Trouble you got into at school

[Neil]

Welcome :-D

One of the few times I personally got into trouble was when I brought an exploding prank pen into school and tried it out on some lad in the corridor, asking him to write down a number for me to have a go at guessing it. It was loaded with a small red cap and when he pulled the lid off, the spring inside returned to its resting position and connected with the cap causing a small bang to reverberate up and down the corridor. A teacher from up the corridor came rushing to the scene as if a bomb had just exploded and snatched the pen from the lad. It was handed to my form teacher who decided to go a bit over-the-top and treat the incident as being very serious, going as far to refer to the cap as a "firework" and even ringing home to involve my parents.

Well, this has reminded me of caps, god I loved those.  And I remember in Primary school, we would buy rolls of caps, and then put a string of them up on a wall, and fly down them with a penny or something, banging them all at once.  Then - for fucks sake - we'd BREATH IN THE SMOKE!  And blow it out, as if we were sohpisticated Gitane-smoking cafe-swelling Frenchies.  URGH.

Another good one would be the...hmm, penny bomb I think it was called.  You would get a roll or two of caps, and kind of scratch each little bit of them.  Then you'd wrap a SHITLOAD of em round a penny, and tape it up.  Throw it down hard on the ground and...BOOM.


I'm also reminded of being in secondary school, and being too goddamn stupid to realise that the lovely and artistic Susan Falkner fancied the shit out of me, yet I would always go on about the little blond piece called Alison to her.  And I was stopped from sending a VERY embarrasing Valentines card to Shelly (who was 2 or 3 years ahead of me), at the very last minute.  Jesus.

[samadriel]

I was very quiet and have never been one for violence.  And yet, cause of the size of me, I was always a good target.  You don't get any plaudits for beating up a weedy little short-arse, after all.  No, you go for the shit brick-house!

Justice must be done.  Even in the face of someone being a bit short, I will not compromise in this.

[actwithoutwords]

I was a curious combination of nerd and messer at school. In the main it meant I could get away with a fair bit of taking the piss, but not always. Plus, I was the unlucky one who fucks up at the wrong time, throwing a paper aeroplane that hits the teacher as he comes in the door, using a teacher's derogatory nickname while the principal stood right behind me etc.

One such incident occurred in secondary school when we were away on an athletics junket in our school's hilariously shitty old blue van that masqueraded as a minibus. On the way home, a few of us in the back decided it would be fun to start dropping things out the back window trying to hit the cars behind. So we threw a succession of sweets and various small bits of detritus, until we realised one of the cars we had been chucking stuff in the direction of was a fucking unmarked police car. After following us for what seemed like ages, they eventually pulled us over and gave the teacher a bollocking, which was passed on to us with interest. I had a lot of respect for him as well. I absolutely hated getting in trouble with teachers I actually liked.

One of my more ignominious moments in primary school involved getting involved with a couple of lads who were slagging a girl in our class off for being a leper. A big fan of a bit of needle with the girls, I presumed it was merely an innocent and groundless reference to the fact that we had come across lepers in religion class recently, so got stuck in with gusto. It was only when she went crying to the teacher and I was hauled out of class did I discover that she actually had some kind of congenital deformity in her thumbs. I felt like an absolute cunt after that, horrendous. I'm not sure she ever believed/forgave me.

[rudi]

I got stabbed in a French lesson once.

I still have the scar.


_{It's not very big.}


I knocked myself out on a concrete train in the school yard once.

I still have the scar.


_{It's quite big.}

[buttgammon]

I've still got gravel embedded just beneath my knee after some fat lad bumped into me in the playground and knocked me to the floor, causing me to cut my leg open.

[actwithoutwords]

I have had a problem with my right ear since some cunt came up behind me and slapped both my ears at the same time, rendering me almost deaf for about an hour. Cunt.

[MissInformed]

The only time I was sent out of a lesson was the day my RE teacher turned up with a fairly disasterous haircut. He overheard me whispering to a mate that "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away and he's bloody heavy handed with the scissors!"

I was sent to spend the rest of the lesson standing in the corrridor - in itself that's not so bad, but as the offices of both the Head and the Deputy Head were a few feet away, that was a particularly anxious, squirmy 45 minutes for me. "What if the Head walked past and caught me? Or worse still, the Deputy Head who allegedly doled out the more serious punishments in our school...gulp!" My mind went into overdrive. The time passed without further incident though.

I also came kinda close to getting slippered once, but I already talked about that in this thread about PE, so I won't bother typing it all out again here.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Or worse still, the Deputy Head who allegedly doled out the more serious punishments in our school...gulp!" My mind went into overdrive

PHWOAR!

[MissInformed]

PHWOAR!

Is now the right time to mention that my Deputy Head was a 6'4" bloke with a big beard, hands like shovels and a big booming voice - think Brian Blessed or Terry Waite, only more manly - are you STILL thinking "PHWOAR!" ?  (Just in case you thought it was an all-girls' school with a strict Senior Mistress or something.)

[samadriel]

Works for me.

Is now the right time to mention that I always selected Zangief?

[Utter Shit]

This mad bastard called Steven in year 7 threw a load of ethanol (the good ethanol that the teachers used, not the crappy watered-down stuff) over this guy and set him on fire, think he lit his tie. Fucking mad he was, he chipped my front tooth by smacking my head into a window cos I said he lived in a dustbin. He disappeared at the end of first year for some reason.

Anyway my school days...nothing really bad, just cunting off the teachers by messing around really. We mostly did it in groups, safety in numbers. Our highlights included:

-Me and a mate fucking about in class in about year 10, so the teacher makes us stand up while she shouts at us. We just stand there trying not to laugh, before eventually exploding with laughter. So she sends us outside. Ten minutes later she comes out to shout at us, leaving the door open, and the same thing happens again - she shouts at us, and we piss ourselves, which in turn makes the whole class piss themselves as well. Ruined her whole lesson.

-Nutter French teacher can't keep control of us, and says if we don't shut up she will walk out. Noise level goes through the roof and she runs off crying, and we all absolutely lost it laughing.

-Chemistry in about year 9, the teacher was one of those nice ones who despite liking you can't help but completely disrespect in every way - she turned her back, we threw ethanol (the good stuff again, we robbed it off our desk) all over the table and lit it. This was in the days when I liked WWF and flaming tables had been invented, it was quite magnificent. The whole table was on fire like.

-Locking one of our mates in a cupboard before the teacher got there (same nice but dappy teacher as before), and have him pretend to cry and be upset, eventually she let him out and he goes TADAAAAAAAA and does the jazz hands things, she near shat herself.

-This one twat, Chinese guy who thought he was funny, he was making some crap jokes in our maths class and I'm sitting nearest to him, so the teacher goes "Simon, hit him will you". So I club him one to the jaw and then the teacher goes mad at me...I was only doing as I was told! That guy had a grudge against me though as a few years previously I called him a paedophile, for a laugh.

-This one supply teacher called Mrs Goldbloom who, throughout the years, had been known as a massive idiot...we pretty much ruined her life with a series of perfectly-timed pranks. Synchronised falling off chairs, sticking ice cubes in her coat pockets during science experiments, nothing really bad but fun stuff.

-Our history teacher was crazy, we only had him every two weeks in one lesson and because we loved fucking him about we'd all pile into his class every week whether we had him or not, and get him to start teaching while the other teacher wondered where we were. This guy was mental, he would switch between nice and nasty at the drop of a hat. Most of the time we just nicked this crappy little teddy bear he kept in his briefcase and taunted him with it. We used to have a habit of throwing pritt sticks up to the ceiling to make them stick as well, one time we had about ten up there before he got into the class, and they gradually fell off throughout the lesson, disrupting his flow every time...he was furious.

-Our whole year group got into quite a lot of shit for our end of year pranks in year 11, they were reasonably small in the grand scheme (previous efforts included advertising the headmaster's car through exchange and mart, having his office filled with turf and a goat tied to his desk, and one brilliant effort where a group of lads bought 2 tonnes of sand, dumped it on the car park and started a beach party) but they got annoyed. We stole every clock in school (only got caught because said history teacher heard them in their hiding place, ticking away in the loft bit above the toilets), we bargained with the headmaster, saying he could have them back if he did certain things but he sent a message back saying that he "would not deal with terrorists" which was pretty funny. Eventually he backed down and, in his final speech, included a list of twenty or so words, which if he said them would allow him to get the clocks back. Can't remember most of them, but elderberry was one of them.

-We had this mad Christian RE teacher, she caught my chewing gum in class, gave me a detention cleaning chewing gum off all the tables in her room. Came in at the end and I was chewing while doing it, so she gave me another one the next day...fucking bitch.

-Oh and this one kid called Lemming (dunno his real name, he looked like one of those game lemmings though) got locked in the grit bin all day one time, that wasn't me though it was kids in the year above. We helped lock his little brother (Little Lemming) in the same bin over lunchtime once but it wasn't the same.

[Utter Shit]

Oh also, a year or so back I found an apology letter drafted on my friend's computer, his little brother had been forced to write it for a series of misdemeanours at school. The grammar isn't great, but the tone is tremendous:



Dear Ms. Hernon

As I write this letter to apologise to you for my foul language you must know that what happened in that lesson was nothing other then a corrupt decision by you and totally against what I stand for, lack of common sense.

Surely you know how to tell the difference between someone who is not talking and someone who is? And even if I did say a word, you filled out a yellow form accusing me of disrupting the class with I believe and Amit (the person you accused me of talking to) can say what you did was wrong. But although I am blaming this on you, what I did was wrong and sorry for my harsh language.

But as I finish this letter of apology, I would like to tell the insensitive punishment that this school has given me. Thursday, the day after the incident I was internally suspended and if I didn't write this letter then I would have been internally suspended on Friday.

The worst punishment of all is not being allowed to go to the prom as it surely would have been a night to remember if it wasn't for you and your provocative ways I would have gone.

As a finishing touch as your sitting in your chair with a grin on your face, amused to hear of my suffering, I would like leave on a more pleasant note that the whole class doesn't like you and your stupid idea of every lesson homework as most of us have coursework to attend to and not your foolish, pointless work, Mr. Sanders is twice the teacher you'll ever be and there's nothing you can do to change what damage you have inflicted in my life!

Sorry for any minute inconvenience I have caused towards you

An Involuntary letter by
Rob Lord

[t_kingpin]

Lithium (soft metal)
Doesn't agree with water. (heated up in a bunsen burner) Smashed into a bowl of hot water, thus increasing the volatility of the metaboloid. It created a mushroom cloud of biblical proportions. I got away with it thouth cause i was a crafty bastard!!

[Hypodeemic Nerdle]

Schoolkids ought to be slaughtered at birth.

[TC Raymond]

Schoolkids ought to be slaughtered at birth.

Right on!



How deliciously evil!