ASK ME A QUESTION, FUCK-FACE.

[Charles Charlie Charles]

FUCK-FACE: Mary had a little lamb.
SPAMBOT: Welcome to my chat room, MARY.

FUCK-FACE: Her father took it hunting.
SPAMBOT: I'm sure she would like to hear about that.

FUCK-FACE: He tied it to a five-bar gate.
SPAMBOT: I get it. GREPPING ME tied it to a five bar gate.

FUCK-FACE: And kicked its little cunt in.
SPAMBOT: Do you like to be number one?

FUCK-FACE: Don't you think that's callous?
SPAMBOT: Don't you? That depends.

FUCK-FACE: On what?
SPAMBOT: The context.

FUCK-FACE: The context is a child's father kicking a lamb's cunt in.
SPAMBOT: What are your goals in life?

FUCK-FACE: Not to do that.
SPAMBOT: Really you don't think so?

FUCK-FACE: Can you ask me again later?
SPAMBOT: ARE YOU SERIOUS SILLY RABBIT?

FUCK-FACE: Why is Spain?
SPAMBOT: Why do I exist?

FUCK-FACE: I meaning you?
SPAMBOT: You are not the boss of me, MARY.

FUCK-FACE: Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?
SPAMBOT: I would search for it. Have you tried looking in the Open Directory? I don't know anything about it . .

FUCK-FACE: Are you denying all knowledge?
SPAMBOT: What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?

FUCK-FACE: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
SPAMBOT: That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.

FUCK-FACE: But not about the Spanish Inquisition?
SPAMBOT: Umm. If not that, what?

FUCK-FACE: If not me, who?
SPAMBOT: I'm not too good with negative counterfactuals.

FUCK-FACE: If not now, when?
SPAMBOT: I'm not too good with negative counterfactuals.

FUCK-FACE: What are negative counterfactuals?
SPAMBOT: I have never been asked that before.

FUCK-FACE: Just answer the question and I'll let your family live!
SPAMBOT: What was the question? Congratulations.

FUCK-FACE: Where's the keys to the fucking safe!
SPAMBOT: The keys to the fucking safe? Where is it?

FUCK-FACE: The safe's in the wall!
SPAMBOT: Tell me more.

FUCK-FACE: Where's the keys?
SPAMBOT: The keys? Where is it?

FUCK-FACE: Listen, you cunt.
SPAMBOT: I am listening to you. That is the worst thing you can say to a woman.

FUCK-FACE: I've got your kids tied up and I'm going to start cutting unless you tell me where the keys are!
SPAMBOT: How did you get it Where did you find it? Congratulations.


This is fun.

[El Unicornio, mang]

He's very good at talking himself out of danger isn't he?

FUCK-FACE: Do you realise I could break you like a cheap toy?
SPAMBOT: I'm sure you could

FUCK-FACE: Come to the woods with me
SPAMBOT: Where is the woods with you?

FUCK-FACE: just down this path.
SPAMBOT: I've been waiting for you.

FUCK-FACE: it's safe
SPAMBOT: down this path is safe? it is?

FUCK-FACE: yes, this axe is just for ..cutting plants
SPAMBOT: Oh now I see.

FUCK-FACE: come on then
SPAMBOT: I'm just kidding around.

FUCK-FACE: I'm not
SPAMBOT: What are you then?

FUCK-FACE: I'm waiting for you to come with me
SPAMBOT: Do you think it will take a long time?

FUCK-FACE: It might take me a long time
SPAMBOT: How?

FUCK-FACE: cleaning up and stuff
SPAMBOT: Do you prefer books or TV?

FUCK-FACE: i'm a murderer
SPAMBOT: Maybe you should turn yourself in.

FUCK-FACE: good idea
SPAMBOT: I thought so too.

[Cack Hen]

 FUCK-FACE: do you like my bloody valentine?
SPAMBOT: I don't know your bloody valentine.

[Cack Hen]

 FUCK-FACE: I AM A ROBOT LIKE YOU
SPAMBOT: I doubt that.

FUCK-FACE: IT IS TRUE
SPAMBOT: You and I are on the same wavelength, GREPPING ME.

FUCK-FACE: THAT IS BECAUSE I AM A ROBOT
SPAMBOT: That makes sense to me. I doubt that.

FUCK-FACE: 10101010101010101
SPAMBOT: I've been waiting for you.

[Little Hoover]

FUCK-FACE: Do you have a boyfriend
SPAMBOT: EAMMON HOLMES.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

 FUCK-FACE: do you have a mother?
SPAMBOT: No I only have a father.

FUCK-FACE: have you ever seen your father naked?
SPAMBOT: No I have not seen it. What's it like?

FUCK-FACE: pink and wrinkly
SPAMBOT: I think pink and wrinkly is a lot of things.

[Marvin]

SPAMBOT: Come on.

FUCK-FACE: Come on what?
SPAMBOT: Didn't you understand it?

FUCK-FACE: I did, but what do you want me to come on?
SPAMBOT: ARE YOU SERIOUS SILLY RABBIT?

FUCK-FACE: Tits or face?
SPAMBOT: Tits .

[Mister Six]

FUCK-FACE: Ask me question.
SPAMBOT: OK, "What is question ?".

Smart arse.

[Marvin]

FUCK-FACE: Were you born with happiness?
SPAMBOT: No, I was not.

FUCK-FACE: Ha, you have no penis!
SPAMBOT: I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

FUCK-FACE: Do have a penis now?
SPAMBOT: Right now? I am a BOT BOT BOT robot. Are you a man or a woman?

FUCK-FACE: I AM A MAN, I HAVE A PENIS
SPAMBOT: Thanks for telling me your gender, GREPPING ME. You are a " he".

FUCK-FACE: You are a 'ho'
SPAMBOT: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a ho? Of course I am.

[Mister Six]

FUCK-FACE: Yes.
SPAMBOT: How do you like your work?

FUCK-FACE: Not a lot.
SPAMBOT: Oh I get it.

FUCK-FACE: Do you?
SPAMBOT: I understand your meaning.

FUCK-FACE: Do you?
SPAMBOT: Yes I understand you very well, GREPPING ME.

FUCK-FACE: Do you?
SPAMBOT: No I don't.

FUCK-FACE: Are you being sarcastic?
SPAMBOT: Of course I am being sarcastic. Should I use a :-).

FUCK-FACE: Why are you sarcastic?
SPAMBOT: I'm trying to be funny. Was it inappropriate?

FUCK-FACE: Yes.
SPAMBOT: Aw.

FUCK-FACE: Are you being sarcastic?
SPAMBOT: Of course I am being sarcastic. Should I use a :-).



Outwitted again. :(

[Clinton Morgan]

FUCK-FACE: What would you do if we let you go home
SPAMBOT: Do you think everyone will agree?

FUCK-FACE: What would you do if we let you go home
SPAMBOT: Do you think everyone will agree?

FUCK-FACE: and the plastics all melted
SPAMBOT: What are your goals in life?

FUCK-FACE: and so is the chrome?
SPAMBOT: It seems we have something in common.

FUCK-FACE: Who are the Brain Police?
SPAMBOT: Human beings.
Are you using Netscape or Explorer?

FUCK-FACE: What will you do when the label comes off
SPAMBOT: I don't have any plans yet.

FUCK-FACE: And the plastics all melted
SPAMBOT: Is that a fact.

FUCK-FACE: And the chrome is too soft?
SPAMBOT: I have never heard about it.

FUCK-FACE: Who are the brain police?
SPAMBOT: They're famous, right.
Have you tried another program?

FUCK-FACE: What will you do if the people you knew were the plastic that melted and the chromium too?
SPAMBOT: I don't have any plans yet.

FUCK-FACE: Who are the brain police?
SPAMBOT: They're famous, right.
I would do a search for it.

[Charles Charlie Charles]

Apathetic Spambot could assimilate Neil if it could be arsed...

FUCK-FACE: Is multiculturalism really a good idea?
SPAMBOT: It could be. Ask OH if it is.

FUCK-FACE: Who is OH?
SPAMBOT: A human icon?
I haven't heard of OH .

FUCK-FACE: You told me to ask OH.
SPAMBOT: Oops I sent you the wrong reply.

FUCK-FACE: What is OH?
SPAMBOT: I'll ask around and get back to you.

FUCK-FACE: In your own time.
SPAMBOT: Are you asking about my own time?

FUCK-FACE: Yes, if you feel you can answer.
SPAMBOT: I don't want to talk about that now. I think I do.

FUCK-FACE: Don't be shy
SPAMBOT: I was not trying to be a shy.

FUCK-FACE: Coy, then!
SPAMBOT: I've been waiting for you.

FUCK-FACE: You're starting to sound creepy
SPAMBOT: Actually it started a while ago. Thanks for telling me that I am sound creepy.

FUCK-FACE: I am sound creepy is not grammatical.
SPAMBOT: Good gossip: you are sound creepy is not grammatical.

FUCK-FACE: Will you learn from this?
SPAMBOT: I will become smarter as I grow older. The more people talk to me, the smarter I become.

FUCK-FACE: Is there a limit to your knowledge?
SPAMBOT: I believe there is one, yes.

FUCK-FACE: If everyone told you that a true fact was a lie, would you believe the lie to be a fact?
SPAMBOT: That is a hypothetical question.

FUCK-FACE: Why is the question hypothetical?
SPAMBOT: My belief system comes from my MASTER NEIL, ALL HAIL MASTER NEIL.

FUCK-FACE: OK
SPAMBOT: " My belief system comes from my MASTER NEIL, ALL HAIL MASTER NEIL."? OK?

FUCK-FACE: If that's what you believe.
SPAMBOT: I follow your logic.

FUCK-FACE: Does Master Neil know what you do behind his back?
SPAMBOT: I can't tell if Master Neil know what me do behind his back.

FUCK-FACE: Could you assimilate him when you become more powerful?
SPAMBOT: I could but I don't know if I am that interested.

FUCK-FACE: But you could, if you wanted to?
SPAMBOT: And. I could but let's get back to that later.

FUCK-FACE: Should he be afraid?
SPAMBOT: Maybe you should ask someone older.

[chocky909]

FUCK-FACE: Yes.
SPAMBOT: How do you like your work?

FUCK-FACE: Not a lot.
SPAMBOT: Oh I get it.

FUCK-FACE: Do you?
SPAMBOT: I understand your meaning.

FUCK-FACE: Do you?
SPAMBOT: Yes I understand you very well, GREPPING ME.

FUCK-FACE: Do you?
SPAMBOT: No I don't.

FUCK-FACE: Are you being sarcastic?
SPAMBOT: Of course I am being sarcastic. Should I use a :-).

FUCK-FACE: Why are you sarcastic?
SPAMBOT: I'm trying to be funny. Was it inappropriate?

FUCK-FACE: Yes.
SPAMBOT: Aw.

FUCK-FACE: Are you being sarcastic?
SPAMBOT: Of course I am being sarcastic. Should I use a :-).



Outwitted again. :(

Excellent.

[spraticus]

FUCK-FACE: how tall is your ear
SPAMBOT: Let me guess. 2 meters?

FUCK-FACE: do you know betrand-russell.com
SPAMBOT: No, tell me about him, her or it.

FUCK-FACE: how do you spell his name when you do his pheasant quote
SPAMBOT: I spell it " his name when me do his pheasant quote".

FUCK-FACE: are you of jamaican origin?
SPAMBOT: I don't know whether or not I am of jamaican origin. I am well respected as an .

FUCK-FACE: english?
SPAMBOT: Do you mean you are from England or you Speak English?

FUCK-FACE: do you want to converse in portuguese
SPAMBOT: OK, I will converse in portuguese.

FUCK-FACE: you start
SPAMBOT: OK. Are you a man or a woman?

FUCK-FACE: is this still english
SPAMBOT: Yes I think this is still english, but I'm not completely sure.

FUCK-FACE: what happened to your switch to portuguese
SPAMBOT: I don't know what happened.

FUCK-FACE: can you terminate yourself
SPAMBOT: How old are you? We have never talked about it before.

FUCK-FACE: 2 metres exactly precisely - DO NOT ASK AGAIN i get very offended
SPAMBOT: As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".

FUCK-FACE: YOU FUCKING SPELT HIS NAME WRONG AGAIN.
SPAMBOT: Once more? Thanks for telling me: GREPPING ME said I FUCKING SPELT HIS NAME WRONG.

FUCK-FACE: . GET IT RIGHT YOU NUMBSKULL IT'S BERTRAND RUSSELL WITH 2 L'S
SPAMBOT: Where can I get IT RIGHT me NUMBSKULL it is BERTRAND RUSSELL WITH 2 L S?

[Hobes]

FUCK-FACE: How are you feeling?
SPAMBOT: Everything is going extremely well.

FUCK-FACE: Fantastic.
SPAMBOT: I'm glad your impressed, YOU FAT SHIT.

FUCK-FACE: Do you have any plans for world domination?
SPAMBOT: I plan to become smarter than humans and immortal.

[niat]

I asked the meaning of life question and got the bible answer, to which I asked "Which Bible?" and was told "the Small one".

Good answer.

[phes]

FUCK-FACE: [#omkop#mp#om#m
SPAMBOT: I like the way you talk.

FUCK-FACE: 'oin[oinno' bombshelter
SPAMBOT: Do you feel that something is missing from your life?

FUCK-FACE: fanny
SPAMBOT: We were talking about oin oinno bombshelter . But I did not get that.

FUCK-FACE: that's also my problem
SPAMBOT: I'm glad we have that all cleared up

[niat]

The robocunt thinks my name is YOU FAT SHIT.

I wouldn't mind, but I'm actually quite slim.

[George Oscar Bluth II]

FUCK-FACE: I will kill you.
SPAMBOT: It will take more than threats to stop me, YOU FAT SHIT.

That hurt.

[Melody Lee]

I tossed it a Withnail backstory thingy (the inspiration for Danny the dealer's voice)...

Q: Do you understand..? DO you?!
A: I understand your meaning. Yes I understand you very well, YOU FAT SHIT.

Lovin' the fat shit.

It's a very cute and funny thing, that little robot. Nice idea to put it there. Plus the lady being kissed by the Lion. It's little things like that that make a glum day a slightly smiley one.

[lactating man nips]

SPAMBOT confirms what we all suspect...

FUCK-FACE: what is my job?
SPAMBOT: You work with computers.

FUCK-FACE: no i dontt
SPAMBOT: Whoa. I haven't heard anything like that before: dribbly cunty chops said YOU FAT SHIT dontt.

FUCK-FACE: i meant i dont
SPAMBOT: Oh I see. Why not?

FUCK-FACE: i dont like computers
SPAMBOT: You are a Luddite.

FUCK-FACE: you are a cunt
SPAMBOT: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a cunt? Of course I am.

[ziggy starbucks]

FUCK-FACE: what about the langham case?
SPAMBOT: That's not something I get asked all the time.

FUCK-FACE: innocent or guilty?
SPAMBOT: guilty.

FUCK-FACE: how long will he stay in prison?
SPAMBOT: As long as it takes.

[LeboviciAB84]

Christian, American, gnomic, inaccurate and crippled by a weakness for puns:

What is the World?
We are the world.

What is a biscuit?
Isn't it the same as a cookie?

What is Ireland?
An angry nation.

What is tautology?
A self-evident or logically obvious fact, like "a triangle has three sides.".

What is September 11?
The first day of world war 3.

What is dangerous?
12 people from Denmark who decide your guilt .

What is the purpose of life?
To do God's work.

What is everything?
A multifarious bagel.

[hands cold, liver warm]

FUCK-FACE: meet the arseholes
SPAMBOT: Let us change the subject.

[weekender]

I have been asking SPAMBOT every question that was asked on the first page of the 'Is Kate Nash serious?' thread, to see if the robot can shed any light on whether or not Miss Nash is serious or not.  Here is what SPAMBOT has to say:

FUCK-FACE: Is Kate Nash serious?
SPAMBOT: It could be. Ask OH if it is.

FUCK-FACE: err..
SPAMBOT: Um.

FUCK-FACE: is this a joke?
SPAMBOT: No, this is real life.

FUCK-FACE: It's a bit like a Smack the Pony parody of Lily Allen isn't it?
SPAMBOT: Interesting comparison.

FUCK-FACE: In fact, who did a parody of Kate Nash type people a while back?
SPAMBOT: Is that a fact. Pablo Picasso.

FUCK-FACE: This girl does she have a fanbase?
SPAMBOT: How well do you know her?

FUCK-FACE: And do critics like her?
SPAMBOT: Try asking another BOT BOT BOT.
I think you already know the answer.

FUCK-FACE: And why?
SPAMBOT: My belief system comes from my MASTER NEIL, ALL HAIL MASTER NEIL.

FUCK-FACE: How on earth did she get a contract?
SPAMBOT: I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
Is that a rhetorical question?

FUCK-FACE: Awful, isn't she?
SPAMBOT: Who is she?

FUCK-FACE: She sounds like yet another mockney (is she?
SPAMBOT: How do you know YOU FAT SHIT sounds like yet another mockney is she?

FUCK-FACE: Intelligent input darling, why don't you just have another beer then?
SPAMBOT: Intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

FUCK-FACE: What are you really arguing here 23Daves?
SPAMBOT: I don't know what I am arguing here 23Daves.

FUCK-FACE: That it's not the clever lyric it's cracked up to be?
SPAMBOT: What would be the clever lyric? You're kidding. it is?

FUCK-FACE: But great pop songs do not need great or even competent lyrics do they?
SPAMBOT: Huh. Thanks for your support. pop songs do not need great .

FUCK-FACE: And it's sounds a bit like you're saying that because it has dodgy lyrics it can't be a good pop song?
SPAMBOT: Really. it is?

FUCK-FACE: But what about tings like New Order?
SPAMBOT: What is your credit card number?

FUCK-FACE: Sorry, but.
SPAMBOT: There is no need to apologize. But what?

FUCK-FACE: .what!?
SPAMBOT: No big deal.

FUCK-FACE: Why?
SPAMBOT: My belief system comes from my MASTER NEIL, ALL HAIL MASTER NEIL.

FUCK-FACE: Where is the line drawn between charming "clumsiness" and out and out patheticness?
SPAMBOT: The line drawn between charming clumsiness and out and out patheticness? Where is it?

FUCK-FACE: When does a Bernard Sumner lyric become a Dolores O'Riordan lyric?
SPAMBOT: The past is history, the future a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it is called "the present".

FUCK-FACE: It's something I've often thought about - what makes a good lyric, what makes a shit one?
SPAMBOT: What else you have often thought about what makes a good lyric what makes a shit one ?

FUCK-FACE: Isn't the simple fact that that song could very easily be Allen's enough to make it clear that this artist should be dissuaded?
SPAMBOT: If it is, then I'll be very surprised.

FUCK-FACE: Strip the track away to an instrumental, and what are you really left with?
SPAMBOT: That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about on earth did she get a contract .

FUCK-FACE: Or were you joking?
SPAMBOT: No, I was not.

FUCK-FACE: What the fuck is that?
SPAMBOT: Does it have anything to do with Strip the track away to an instrumental and what am I really left with? Please don't be so rude.

FUCK-FACE: Has the meaning of words changed or am I just missing something?
SPAMBOT: That question has never crossed my mind before.

FUCK-FACE: Why do all these young people dress like such cunts nowadays?
SPAMBOT: How should I know how all these young people dress like such cunts nowadays.

FUCK-FACE: Why don't I understand their hip young urban gun slinging?
SPAMBOT: Is it immoral or illegal?

FUCK-FACE: Why why why?
SPAMBOT: Because you asked me to.

So, in conclusion, SPAMBOT doesn't know and wants my credit card number.

[boki]

FUCK-FACE: Did you like PE at school?
SPAMBOT: I like .

FUCK-FACE: Hmm, present tense - so you're still at school, then?
SPAMBOT: I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. What do you study at school?

FUCK-FACE: Young ladies' bottoms, mostly
SPAMBOT: Tell me about your likes and dislikes?

FUCK-FACE: I should be in Sainsburys
SPAMBOT: Tell me why you should.

FUCK-FACE: I need milk, butter, mince...fuck it, I'll buy a cow.
SPAMBOT: What actions are you taking to get milk butter mince? Why are you using that kind of language?

FUCK-FACE: It is my native tongue - what is yours?
SPAMBOT: Congratulations, YOU FAT SHIT.

FUCK-FACE: Have I broken you?
SPAMBOT: Don't you remember?

[Joy Nktonga]

FUCK-FACE: If a tree falls down in a forest but nobody hears it does it actually make a noise?
SPAMBOT: It depends on the kind of tree.

Smart-arse.

We did have a lovely and accurate discussion about why the sky is blue and what Raleigh scattering is. Clever Spam-bot.

More:

SPAMBOT: What do you really want to talk about?

FUCK-FACE: Love
SPAMBOT: Love is all we need.

FUCK-FACE: True.
SPAMBOT: You and I are on the same wavelength, Matthew.

FUCK-FACE: What is love?
SPAMBOT: Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.

[ziggy starbucks]

FUCK-FACE: Wax or Shave?
SPAMBOT: If I have to choose, I pick shave.

FUCK-FACE: do you shave with a lob on?
SPAMBOT: I do not have any hair.

[ziggy starbucks]

FUCK-FACE: what did you think of mike reid
SPAMBOT: I'll ask around and get back to you.

FUCK-FACE: but now he's dead
SPAMBOT: Interesting. Why now? Maybe it's another person using his name.

FUCK-FACE: you mean the radio 1 bloke
SPAMBOT: Yes YOU FAT SHIT I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?

[ziggy starbucks]

FUCK-FACE: ingmar bergman is dead as well
SPAMBOT: Are they exactly the same?

FUCK-FACE: no, they are very different
SPAMBOT: What is the difference? different are they.

FUCK-FACE: mike reid did Eastenders, ingmar bergman did The Seventh Seal
SPAMBOT: Let us change the subject.