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The 'real men' doth protest too much

Started by TC Raymond, July 20, 2007, 03:30:36 PM

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TC Raymond

There is nothing more fucking tiresome in the entire world than the uptight little closet-case in denial who goes around boasting about how hard and cool and devil-may-care he is, just to get some attention from people with the same level of awareness and IQ rating as a bit of burnt bacon fat covered in dog hair.
You know the type..."I fucking love Cracker, me, Fitz is just like me, likes a drink, likes a smoke, likes a fucking go on the gee-gees, likes a shag, yeah, he's a real man."
Really? Last time I looked he was an unconvincing fictional character played badly by a fat-arsed grumpy Scottish comedian-turned-luvvie in a depressing pile of shit that keeps making unwanted 'last episode ever, honest' Only Fools and Horses style comebacks.
Be honest, you fools. Smoking, drinking, gambling, whatever retarded hobby horse you're on this week - NO BIG DEAL. Got that? You are NOT some crazy rebel because you swell the government's coffers by hawking on 20 cancer sticks a day. You are NOT the hardest bastard on your street because you drink a few cans of 5% volume wife-beater a night. You are just a depressingly average, common-or-garden, never-had-an-original-thought-in-his-life ORDINARY BLOKE. See how it works now?
"I loved the old darts coverage where the players were allowed to drink and smoke". Why, because it made you feel slightly less alone? Christ alive, go down any pub on any night of the week and you will see others like you. It is NOT difficult. You are a slightly less retarded variation on the once-a-year piss artist who has a few shandies on his birthday or New Year's Eve, and ponces about town in 'wacky' fancy dress. For "I'm mad, me", read "I wish my life was not so tragic".
Same deal with those rock-hard bastards who do that ludicrous dick-swinging walk when they see a slightly less bolshy 'geeza' coming towards them on the street, then show how big and tough they are by hawking a greeny into the gutter. Wow, I'm so impressed. You're obviously 'nails', you, eh pal. What are you wearing under that England shirt, your daughter's training bra? Maybe the wife's knickers under those yellow trakkie bottoms? Having a nice little fantasy about bumming a white van man whilst gazing in awe at a picture of Garry "Oi! Oi! Savaloy!" Bushell topless? Get fucking real, put a dress on, go down the station and chug some serious cock in the gents. Get it all out of your system.

(My boss falls into this category and thinks it's funny to say "still breaking her in?" to anybody with a new girlfriend. Cunt, twunt, thrunt, flunt.)

Funcrusher

Am I the only one who doesn't have the foggiest idea what you're on about?

Neil

Give the guy a break, taggers.  Which bit of "oh fuck off and play outside" is meant to be funny?

The Widow of Brid

#3
Quote from: Neil on July 20, 2007, 03:36:19 PM
Give the guy a break, taggers.  Which bit of "oh fuck off and play outside" is meant to be funny?

Sorry, that was me. And while I don't think it was necessarily hilariously funny I did think it was valid comment on what seems to have been a torrent of repetitive and negative threads by the poster over the last week.
It was meant in weariness rather than spite.

Hank_Kingsley

I don't know very many people who model themselves on Robbie Coltrane in 'Cracker'.

It's obvious i'm moving in the wrong circles.

Also, maybe you're protesting too much, eh? Why does hyper-masculinity threaten you so much?

Aren't there much bigger things in life to get wound up about? Might not you yourself be a massive source of twattery, at least once in a while?

Maybe all you need is to share some hugs and tears with them?

TC Raymond

Quote from: Hank_Kingsley on July 20, 2007, 04:16:20 PM
Also, maybe you're protesting too much, eh? Why does hyper-masculinity threaten you so much?

Because I'm one of those rare people who is completely at ease with his own sexuality?
Whilst I'm generally, as Tony Blair would say, "a pretty straight kind of guy", and would gladly crawl ten miles over broken glass just to flog my log over Nigella Lawson's silhouette, I freely admit that there are a few blokes in this world who make me go all hippy-drippy and kinda gay.

For example...



Yes, I find that as much of a trouser-arouser as...



...that.

And that seems to upset some people.

TC Raymond

And yes, as the tag says, I have got Asperger's. Like Rain Man.



"Excellent cartoonist. Excellent cartoonist..."

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Urgh, he's got one of those weirdly shaped groins you get from working out too much and eating too little that makes it look like he's swallowed a potty.

buttgammon

Quote from: [banned troll] on July 20, 2007, 04:29:04 PM
Because I'm one of those rare people who is completely at ease with his own sexuality?
Whilst I'm generally, as Tony Blair would say, "a pretty straight kind of guy", and would gladly crawl ten miles over broken glass just to flog my log over Nigella Lawson's silhouette, I freely admit that there are a few blokes in this world who make me go all hippy-drippy and kinda gay.

Well, I think we all feel that way sometimes. I don't think anybody can honestly say they have never even considered 'other options'.

But him? Bloody hell no!

Hank_Kingsley

Ah, so you're bisexual. Why didn't you just say so? Or is bisexual a passe sort of concept now?

Are we all genderless now? I hope not, I like the enforced order of gender roles. It fills me with a warm patriarchal glow.

Action Man for boys, Barbie for girls!

Edit: Hang on, is that Justin Timberlake? Are you a 14 year old girl Raymond? At least fancy a real man like Clint Eastwood or Paul Newman. Now i'd feel safe in their arms. Not some pube haired girly man...

buttgammon

Well, I actually quite like being in the kitchen thank you very much. And I wouldn't mind a woman fixing my car.

But I don't actually cook in the kitchen and I don't have a car.

Neil

Quote from: Mrs Trousers on July 20, 2007, 03:55:25 PM
Sorry, that was me. And while I don't think it was necessarily hilariously funny I did think it was valid comment on what seems to have been a torrent of repetitive and negative threads by the poster over the last week.
It was meant in weariness rather than spite.

Well I shouldn't single that one out in particular, as there's been a fair few of them of late, but it was a pretty good example of what shouldn't be added to the tags.  That kind of sentiment is best expressed in the thread, with a name attached to it.   I don't want a return to the cowardly sniping and coordinated bullying that marked The Clique Era - that thankfully ended when all those self-absorbed, crowd-following bandwagon-jumpers fucked off.  There will definitely have to be changes to the tagging system, but I'd rather not do it at the minute as a) I've spent WAY too much working on the boards of late, and REALLY need to get back to rewriting the actual site (which doesn't even really exist in any shape or form at the minute), and b) I'm still ill and would like to enjoy my Tramadol high in peace :-)  So if you've got a problem with people, folks, please raise it in the thread, or else I'll have to randomly out taggers, link each and every tag to users profile, turn them off, or some other option.

Cheers.

TC Raymond

Quote from: Hank_Kingsley on July 20, 2007, 04:33:07 PM
Ah, so you're bisexual. Why didn't you just say so? Or is bisexual a passe sort of concept now?

Edit: Hang on, is that Justin Timberlake? Are you a 14 year old girl Raymond? At least fancy a real man like Clint Eastwood or Paul Newman. Now i'd feel safe in their arms. Not some pube haired girly man...

Nah, wouldn't say I was bisexual, I've never had sex with a bloke, nor would I particulary want to. Just getting a few hang-ups out in the open, you understand.

Justin fucking Timberlake? He looks like a young Albert Steptoe! Credit me with SOME taste. That's Lee Mead.

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien


John Self

Quote from: [banned troll] on July 20, 2007, 03:30:36 PM
There is nothing more fucking tiresome in the entire world than the uptight little closet-case in denial who goes around boasting about how hard and cool and devil-may-care he is, just to get some attention from people with the same level of awareness and IQ rating as a bit of burnt bacon fat covered in dog hair.

Count yourself lucky. I find nothing more tiresome than insomnia, personally. I think you've got the better deal.

Quote from: [banned troll] on July 20, 2007, 03:30:36 PMYou know the type..."I fucking love Cracker, me, Fitz is just like me, likes a drink, likes a smoke, likes a fucking go on the gee-gees, likes a shag, yeah, he's a real man."

You're like a really bad stand-up. Or your blonde Welsh dwarf email-buddy. No, I don't know the type, and am fairly certain that no human being has ever uttered the above sentence. Obviously, you're welcome (and likely) to reply, "No, I used to knock about with someone who said exactly that, and he also thought that Noel Fielding is the greatest comedian in the history of the world, better even than John Cleese, Peter Cook and Bill Oddie. I ask you! Clgrunt." Whatever: it's not a type. Sure those things you've mentioned are aspects of Fitz that many men (myself included) may find attractive, but the two things that he's most noteable for are this: he's brainy as hell and fat as fuck. I can't see too many real men wanting to claim parity with him for this.

Quote from: [banned troll] on July 20, 2007, 03:30:36 PMSmoking, drinking, gambling, whatever retarded hobby horse you're on this week - NO BIG DEAL. Got that? You are NOT some crazy rebel because you swell the government's coffers by hawking on 20 cancer sticks a day.

Well that's not the sole reason, and it's nearer to 40 a day, but YES I FUCKING AM.

Quote from: [banned troll] on July 20, 2007, 03:30:36 PMYou are NOT the hardest bastard on your street because you drink a few cans of 5% volume wife-beater a night.

Thing is, again, I FUCKING AM. More to do with location than me: I'm as weak as water, but seem to live on a street otherwise populated by 80 year old asian women who walk around trembling and looking at the floor. I sometimes wonder if my housing placement was a mistake at the council offices, if they accidentally put me in a womens' refuge. Either way, bit more research behind the rant next time, maybe?


Quote from: [banned troll] on July 20, 2007, 03:30:36 PMYou are just a depressingly average, common-or-garden, never-had-an-original-thought-in-his-life ORDINARY BLOKE. See how it works now?

Yeah, I see how it works. You're a better person. You must be.


Thing is, with those whole 'things I don't like about my gender' rants, whether it's here, or just general conversation, I can't help but instantly (and perhaps cynically) convert them to "WHY I AM BETTER THAN MOST MEN". (Because it is mainly men that come out with self-serving shite like this.) Sure TC, I know you've got this strange brain-syndrome to contend with, Asti Spumbergers or whatever it's called, but can't you see how taking these very specific rants about what appears to be just one person, and then trying to extrapolate them to cover a "whole type" of man just makes you look not only like the worst, laziest comic hack ever, but also, like a nasty, desperate, weeping screaming cock?

Neil

Quote from: [banned troll] on July 20, 2007, 04:30:21 PM
And yes, as the tag says, I have got Asperger's. Like Rain Man.

Are you self-diagnosed? 

TC Raymond

Quote from: John Self on July 20, 2007, 04:51:29 PM
Or your blonde Welsh dwarf email-buddy.

Sure TC, I know you've got this strange brain-syndrome to contend with, Asti Spumbergers or whatever it's called, but can't you see how taking these very specific rants about what appears to be just one person, and then trying to extrapolate them to cover a "whole type" of man just makes you look not only like the worst, laziest comic hack ever, but also, like a nasty, desperate, weeping screaming cock?

You're a right fucking twat, you are.

You remind me of another total knob-jockey who bought one of my comics, didn't like it, and conducted a fucking hate campaign against me on his website that went on for shit knows HOW long, when it would have been so much easier to have e-mailed me, told me what he didn't like, and got a reasonable reply, rather than throwing a hissy fit and starting up this ridiculous "[banned troll] IS LOL NO GHEY!!!1 LOL" bollocks.

TC Raymond

Quote from: Neil on July 20, 2007, 04:59:12 PM
Are you self-diagnosed? 

No, I was misdiagnosed THREE TIMES as a bipolar depressive, until I finally paid to see a proper, qualified psychiatrist who gave me the diagnostic once-over and a stack of books on the subject, and every one of those books was like reading about myself. So much of my life makes sense since the diagnosis. If only the world was so easy to understand.

Cack Hen

Quote from: [banned troll] on July 20, 2007, 05:14:50 PM
You're a right fucking twat, you are.

You remind me of another total knob-jockey who bought one of my comics, didn't like it, and conducted a fucking hate campaign against me on his website that went on for shit knows HOW long, when it would have been so much easier to have e-mailed me, told me what he didn't like, and got a reasonable reply, rather than throwing a hissy fit and starting up this ridiculous "[banned troll] IS fucking GHEY!!!1 LOL" bollocks.

Isn't that just as much his right as it is your right to do the same about Ricky Gervais or Noel Fielding?

TC Raymond

But getting wound up over a small-press fanzine with a print run of 100 is a whole other ballgame. I think I'm pretty justified in having the occasional well-aimed pop at mainstream comedians who are about as funny as cancer of the balls.

John Self

It's never well-aimed though: it's rapid-fire, scattergun, no marksmanship at all. That was the point behind me saying I was a 'cool rebel' and 'the hardest bastard on the street' (which I'd hoped were obvious jokes): trying to show just how badly you missed your targets, and hit others, utterly undeserving.

Quote from: [banned troll] (more or less) on July 20, 2007, 05:14:50 PM
hey everyone, dis John Self is theh fUCking tWAt!!!11ROFLMAO

More or less, but that's a fair enough quote, surely? By your standards, I mean- something being 'like' something, for 'amusing' effect.

Quote from: [banned troll] more or less on July 20, 2007, 05:14:50 PMYou remind me of another total knob-jockey who bought one of my comics, didn't like it, and conducted a fucking hate campaign against me on his website that went on for shit knows HOW long

How the fuck do I remind you of someone who once bought one of your comics? I can assure you I haven't and never will. I've had parts of them offered to me on this board, sure: but never through choice. And I'm not conducting some fucking 'hate campaign' against you- that's pathetic. Be a man and accept that if you're gonna come here and regularly spew bile indiscriminately (and boringly), you're gonna get some aimed back at you. And I'm not conducting some campaign, don't be so childish (and while we're at it, this thread title, combined with the opening quote, is just crap and self-pitying: my name's John Self, not 'popular'). Don't try and make out I'm the figurehead of some 'camp', or that I'm trying to group together a mob: that's shitty victim mentality, there's people who've spoken out for and against you, but I'm only speaking for me here. 

Quote from: [banned troll] more or less on July 20, 2007, 05:14:50 PMwhen it would have been so much easier to have e-mailed me, told me what he didn't like, and got a reasonable reply, rather than throwing a hissy fit and starting up this ridiculous "[banned troll] IS fucking GHEY!!!1 LOL" bollocks.

What's this- a call to take it up in PM? We can do if you want- but you've gotta make the first move. And no, it's not much easier to do it privately, there's nothing about an email or PM that's easier or more convenient than a public post. And talk of "easier" is seriously fucking missing the point anyway: this site is leisure, not work, we're all here for entertainment, not convenience. And hey, you could have emailed or PM'd me first- why didn't you, if it's so much easier?

rudi


Marvin

I carried a child out of a flooded house today, then I had a drink and a fag and thus I'm a real man.

I'd still do john self if his words are anything to go by though.

Part Chimp

I've been enjoying John Self's posts of late, so I decided to have a nosey around his back catalogue. I'm dismayed to discover that he's a Fun Lovin' Criminals fan. The moral of this story is: Never look through someone's old posts. It can only lead to heartbreak.

squinky

I was going to say something redundant to the effect that TC's a bit rubbish. But then he posted a photo of Beautiful Dustin Hoffman and, as such, has escaped my unimpressive wrath.

I should be careful, actually. That's a surprisingly easy weakness to exploit.

Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth

Rainman didn't have arseburgers, he was autistic.

And what's wrong with liking Cracker or Fun Lovin' Criminals? They were bloody marvelous (to start with, anyway).

The Mumbler

If people honestly think that Fitz is a heroic reflection of a smoking, drinking gambler, they haven't watched Cracker terribly closely. Perhaps never. He loses his wife within minutes of the first episode starting (from then on, their relationship continues to be rocky as hell), treats his son with contempt, and iemotionally bullies even those people whom he loves (notably Penhaligon). His only real saving grace - and therefore the only heroic, humanitarian component of his make-up - is his pursuit of the pure motive when solving cases.

The Mumbler

Quote from: [banned troll] on July 20, 2007, 03:30:36 PMfat-arsed grumpy Scottish comedian-turned-luvvie

Nope, he was an actor before he did comedy.

SetToStun

Quote from: The Mumbler on July 21, 2007, 10:50:34 PM
If people honestly think that Fitz is a heroic reflection of a smoking, drinking gambler, they haven't watched Cracker terribly closely. Perhaps never. He loses his wife within minutes of the first episode starting (from then on, their relationship continues to be rocky as hell), treats his son with contempt, and iemotionally bullies even those people whom he loves (notably Penhaligon). His only real saving grace - and therefore the only heroic, humanitarian component of his make-up - is his pursuit of the pure motive when solving cases.


With you all the way on this one - I would say Fitz is a truly tragic character in the proper sense of the word: a potentially great man being brought low or undone by his own failings. I absolutely love Cracker - I think it was brilliantly written and Coltrane was absolutely great.

Anyway, blokey blokes. Well, I have to admit I'm fairly blokey myself. All leather jackets, short hair and eight (or so) pints of cider in the pub of an evening. And I'm quite fond of myself, but recognize I'm not perfect. Oh and I smoke too. And gamble, but not on the ponies - I'm crap at the ponies. I'm more of a seven card brag man, myself. But after last Sunday I may have to re-evaluate that, too.

So, in summary, generalizations like yours, TC, are always going to look like a load of sniping at people you consider yourself well and truly above, and that's never going to be popular. Or appropriate. Consider yourself told.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

That's what TC's saying about Fitz as well, come on.