Look on the bright side...

[non capisco]

..at least you won't wake up tomorrow with an empty wallet, a depleted bank account and a nagging sense that you might have done something really stupid, until you remember what that something stupid was and the nagging sense of dread is replaced by agonizing embarrasment and sickly knowledge that this will be one of those memories that will still make you cringe and say 'wanker!' to yourself out loud in the street a decade later.

Your Mum calls you up and says "<insert Verbwhore name>, come round, I've got something to tell you", so you go round and there's your mum sat in the front room. "I've met someone new, son/daughter, someone I care about very much. I hope after a while you can come to accept him as your new Dad. Oooh, here he comes now." A key turns in a lock, the front door opens and Richard Littlejohn  walks in....

[Ambient Sheep]

...and there's a carving knife handy right beside you.

You owe your landlord £280 in back rent...

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

.....but he's shagging your sister, so he can go and get fucked, quite frankly.

Your great-aunts house she gave you in her inheritance turns out to be a shoddy shack, built on a flood plain, next to a house for the terminally incontinent........