The C&B Animal Wall of Cool

[boxofslice]

[Blumf]

Seriously Uncool	|	________________Uncool________________	|	________________Cool________________	|	Sub-Zero
Stags, Woodlice	|	Ponies, Newts, Dolphins, Cats	|	Dogs, Sea Monkeys, Chameleons	|	Ducks, Ants
	|	Lobsters, Penguins, Swans, Bumble Bees	|	Squid	|	Gibbons
	|		|		|	Pistol Shrimp
	|		|		|

Copied for new page.

[alan nagsworth]

ROOOAAAAWWWRR!

[Clone Army]

How is the Atlas Moth not cool?



Imagine that + being able to sneak into your bedroom at night without a sound. Sure, it might just sit there and enjoy your lamps, but what if it starts flapping about? WHAT THEN?!...

Then it's over.

[alan nagsworth]

I would honestly shit my pants until I could shit no more, and then shit out my internal organs, if that moth entered my room, flabbing about erratically, batting me in the face... AGH.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

It's not cool because it's fucking scary. Insects shouldn't be allowed to be that size. I think it's something to do with them being nocturnal, and seeking out warm things (i.e. my mouth) in the night, and then laying their eggs in there so I explode in a shower of moth babies the next day. This has happened several times now.

It's the stealth I object to. They're camouflaged. It's just cheating, and it's not British. I don't have the same problem with butterflies, because you only really encounter them in the day, they're bright, they're beautiful, and they're usually accompanied by twinkly music.

None of my cool wall suggestions have been incorporated, and I'm frankly considering starting my own.

[Tamarind Massacre]

Dinosaurs were cool, until a meteor put an end to that party.

[weekender]

How is the 'C&B Animal Wall of Cool' affected when one person thinks an animal is cool and someone else thinks that same animal is uncool?

Sorry - I do like the idea of pointlessly ranking animals in terms of favourites but I want to know more about the decision process before I join in.

[rudi]

Dorado = cool



Espada = cool and fucking tasty.

Can only be caught at night, off the sheer volcanic coast of Madeira - now that's cooooool.

[Eight Taiwanese Teenagers]

I can't believe that dogs have been considered more cool than cats!!! They leave their shit all over the place for innocent people to tread in.

[VegaLA]

I can't believe that dogs have been considered more cool than cats!!! They leave their shit all over the place for innocent people to tread in.

Agreed, Cats are the Icon of cool. Chilling in the sun without so much as a fuck in the world.
COOLNESS with a Capital 'F' !

Except when they see some flying bug pass them by, then they go all s*****c.

[weekender]

I would like to place 'Human' as seriously uncool.

[Chutney]

Agreed, Cats are the Icon of cool. Chilling in the sun without so much as a fuck in the world.
COOLNESS with a Capital 'F' !

Except when they see some flying bug pass them by, then they go all s*****c.

Or if they get hit by a speck of water, upon which they flail like a pansy.

[Neville Chamberlain]

Cats are horrible. Really horrible, mean, selfish, spiteful creatures.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

I would like to place 'Human' as seriously uncool.

Anyone in particular? I think it would be quite funny to see Andi Peters up there, for instance.

[rudi]

I think it would be quite funny to see Andi Peters up there, for instance.

He's said much the same himself on more than one occasion...

[weekender]

I was referring to the species as a whole, however I am quite happy with Andi Peters as the representative.

[Blumf]

How is the 'C&B Animal Wall of Cool' affected when one person thinks an animal is cool and someone else thinks that same animal is uncool?

Sorry - I do like the idea of pointlessly ranking animals in terms of favourites but I want to know more about the decision process before I join in.

Well if you imagine me as Jeremy Clarkson... no no, stop hitting the monitor, the internet doesn't work like that... anyway, you can think of yourself as Richard Hammond, and I've put all the animals out of your reach on the wall. Now we both take the piss out of the other posters, who play the part of the audience, and occasionally an animal gets placed.

[wherearethespoons]

Sheep = quite cool.
Giraffe's couldn't even give a toss what you think. Hence they are ice.

[Neville Chamberlain]

These little fellows just ooze cool from ever pore. I love owls.

[Koant]

Or if they [cats] get hit by a speck of water, upon which they flail like a pansy.

Cat + water = hilarity: http://www.dampcats.com

-
There's a whole universe missing in the current chart of cool: parasites ! Absolutely fascinating creatures.
Many examples here: http://scienceblogs.com/loom/the_parasite_files/ and in Zimmer's book as well.
Example: here is Ampulex compressa, a wasp and a neurosurgeon.

She finds a cockroach to make her egg's host, and proceeds to deliver two precise stings.(...) The wasp does not paralyze the cockroach. In fact, the roach is able to lift up its front legs again and walk. But now it cannot move of its own accord. The wasp takes hold of one of the roach's antennae and leads it--in the words of Israeli scientists who study Ampulex--like a dog on a leash.

The zombie roach crawls where its master leads, which turns out to be the wasp's burrow. The roach creeps obediently into the burrow and sits there quietly, while the wasp plugs up the burrow with pebbles. Now the wasp turns to the roach once more and lays an egg on its underside. The roach does not resist. The egg hatches, and the larva chews a hole in the side of the roach. In it goes.

The larva grows inside the roach, devouring the organs of its host, for about eight days. It is then ready to weave itself a cocoon--which it makes within the roach as well. After four more weeks, the wasp grows to an adult. It breaks out of its cocoon, and out of the roach as well. Seeing a full-grown wasp crawl out of a roach suddenly makes those Alien movies look pretty derivative.

[lardboy]

Ants?  Get to fuck.  They're far too itch inducing to be considered cool.  While I admit that their leaf carrying antics are quite impressive, the fact that they follow each other around like idiotic children means that they can't be cool.

Polar bears?  Coolerama.

Just chillin'


He's beckoning in the stupid Disney-loving child, so he can maul her with his massive claws.

[wherearethespoons]

they follow each other around like idiotic children means that they can't be cool.

You've embarrassed yourself because that's what being cool is.

Seriously though, lay off the ants.

[Uncle TechTip]

Typical education bias. Intelligent = cool. We don't indulge in 'swot' type insults here. Spiders are clever and that makes them cool.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

Nah - cats, dogs, most birds, and definitely all ducks - thick as shit, but still apparently elligible.

[lardboy]

Seriously though, lay off the ants.

Fuck ants.  Fuck them and their stupid being-killed-by-talcum-powder excuse for an existence.  I had to put up with 18 years of ants exploding into the kitchen of my parents' house from a nest under the boiler every fucking summer.  Vile large flying things and little scrabbly things everywhere.  Do you know what we did?  We vacuumed up all the cunts and burned them in the fireplace.  I reckon I've probably killed 100,000 ants in those years, and I'd do the same thing tomorrow if it were to happen again.  Ants can and do burn in a fiery hell.

They don't even pop when they burn, which is what a properly cool insect would do.  Ants are shite.

[wherearethespoons]

Fuck ants.  Fuck them and their stupid being-killed-by-talcum-powder excuse for an existence.  I had to put up with 18 years of ants exploding into the kitchen of my parents' house from a nest under the boiler every fucking summer.  Vile large flying things and little scrabbly things everywhere.  Do you know what we did?  We vacuumed up all the cunts and burned them in the fireplace.  I reckon I've probably killed 100,000 ants in those years, and I'd do the same thing tomorrow if it were to happen again.  Ants can and do burn in a fiery hell.

They don't even pop when they burn, which is what a properly cool insect would do.  Ants are shite.

Shame on you.




Lardboy (in shot) interrogating an ant (out of shot).

[lardboy]

The only question I need to ask an ant is "Match or lighter?"  The formic acid excreting little shits.

[Uncle TechTip]

Add magnifying glass to your list if you're feeling adventurous.

[boxofslice]

Thanks ants, Thants.