The C&B Animal Wall of Cool

[Blumf]

Seriously Uncool	|	________________Uncool________________	|	________________Cool________________	|	Sub-Zero
Stags, Woodlice	|	Ponies, Newts, Dolphins, Cats	|	Dogs, Sea Monkeys, Chameleons	|	Ducks, Ants
	|	Lobsters, Penguins, Swans	|	Squid	|	Gibbons
	|		|		|	Pistol Shrimp
	|		|		|

Self explanatory really, just like Top Gear but with animals.
You don't need to copy/update the table if you can't be arsed, you can just shout out where you think an animal should be on the wall.

[Jemble Fred]

Cats are obviously just to the left of dogs there.

[wherearethespoons]

Woodlice deserve more recognition. Ants should be the highest order.

[boxofslice]

Are we talking about exothermic lifeforms?

[Howj Begg]

The fuck? Woodlice are as cool as it gets!

Silverfish are the most uncool, obviously. I mean honestly, just look at the fuckers.

[George Oscar Bluth II]

Cockroaches are cool. It doesn't get much cooler than surviving nuclear war, or being able to live without a head.

[Chutney]

Gibbons - cool with a capital -273 degrees.

You want proof, search for a video of a gibbon running.

Uncool - dolphins.  Thick as fuck as well. 

"Can you breathe underwater Mr Dolphin?"

"No"

"Where do you live Mr Dolphin?"

"Erm..."

Spiritual my arse.

[Uncle TechTip]

Move cats & dogs down a bit, they're so overrated. Promote spiders, they are hugely intelligent.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Penguins are number one if you ask me.

[alan nagsworth]

This isn't about intelligence, it's about coolness. Didn't you lot go to school? This is pretty much the only thing that matters in life. Lions are cool because they go "ROOOAAAWWWRRR!" and paw down zebras in one fell swipe. BAD-ASS.

[Clone Army]

Dogs aren't cool, they're big bumbling oafs that smell.

Cool: Moths, Jellyfish (possibly super-cool)

Uncool: Lobster, Plankton

[Neil]

Hmm, I do LOVE my sea-monkeys, but I'm not sure how cool the humble brine shrimp actually is.  Sometimes they will do sumersaults over and over again, that's pretty god-damn cool.  They like swimming along on their backs too, that's cool, and shows they don't take things too seriously.  Sea-monkeys on the wall of coll please.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

Squid are super-cool. The Fonz of the sea.

Moths are very uncool. More like the Ralph Malph of the curtain.

[Neville Chamberlain]

Look at that. Cool as a fucking cucumber.

[alan nagsworth]

Colossal Squids do it for me. Or regular squids, changing their colours and patterns on their skin like the crazy bastards they are. And that freaky beak shit they've got goin on, awesome.

[Blumf]

Look at that. Cool as a fucking cucumber.

Exactly, Ducks are the daddy! They are the best, they know it, they don't care.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Ah, animal whimsy's always popular round here...

I'd like to retract Clone Army's 'moth' statement on his behalf. What were you thinking? Were you thinking? Moths? Cool? Really? And crane flies are fucking shit as well. Penguins aren't that great either, walking around wearing their fucking suits all the time, and making all those bloody CGI films. Pretty much every cunt likes penguins, and as such they can fuck right off.

I like bumble bees, but I don't think they count as cool, due to a Brandreth-like jumper obsession. Eagles also aren't cool because, although they rip heads of stuff, they're a bit overrated and showy. Pandas, however, can survive the PR nightmare of over-exposure due to extreme lovability and, of course, their charity work. I think most marsupials also count, unless they are being used in Australian lager adverts, wearing corked hats and given 'G'day' type accents.

And everyone knows sloths are the best. They couldn't give a shit about being cool. They don't even try. They win.

[wherearethespoons]

Swans are uncool but quite nice to look at.

[alan nagsworth]

Nah I think swans are cool, even though I hate them, so it's like a great envy. Isn't it true they can break human bones with their wings and have laser vision?

[mook]

I'm voting for the Pistol Shrimp. First off, it's got a fucking cool name, secondly the noise it makes fucks up the sonar on submarines, and last but not least it catches it's prey by shooting them with a jet of bubbles that, wait for it....MOMENTARILY REACHES THE TEMPERATURE OF THE SUN!!!!!! How cool is that, and I bet they taste bloody lovely with a squeeze of lemon.

If you don't believe me watch this:

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKPrGxB1Kzc[/youtube]

[mister_enmity]

win

[alan nagsworth]

Haha, I love the gunshot samples on that shrimp video. That is pretty awesome though.

[wherearethespoons]

Anyone else think penguins are cool? I reckon we should help get them moved up. Don't make me start a facebook group about it.

And yes nagsworth, Swans have laser vision.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Wow, Pistol Shrimps ARE cool!

Baboons are obviously cool, though the females are sociopathic in the extreme.

Rhesus monkeys are cool, very strong and intelligent, but are shy and smell of cheese.

Crab-eating macaques are cool, cute, and cuddle each other a lot. But pack a mighty bite.

Penguins are great, but overdone in the media.

Man-eating sharks are cool, awesome in fact.

Northerners are cool, funny, and can be easily tricked out of their bus fares.

Marmosets are quite cool, but stare a lot.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Moths are about as uncool as you get. Unless you think insects trying to fly in to your ears and SUCK OUT YOUR BRAINS is cool. And if you do, you're, er, probably right as thinking about it that does sound cool. I just wish it didn't happen to me so much.

Donkey's are fucking uncool too, I was just an innocent young child wondering what a Donkey's arse looked like up close when one kicked me in the face, and I really didn't deserve that, it's not like I was planning to shove my finger up there or anything and even if I was it didn't happen and the Donkey didn't know it was going to happen so there's just no excuse for that kind of behaviour, alright?

I'm surprised there's been no votes for Sea Horses yet. I thought everyone loved em. Passionately.

[mook]

Wow, Pistol Shrimps ARE cool!

They are aren't they. In fact I think they need their own section on the cool wall, let's face it nothing in the animal kingdom is ever going to match up to that.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

I can't agree with cats being less cool than dogs. Dogs are stinking, needy, dirty, arse-sniffing, stupid, excitable attention-seekers who require your constant attention. Cats are clean, elegant and sophisticated - they don't need you, they can look after themselves - and they're so wonderfully laid-back, and yet can pull off breathtaking acrobatic stunts, if they feel like it. See Red Dwarf episode 'Parallel Universe' for details.

The only cool moth is the hummingbird moth (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macroglossum_stellatarum) and that's only because it is, to all intents and purposes, a hummingbird (hummingbirds = cool).

So where do people stand on peacocks?

[Clone Army]

So where do people stand on peacocks?

The neck or tail, usually.

[Blumf]

win

I'm sorry but they just try too hard and only end up as decoration in some tasteless home. Stags are seriously Uncool!

[Neville Chamberlain]

So where do people stand on peacocks?

Peacocks make me sick. If they were humans, they'd be the very worst kind of poncing, preening fuckwit you see strutting down the street in a stupid set of oversize designer shades.