Look on the bright side...

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

After reading a man from Worcestershire CCC declaring after the floods "Yes there is effluent in the water, but it is very diluted", I decided it's important to take an optimistic approach, even in the face of terribly awful events. In the style of The Good The Bad and The Ugly thread...(pile in, everyone...)

Yes, there is a plague on the way, but...........

[LeboviciAB84]

. . . it's not going to be as bad as the last one. Quality of life is clearly improving, on a plague-by-plague basis.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

(oh that would ordinarily be your cue to offer a new scenario)

Yes, Razorlight are coming round for tea, but...........

[LeboviciAB84]

. . . they're bringing a packet of Bourbons.

[mook]

...but they've rubbed them around their nads.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Yes, Lebovici and mook can't follow instructions, but.........

[Still Not George]

... I at least can.

Ricky Gervais is inevitably going to be mentioned in this thread...

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

but most probably in a satirical prediction rather than a po-faced aside.

Yes, Big Brother is taking up most of the newspapers at the moment, but..................

[MissInformed]

...you can wipe your arse on Charley's stupid features.

Gordon Brown is PM, but...

[El Unicornio, mang]

...it's not as bad as that time I played Buckaroo with Tony Blair

*CUT TO...

oops, wrong thread

I just lost my balls in one of those machines with the hand that comes down, but...

[Anon]

...it's not as bad as that time I played Buckaroo with Tony Blair

*CUT TO...

oops, wrong thread

I just lost my balls in one of those machines with the hand that comes down, but...

...it means I could become a Castrato singer and earns loads of money.

Sure, Western society may well be doomed and our world may turn into a raging inferno as a result of our actions, but...

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

....what, do you care about it or something? Are you gay?!

Yes, your son's physics teacher has just used corporal punishment on him, but......

[mister_enmity]

...he was asking for it.

[El Unicornio, mang]

...he's always going on about how he likes getting caned

You've just come home to find that custard is coming out of all the taps, flooding your house, but...

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

...you love love love love love custard.

Yes, Kim Jong Il uses a system of repression to suppress and impoverish the vast majority of North Korean citizens, but......

[El Unicornio, mang]

..You would too if you had a girls name

[BJB]

Your trapped in a dark room filled with viagra crazed bonobos and no concievable escape but...

[Anon]

...I do intend on geting my money's worth.

So what if you've just realised that no-one, not even your own family, can actually remember what your name is...

[BJB]

....Remind them.

[Fry]

...they still all know you as 'the one who stuck the wine bottle up her gaping mimsy on Big Brother 6'.

So what you've been forced to gouge your eyeballs out...

[MissInformed]

...you never have to watch Gervais do that dance again.

Only 168 shopping days till Christmas...

[evelyn_blake]

...but we treat every day like it's Christmas since little Suzie got leukemia.


I've just woke up to find everyone around me wearing napkins and picking at my sliced open innards like it's a smorgasboard...

[Clone Army]

...but I am being served with the right wine.

So you've just had your wallet stolen by some lanky bastard in a tracksuit...

[Marv Orange]

MORNINGTON CRESCENT

[hoverdonkey]

Yes, one way of looking at it is that 17 children at my school were shot today...

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

...but another is that it's 5 less than yesterday.

The doctor says you have only 14 days left to live, and 10 of those will be in bed dribbling, but........

[MissInformed]

...you can wank all day and no-one will notice.

You crash a burning car into an airport frontage, set yourself alight and get beaten black and blue by angry Celts...

[LeboviciAB84]

. . . coool!

Your house has fallen into a neglected mine . . .

[MissInformed]

...and your council tax bill just halved!

You're typing mindlessly on the internet at 2.30am...

[LeboviciAB84]

. . . with the nightpeople, the nightpeople, the quiet folk who post sparingly.

Oh, no! This isn't coronation chicken in my sandwiches! It is gelignite, with bits of prawn in it! Still . . .