just started a thread titled Post Pics of your Flaccid Cock. I haven't though this through, it would appear).

[Rev]

a) that the sender has researched the address of the wrong Deadman97- that they're looking for Deadman97, but have found the wrong one.

Noooooooo!  Don't even hint that this is the case!  Subtly suggest the other things if you must, but you'll be shattering something beautiful if you imply that you weren't the intended recipient of the letter.  The universe has provided you with an interesting situation, and you shouldn't ruin it.  Jesus would punch you for doing so.

[Lady Beaner]

But then she wouldn't have got to write "flaccid cock" this evening and she's on such a great run at the moment.

Bless your demented heart.

Oi, Deadster what's the deal?!

[Deadman97]

Oi, Deadster what's the deal?!

Laqer and a wank, love, chill out. I'm waiting for some decent comedy non-sequiturs to include.

[Starlit]

I'm going for obscure, but friendly. Handwritten, of course, with some sort of personal touch like the sticker on the back of the envelope I received . I feel like I have to cover all these bases:

a) that the sender has researched the address of the wrong Deadman97- that they're looking for Deadman97, but have found the wrong one.
b) that it's someone who knows me and is having fun weirding me out.
c) that it's a telephone-directory-pin-sticking mental who's going to kill me anyway.

I'm having difficulty getting the tone right.

Why not include an amusing acronym on the back of the envelope?
Such as SWALK or NORWICH or just make up your own one. The ruder the better obviously.

[morgs]

Who he? (and pardon my obvious ignorance!)

I'm pretty sure that's Brian 'Trumpton' Cant's son...  Richard?  From the superior Doctor Who episode 'Blink'.  Though I could be wrong on 1, 2 or 3 counts there...

And Deadman, please post your reply to the letter for us to see... i am intrigued!

[JesusAndYourBush]

I received a letter yesterday from someone in California who claims to know me...

Weird!  I'm wondering if they know you or if they've kept the information vague-ish and made a few wild guesses, like some "psychics" do.  Some sort of scam maybe.  Have you been in a job for about 6 months, did they get that bit right?

I'm struggling to understand this bit, which may be the key to cracking this: "Rick has some of us assisting with the letter writing, as you can see it takes a bit to get a letter."

To me, the last part "as you can see it takes a bit to get a letter" means that since "you" wrote to them it's taken a long time for her to write the reply.

Now the first bit. "Rick has some of us assisting with the letter writing."

Erin is one of the people assisting Rick with his letter writing.

Why does Rick need assisting?
Is he too famous/busy to do it himself? (Like a film star with a secretary who handles his fanmail).  No.  If that was the case they'd have signed the letter as being from Rick.

Is he illiterate and needs help?  Again no, as it'd be signed Rick (or on behalf of Rick) and not Erin.

It's baffling.

The only possibilities we're left with are
a) You wrote to this person and it's so long ago that you forgot.
b) It's a prank.
c) It's been sent to random people plucked from the electoral roll or phone book. (If so, why?  If it's "spam" what are they selling?)

[Deadman97]

Okay, it's been a few days coming, but here's my reply:
Page 1
Page 2
Envelope (front)
Envelope (back)

I've tried to go for the same kind of vague but friendly tone... I really hope it's good enough to elicit a response.

[Italian Sexuality]

I'm sure she'll/he'll associate you with Craig T. Nelson now.

[Milkman1000]

Here is a californian letter writing rick:-

http://rick.schrager.googlepages.com/

Have you had some kind of bad mental accident and forgotten that you asked him for a letter?