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Confession time!

Started by alan nagsworth, September 02, 2007, 06:46:25 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Harry Coal

I've put two people's lives in danger.

peet

This is poetry
I wrote two minutes ago
Just because haiku'd

t_kingpin

Well, seeing as I don't know any fuck here I can come clean and state that i Mr * * ***** once had a wank in my sisters car outside a rave in Sheffield as all the scantilly clad young women walked passed the car, I was full of MDMA (so who can blame me.)

(What a wanker!!)

Edited as per the comment above..

Suttonpubcrawl

People think I'm not a broken shell of a man, just because I cope.

alan nagsworth

People threw me into some pathetic ethnic minority group once, just because I cooned.
(I'm so sorry, this is what trying to be cool does to you.)

I was the secret founder of comedy series Tittybangbang, just because I cult.

As the tag rightly says, this is probably the real CaB wanking thread. I once whacked off at work because of extreme boredom. These nights get long when there's no rooms to set up and you're one of two staff left in the hotel. And when I say "I once..." I mean I did several times before I realised it was pretty shameful.

t_kingpin

Quote from: nagsworth on September 03, 2007, 04:26:51 AM
I once whacked off at work because of extreme boredom. And when "I once..." I mean I did several times before I realised it was pretty shameful.

Well, we've all been there. "what a wanker!!"

alan nagsworth

Did I mention it was because I heard a couple fucking in their hotel room? Did I mention I'm at work right now? *deletes internet history after posting this*

The best bit is, the bloke was American and he was making the bird (British) sing happy birthday like Marilyn Monroe. *deletes memory after posting this*

t_kingpin

I used to work in a call center full of fine fillies and have been known to knock one out up to three times a day during "Three wanks a day season" (Summer) short skirts n all!! Sorry to turn this into a degenerate "wanking thread" but I'm just oppinionating my thoughts. Needless to say I now work in a chemical factory so the wanks per day have tailed off dramaitcally. However, we do have a quite nice chemist who does the rounds periodically and can "raise ones game" when the moment presents its self.   

alan nagsworth

Have you never tried experimenting? Chemically enhance your imagination. Who knows, you might end up with a bag on your head tied to a door or something exciting like that.

Neville Chamberlain

I waved a loaded shotgun about in front of my friends. I then subjected a poor, innocent pigeon to a long, drawn-out death by shooting it repeatedly in the legs, tail and wing before eventually getting it directly in the head.

alan nagsworth

Ha, me and the lads went up to an abandoned factory complex once and nailed some pigeons. More fun than it sounds, and a lot more of a weight on your conscience than it sounds as well. Still, shot one up the arse.

Hank_Kingsley


alan nagsworth

You're probably right, Hank. I've created a monster with 8 arms, all of them wanking in different scenarios.

Hank_Kingsley

Shooting pigeons up the arse, I meant. At least give them the dignity of an execution style double tap to the head.
Or, poison them in the park. Like I do.

alan nagsworth

Well it wasn't intended, they were up in the rafters, and the one with its arse exposed got itself in a flap (hoho!) which meant we had obviously shot it, in its only shootable place at that time. We put it out of its misery when it his the deck though.

Another confession is that when I was a nipper we used to chuck frogs in the air and watch them hit the floor. Good times.

Neville Chamberlain

Look, I never meant to sheet him up the arse or anything! I was trying to take its face off in one fell swoop (hoho!), but I kept missing. Oh, and I was on a farm and the farmer had charged me with the job of shooting pigeons (and not his son like what I nearly did).

Anyway, another thing I used to do was to stick twigs in that hole on the side of slugs.

alan nagsworth

I can see you're feeling guilty now, Neville, but there's no point trying to pass yourself off as a mere spectator, viewing the spectacle from the wing. (hoho!) There's no chance of you reclaiming any former respect from the blokes, or even the birds (hoho!) of this board. The fact is, you are a pigeon (hoho! running a bit dry now) killer.

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien

Don't most serial killers start off by torturing and killing animals?

alan nagsworth

Only if you're old enough to know better. Besides... animals, humans, what's the difference?

Neville Chamberlain

Quote from: Al Tha Funkee Homosapien on September 03, 2007, 01:11:30 PM
Don't most serial killers start off by torturing and killing animals?

Yes, and I'm no exception! I've killed around six or seven people now! I really hope I don't get caught or I'll be in lots of trouble with the police!!!!!!

buttgammon

Quote from: nagsworth on September 03, 2007, 01:15:39 PM
Only if you're old enough to know better. Besides... animals, humans, what's the difference?

Animals are thick. Humans are really thick.

Neville Chamberlain

Quote from: nagsworth on September 03, 2007, 01:09:58 PM
I can see you're feeling guilty now, Neville, but there's no point trying to pass yourself off as a mere spectator, viewing the spectacle from the wing. (hoho!) There's no chance of you reclaiming any former respect from the blokes, or even the birds (hoho!) of this board. The fact is, you are a pigeon (hoho! running a bit dry now) killer.

I've got the bird (hoho!) now, but I'm desperately trying to keep my pecker (hoho!) up. Well, owl (hoho!) have to go now(l) (hoho!)!

alan nagsworth

I can't top that. You're the king of the animal killers. Happy now?

Neville Chamberlain

Very! My pecker is well and truly up.


buttgammon


Neville Chamberlain

#56
I once literally shat my trousers. The experience of walking three miles home in boiling hot weather with poo running down your leg and onto your shoes and socks is not one I intend to repeat any time soon. Thank goodness I wasn't wearing shorts.

I also once did a poo in a tupperware box and then hid it under the bed.

I was also caught short once in a field and had to wipe my bottom using some very big leaves I found.

alan nagsworth

You can't beat a nature poo. I did one near the town centre in a bush once at about 11pm.

George Oscar Bluth II

That's hardly a nature poo is it? I mean, there would have been public conveniences within walking distance, probably some open bars nearby too. Despite this, you thought it was a good idea to have a shit in a bush?

You, sir, have a problem.

alan nagsworth

Naaah, nature poo is the affectionate name shared between my circle of friends, and there's only one public convenience and it's closed at that time, and all the bars lock up at about 10:30 round here. Damn my shitty town, even more shitty now I've shat in it.