Failed attempts at being amusing

[elderford]

Two examples:

I once went into a music shop and asked for lefthanded guitar strings, expecting this to raise a glimmer of a smile from the counterboy, but he served me without batting an eyelid and I left the shop thinking "Oh my god, he think's I'm serious", and then promptly got annoyed with myself for giving a toss at what he thought anyway.

The second was queuing behind an aged mature student, whom I knew quite well, for tickets at the railway station. She was at the counter unaware of my presence and I jokingly asked her to hurry up as I had a train to catch. She failed to hear me but the lass at the counter did, assumed I was serious and when it was my turn to be served she gave me the blackest of glares. As the woman I knew never turned around to see me I felt explaining we were friendly aquaintances would be a waste so I simply bore the counter lass's contempt with humble silence.

So then, trying to be funny and getting it horribly wrong, welcome to confession:

[smoker]

http://chilled.cream.org/forums/search.php?search_author=smoker

[Uncle_Z]

http://chilled.cream.org/forums/search.php?search_author=smoker



Haaaaahahahhahahahhahahhhahhahahhahhahahahaaahhaha :sigh:

[smoker]

you just didn't get it, that's all

[Des Nilsen]

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[elderford]

(a/s/l - all that business).

I don't have any virtual genitals, what does that means Des?

[Des Nilsen]

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[Uncle_Z]

you just didn't get it, that's all

I did, you didn't. Cos you wuz like saying that everything you say is a failed attempt at being amusing.  I was saying that everything YOU say is a failed attempt at being amusing.  Do you see now? :winkynudgetonguepokeetc.:

[Cheese Arse H Christ]

8===o - - - (  @  )y(  @  ) ?

[Des Nilsen]

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[MonkeyDrummer]

don't know if this counts on this thread, but it almost fits in and i can't be arsed starting a new thread cos it's not really worthy. But last night I was at my mates, and we had a few stellas. I've just got a new phone that allows u to play mp3's as ur ringtone etc. It also allows you to record noise and then obviously that is available as a ring-tone. Me and my mate then thought it would be funny if we recorded me screaming some obscenities. So in my harshes voice I screamed "ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE CUNT.....HAWL YOU, FANNY-BAWS, GET THE FUCKING PHONE NOW!" oh how we laughed and laughed....fast forward to this morning, waken up and dash to get the bus. Sitting on a bus to the centre of Leeds at 8:10 am this morning on a packed bus when a drunk Glaswedian suddenly starts screaming at me from my pocket to answer the phone CUNT!. All i could do was answer my phone quickly and sheepishly answer "hello?"....I think the poor girl beside me actually shit herself.

[Vermschneid Mehearties]

Failed attempts at being funny? I think I'm writing the novel on that at the moment.

The one thing I didn;t quite understand about I'm Alan Partridge was that Partridge actually had a sense of humour, and it seemed that virtually everyone he bumped into was the dullest humourless sort of person. I thought that it was Coogans job to show Partridge in a bad light...just a thought anyway. I'm probably missing something really obvious.

Fuck me, after reading that post, my self-esteem must have really hit the bottom...

[Krang]

in "Theatre Studies" last year, me and some people had to do a small interactive performance for the class about being born.

The idea was, theyd enter the room to the noise of a screaming mother, and an encouraging father.

At the end, a lad suggested "why dont we have a doctor to say 'congratuations, its a boy' or something."

Does anyone remember the "Congratulations its a still born" avatar? well i thought that was pretty funny, so i said it... They didnt like it.

[smoker]

bomb joke girl:

"She was about to board a British Airways flight to London on January 17 when she told an official at a baggage check point: "Hey be careful, I have three bombs in here."

Asked to repeat herself, she repeated the same statement twice"


she probably just thought the staff hadn't heard what she'd said which was why they weren't laughing

[Lt Plonker]

Oh God, today at college.

We had a lovely girl come up to our table at lunch and tell us about a Boy/Girl Auction to be held in the bar upstairs. I turned to her and enquired as to whether David Dickinson was chairing the auction.

She didn't quite hear me, I repeated it and she replied, as unfazed and normal as anything: "Oh no, the Student Union president'll do that."

Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks. This is why I don't pull. I ought to just shut up.

[Cerys]

Does anyone remember the "Congratulations its a still born" avatar? well i thought that was pretty funny, so i said it... They didnt like it.

Youch!  Oh dear....

Years ago, I and a bloke in my class were auditioning to go on 'Blockbusters'.  We'd answered loads of questions correctly, and aced the simulated Gold Run.  Then they asked us why we wanted to be on the programme.  My response?  "Mostly I think it's just the fame and the money."  Clearly these people had never heard of Zaphod Beeblebrox.  Did we get on the show?  Did we buggery!

[Frinky]

Boy Auction

Boys? Being sold to girls? Where do I sign up?

[Dr. Gizmonic]

I once wrote a parody article for my old College newspaper about a fictional disease called "Rapscallions". Well, I received an E-mail from my Editor stating that I "showed extremely poor taste in dealing with the subject matter" and that "Any further submissions would be ignored".
I cried for weeks, my usual spot was occupied by "Enid Edna, your out-of-touch Agony Aunt".

[Cerys]

Huh?  What?  What the hell was this person doing editing a newspaper in the first place...?

[Dr. Gizmonic]

Huh?  What?  What the hell was this person doing editing a newspaper in the first place...?

I believe keeping out dangerous subversives and their callous treatment of a malady that induces "Roustaboutis". To be fair, I had already managed to make myself her nemesis by lampooning her writing not-too-subtlety. She did deserve it, though. The girl used more exclamation marks than vowels.

[Lt Plonker]

Boy Auction

Boys? Being sold to girls? Where do I sign up?

Too late. I missed it as well. Bugger it. I could've saved all that fuss and bother and actually bought a lady.

[NattyDread]

Some Stuff

Brilliant. It would make my morning to hear 'Fanny Baws' on a bus.

[The Plaque Goblin]

Some twit on the bus home on Wednesday thought it was absolutley hilarious to poke people, including me, in the back of the head with one of those furry feather duster things.

I turned around and said really aggressively "Whatever the fuck it is you are doing just fucking stop it"

Oh yes, I was really proud of myself.

He muttered something about 'boring sods' as he got off.

[DistantAngel]

I was at work once, and I saw out of the corner of my eye that one of the designers was doing some Photoshop work to a picture of a middle-aged woman.  Given that we'd done a lot of that stuff (for the pics of company directors for the sites we do), I casually remarked that she looked like Ann Widecombe ... with a beard.

The room went silent, save for one of the other programmers who piped up, "That was my mum - she died last month".

Eep ...

[european son]

The room went silent, save for one of the other programmers who piped up, "That was my mum - she died last month".

that's terrible! and brilliant!

[Mr Flunchy]

Christ, is this a hard-hitting controversial Chris Morris board or the That's Life letters page?

enk...