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What do you read when you're "sitting it out" in the toilet?

Started by Ciarán, August 29, 2007, 04:26:42 PM

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No one mentioned Paperweight by Stephen Fry yet? Well they have now.  Poyfect.

boxofslice

Quote from: wherearethespoons on August 29, 2007, 05:29:17 PM
I like reading graffiti in toilets. The other day I was in a pub and one piece, badly scratched on the door, read;

The first thing I thought was, 'That's terrible, there shouldn't be an E in there.' And immediately I felt bad.

In a public toliet i was using the other day somebody had written on the wall  - 'I was raped in these toilets'.

buttgammon

The sad thing about it is that it was quite possibly true. There wasn't any police tape denoting it was a crime scene or anything in there was there?

boxofslice

Quote from: buttgammon on August 29, 2007, 06:34:42 PM
The sad thing about it is that it was quite possibly true. There wasn't any police tape denoting it was a crime scene or anything in there was there?

No but i did get out of there quick as it could have been a warning.

buttgammon

It's best to.

In an almost non-related story I once went to a public toilet where due to a huge queue outside the women's toilets, women were using the men's. So I was the only male in the men's toilets at the time even though it was packed! Although I only wanted a pee and the urinal was (obviously) completely free, I just didn't feel comfortable and had to wait for a cubicle. I have enough trouble doing in in front of other men - never mind a load of women who are complete strangers.

quadraspazzed

There's a pub in Dublin (The Porter House) that has (or had at least) actual poetry grafitti in the men's jacks. A higher class of bog vandal, obviously.

SOTS

Quote from: buttgammon on August 29, 2007, 04:34:38 PMI reckon I do most of my reading on the toilet, in the bath and on holiday.

Just how do people manage to read in the bath? I find it near impossible to lay the thing down anywhere without in getting wet, or keeping my hands dry infact. I find it quite hard so I tend to just have to play some music whilst in the bath, otherwise I get dead bored. I've had two bathroom CD players and they've both broken which is a shame.

buttgammon

I always dry my hands with a towel after being in it for a while and just hold the book quite high up above my head. I usually end up having horrible dry skin on my hands for a bit after as a result of most of me being submerged apart from the ahnds but it goes away after a while. I never stay in the bath for more than about 45 minutes or an hour, anyway. If I do I go all wrinkly and come out looking a bit like a walrus (only standing upright and without tusks).

rudi

I play Derek Jeter Baseball on my phone. It's more addictive than crack. True.

GratefulApe

gigolo aunts aren't gentlemen wrote:

QuoteNo one mentioned Paperweight by Stephen Fry yet? Well they have now.  Poyfect.

Seconded. Bill Bryson's good too. My bathroom floor has a little pile of books and ragged, water-marked magazines, including a copy of Junk Mail that I dropped in the bath. I'm secretly quite proud of my toilet library. Most recently, I've been taking a collection of James Cameron's columns in with me (Cameron in the Guardian). That's not the film director, but the journalist. You knew that anyway.

Hypodeemic Nerdle

Quote from: [banned troll] on August 29, 2007, 05:31:51 PM
I remember that, the only 'adult' comic in the world that was more twee and inoffensive than Bunty.
I still enjoy Short Fat Ugly Bald Stupid Man.

Dark Sky

Quote from: buttgammon on August 29, 2007, 06:39:35 PMI have enough trouble doing in in front of other men - never mind a load of women who are complete strangers.

I like this sentence because it makes you sound like you personally are friends with every male you might ever encounter in a public toilet, but all women are strangers.



Personally I am a great believer in reading on the toilet, and most of the reading I have done in my lifetime has been whilst on the loo.

This morning I had a lovely half an hour in there.  It's so calm and peaceful.  Obviously I'm not straining for the full half an hour; all that business was taken care of within the first minute.  But it's nice to be able to sit somewhere in peace and quiet with a locked door, being able to let bits of wee out as the occasion wants, which is something you can't really do in your living room.

I am slightly shameful of it, mind.  When I was a student I would always hide my novels under my dressing gown when entering and leaving the bathroom so I wouldn't be mocked by housemates.

It shouldn't be a shameful activity, though.  I remember being delighted when I went to the house of some friends of my mum and saw that they had a proper bookcase in their bathroom with a really good selection of novels and comic whimsy there.  Now that's being civilised, in my view.

I couldn't possibly go to a Number 2 without something to read.  It just makes the whole thing much more enjoyable.  When I haven't had a novel on the go I've many the time spent minutes clutching at myself desperately with one hand whilst searching frantically for just the right whimsy book or magazine to enjoy whilst pooing.  Because I need it.

And of course you have to wait until you get to a good bit in the book/magazine before releasing, just to get the most possible pleasure out of the experience.  But maybe that goes without saying.

The only downside is that whenever I read a book elsewhere, I tend to get a really desperate need for a bowel movement.

Fry

http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Prose-Woody-Allen/dp/0517072297

This is my toilet companion, it's a sound companion. I also read most of the new harry potter...series on the toilet.

Butgammon, I'm also a bath reader. What I do is get in without getting my hands wet, relax, then wash and exit. I sometimes also practise juggling in the bath.

Baxter

I do smoke in the bath, a really really hot bath and an unfiltered cigarette are a great combination, you just have to make sure you don't phase out of conciousness.

Ciarán

Quote from: Cack Hen on August 29, 2007, 05:01:40 PM
I think we had this thread before, and there was a significant minority (including myself) who found the idea of taking something with you to pass the time away was a bit odd. Surely you just want to get in, get out and move on, why would would you want to spend that long on the toilet?

Of course, but sometimes you find yourself thinking "Hmmmnnn, I may be here some time..." and rather than stare at the pattern on the bathroom floor, it's nice to have something to read. At home I keep lots of Penguin 60s book together in a bundle. They were miniature books which were on sale for 60p to coincide with Penguin's 60th anniversary in 1995. You can probably still get them second-hand. They're mostly literature, I was dipping into The Wreck Of The Hesperus only this morning.

Neville Chamberlain

Reading on the toilet?!?

Whatever next?!?!?

Taking a shit while driving?!?!?!?!?

Cutting your toenails while cooking?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Washing your hair while vacuuming?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

When will the madness end?!?

It's the sign of a more advanced brain, Nev (wink etc.). For instance, I sometimes exercise with the telly on. Or listen to the radio while driving. Or post on this forum while working. Reading on the toilet makes perfect sense to me - I don't want to devote my entire mental activity to the act of taking a dump. We used to keep Nuts magazine next to our toilet at Uni - crap in one end, crap out the other.

Lately I've been reading 'Letters From A Nut,' a frankly diappointing copy of the vastly superior 'Timewaster Letters.' But it's a perfect loo read - the letters format means it's broken down into tasty poo-sized morsels.

rudi

The problem with reading while sat is it can divert my concentration from guessing the weight of my produce.

Neville Chamberlain

More advanced brain, my bottom!

Can't any of you just concentrate on the sheer, unadulterated pleasure of having a good shit?!? The way it curls out as you try your darndest not to break it in two lest this spoil its natural beauty?

Eh?!?!? Eh?!?!?!?!?!?

ziggy starbucks

I'm in and out in less than 2 minutes, no time to read. I'm quick and efficient with excellent peristaltic regularity. I focus on the job at hand, trousers down, bottom on seat, bam bam splosh bam. Examine whiff for possible evidence of disease. Job done. Stand then wipe, wash hands.

And I'm out of there honey. No time to read. No time to wait. Reading on the bog is a mindless decadence, an rotten indulgence.

Neville Chamberlain

You're my kind of man, Ziggy! Maybe we should take a shit together sometime.

Cack Hen

Quote from: Ciarán on August 30, 2007, 03:16:31 PM
Of course, but sometimes you find yourself thinking "Hmmmnnn, I may be here some time..."

Never!

You people need more bran. Or less bran, I dunno.

Quote from: ziggy starbucks on August 30, 2007, 04:04:58 PM
Stand then wipe, wash hands.

'Stand then wipe,' and you call us toilet-readers weird? You shouldn't be allowed to own a bottom.

ziggy starbucks

Quote from: Lookalike Mark Chapman on August 30, 2007, 04:12:16 PM
'Stand then wipe,' and you call us toilet-readers weird? You shouldn't be allowed to own a bottom.

my bottom is a million times better than your bottom

and its clean and lovely. It smells of summer meadows.

Ciarán

Quote from: Cack Hen on August 30, 2007, 04:07:31 PM
Never!

You people need more bran. Or less bran, I dunno.

I think it might be the Guinness.

Neville Chamberlain

My bottom smells of summer meadows after they've been covered in manure.

Quote from: ziggy starbucks on August 30, 2007, 04:18:18 PM
its clean and lovely

Clean, my arse. You can't get proper access if you're standing up. Bums just don't work like that. The toilet seat is designed for you to reach under, rather than expose your skidmarked paper to the fresh air of the bathroom. That's like week one potty training, ziggy.

ziggy starbucks

Quote from: Neville Chamberlain on August 30, 2007, 04:19:44 PM
My bottom smells of summer meadows after they've been covered in manure.

No offence or anything but I'll decline your invite to poo together.

I think we should just be friends.

Cack Hen

I think I must sit too far forward on the toilet seat because there certainly isn't room to reach under from the front.

Neville Chamberlain

I don't get all this "oooh, do you sit or stand to wipe your arse" malarkey. Surely the sensible thing is to adopt a sort of squatting position.