Comedy Time Tunnel

[TC Raymond]

TC's Comedy Time Tunnel
(An unsolicited cartoon script I received this afternoon, from someone I met through N.Buckland's website.)

Like many comedy fans, [banned troll] pines for an elusive "Golden Age" of comedy, a time where punters laughed freely, spontaneously, and without fear or threat of acoustic guitars, Karen Taylor, or BBC 3.

To this end, the irate cartoonist built himself a time travelling gizmo* to travel back and forth along comedy's rich history, taking advice from the greats, putting the frauds out of business, or at least give 'em some good material. The simple aim: to bring some much-needed laughs to Britain in these dark times...

...however, in the grand tradition of sci-fi time travellers since, well, time immemorial, TC, armed only with grade 3 GCSE Physics, has little or no control over the fucker. Now read on...

*could happen.

P1 TC on his couch in front of his large telly. On the screen are the words "Two pints of lager and..."
TC: "Jesus. Right... that's fucking it."

P2 Close up of a ramshackle utility belt with two Duracell batteries on one end.
TC: "Time to see if this fucker will actually work."

P3 Another close up on TC's fingers upon the belt's number keys.
TC: "Hmmm. 1981. The year the Goodies sold out."

P4 TC  is cast into some swirly Time Tunnel type special effects. Around him are speech bubbles containing a selection of once famous comedy catchphrases from yesteryear.
"Fandabidozee! " "Fascist!" "I'm Free!" "Loadsamoney!"

P5 TC, lying down in some sand. Dazed.
TC: "Wha? Where the noncing hell..."

P6 Close on TC's concerned face.
TC: "Ooooh no. Fuck no. It's 1981, sure, but... Fuck. My. Arse..."

P7 Large, long frame. A desert road. On the road, to the left, is Lenny Henry on a camel, approaching TC. He has his Tiswas hat on. Behind him in the distance is a tent with a flag with the letters ATV on it.
LH: (to himself) "OoooooooooooooooooKaaaaaaaaaaaay!"
TC: "...I'm on Lenny Henry's comedy road to Damascus!"

P8 Lenny and TC close together now. To the right, in the distance, is another tent. A sign on it says Comedy Store.
LH: "Oiright, moite! How's it going?"
TC: "'ello Lenny. Loved you in Tiswas. Where you headed?"
LH: "Well, yer knaw, oi'm not too sure these days, that's the thing. I can't do Frank Spencer impressions for ever. Thought I'd head up that way for some advoice from Dawn and Jennifer."

P9 TC'S face
TC: [THINKS BUBBLE] "Ha! I knew I was here for a reason. Fuck the laws of disrupting the space-time continuum - I'll have to interfere like a coked-up Gary Glitter in Mothercare."

P10 Lenny and his camel go off to the right as TC fiddles with his time belt.
LH: "'Tra, moite!"
TC: "Yeah, See ya, Len."
TC: [THINKS BUBBLE] If I can just get this to jump us up the road. It might gravitate to the epicentre of the problem
*could happen as well.

P11 Small time tunnel effect.
"FLASH!"

P12 TC looks upon the now nearby Comedy Store tent. Chatting outside are French and Saunders in traditional Arab gear minus the headwear. A pair of camels are tied to the tent. TC is brushing sand off himself.
TC: [THINKS BUBBLE]  "Fucking sand! Damn this allegorical landscape. Right. Got to act fast."

P13,14,15, Quick montage of three frames...
P13 – A club hits French on the head – "Bosh!"   
P14 – A club hits Saunders on the head – "Biff!"
P15 – An arm grabs on of the camels by its reins. TC: "C'mere me beauty!"

P16 Inside the Comedy Store tent. TC has a blonde wig on and an Arab gown. He is draping another gown (burka?) over the camel's so only it's head is visible..
LH: [from outside] "Oo roight, girls! Are yous there?"
TC: Come in, Len!
TC: THINKS BUBBLE: "Better make this good. The future of comedy depends on it."

P17 Inside the comedy store tent. TC (wearing veil with tufts of blonde hair sticking out) and the camel (face visible but with burka on) are seated.
Lenny enters.
LH: (To TC) "Hi Jen, great to see yer!" (nodding at camel) "Hi, Dawn".
TC: "Hi Lenny, I feel you need some advice."

P18 Close on Lenny's face
LH: "Too roight. I feel I need to move on with my act. I think some of the new breed think it's old hat."

P19 Lenny and TC. TC pointing at LH.
TC: "Don't fucking worry about that. All you need worry about is A –is it true to you? and B – is it funny? That's it!
LH: "You sure?"

P20 Lenny and TC.
TC: "Look. What really matters to you? What really gets your goat?
LH: "Well, It was hard starting out on the club circuit... casual racism, folks calling me a little minstrel...all that shit.
TC: "Go on..."

P21 Close on Lenny's face
LH: "...and now all these alternative types – no offence – are patronising me and telling me I should be more political – more white people telling me what to do... you know...come to think of it... it's always been the same...Like, fuck 'em, man!

P22 Lenny and TC.
TC: "There you are, then."
LH: "Bloody Middle Englanders wanting mister cosy fucking Uncle Tom to go with noice bleedin' Terry and June... I say NO!"

P23 A white starry flash fills the panel. A speech bubble comes from within.
LH: "I see the light!"

P24 Lenny is now wearing shades and full "Security of the First World" combat gear, complete with Uzi.
LH: "Fuck all that shit. Time to keep it real."
Camel: "Word, bruv."

P25 Two Comedy Store security guards in Comedy Store t-shirts burst in waving scimitars. TC and camel make to leg it.
Guard: "Hey, you guys don't have authorised premium backstage accreditation!"
LH: "Split, niggas! I'll hold these bitches off!
TC: "All the best, big guy!"

P26 Time tunnel effects yet again. More 80s/90s/00s catchphrases as TC. hurtles home.
"Suit You" "Farty!" "Suck Satan's Cock!" " Soup!"

P27 TC in a heap on his living room floor.
TC: "Ahh. Humpy never made it, then. Shame"
TC: (cont.) "Christ - what an adventure! Still, you can lead a whore to culture but you can't make it think. I'll bet all this twatting about's not made much difference."

P28 TC in front of his big telly. Same as panel 1. Telly has the phrase Villains of Comedy on it.
SPEECH BALLOON FROM TELLY: "...and now on Four, our latest
groundbreaking, brave, and dirt cheap documentary. The late, controversial comedian Lenny Henry observes his own funeral and defends his career. The late star of reviled early 80s sitcom Fuck off, Whitey tells his story with contributions from the usual witless plankton...

TC: "Shit! This isn't exactly what I had in mind. Mind you, it looks like it could be a good laugh!"   

END

Next time – Jongleurs Apocalypse!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I am a wanker.

A few funny bits. The idea of flying through space hearing old catchphrases is funny, allegorical landscape. Carry on this.

[TC Raymond]

I am a wanker.

A few funny bits. The idea of flying through space hearing old catchphrases is funny, allegorical landscape. Carry on this.

Not up to me, it's up to the fella who wrote it! But I will be drawing it.

Disappointed that only one of you has responded. I thought it was great. But then, I also think the Goodies is great, an opinion apparently shared by...well, nobody really.

[Clinton Morgan]

A lot of people here like dem Goodies. Bean Is A Carrot being another example. Remember 'The Goodies Toothpick Companion'? Even though I don't think Dawn French looks like a camel I did find the script for the strip quite chucklesome.

[TC Raymond]

A lot of people here like dem Goodies. Bean Is A Carrot being another example. Remember 'The Goodies Toothpick Companion'?

No?