Times when you suddenly become very self aware

[Small Man Big Horse]

I've just started physio for t'leg recently, and have been given a quite frankly odd selection of exercises to do. Some of them are as simple as lying in bed, clenching my buttocks together, and lifting my hefty backside off of the bed and then back down again, whilst another is just walking up and down one stair over and over again.

Last Tuesday at about 2am, when I was halfway through watching some (US) Office episodes, I suddenly remembered I hadn't done my least favourite exercise so far that day, which sounds simple but is the most painful of them all - where I have to lean against the wall, and bend my knees downwards as far as I can, hold the position for 30 seconds, and then pull myself upwards again.

So I got out of bed, naked (as it wasn't too long before I was due to go to sleep), lent against the bedroom wall, and started doing this. And after about five of them, I suddenly realised how utterly ridiculous it would look if anyone was to see this - a far too overweight hairy man, completely naked, his arse up against the wall and half squatting down, with a rather pained look on his face. And for 20 seconds or so I couldn't stop laughing at how ludicrous the situation was.

So when was the last time you were suddenly very self aware of the situation you were in, be it ridiculous, alarming, funny or, er, something else completely?

[hencole]

It was last Tuesday at about 2am. There I was staring through a strangers window, only to see an overweight hairy man, completely naked, his arse up against the wall and half squatting down, with a rather pained look on his face. If someone was to see me now I thought.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Last week, Tuesday it might have been, I was a bit drunk as it was late and was lurking in some bushes, as you do, when I saw this fella at someone's window watching an overweight hairy man, completely naked, his arse up against the wall and half squatting down, with a rather pained look on his face. I suddenly realised how odd it was to be lurking in a bush and felt really self-aware.

[SetToStun]

Nearly a week ago now, I was on my way home from the pub (we'd had a bit of a lock-in so it was in the early hours) when I needed to relieve myself. It was a fairly busy street but there was a bush nearby and I thought "what the hell - I'll be quick". I whipped out the old chap and started hosing away, and then suddenly realised that there was someone already in the bush! As you can imagine, that made me rather self-conscious. Fortunately, he seemed to be so bound up in watching what can only be described as a voyeur that he was blissfully unaware I was urinating on him. So I finished up, wiped my cock on the back of his ear and went on my way.

[Little Hoover]

Last week I'd been at a party drinking quite a bit and on my way home, I heard this sort of rustling noise in the bushes, normally I would have ignored it and just walked on, but in my calmer state of mind, I decided to investigate, and I saw two men hiding behind the bushes and one of them was pissing on the other one, I suddenly thought that anyone else passing by would think I was part of this and that I was getting off on watching them.

[The Plaque Goblin]

I sometimes become very self aware when I pretend to be a physio and give out a quite frankly odd selection of exercises for gullible overweight people to do. Just picturing the pained look on their big faces and how utterly ridiculous it would look, I often can't stop laughing at how ludicrous those situations would be.

Perhaps I should go and take a look for myself.

[Jack Shaftoe]

Almost every time I engage in the sexuals. Mainly because I went for a long time without any of that kind of thing, so I never really got into the habit, as t'were.

Sexing in the daylight is right out, I can tell you that much.

[jennifer]

I am a bush.

[Melody Lee]

Not right on topic, but I've had a couple of really freaky moments of intense self-awareness. It's more that I become very aware of existing in the physical world if that makes sense.

I mean, I was playing some game on the PC, enjoying the atmosphere of it and so on. Not really playing properly, just existing in some virtual world for a while on a rainy evening (or on another occasion writing up some guitar tab and lyrics).
The first time it happened I finished the game and stood up, got that head rush and caught sight of myself in the mirror. I was intensely disturbed by actually existing in the physical world. With a body and flesh and eyes and so on. It was so unsettling. Like perhaps just being is something I can ignore for the most part.

But I'm part of it all, whether it's comfy or not. Sometimes the world seems so alien. It's very jarring.

[Neville Chamberlain]

I became terribly self-aware once during sex and suddenly started to laugh and the sheer ludicrousness of what we were doing. It got to the point where tears of laughter were streaming down my face and I had to leave the room. I mean, "I love you so much I want to stick my willy up your chuff!" - whatsthatallabout?!?!?

[Whug Baspin]

I went for a shower at Glastonbury and it turned out to be some comune type open job with little wooden slats for dignity which is just about enough to regress me back into a terrified child. I had this tiny little flannel of a towel. I managed to deal with the shower, but then realised some girl was now getting changed infront of my clothes. I lunged awkwardly towards her saying 'I just want to grab some bits' with my hand outstretched.

[John Self]

I can only really remember one instance of strange self-awareness. As with other posters on this thread, alcohol had been involved. I hadn't actually drank, but man had I been looking at it. I was in quite a strange mood really- frustrated. Like Small Man Big Horse, I was in a horrible state of immobility, and I really needed some release. I thought a little bit of casual sex might do the trick- and preferably some where the other party didn't get to find out about it.

So anyway, there I was, just a lonely bedroom wall with a head full of ideas and a heart full of yearning, just standing around constituting part of a house, when what should I see but a big fat hairy naked man with a busted leg approach me, and start to cavort erotically in front of me. My prayers had been met! I couldn't wait to secretly sodomize him with my wall-based willy. Of course, my sudden Self-awareness initially made it quite difficult for me to achieve the necessary erection, but as soon as I realised that Hencole and ETT were watching me and SetToStun was cheering me on by weeing on them, I'd got some wood and slipped it right up that toe-touching cripple quick as you like, 26 years old I was, aaaaahhhh, etc

[Murdo]

Whenever the Mrs is watching Coronation Street I like to go upstairs for a big wank wearing a nice shiny smelly pair of marigolds but I always feel as though someone is watching me...

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Surely alcohol lowers your self-awareness. It certainly helps whenever I'm playing in public.

Hanging around waiting for someone in a pub always makes me quite self-aware, though I haven't got to the pretend phone call yet, I do check my phone for texts rather too often under those circumstances.

Oh, and just after I've cum. In almost any circumstance.

[depressed beyond tablets]

Last time properly - while on mushrooms.

[LeboviciAB84]

Only ever when posting here, funnily enough. Trying to fit a house style in a humorous idiom, expressing synæsthesiac thoughts in written form – it's like walking around a tiny, cramped crockery shop in platform boots. But healthily so.

[duckorange]

- Giving my sister-in-law a lift in my car with her two young kids, and playing my MP3 player on random play through the car radio.

The very shouty 'Public Image' by PiL comes on. That's time to get self-conscious about your musical tastes.

So, I pressed skip and got 'Relax' by Frankie Goes To Hollywood, straight out of the 80s cheese folder.

Mucis - why do you taunt me so?

[buttgammon]

Public Image is a good song, actually. It would have been good to teach the kids while they were still young. Frankie would have been a worse influence (sorry, didn't mean that - I'm not homophobic really).

But I had a really bad case of this recently an for good reason. I was on some stupid land train thing in Tunisia (waste of 10 bloody dinars seeing as it just goes around to some horrible hotels in the middle of some Zone Toruistique that looks like Dubai meets Disneyland) when I desperately needed a piss. I was absolutely bursting as the train went over speed bumps in the middle of nowhere and the driver obviously couldn't speak English so he couldn't understand what "Stop this bloody thing!" means. In utter desperation and viewed by a French woman who thought I was going to start committing some indecent act, I unzipped my trousers and lay on the floor of the train. BUT NOTHING CAME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't accuse me of using excessive exclamation marks here. It's a rare instance in which they are necessary.

So not only was I an idiot trying to piss in oublic but I also have an inadequate urinary system. So my main concern at the time was absolutely absurdly the fact that other men would think I had a shit bladder. It's the same reason I never use urinals if anyone is around.

Eventually, the driver stopped the train and I went behind a bush. But it was still very, very humiliating and I was terrified of a police officer in a bad mood finding me and getting me executed without trial or something similar.

[duckorange]

I can vouch for the fact that all police in Tunisia are in a permanent bad mood (having once had to flee to escape the shoe-ing of my life), so I think you got off lightly there.

[buttgammon]

Especially considering they were controlling traffic about 50 metres up the road. It was around a bend so I couldn't see them at the time and they couldn't see me but if they had to come around that turn for one reason, I suspect I wouldn't be typing this.

[jutl]

Re: Times when you suddenly become very self aware

http://www.english.hawaii.edu/criticalink/lacan/index.html

[Lady Beaner]

Hanging around waiting for someone in a pub always makes me quite self-aware, though I haven't got to the pretend phone call yet, I do check my phone for texts rather too often under those circumstances.

Oh, and just after I've cum. In almost any circumstance.

Oh God, I hate the waiting for someone in the pub type thing. I don't know why but I cannot stand being late for anything. So, I am pretty much guaranteed to turn up half an hour early for a date (apparently this is a faux-pas?) I always feel like a complete plum sat there waiting, but I just cannot bear the thought of walking in on time looking harassed and stressed. It does make me feel very self-aware though. I can almost hear the smug whispers of 'Billy No Mates' coming from other drinkers and the bar staff. I either end up reading a crap mag or look really interested in the generic Ikea prints on the walls.

Oh yes, why is it that you blokes get so self-aware after shooting a wad? Is it a shame thing, or perhaps because I have my finger up your arse at the same time?*

*(Not anyone here's arse in particular, Ithangyou.)

[Small Man Big Horse]

Oh God, I hate the waiting for someone in the pub type thing.

I hate that too, recently I had to wait for a friend in a pub for an hour before he turned up, and I just sat there trying to keep myself amused by re-reading the wine list several hundred times and turning towards the door every time it opened.

I don't get the wadshootage self-awareness though, normally it's a brief "ah well, I'll finish her off in the morning" thought and then I roll over to go to sleep.

[Little Hoover]

I get very nervous in interviews and so of course, they all take that as a sign that I'm completly incompetent, why can't one of them take it as a sign that I'm weak willed and could be bullied into doing more work than I should be doing.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Can't you work in your faith so you can turn your nerves and shyness into a cute "oh look at the sweet man, he wouldn't hurt a fly" thing? I admit this involves a sort of anti-Christian approach but this is a job interview, and not a vegetable-growing competition.

[Oscar]

Some stuff

I feel self aware when I'm dancing and singing in the rain, then suddenly realise that someone is sitting watching me from a car with a puzzled, slightly worried look on their face.
I become aware of SMBH everytime I see his name and think Small Man Big Hose! with a great leap of childish joy. I try to repress it though, such things tend to get me into trouble.
Sorry.

[Hank_Kingsley]

Just after i've cum after masturbating to homemade porn with ex-lady friends in. Then i'm consumed with self loathing.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Yup, I always feel very self aware being alone in a pub, especially if it's really busy. I always feel like people are looking at me going "Look at that guy with no friends out on a Friday night! That's saaaaad!". I do the pretending to text people when all I'm really doing is going through old texts or looking for names to delete, and the whole making a scene of looking at the door when someone comes in and doing an annoyed face when it's not the person.

Oh and dancing. Even when I'm really drunk I feel very self aware dancing.

I'm usually very self-conscious and inhibited anyway, but oddly enough not at all when I'm singing and playing music on stage. It's as if being a few inches higher, being able to speak louder than anyone else and having this music playing behind me suddenly makes me into someone else entirely.

[Pervert Doppelganger]

Another member of the post-ejaculation-moment-of-total-clarity club here. When the brief moment of joy passes, and I'm sitting there, trousers round my ankles, holding a slippery, flaccid willy in my dank little bedroom, ignoring the crappy little video continuing to play out on the screen, I suddenly see my entire life for what it truly is. Christ.

[buttgammon]

There is something very depressing about that moment just after you have ejaculated, isn't there. It's as if to say "Yeah, you pathetic little piece of scum floating around in a dirty pond full of empty Cheese and Onion crisp packets, used condoms (not by you you sad lonely wanker) and cigarette butts. To think you were doing it over her. That bitch over on the screen. You've never even met the woman and she's a cheap tart anyway. Still more than you can hope for, of course. You vile, inadequate turd. Is this what you have to do for a pathetic nanosecond of minor pleasure now? Because no real woman in the right mind would ever go within two hundred miles of your disguting carcas."

Um, what was that I just typed?