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What would you put on your business card?

Started by 23 Daves, July 09, 2007, 07:08:16 PM

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23 Daves

I'm noticing a disturbing trend around London at the moment for each and every single person to get business cards printed up for themselves.  Now, obviously this was fair enough when people had ones with pictures of a leaky tap on and "Plumber" as the job description - it's always handy to have the number of a plumber in your wallet - and I can even forgive hairdressers who feel the need to have them, or lawyers or estate agents.  These are the kinds of people I will allow to waste the Earth's trees so they can pass their business details on to me.  I'll let it go.

Just lately, though, I have had business cards given to me with the following trades on them:

* Acoustic Singer/ Songwriter (Yep, just the kind of thing I need to keep on my person about someone I know bugger-all about as opposed to, for example, a demo CD)

* Performance Poetry MC (Is this really such an in-demand profession that it was necessary to get hundreds of cards printed up?)

* Writer/ Decorator/ Odd Jobber (My personal fave, this one - it's always good to have some other careers to fall back on if the writing doesn't take off, and this person has clearly covered all the possible bases in one handy budget business card package).

I'm being a bit petty, I realise, but there's something very Hollywood about all this, and indeed one LA session musician once recounted a tale about how he got so sick of being given business cards by wannabe industry types that he got his own printed up with "Freelance Shepherd" printed on them to hand back to their baffled faces. 

So... if you were to get a business card printed up, what would you put on it?  The most ridiculous suggestion wins fifty ones from a printing booth at the Trocedero Centre.  Or something like that, anyway.

Shoulders?-Stomach!


Jemble Fred

Pauline Colesworthy MD


Is Someone Else Entirely

Small Man Big Horse

Back in my 6th college days, I got 100 from the crappy machine in the local shopping centre with Small Man Big Horse - Getting Fatter By The Day.

Ah, how wacky I was back then.

Little Hoover

                                                  Ben Naylor

             
                                            Business Card Owner

Still Not George

I once wanted to put "Circumstance Engineer" on a business card. Never did it though.

Oscar

                                   
                     Oscar
                             

                    Grouch

El Unicornio, mang


Little Hoover

                                               Lust


                                            Deadly Sin

Sam

I am reminded of both the excellent bit about business cards in American Psycho and Mitch Hedberg's routine about them (I'm going to get business cards cos I wanna win some lunches! That's what it will say on my card: Mitch Hedberg - potential lunch winner. Give me a call, maybe we'll have lunch.....if I'm lucky!)

My business card would say:

Sam Moore
Unemployed

evelyn_blake

A. Card


Then they'd go 'Ah, A. Card- as in A for Adam or something, Adam Card. But aswell as standing for Adam, 'A', Card this is also, in a very real sense, palpably A CARD. I see'.

And I'd go, 'Well no- actually I, as in me, am just a 'card'. I think you will find me handing you this card attests to that in both a plain and subliminal way.'

Then I'd hand them the one I really would use which would say:

Joseph Kenny
Social Leper


Hairy Chin

The woman on the train opposite me recently had someone's card in her bag saying:

<bloke's name>
Solicitor, Master Mariner.

Jack Shaftoe

I have some business cards, but couldn't put 'writer' on them because, well, it just looks wanky. So they only have my name and contact details. Although now I think that looks a bit wanky too.

It's all very complicated.

Sheldon Finklestein

(My human name)

Spins not, nor does he toil.

Jack Shaftoe


23 Daves

Quote from: Jack Shaftoe on July 09, 2007, 09:40:50 PM
I have some business cards, but couldn't put 'writer' on them because, well, it just looks wanky. So they only have my name and contact details. Although now I think that looks a bit wanky too.

It's all very complicated.

I think if you genuinely need business cards because you're regularly getting work in that field (or at least trying to) and it's easier than having to jot your details down on a piece of paper all the time, then it's fine.  It's when people really don't need them but insist on having them that I get baffled.  And indie/ underground musicians and pub performers having business cards is just downright wrong, even if (or perhaps especially if) they're doing it ironically. 

The main reason I'm probably fed up about all this is that somebody asked me if I had a business card a couple of weeks ago, and I said "No", and they looked horrified as I whipped out a biro to scribble my details down on the back of a flyer.  It seems like one of these things I feel I'm going to have to do that I'm only going to end up feeling slightly ashamed of - like having a MySpace account, for example.  I felt a bit bullied into that because people stopped reading their emails from me and insisted I direct all correspondence through there instead.

Jack Shaftoe

Yeah, I kept having meetings where people handed me their cards, then I had to scrabble around for a pen to write down my mobile number, which I always got wrong anyway. So I thought I'd get some cards done instead.

My name is in the middle, all lower case, with the surname in bold, comme ca:

jack shaftoe

It's so 2002.

Anon

Anon -

Unknown by name, unknown by nature

Either that or:

*my real, rather silly name* -

You there at the back, stop smirking!

Oscar

Quote from: Hairy Chin on July 09, 2007, 09:35:29 PM
The woman on the train opposite me recently had someone's card in her bag saying:

<bloke's name>
Solicitor, Master Mariner.


                    Hairy Chin

                 Purse Snatcher


As it goes, any combination of those words is great
                  Hairy Purse: Chin Snatcher

                  Chin Purse: Hairy Snatcher

Ah me.
                   

Mr. Analytical

Mine have :

Mr. Analytical


Baller, Shot-Caller

Sheldon Finklestein

Quote from: Jack Shaftoe on July 09, 2007, 09:49:19 PM
"Chareth Cutestory: Pirate Lawyer"

Nice. Very nice. In that vein:

(Your name)

Analrapist

Santa's Boyfriend

Santa's Boyfriend

You're dead to me, you son of a bitch.


LeboviciAB84

#23
If found, please return to:

Oliver Levy
30, Address Street
Hindhead.

#24
                                       _________________________ 

                                      |         My name's Gray         |

                                      |   Let's do business already!  |

                                      |            Lots of love            |

                                      |                   xx                  |
                                       _________________________

Jack Shaftoe

QuoteAnalrapist

I thought of doing that but suspected it would come back to bite me in the ass.

SetToStun


SetToStun's Real Name

Skulking Loafer, Footpad, Cutpurse.

No petty villainy too small. Coach party rates available.

Lookalike Mark Chapman

'Professional' Lookalike

Mark Chapman a specialty. Available for in-character
weddings, assasinations, and after-dinner speeches.

Call me.

I'll be waiting.

Neville Chamberlain

Neville Chamberlain

Technical translation, gay-bashing, and climate-change-denying services.

The Widow of Brid

#29
Quote from: Neville Chamberlain on July 10, 2007, 10:34:09 AM
Neville Chamberlain

Technical translation, gay-bashing, and climate-change-denying services.

Surely yours should be:

"you have in your hand my piece of paper"