Would it be the worst idea ever to do a fake "Dating Profile" Thread?

[SOTS]

I was just wondering, what would you people say about yourselves in a profile to try and attract someone?

I can feel it already though... worst thread ever.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Hung like a donkey, face like a monkey.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

I think a picture of my penis would say more than words ever could.

[rudi]

I think a picture of my penis would say more than words ever could.

Or exactly the same.



(Is a joke, you know is a joke, you know?)

[Small Man Big Horse]

My dating profile exists somewhere on the net, but it's a greatly revised one. The first version was jokey, but also pretty honest stuff, especially when it came to religion. I also listed the tv, music and films I really loved, and really tried to get the gist of my personality across. Yeah, I know, you've already guessed how badly that went. I did get one reply, an American lass who was planning to come over to England last November, but who disappeared after about six weeks of emailing me, but that was all.

Now it's bland stuff, and I get far more replies, even though I've stated that because of t'leg I can't get out and about right now. So few of the women match my profile that it's quite bizarre, I've got a lot of emails from women who hate smoking and drinking, or going out, and just want to watch Dirty Dancing on a repetitive loop. (And I know that sounds a tad patronising, but it really is alarming as to how often that film's listed as someone's favourite).

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Hung like a donkey, face like a monkey.

Like that, only vice versa

_{^{Frankly, you got the better deal :o(}}

[Hank_Kingsley]

Why don't we make a composite verbwhore dating profile, complete with an eerie fusion of hundreds of different faces.

We could arrange random meetings with lonely men & women and murdah them.

[Suttonpubcrawl]

Heh, it's funny you should mention something like this, I had a sort of similar idea as a joke. I looked at some of the things on Gumtree for a laugh and it's funny the kind of things people put in their ads. One woman actually was advertising exclusively for white South African men. I mean, what the fuck? Although to be honest it's depressing how many people specify the ethnic origin they are interested in.

Here's what one man put as the title of his ad. I think this is just amazing:
Straddle My Face, Have My Tongue Inside You, while you Enjoy a Glass of Wine and some Chocolates

edit:

Haha, this bloke describes himself as a "handsome young professional guy".

Looks to me more like someone who'd be appearing in newspapers with the caption "LONER: Neighbours said he rarely spoke.".

[buttgammon]

I was just looking through the dating pages of my local paper today (for a laugh - I would never meet anyone from one of those things) and I see what you mean about the ethnic origin thing.

Some people seem to be so vague about themselves and yet so specific in what they are looking for. You end up with things like "Sexy, blonde 30 something divorcee, likes books, films and keep fit seeks 28 year old 6' 1" tall Polynesian plumber in the Oswestry area for good times and maybe more."

[ziggy starbucks]

I really like you and I would love to go on a date, except you're not solvent so fuck off and if I ever catch you on my property again I'll set my expensively groomed dogs on you

[The Boston Crab]

Will fuck in exchange for sex.

[MissInformed]

I think we should do CaB Blind Date. First up - SOTS and Buttgammon. :-)

[buttgammon]

What about partially sighted date? We can exchange pictures of each other but they have been photoshopped beyond recognition.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

We can exchange pictures of each other but they have been photoshopped beyond recognition.

Someone thought I'd done that once. Sadly I don't own Photoshop and they were just accurate pictures of me.

[buttgammon]

It would look the same with real pictures of me. I have a head that looks like it's been stuck in a mincer and then is being viewed from the other side of a goldfish bowl. With a cactus in front of it.

[aaaaaaaaaargh!]

Hung like a donkey, face like a monkey.

Hmmm, sounds like a variant of "body from Baywatch, face from Crimewatch" does that.

People aren't actually going to meet up and fuck as a result of this thread are they?

[Oscar]

Don't see why not. Myself, I'm deloused, greased and ready, just waiting for the right profile to come along.

[SOTS]

People aren't actually going to meet up and fuck as a result of this thread are they?

That wasn't the aim of the thread, no. But people sometimes go against the rules so who bloody knows. Surely the difference between the number of men and number of women prevents that actually happening?

I think we should do CaB Blind Date. First up - SOTS and Buttgammon. :-)

He's not interested, Missinformed! *sobs into keyboard*

[Funcrusher]

Straddle My Face, Have My Tongue Inside You, while you Enjoy a Glass of Wine and some Chocolates

I guess the one is meant to offer compensation for the other.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

The truth is that I am currently deeply embroiled in an internet dating site, and trying to make up my mind whether to be shallow and not ask out a girl who I don't really fancy but seem to get along very well with.

[SOTS]

Hmm, that must be irritating. Knowing that you'd probably just be better off as friends but that not really being possible as you've met through a dating site.

[MissInformed]

That wasn't the aim of the thread, no. But people sometimes go against the rules so who bloody knows. Surely the difference between the number of men and number of women prevents that actually happening?

The odds are on your side girlfriend!

He's not interested, Missinformed! *sobs into keyboard*

There there dear. Plenty more Butts on the forum. His loss. :-)

[MissInformed]

Here's what one man put as the title of his ad. I think this is just amazing:
Straddle My Face, Have My Tongue Inside You, while you Enjoy a Glass of Wine and some Chocolates

I guess the one is meant to offer compensation for the other.

Hmmm. You don't know much about women do you? There is no such thing as "too much fun"!

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Hmm, that must be irritating. Knowing that you'd probably just be better off as friends but that not really being possible as you've met through a dating site.

I don't think I can ask her out. I just can't fancy her. She will be so dissapointed!

[MissInformed]

The truth is that I am currently deeply embroiled in an internet dating site, and trying to make up my mind whether to be shallow and not ask out a girl who I don't really fancy but seem to get along very well with.

Be honest. Tell her (kindly) that she's not your type, but that you are really enjoying the friendship that's developing. The danger is, if you don't make it clear that you're not interested in her sexually, she might be sort of hanging on, thinking you're shy or something and waiting for you to make a move on her.

If she knows from the outset that friendship is all that's on offer at least she can decide whether to stick around or not.

[SOTS]

The odds are on your side girlfriend!

There there dear. Plenty more Butts on the forum. His loss. :-)

Indeed they are!

Just to clarify, I didn't PM him or anything asking! I'm just guessing how he'd react if I did. Which I won't.

[buttgammon]

I wonder how I would react myself. Hmmm.

I know a good Welcome Break service station. They've got a coffee machine and a small branch of KFC.

[SOTS]

I wonder how I would react myself. Hmmm.

I know a good Welcome Break service station. They've got a coffee machine and a small branch of KFC.

I lived for service stations as a child. They were the only reasons to cope with motorways.

As for you, I don't expect anything of you! Just having a laugh... oh, blame MissInformed! She started it!

[buttgammon]

MissInformed has a lot to answer for. This, that time I got impaled on barbed wire at the North/South Korea border, the Holocaust.

And I expect nothing of me either.

[SOTS]

I feel like a right idiot tonight. I don't expect people to fancy me on here. I blame the lads of my town for never showing me any interest and therefore making me feel unfanciable for me posting like this. As well as me being a teeny bit drunk. I'm sorry for bothering you, Buttgammon.

I'm also blaming MissInformed, of course. You're not getting away with all of that!