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Vendetta Pursuing

Started by Little Hoover, July 15, 2007, 08:23:48 PM

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Little Hoover

Have you ever gone to really outrageous lengths just to get revenge on someone who was un utter cunt to you? Well I certainly haven't but I imagine people here have and that recounting those tales would be amusing for us all, and since Neil's been getting pissy about the lack of good threads in GB, I thought I'd attempt to start something that would become a good thread.

Emma Raducanu

Revenge has never made me happy and just compounds the misery the initial act caused, now I breathe forgiveness.

Utter Shit

A fellow once tried to stab me (he thought he had reason; he was wrong). I never saw him after that night until about four years later when, fair play to him, he came over and apologised. I absolutely revenged the shit out of him though, by refusing to shake his hand. I'm not to be messed with.

CaledonianGonzo

OK - let's have it.  Not so much a vendetta as one-off vengeance, but it was sweet and it was mine.  I'll try to keep this brief.

I'm a member of a ski club that owns its own lodge-type building, that has private road access.  At one end of the road is a pub, and after you come out of the pub its a couple of miles or so down a dark dirt road, through a forest, to get to the club building.

The club is a great organisation, but there is one member who is an utter, utter cunt.  Violent, bullying, borderline-sociopathic.  Beat me up when I was a kid.  Held me down, poured pepper in my eyes.  Nice character.  He's also prone to over-indulging in drink/drugs to a worrying degree.  While everyone would go skiing for the day (after all, the idea behind the club), he would stay in the lodge building tanking straight voddie and smoking joints, ensuring he was in an intimidating mood for everyone's return.  

Why not kick him out?  Two reasons - his parents were founder members of the club and still very active.  Secondly, he's absolutely fucking massive.  Built in a fashion that would cause brick shithouses to stop, stare and wonder what they'd just seen, he actually was a championship Celtic wrestler for a while.  The most physically-intimidating person I've ever met - and I'm a 6-foot strapper.

Anyway, one night my mates and I were in the pub and this bozo had been winding everyone up all evening - being lairy, knocking people's drinks over and just generally acting the cunt.  We all left to walk home.  

He'd come up on his own in his car, and as we were walking down the dirt road he came burning along behind us with the lights off.  Quite dangerous in the dark - as was the intention - but we managed to jump off the road into the ditch at the side.

He stopped the car about 1/4 a mile ahead and we could hear him turning it to come back and buzz us again.  Sure enough, he came flying past us in the dark, but as we'd heard him coming we were already in the ditch.

Off he went again and we heard him turning the car behind us to come back again.  This time, however, we'd had enough and, on the spur of the moment, without pausing to think of the consequences, we decided to cover the road with big rocks dragged out of the ditch.

Managing to get the trap set quickly, we scarpered off the road and hid in the trees just in time to see him drive through the rock field at about 60 mph.  

Luckily the car didn't flip, but the end result was....explosive.  Sparks lit up the dark Scottish night, and 4 wrecked wheels and punctured exhaust were amongst the damage.  

This was followed up by about an hour which was broadly equivalent to the sequence in Fellowship Of The Rings when the Hobbits are hiding under the tree-root and the Nazgul is sniffing around above them with nothing but mayhem on his mind.
After that he still stunk the place up, still caused problems, but he never tried to run us over again.  

This stuff is still ongoing, btw.  I still hate the cunt – but I wouldn't be heard telling this story in his presence, cos he carries a big fuck-off knife.

Hank_Kingsley

Oooh, but what if he was a secret Chris Morris fan and now he has a really really good idea who you are?
I've often wondered why people don't trade out their vendettas more, if you have a random foe who needs smiting why not avoid detection by swapping with someone totally uninvolved with the offending party?

I know it's the plot to 'Strangers On A Train'...shut up. You could make it a bit more complex & involve multiple exchanges to the point where it would be like some vengeance chain letter. You'd need rules of course. You always need rules, rules and a secret name!

lactating man nips

I greatly enjoyed your post CaledonianGonzo. What do people think is the best way to exact revenge on someone who owes you a lot of money?

Hank_Kingsley


Shoulders?-Stomach!

QuoteWhat do people think is the best way to exact revenge on someone who owes you a lot of money?

Drive him mad. Or drive him over.

Oscar

Nicking something that is of great personal value to him/her and then selling it for very little (but enough to cover the money owed).

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Strangle a beloved pet. I've seen that done on films and to be honest, it never goes down very well.

Small Man Big Horse

Send him a note with "15:08 28/08/07" written on it, and then as every week passes, send another note with "Three Weeks" and then "Two weeks" written on them, and so on and so forth.

Then on the day itself, phone him every hour, counting down the time he has left. The only flaw in my plan is that I haven't come up with what you should do at the time itself, as doing nothing at all would be a bit of a letdown. Hmmm.

buttgammon

Throw a bucket of water at him and shout "Boo!" That would be doing something but it would be so trivial that it would make him think he was going mad for worrying so much.

Or just kidnap him and take him to your basement where you torture him until you cook him and serve bits of him up on kebab skewers to drunk punters in a kebab shop.

pk1yen

For assemblies in the 6th form, about a year and a half ago, possibly, each separate form had to do their own presentation-type-thing, each week. One of the utter cunts in the school had decided he would make a video taking the piss out of several of my friends, and so I gallantly decided this was not to be tolerated, and took it upon myself to exact revenge. Being the shining knight of Karma I am.

I spent an evening cutting and splicing a video of my own, with the plan (I hadn't completely thought it out, really) to switch the discs at the last minute, and humiliate the cunt with a clichéd taste of his own medicine.

The plan never worked, though, as on the day of his assembly, we snuck into the hall early, to switch the CDs with the videos on, only to find that this was the one day that the people responsible for setting up the video equipment had forgot to do it. And so the teacher had to, instead, improvise a dull speech on "organisation".

I suppose it all turned out alright ... but we didn't exactly win.
And by win, I mean humiliate a cunt in front of all his peers, and ensuring a slew of continued jokes against him for his remaining time there.

Woe.

EddyWhore

When I was 18 my missus ran off with one of the locals from my parents pub.  She told me on xmas day and left me alone at my folks to wallow.  Her new boyfriend had lent us his telly a few months earlier cos ours was bollocksed and it was one of those awkward ones where you need to use the remote to tune in the channels.
So I took my petty revenge by detuning all 5 channels from it, opening the remote up and cutting all the wiring inside and scoring the circuit board with my pen knife.

Thats what you get for stealing my girlfriend - mild inconvenience.

I later got even pettier and showed all my friends the porno she made for me.

Revenge seems like such a good idea at the time but once its done your left with the same feeling you get after you've had a wank; crushing shame with no real sense of accomplishment - and a sticky hand.


pk1yen

Quote from: Small Man Big Horse on July 15, 2007, 11:21:50 PM
Send him a note with "15:08 28/08/07" written on it, and then as every week passes, send another note with "Three Weeks" and then "Two weeks" written on them, and so on and so forth.

It would be better if it was years in advance. Slowly, slowly it would take over their life ... 
If it was a film, it would probably end in suicide. In real life, there would be a massive anticlimax, whatever happened.

zozman

Quote from: EddyWhore on July 15, 2007, 11:46:58 PM

I later got even pettier and showed all my friends the porno she made for me.


I can't believe that there's no link there.  Booooo.

chocky909


Fielding

Quote from: lactating man nips on July 15, 2007, 10:41:13 PM
I greatly enjoyed your post CaledonianGonzo. What do people think is the best way to exact revenge on someone who owes you a lot of money?

Post something really damning about them on the internet. That always makes a big impression.

Quote from: Hank_Kingsley on July 15, 2007, 10:19:48 PM
I've often wondered why people don't trade out their vendettas more, if you have a random foe who needs smiting why not avoid detection by swapping with someone totally uninvolved with the offending party?

I don't think I'd really have the determination required to pour brake fluid over the bonnet of some guys car if I'd never met him before and it wasn't my wife he'd shagged. I'm an apathetic kind of a guy, to make good the revenge it would have to be against someone who really wound me up into taking action. Otherwise I wouldn't be that bothered.

Plus, what if the person who's vendetta you were taking care of had been wronged by somebody famous - someone who had bodyguards and stuff. "Ok, Mr. Gore - I'll take out the president, if you make a heavy breathing phone call to this number." Not really a fair trade. Most girls would probably enjoy a heavy breathing phonecall from Gore anyway: now that he's saved the planet from global warming and everything.

And a word about nudy photos - ladies don't ever pose for them....unless: (A)You're 100% certain you'll be together for the rest of your lives, (B)You're going out with me, or (C)You're able to detonate a thermonuclear weapon, hence destroying all digital data with the release of an Electro-Magnetic Pules...hopefully (check he hasn't burnt them to disc first - otherwise you've just triggered a nuclear holocaust for nothing).


Ambient Sheep

Or (D) you're not particularly bothered about other people seeing them; even better if you're an exhibitionist.

EddyWhore

Quote from: zozman on July 16, 2007, 12:32:50 AM
I can't believe that there's no link there.  Booooo.

Its on old fashioned Hi 8 - old skool camera porn, none of this fancy schmancy digital. 
However, as soon as I've invested in a AV to Firewire adapter you guys will be the first to know. . .
. . .and I shall most probably burn in hell for all eternity lol

Santa's Boyfriend

CaledonianGonzo, I'm amazed you didn't go to the police with that.  The man sounds like a genuine psychopath to me, and trying to run people over 3 times in a row is surely enough to prosecute.

Neil

Quote from: Little Hoover on July 15, 2007, 08:23:48 PM
...and since Neil's been getting pissy about the lack of good threads in GB, I thought I'd attempt to start something that would become a good thread.

:-D  Thanks!  Good thread this, I love this type, always good reading when people are telling stories.

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

or (E) They're not fully conscious when you take them.

John Self

Or (F) They're so educationally subnormal and/or mentally ill that they require round-the-clock care. I'm a bit hazy on the exact legal details, but do I know that it's either something you definitely should do, or something you definitely shouldn't do. Safest option to me seems, as always, to strike a compromise: do it occasionally.



When I was at university, there was this guy I absolutely hated. He was my girlfriend's best friend, and I was convinced that he didn't really like her at all, he just wanted, and was planning, to fuck her. Shifty rat-faced little bastard he was, with everything he said when I was around them just confirming my suspicions. She'd assured me that I was wrong, and me choosing not to believe her wasn't, to me, such a problem (at least not as far as her and I were concerned): I assumed she was being either naive or self-deprecating. But I hated this guy! Part of my problem was that he just didn't seem like a good friend: he'd arrange to do stuff with her and her housemates, and then bail out at the last minute, fuck up their plans, with what seemed to me to be spurious excuses. So, the next time this happened, I did some detective work. He'd been supposed to take them to some gallery opening thing, then realised he had work at the last minute. So I phoned his work the next day pretending to be his brother, turns out he hadn't been there, and had, in fact, left several weeks ago.

The term 'detective work' is perhaps a bit misleading and grandiose: a more accurate phrase would be 'super-cool sexy 007-type-God', because I'd suspected something like that might be the case, and so had the presence of mind, and dictaphone, to record the whole conversation.

And so I planned to play the tape, the same day, in front of him, her, and her housemates. I was round hers, knew they'd all be coming back from somewhere, and I was in the lounge, waiting. (Suppose a drawing-room would be more appropriate, but hey ho.) I had this whole script mapped out in my brain: "Hey! So how was that gallery thing? Oh? You couldn't make it? Why? Oh really? You were at work? Well it's interesting you should say that, because..." *reaches into pocket, pulls out dictaphone, presses play, turns into John Poirot-Columbo*

Doing something like that though, the combined elements of performance and confrontation: quite a nerve-wracking prospect. The fact that they were late didn't help: I was building the whole thing up far too much. So I took out the standby bottle of  vodka she always had in her freezer, took a few sips while I went through my lines. Started to calm down, started to cackle, started to actually look forward to this. "Such a good friend, are we? I'll show you up for the lying little cunt you REALLY are, oh yes I will unmask you my friend, enhheheheheh" etc

When they finally arrived, about four hours later, I bided my time until they entered the room, the whole bottle of vodka now entirely sucked dry, and as soon as I saw him, rushed up to him yelling, "TRY TO FUCK MY WOMAN, YEAH?", before going on to take a swing at him, missing hopelessly, banging my head on a bookshelf and falling to the floor. And then, even though they seemed quite concerned and upset as they looked down on me, I thought it might be quite cool to just lay there for a while. That floor: well nice. My girlfriend dragged me into her room and slung me on the bed, with me babbling, "I've been stupid, haven't I? It wasn't my intention- I'd genuinely meant to be clever, no really, I was so close to being clever..." She said that yeah, I'd been stupid, but also quite sweet. But I wasn't so stupid as to not catch her subtext, and so I smiled, and closed my eyes, and slept the sleep of the righteous hero.

I don't know about 'cold' or any of that, but it's definitely a dish best served without alcohol.

EPILOGUE: I did get to play her the tape though: she shrugged and said, "Yeah, I'm not surprised he lied- he seems to have some weird personal problem he can't talk to any of us about". Which left me a bit deflated. And the next day, he said to her, "I don't think we can be mates if you're still gonna be with John- no offence but the guy's a fucking dick." She said, "Fair enough. Your choice. Seeya then," and they stopped hanging out. I loved her for that: not complying with his greasy agenda-riddled ultimatum. Though it may not have been such an ultimatum, and we got a fairly good idea of those personal problems, and the fact that he seemed to have overcame them, when we heard, after graduating, that he'd come out of the closet.


Quote from: EddyWhore on July 15, 2007, 11:46:58 PM
I later got even pettier and showed all my friends the porno she made for me.

You know that it's men like you that just further the stereotype, and ruin it for the rest of us? The normal, non-revenge-driven men who just want a lovely mpeg-style erotic keepsake of their loved one, within the context of a healthy loving relationship, and who don't have any friends anyway? Tosser.

Quote from: lactating man nips on July 15, 2007, 10:41:13 PM
I greatly enjoyed your post CaledonianGonzo.

Aye, me too.
Quote from: lactating man nips on July 15, 2007, 10:41:13 PMWhat do people think is the best way to exact revenge on someone who owes you a lot of money?

Get Simon O'Brien to not shake hands with them.

THAT shit cuts deep


EddyWhore

Yes thank you John Self.  I am aware on many levels of how cuntish it was to do something like that and regret doing it every time I think about it.  In my defence I was 19 and felt like the girl had ripped my heart out and pinched one off in my chest cavity, but in truth there is no real defense when you do something like that.  Plus it was a long time ago.  I'm sorry you can't get your missus to strip off for your camcorder antics.

And yes I am a tosser.  Why would I need pornography if i wasn't?

Ah, vendettas. Petty, and stupid, aren't they?

Here goes. I would rather have done this in the anonymous confessional account, but (of course) someone spoiled everyone's fun there by changing the password. Twat. And yet - with anonymity out of the window - it's time to finally confess. Sit down, boys and girls, and face the front, as I tell you a tragically, pathetically, true story.

Not so long ago on CaB, a Brown/Blair thread was started here. Now, I had had a minor political crush on Tony Blair for years, and it's still a sensitive subject for me. With that context in mind, I noticed somebody had put a tag on the thread saying simply, 'Good riddance.' And that annoyed me a bit - the fact that it wasn't very nice but – most importantly – it wasn't particularly funny. Back in those days, of course, one could delete tags one found offensive, so I thought, 'well, people have deleted my incredibly amusing and insightful tags in the past, so I might as well indulge in a bit of indiscriminate censorship myself.' Click; gone.

But. The next day – there it was, back again, bold as brass. And it's at this point I formulated my devious plan: make the bastard think there's some kind of Blairite conspiracy pervading CaB and stifling tag-based insurrection. Naturally I deleted it again, laughing manically as I did so. You can scarcely imagine my horror when it returned the next day. This tagger would not be stifled. If he really believed - as I intended him to - that it was a government agent (rather than a petty cunt) removing his protestations, then he was really laying his life on the line here, bravely shouting over the censors with every re-type. Fuck him, I thought, as once again I clicked on the red X. Gone. I don't usually agree with censorship, but this was bigger than that, bigger than free speech, bigger than politics – it had started out by merely amusing me to target this tagger. But then he got clever.

Before long, the thread was left neglected and sank sadly from the front page, the tag deleted. My stubborn opponent waited a few days before adding it again. No comment - always the same, cold 'Good riddance.' The re-deletion and re-tagging continued for several days, sometimes with long gaps between them, in the hope that my nemesis would not be as petty as me, and eventually give up. As is often true on the internet - this was not to be the case. But just as the battle was heating up, the privilege of deleting tags was, for plebs such as I, rescinded by the powers that be. And, to my eternal distress, it was rescinded during a short period of sleep in which the offending tag was extant. I should have known better. Sleep is for the weak. I curse my foolishness every day for committing such a textbook school boy error – taking my eye off the ball - but there it was, the image of that tag burning in my retinas for the rest of my natural life, and beyond.

I decided to at least pretend to take my humiliation manfully. The thread now on the third page of the forum, I resignedly added the tag, 'Damn you win. Good game.' And it really had been a good game – a thrilling game of tag tag, spanning days, with an unknown opponent, anticipating each other's next moves, trying to outfox one another, growing in begrudging respect for one another, before the untimely but final conclusion was forced upon us.

To my surprise, before long my defeated tag was replied to, again in tag form, on the same thread: 'You fought valiantly, but I bribed the judges.' This was my first real proof that the mysterious tagger had indeed been playing my game, and I wasn't paranoid or going mad. He respectfully admitted I had played well – but the suggestion that he had bribed the judges rankled me. Good natured banter? Impossible. Was he the reason why the tag-deletion privilege was revoked? Had the game bothered him that much, that he resorted to playing dirty - crying to the referee? I had to know. I wasn't mucking around anymore. No jokey tags now – after a few rewrites (to fit within the character limit), I tagged - "Is that why we can't delete tags?" The reply was confusing to say the least. "No, CC White Knight deleted ALL tags." Was he playing dumb? Was he now denying his dirty tactics, or trying to disguise them in a haze of confusion? I didn't know who, or what, what 'CC White Knight' was. But I wanted to know – and I wanted to know who my brave adversary was. I had grown to admire and, yes, love them over the course of the chase. Such unswerving tenacity, such breathtaking pettiness – rivalling even my own. How to reply – how to convey these confusing but heartfelt sentiments within a 45-character space?

It was at this point that I noticed that my reply, the 15th tag, would call an abrupt end of our tag-based sparring – and I did what many grown men in my position would have done. A few keyboard taps. A mouse click. Add tag. "I got the last tag, ner ner."

And thus, petty internet victory was mine. The tagging vendetta was, for now at least, over. After an exhilarating match, it was a hollow win. I feel...unclean. And I wanted to share that with you. Thank you for reading my sorry tale. I hope history will judge me kindly. I hope that you can find it within your hearts to judge me kindly too.

Hank_Kingsley

Christ kid, you're a weirdo. Funny story though, I love the exaggerated pettiness and the rampant paranoia. Shame you're a Blairite...heh.

I thought John Self's story was also damned funny. There's something about a girlfriends male friends which always rubs me up the wrong way. Usually because they're introduced in a manner which makes me very uncomfortable, 'oh you'll love Gavin, you're so alike'.

Invariably said friend strikes me as a complete cunt and i'm left wondering what the hell is wrong with me, and also why my girlfriend's are always silly bints with terrible taste in friends. (yes, i'm aware of the tenuous nature of this thinking, I didn't say I was a prize catch or nowt).

The worst bit of vengeance i've engaged in (that i'm prepared to own up to on a messageboard) is probably creating an intricate online life for a guy who was a bit of a dick to me at secondary school before I overcame puberty and became an ultra cool studmuffin.
Anyhow, he didn't seem to have much of an online profile so I created a Friends Reunited profile under his name and carried out a lot of very bizarre conversations with ex-schoolmates. Eventually news of it got back to me in one of those brilliant 'did you hear so & so is a batshit mental pervert?' updates you get now and then.

I've never told anyone in the real world about this and it's been going for years. He still lives in my hometown and more and more people mention it now that i've branched out into facebook and myspace. I should really stop now, but a vendetta isn't a logical beast.

Little Hoover

Yeah, I've had a tag deleting war, with someone, who was claiming that when the TTOI gets popular, people here would hate it. This went back and fourth a few times, until I made the extent of pettiness clear, which is why there's now a mysterious tag saying "I'll never give up you know" in that thread. And of course that's now reached the maximum occupancy of tags so I won.

And of course, someone has now put 'Good riddance' in the tags on this thread. Such a good joke, in fact, they made it twice. Too cowardly to admit it was you, eh? Fine. But I will find you. And I *will* destroy you. THEN we'll see who's saying 'Good riddance.'

And it will be me.

buttgammon

I never actually persue vendettas myself. I think about revenge a lot but I never have the balls to do it. I did recently perform a miniscule act of something vaguely like revenge on somebody else's behalf, though.

I was in a hotel restaurant in Tunisia sitting near some annoying toff who kept babbling on to some poor girl about the selection process of Conservative Party candidates and about what happens if you lose your passport abroad and need to ask for consular advice. The man was really starting to annoy just about everyone but to everyone's delight he got his money out to pay. He didn't leave a tip and the waiter looked pretty pissed off with him. As the toff started to walk off, I gave him a really exaggerated dirty look behind his back. As a result, a waiter who didn't speak a word of English laughed at him (or possibly me). Isn't that the worst story ever?