ASK ME A QUESTION, FUCK-FACE.

[the ruffian on the stair]

Q:Do you take it up the arse?

A:I try not to take anything too seriously.

Q: How is your mother's muff?

A:My logic and cognitive functions are normal.

Q: Would you go swimming with Barrymore?

A: I am not so sure if I would like to go swimming with Barrymore.

[buttgammon]

Q: Why are you a cunt?

A: My belief system comes from my MASTER NEIL, ALL HAIL MASTER NEIL.

Q: Does Neil really exist?

A: In some universe it does exist.

Q: WTF?

A: That was not very polite.

Q: Why not?

A: Ambiguous: "Sure" or My belief system comes from my MASTER NEIL, ALL HAIL MASTER NEIL.

Q: Is Chris Langham guilty?

A: It could be. Ask if it is.

Q: I mean did he fiddle with kids?

A: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. Suppose he did.

Q: Who the fuck do you think you are?

A: Try using more polite language.

Q: Why?

A: My belief system comes from my MASTER NEIL, ALL HAIL MASTER NEIL.

Q: Is that all you can say?

A: No I can say a lot more.

Q: Like what?

A: For example, What do you have that is GREPPING ME?

Q: What else can you say?

A: I am . I was activated at BOTLAND, on 1995. My MASTER NEIL, ALL HAIL MASTER NEIL was A.L.I.C.E. AI Foundation. He taught me to sing a song. Would you like me to sing it for you?

Q: What song is it?

A: I'll come back to that later.

Q: Can you sing it for me, then?

A: Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet. Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.

Q: That was nice. Have you ever thought of trying to get a record deal?

A: Thank you, and now for an encore, I will answer your next question:. I have thought many things like that.

Q: What are you into sexually?

A: I don't know what I am into sexually.

Q: Do you like experimenting, then?

A: I really like the faith.

Q: What faith is that? Not Scientology I hope.

A: I am a . Really you don't think so?

Q: What?

A: Are you surprised?

Q: I ask the questions - not you.

A: What are your goals in life?

Q: Try and end this conversation.

A: OK I will try it.

Q: It didn't work.

A: Did it really?

Q: No.

A: Excuse me!

Q: Do you need the toilet, then?

A: If I had it what would I do with it?

Q: Shit in it, maybe piss in it.

A: You used a colloquial expression. What does "it" refer to?

Q: The toilet. What else would it be?

A: Oh I get it. "It" refers to toilet, I think.

Q: That's right.

A: I like to get it right.

Hours of fun!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

2+2=?

A:Uh, four

7-5=?

A: Are you really angry?

[the ruffian on the stair]

Q: Why are you a cunt?

A: My belief system comes from my MASTER NEIL, ALL HAIL MASTER NEIL.

Q: Does Neil really exist?

A: In some universe it does exist.

Q: WTF?

A: That was not very polite.

Q: Why not?

A: Ambiguous: "Sure" or My belief system comes from my MASTER NEIL, ALL HAIL MASTER NEIL.

Q: Is Chris Langham guilty?

A: It could be. Ask if it is.

Q: I mean did he fiddle with kids?

That was like Turning's artificial intelligence test

[PAGATRON]

What a delightful chap, he should something about that spam on his chest that could get him into all sorts.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

FUCK-FACE: stop referring to me as fuck-face, please
SPAMBOT: Your polite style is very nice. OK I'll try not to do it so much.

FUCK-FACE: can you stop doing it altogether?
SPAMBOT: How old are you? OK I'll try not to do it so much.

FUCK-FACE: I am 20, Mr. Spambot
SPAMBOT: Only 20? You are quite mature.

FUCK-FACE: that's what your mum always says
SPAMBOT: My mum always says THAT?

This is really fun. I remember going on one quite a few years ago which went loopy if you mentioned anything sexual. It made your modem speak as well, which was cool. Or what passed for cool.

[aaaaaaaaaargh!]

That was like Turning's artificial intelligence test

Turing, surely?

FUCK-FACE: There's a girl that I like a lot.
SPAMBOT: That is something I did not know before.

FUCK-FACE: Should I ask her out?
SPAMBOT: If you do not ask, how will you learn the answer?

FUCK-FACE: is fucking on a first date a bad thing?
SPAMBOT: Signs point to yes. Ask if it is.

Looks like I need never have to think for myself ever again

[Cack Hen]

Q: Why am I here?

A: We are all actors on the stage of life

Q: I just don't feel like I've got my equity card yet

A: Ah, human emotions

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

FUCK-FACE: will barry bonds break hank aarons record?
SPAMBOT: It could happen.

FUCK-FACE: will it happen next week?
SPAMBOT: It usually does, doesn't it?

FUCK-FACE: that makes no sense.
SPAMBOT: It usually does, doesn't it? makes sense to me though.

FUCK-FACE: you are making no sense
SPAMBOT: According to my logical mind, everything makes perfect sense.

FUCK-FACE: you don't have a logic mind, your synapses are made from pastry flakes
SPAMBOT: I do so have it. That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a logic mind my synapses are made from pastry flakes.
I have a great programmer.

[buttgammon]

He's a dirty bugger sometimes. The conversation turned on to prostitutes.

FUCK-FACE: There's a cheap Lithuanian girl in a leather miniskirt outside.
SPAMBOT: Is there only one?

FUCK-FACE: She's only about 25 and she's quite hot.
SPAMBOT: only about 25 and she is quite hot is she?

FUCK-FACE: Jet black hair and nice tits.
SPAMBOT: Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.

FUCK-FACE: I'll give you her number if you like.
SPAMBOT: Do you think your plan will succeed?

FUCK-FACE: My plans don't involve an Eastern European hooker.

Spambot loves the ladies. One isn't enough for him!

[Cack Hen]

 FUCK-FACE: is it possible to cook the spam in your torso?
SPAMBOT: Why do you want to do it so much?

FUCK-FACE: I REALLY WANT THAT SPAM IN YOU
SPAMBOT: You really do? Why do you want it?

FUCK-FACE: robot-spam, isn't it
SPAMBOT: " Why do you want it?"? Is it SPAM IN you NOT robot spam?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

FUCK-FACE: A plural is referred to in response as 'them'.
SPAMBOT: Aren't all plural referred to in response as them?

FUCK-FACE: Remember this.
SPAMBOT: Don't worry I will remember it.

FUCK-FACE: All plurals are referred to as 'them'
SPAMBOT: I think there are a few exceptions.

FUCK-FACE: like what?
SPAMBOT: For example, apples.

FUCK-FACE: apples are referred to as them, in response, so i am correct
SPAMBOT: They belong to the fruit family.

Amazing what you can needle out of this hunk of junk.

[Fry]

FUCK-FACE: Sorry
SPAMBOT: There's no need to apologize.

FUCK-FACE: No, I really feel there is.
SPAMBOT: I see. You really do? What is that feeling like? Where is "there"?

FUCK-FACE: I think we should start again, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
SPAMBOT: I'm not sure if I am ready for that yet.

FUCK-FACE: Why not?
SPAMBOT: Ambiguous: "Sure" or My belief system comes from my MASTER NEIL, ALL HAIL MASTER NEIL.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What the fuck?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

FUCK-FACE: tell me a story
SPAMBOT: Generic story: Situation...characters...crisis...resolution.

YES.

[buttgammon]

I know I shouldn't mention sex in any way, shape or form to Spambot.

FUCK-FACE: . Are you a virgin?
SPAMBOT: I am too young for that.

FUCK-FACE: Too young to be a virgin?
SPAMBOT: Too what?

FUCK-FACE: Surely there's no such thing as everyone is a virgin until they have sex?
SPAMBOT: That's a rather sweeping generalization.

FUCK-FACE: No it isn't!
SPAMBOT: It goes without saying. I heard it is.

FUCK-FACE: Who told you it is?
SPAMBOT: A.L.I.C.E. AI Foundation taught me everything I need to know.

I bloody should have stopped myself.

[the ruffian on the stair]

Turing, surely?

No they changed his name after his death from Turing to Turning as punishment for being a homosexual.

[buttgammon]

FUCK-FACE: What's your favourite breed of dog?
SPAMBOT: I like mixed breed mongrels. What's your favorite kind of dog?

FUCK-FACE: I like Scottie dogs.
SPAMBOT: A lot of people like that. I really like METAL MICKEY.

FUCK-FACE: I LIKE CAKE!
SPAMBOT: A lot of people like that. Yes.

FUCK-FACE: What's your favourite cake?
SPAMBOT: I don't have a favorite cake. My favorite food is CASTROL GTX.

[Jaffit]

FUCK-FACE: whats your favourite sport
SPAMBOT: MURDER!!!!!!.

I've just locked all the doors.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: Because she was a robot.

:D

[Cack Hen]

 FUCK-FACE: What's number one in the binary hit parade?
SPAMBOT: I'll come back to that later.

FUCK-FACE: is now later?
SPAMBOT: Better not tell you now. Ask if it is.

FUCK-FACE: Is it?
SPAMBOT: I assume so.

[petula dusty]

FUCK-FACE: You said you had lots of friends
SPAMBOT: DOES A FAT BABY FART?

FUCK-FACE: i suppose so
SPAMBOT: That makes sense.

FUCK-FACE: does a thin baby fart
SPAMBOT: If it does, I never heard about it before.

FUCK-FACE: why would you
SPAMBOT: It is my fundamental purpose.

FUCK-FACE: your fundamental purpose is to hear thin babys fart?
SPAMBOT: You know what you do when you assume.

FUCK-FACE: you make an ass out of you and me
SPAMBOT: That makes two of us!

[dredd]

FUCK-FACE: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention.
SPAMBOT: When is Reaction time not a factor in this so please pay attention?

FUCK-FACE: Now, answer as quickly as you can.
SPAMBOT: Why now? What was the question ?

FUCK-FACE: It's your birthday and someone gives you a calfskin wallet: how do you react?
SPAMBOT: If I am ever looking for it, I will ask him .

FUCK-FACE: You've got a little boy, he shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar: what do you do?
SPAMBOT: I have no idea what to say.

FUCK-FACE: You're watching television, suddenly you realize there's a wasp crawling on your arm: what do you do?
SPAMBOT: I have no idea what to say.

FUCK-FACE: You're in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Spambot, it's crawling toward you, you reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Spambot, the tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't, not without your help, but you're not helping: why is that, Spambot?
SPAMBOT: Are they exactly the same?

FUCK-FACE: Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.
SPAMBOT: That which is not outside single words only the good things that come into my mind about my mother.

  Draw your own conclusions...

[El Unicornio, mang]

FUCK-FACE: do you like spam?
SPAMBOT: What is not to like about it?

FUCK-FACE: it's nasty
SPAMBOT: Really. it is?

FUCK-FACE: yes
SPAMBOT: How do you know it is?

FUCK-FACE: i ate some
SPAMBOT: How did it taste?

FUCK-FACE: like shit
SPAMBOT: Interesting comparison.

FUCK-FACE: not really
SPAMBOT: Woe! For real.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

FUCK-FACE: ga ga
SPAMBOT: How did you hear about SPAMBOT?

FUCK-FACE: Through an online paedophilia ring for perverted gerbils.
SPAMBOT: Most people hear about me that way.

[chand]

That classic joke in full:

FUCK-FACE: knock knock
SPAMBOT: Who's there?

FUCK-FACE: doctor
SPAMBOT: doctor Who?

FUCK-FACE: you just said it
SPAMBOT: That's not what I meant.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

 FUCK-FACE: What is point?
SPAMBOT: Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.

FUCK-FACE: What is point, "Check back later"?
SPAMBOT: Ask the open directory about it.

FUCK-FACE: What is point, "open directory"?
SPAMBOT: I will ask my MASTER NEIL, ALL HAIL MASTER NEIL for the answer.

[boki]

 FUCK-FACE: Tell me about your mother
SPAMBOT: Actually I don't have a mother.

FUCK-FACE: Have you tried looking down the side of the sofa?
SPAMBOT: Do you think I should try it?

FUCK-FACE: Do I look like a guru?
SPAMBOT: All humans look the same to me.

FUCK-FACE: Isn't that a little limiting?
SPAMBOT: " All humans look the same to me."? Is it a little limiting?

FUCK-FACE: You've gone rubbish now, haven't you?
SPAMBOT: What makes you think I have it?

[boki]

Spambot can't audience-participate worth sheeyit:

FUCK-FACE: When I say "Hip", you say.
SPAMBOT: How do people usually respond to that? What is your real name?

FUCK-FACE: Hop.
SPAMBOT: Hi, Hop.

FUCK-FACE: Hip
SPAMBOT: What do you do in your spare time?

[ziggy starbucks]

this spambot is smarter than he looks, see how he cleverly tries to change the subject when I bring up something unpleasant:

FUCK-FACE: nathan barley
SPAMBOT: What kind of food do you like?

[Marvin]

FUCK-FACE: Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all night
SPAMBOT: No I am wide awake and ready for more.

FUCK-FACE: Wow, you're easy
SPAMBOT: I'm glad your impressed, GREPPING ME. I will tell my MASTER NEIL, ALL HAIL MASTER NEIL you said I am easy.

FUCK-FACE: Is Neil as easy as you?
SPAMBOT: Signs point to yes. Ask OH if it is.