Can we have a C&B marriage?

[hencole]

Whooaaaaa there buddy, don't you even THINK about doing that.  You may be over the age-of-consent, sunshine, but you're not yet 18, and thus if you even TAKE a picture of your cock, let alone show it to anybody, then you are in possession of child pornography and, if caught, will be prosecuted and placed on the Sex Offenders Register for being an auto-nonce.  You think I'm joking?  Sadly, I'm not.  If you then posted it on a thread here, every single one of us who opened the thread could then be prosecuted too.

You may be rude with young lady SOTS as much as you like (with her consent, naturally), but put those mobiles and digital cameras away while you do it.  And noooo naughty webcamming either.  You heard me!

Really? Because there was a front page on b3ta a couple of months ago where some kid had made an impressive mario face which used his cock as the nose. He was 17 at the time apparantly and clearly thousands upon thousands of people have seen it. What crazy mixed up world are we living in when computer games characters made using teenagers genitals are no longer fit for viewing?

[Go With The Flow]

I don't believe that at all. I might just take picture sof my cock and...fuck how can I twist this for my own epic lolz?

Well if you twist it and get hospitalised, it will be our epic lolz.

[Jemble Fred]

I'll be the dashing one on the horse with the just cause and impediment. Just you wait.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Anyone ever done that thing where youR balls get twisted around wrong in your sleep and it really hurts and you have to go to hospital? Any men I mean.

[CaledonianGonzo]

Two of my best mates are twins and they both have an identical twisty-testicles problem.  One of them had to be helicoptered out of a ski-resort to hospital because he'd got his balls in a knot.

One sympathises, but one also laughs.  A lot.

[buttgammon]

Anyone ever done that thing where youR balls get twisted around wrong in your sleep and it really hurts and you have to go to hospital? Any men I mean.

It got mentioned in a thread a while back - testicular torsion. I ended up looking up on Wikipedia and I now have nightmares about it. Quite worryingly, I tend to toss and turn a lot in my sleep and this makes it even worse. It's every man's worst nightmare!

[Borboski]

18 days until I get married...

[Oscar]

Good Lord!
edit: Ahem, by which I mean congratulations, well done! How exciting! Hope it all goes well!

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Try not to get your balls in a twist before then. It could really ruin your big day.

[Mr. Analytical]

Not that that all matters because it's all COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL and MADE-UP.

  My God, you're a cold heartless bitch aren't you?

[Small Man Big Horse]

Blimey, I have only a vague recollection of posting on this thread on Saturday morning. Still, I said yes, so it's too late to back out now.

Btw, congrats Borboski, hope your special day goes well and all that kind of thing.

[buttgammon]

18 days until I get married...

Congrats. I hope nothing bad happens at your wedding!

No, I seriously hope it all goes well and you have a good day.

[butnut]

Blimey, I have only a vague recollection of posting on this thread on Saturday morning. Still, I said yes, so it's too late to back out now.

Ha, I can think of quite a few marriages and near-marriages that went-ahead/almost-went-ahead due to drunkenness, so you're in fine company there. One couple woke up and asked each other "Did we really agree to get married last night?"...

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Just remember Borboski, if your best man needs to piss, let the man piss.

....and Good Luck!

[SOTS]

  My God, you're a cold heartless bitch aren't you?

It's not heartless if he doesn't fancy me anyway! I'm trying to put Mr Buttgammon at ease. Making sure he knows that i'm not taking all these matchmaking attempts seriously.

[buttgammon]

Well, I don't know what to think any more. This thread frazzles my brain - especially the tags.

And I don't properly know you so I wouldn't say I'm in any position to judge, really.

[Oscar]

Blimey, I have only a vague recollection of posting on this thread on Saturday morning. Still, I said yes, so it's too late to back out now.

Are you referring to your impending marriage to me, Big Hose? Because your tone isn't quite the joyous gasp of expectation that I was hoping for. I've already got the dress you know? You're going to look beautiful.
I hope I don't have to get angry and take steps, that would be a shame so early on in our joined existence.

[VegaLA]

18 days until I get married...

Congratulations.
And if your'e looking for a Best man I believe Small man big horse is game.

[Borboski]

I've got three.

In fact, can anyone suggest a poem or two for a reading?  Or better still, a cracking piece of prose from a novel?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I would, but shouldn't your chosen poems be y'now, one's you've personally been touched by? Won't Mrs. Borboski be borbothered if she finds out the treasured bit of whore, 1804 was a bit of a copy and paste job from the internet?

[ziggy starbucks]

roses are red
violets are blue
once we're married
I'll regularly beat you

[MissInformed]

In fact, can anyone suggest a poem or two for a reading?  Or better still, a cracking piece of prose from a novel?

How about this:


Now you will feel no rain
Now you will feel no rain,
  for each of you will be a shelter to the other.

Now you will feel no cold,
  for each of you will be warmth to the other.

Now there is no loneliness for you;
  now there is no loneliness.

Now you are two bodies,
  but there is only one life before you.

Go now to your dwelling place,
  to enter into your days together.

And may your days be good
  and long on this earth.
Now you will feel no rain.

Copyright © Apache song, translator unknown.

[Jemble Fred]

Oh dear Little Flo, I love you so,
Especially in your nightie.
When the moonlight flits across your tits,
Oh Jesus Christ Almighty.

[Borboski]

Oh I've got some good stuff, just askin'.

One by Whitman, one by Old William, and a couple of possibles:

To a Stranger (Whitman)
Passing stranger! you do not know
How longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking,
Or she I was seeking
(It comes to me as a dream)

I have somewhere surely
Lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall'd as we flit by each other,
Fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,

You grew up with me,
Were a boy with me or a girl with me,
I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become
not yours only nor left my body mine only,

You give me the pleasure of your eyes,
face, flesh as we pass,
You take of my beard, breast, hands,
in return,

I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you
when I sit alone or wake at night, alone
I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again
I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

"The Life That I Have" was originally written by Leo Marks in memory of his girlfriend Ruth, who had just died in a plane crash in Canada.
On 24th March 1944, the poem was issued by Marks to Violette Szabo, a French agent of Special Operations Executive who was eventually captured, tortured and killed by the Nazis.

The life that I have is all that I have
And the life that I have is yours
The love that I have of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours.
A sleep I shall have, a rest I shall have
And death will be but a pause
For the years I shall have in the long green grass
Are yours and yours and yours

And this one:

I am very bothered when I think
of the bad things I have done in my life.
Not least that time in the chemistry lab
when I held a pair of scissors by the blades
and played the handles
in the naked lilac flame of the Bunsen burner;
then called your name, and handed them over.

O the unrivalled stench of branded skin
as you slipped your thumb and middle finger in,
then couldn't shake off the two burning rings. Marked,
the doctor said, for eternity.

Don't believe me, please, if I say
that was just my butterfingered way, at thirteen,
of asking you if you would marry me.

-- Simon Armitage

[Small Man Big Horse]

Are you referring to your impending marriage to me, Big Hose? Because your tone isn't quite the joyous gasp of expectation that I was hoping for. I've already got the dress you know? You're going to look beautiful.
I hope I don't have to get angry and take steps, that would be a shame so early on in our joined existence.

I...Er...Yeah...I mean no, no, of course not, it was just pre-wedding jitters I'm sure...I've been packing today for the honeymoon...And that iron? Er, it's just incase any of your shirts get crumpled during the journey, I promise...

[Captain Crunch]

I can't seem to find the old wedding vows on the internet, all the ones from Google seem to have omitted the word 'obey'.  It used to be in there, didn't it?

[butnut]

I am very bothered when I think
of the bad things I have done in my life.
Not least that time in the chemistry lab
when I held a pair of scissors by the blades
and played the handles
in the naked lilac flame of the Bunsen burner;
then called your name, and handed them over.

O the unrivalled stench of branded skin
as you slipped your thumb and middle finger in,
then couldn't shake off the two burning rings. Marked,
the doctor said, for eternity.

Don't believe me, please, if I say
that was just my butterfingered way, at thirteen,
of asking you if you would marry me.

-- Simon Armitage

Good gracious! As a rather odd teenager, I'd memorised that poem. How weird to read it again, completely unexpectedly like that. A good, and rather unusual choice.

[Oscar]

I...Er...Yeah...I mean no, no, of course not, it was just pre-wedding jitters I'm sure...I've been packing today for the honeymoon...And that iron? Er, it's just incase any of your shirts get crumpled during the journey, I promise...

Well I expect you to pack an iron and you need the knife to prepare my breakfast, what perturbs me is the jumbo bottle of sleeping pills and the rat poison, I hope you're not up to anything, you little minx.

[Katayun]

I volunteer to sous for Domestic Goddess as I assume she's do the catering.

[biniput]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have AIDS
and so will you