Amusing misnamings

[Kapuscinski]

For some reason a family member caled Hotmail "Hotmeal", maybe becuase they were hungry.

Any other amusing misnamings of "things" you can remember?

I once used to call the late Harold Secombe "Humming Secombe".

[buttgammon]

My Nana is great for these things. Richard Branston, the Branston Pickle magnate is one of her confusings. And my mum's getting just as bad as well - one of her recent ones being Amy Whitehouse. Any relation to Paul by any chance?

[fanny splendid]

When I lived abroad, my local bar had misspelled 'Coke' on their menu. So forever afterwards, I have enjoyed drinking a nice cold cock.

[Viero_Berlotti]

My dad calls "text messaging", "teletexting". As in "Have you teletexted happy birthday to your mum yet?".

[buttgammon]

Not so much a misnaming as weird grammar but my aunt uses the word 'woodlice' as the plural and as the singular while thinking a woodlouse is a different creature. So when she was talking about having an infestation of woodlice, she said something like "I saw a woodlice crawling on the floor so I thought to myself 'Oh my God! It's a woodlice!' and then I saw a woodlice on the sink, there was a woodlice in the  bed. It was terrible."

[ninestonecreature]

My mum recently told me she had some 'femme fatale in the fridge'. She meant to say 'falafel'.

[boxofslice]

My gran calls the computer the 'communiter'. Whenever she comes round she goes 'What are you looking at on the communiter' which i think is quite sweet.

[the midnight watch baboon]

A former Frenchman housemate of mine called Woolworth's, 'Woof-Woofs', and once read aloud from a tv guide that there was soon to be a show on featuring pensioners' raping. He meant rapping. Oh, foreigners!

[Emma Raducanu]

A friend wanted some Brylcreem but couldn't remember what it was called so he asked the girl at the counter for barley crem and got nothing but a bemused look. We're so cool, see.

When I was a young teenager and hadn't drunk alcohol before, everyone was going on about making sure we got a load of SMS vice. It was a while before I realised it was Smirnoff Ice. That's about it.

[buttgammon]

I've got another one - my nana gets Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein mixed up so she says things like "They never caught that Saddam ibn-Laden did they? At least they got that Osama al-Hussein. He's the one that blew up the towers in America is he?"

The most worrying feature of it is that she takes a genuine interest in current affairs and my other grandmother (who watches Fox News all day) is about as well informed.

[pk1yen]

my nana gets Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein mixed up
...
He's the one that blew up the towers in America is he?

Is your nana George Bush?
</satire>

[lipsink]

Here's a few I posted on a thread similar to this one a while ago:

The most recent example was when I heard an old lady talking complain about "the awful language in that comedy programme 'The Thick and the Thin'.

A mate also told me about one time at the cinema when 'Meet Joe Black' was on, two old ladies were talking and one said to the other "Have you seen that Brad Pitt film 'See Jimmy Brown'?"

My favourite however was when a mate of mine (who constantly made out he knew everything about music when he actually knew fuck all and would constantly make mistakes) saw a poster of mine of The Smiths. He smirked and I said "What, do you not like The Smiths?" He replied "Nah, they're music's alright. Neil Morrisey's a wanker though."

[Hypodeemic Nerdle]

I've just been using a George Melly grilling machine.

[buttgammon]

I've just been using a George Melly grilling machine.

I nearly got a George Formby grill apparently.

[Huzzie]

I could not get the names of the X-Files leads right, ever! They always had to be Sculder and Mulley.

Actually, that's right, isn't it? or is it Mulder and Scully?

Fuck!

[Pseudopath]

Actually, that's right, isn't it? or is it Mulder and Scully?

It's Mulder and Scully. Just think of Hugh Scully and you can't go wrong (although obviously don't do this if you're masturbating over Gillian Anderson).

[lipsink]

I know an elderly gentleman who refered to that weirdo 'Bob Zombie'.

Just found that funny. I know Rob ins't much better but Bob just sounds hilarious.

My mate who said the Morrissey thing also said that he was going to a festival where 'Joe Cocker and the The Mescaleros". He also once refered to the U2 Joshua Tree song "Red Hill Mining Disaster'.

[buntyman]

Keep the Mum and Granny stuff to this thread http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=15235.0 - it deserves to be seperate.

[Blue Jam]

The shithole town I grew up in was near Chester, and once they got Hollyoaks actor Jeremy Edwards to turn on the christmas lights. Every time I went into the town centre I used to walk under a banner proudly adverising the big switch-on, with "CURT FROM HOLLYOAKS" printed on it in huge letters. It said a lot about the shithole town and it's locals. Imagine if your name actually was "Curt"- at school your teachers would expect you to be extra-polite to make up for your parents' stupidity, and the pupils would just substitute one of the letters.

[waste of chops]

My girlfriend recently got an invite to currently-popular social network site MyFace, apparently. Either that or some dirty bugger's propositioning her by email.

[Starlit]

My dad thinks that the BBC's popular celebrities-trace-their-family-tree progamme is called Do You Know Who You Think You Are?

[Pseudopath]

Do the hilarious mistranslations on signs around the Chinese Olympic stadium count?







And why make do with a blunt "No Littering" when you can put the message across this beautifully:

[Huzzie]

Those are great Pseuds. My favourite though is this advertisement for a store sale.

This was in the news a few months back.



EDIT: Actually, I think I may prefer the "deformed man lavatory"

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Deformed Man Lavatory is clearly the best/worst.

[chand]

Deformed Man Lavatory is clearly the best/worst.

It's practically begging to be a CaB username.

[Angst in my Pants]

The shithole town I grew up in was near Chester, and once they got Hollyoaks actor Jeremy Edwards to turn on the christmas lights. Every time I went into the town centre I used to walk under a banner proudly adverising the big switch-on, with "CURT FROM HOLLYOAKS" printed on it in huge letters. It said a lot about the shithole town and it's locals. Imagine if your name actually was "Curt"- at school your teachers would expect you to be extra-polite to make up for your parents' stupidity, and the pupils would just substitute one of the letters.

That banner was begging for some slightly amusing vandalism, too.

[Analrapist]

To this day I still always accidentally refer to Jill Dando as Jan Dildo.

[Neville Chamberlain]

That banner was begging for some slightly amusing vandalism, too.

Yes! They could have changed CURT to CUNT.

[Clone Army]

Yes! They could have changed CURT to CUNT.

What?! He meant "CURB" you disgusting git. Like the curb off the side of the road...Hollyoaks Road!

Dirty sod.

[Huzzie]

Yes! They could have changed CURT to CUNT.

13+ years ago, I would have happily changed my name to Curt. I would prefer Kurt but I would still pay money to be called Curt.