What do you read when you're "sitting it out" in the toilet?

[wherearethespoons]

Or, be like me, don't worry about all this pathetic wiping stuff.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

I don't get all this "oooh, do you sit or stand to wipe your arse" malarkey. Surely the sensible thing is to adopt a sort of squatting position.

No, the sensible thing to do is get someone else to come in and wipe it for you. Harrods toilets, for example, have people employed to do just that.

This post is dedicated to the tag monster. 'Thanks.'

[alan nagsworth]

Since that last thread about arse wiping, I was so confused I gave up altogether. Join me people, liberate your backsides from ... er, the need of wiping. I must say my chocolate starfish is looking considerably more chocolatey these days, and in the end, isn't that what really matters?



...It isn't?

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Oh great. Oh wonderful. Now it looks to everyone like I added the tag "Ziggy's botty smells of shit." Very clever, tag monster. Very fucking clever...

I'd like to present for your consideration the use of wet wipes, at least at the initial wiping stages. It's like a holiday for your hole. And Nagsworth - you should just be aware of nappy rash.

I think I've said too much.

[alan nagsworth]

I don't even wear a nappy, so there!

[Dark Sky]

I once heard someone referring to how they look at the smears on the toilet paper after wiping their bottom, and I said that that was absolutely disgusting.

But apparently that's the normal thing to do?  To look at your poo on the loo roll?  I've never done that.  Though I guess I may needlessly overwipe to compensate, I'd rather use up more loo roll than actually stare at faeces.

[alan nagsworth]

How else are you gonna know if your arse is squeaky clean? You see shit everywhere in everyday life, it's not all that disgusting.

[the midnight watch baboon]

It's very important to note any loss of arse pubes.

[Dark Sky]

How else are you gonna know if your arse is squeaky clean? You see shit everywhere in everyday life, it's not all that disgusting.

I'm glad I don't work where you work.

[ziggy starbucks]

Oh great. Oh wonderful. Now it looks to everyone like I added the tag "Ziggy's botty smells of shit." Very clever, tag monster. Very fucking clever...

I'm a victim of a smear campaign

[wherearethespoons]

I'm a victim of a smear campaign

That's because you're a stain here.

[Fry]

Lets stop beating around the bush here people. Sitting or standing is irrelvant, but... scrunched or folded (paper)?

[phucough]

Private Eye and Viz are subscribed to so there's always a healthy supply in the khazi. There's other magazines knocking about - Uncut, Wired, the free ones you get with the Sunday Mail (a "spend your money on all this crap you don't need" mag called Live (tagline: "see it, do it, spend it", good grief), and the strangely readable (to me at least) You magazine) but those two get recycled often (although we keep magazines you have to pay for in my house), probably some others on the stack (there's gotta be at least one Mojo or Adbusters in there). Sometimes a book is taken in then taken out again, or some counterculture comic compendium is left there for a while ("complete" Mr Natural, Complete Crumb 3 & 5, Complete Freak Brothers 1 & 2, Best of Bijou Funnies/Apex Treasury of Underground Comics, basically. The complete Maus never makes its way there though, wonder why?...). Sections of the Guardian or Independent if me or my sister feel that we've got the time to read a copy of it. And that's it!

Oh yeah:

1) folded, all the way
2) a friend of mine once told me of a video she'd seen on someone's phone where someone wipes and then looks at the sheet. She thought it was hilarious! My take on it is: if you don't look and see there's nowt there, chances are you'll get an itchy bumhole five minutes afterwards. When I went to the Dam I found your poo drops on a shelf in the toilet, presumably for inspection (unless anyone can enlighten me), so it isn't that strange in my book.

[Lord of divs]

Just recently and for reasons unknown I have taken to read whilst dropping my guts on the toilet.  This never normally wouldn't have happened in the past as I have always prided myself of the smoothness and efficiency of my bowl movements.  But in the last few months I found them slowing down to the point that affords me the chance to read on the loo, and its fucking great.  I'm currently pinching the loafs out whilst reading Michael Kuppermans Snake n' Bacon Comic cabaret.

[phucough]

... I have always prided myself of the smoothness and efficiency of my bowl movements.

A few years back the house I was living in ran out of toilet paper. A mate who'd I'd invited to live with me went to the toilet for a dump and I was amazed by the fact that he said he didn't need toilet paper! I wish my arse was that clean. I get a crowd pleaser once in a blue moon...

Fucking hell, do I lower the tone or what? Heh heh heh...

[alan nagsworth]

Lets stop beating around the bush here people. Sitting or standing is irrelvant, but... scrunched or folded (paper)?

People are clearly trying to steer clear of the inevitable. Just like that ither thread, whatever it was, turning into the anal etiquette discussion of the century, this one is going in that same direction. Folded paper, and if not then you're some child-minded quick-acting... arse wipe!! DAMNIT!

[Fry]

People are clearly trying to steer clear of the inevitable. Just like that ither thread, whatever it was, turning into the anal etiquette discussion of the century, this one is going in that same direction. Folded paper, and if not then you're some child-minded quick-acting... arse wipe!! DAMNIT!

Slowly and dignifiedly folding then wiping seems so much more... I dont know...British I suppose, especially if you have a pipe in (your mouth) at the same time.

[alan nagsworth]

Hahaha. Wiping your arse with a stiff upper lip, maybe?

[ziggy starbucks]

do anus's have lips?

[alan nagsworth]

Oh I knew you'd have to bloody get involved, you anal fetishist, you.

[buttgammon]

do anus's have lips?

Well, I guess they sort of do. I think an anus is like a mouth in a weird way.

[alan nagsworth]

An anus with a little brown tongue.

[ziggy starbucks]

Oh I knew you'd have to bloody get involved, you anal fetishist, you.

I have been posting a lot about poo and bottoms. I go on about it in the chatroom as well.

I'll have to stop

[Hank_Kingsley]

Shit Rorschachs of my own creation.