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Shops in your locality that are "fronts for something else"

Started by 23 Daves, October 01, 2007, 08:38:20 PM

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What does your local bakery *really* sell?

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Prostitutes
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Total Members Voted: 4

23 Daves

This came up in one of [banned troll]'s threads where people were talking about the delights of Lowestoft.  I've always found this topic fairly interesting.  In almost every town or city I've ever lived in, there have been a few shops filled with tat which locals always view with deep suspicion.  "That shop is a front for something dodgy!" old ladies, students, parents and local newsagents alike will say with grave expressions on their faces.  "It's not as if they could sell any of that stock, is it?  And they've been there for years!"

So, can you think of any ridiculous stores in your area which have aroused your suspicion or the suspicion of others?  My most likely candidate is a Novelty Telephone Shop on Victoria Road North in Portsmouth.  It was a tiny little store on a corner right next to a newsagents that just stocked phones in the shape of cats, dogs, Bugs Bunny, etc.  Not only was its location absolutely appalling (Victoria Road North is just a busy residential stretch of main road leading up to a huge council estate) but the place was hardly ever open.  Even if somebody did happen to be going to the corner store for a pack of Twiglets and just, perchance, fancied buying a phone with a novelty ringtone in the shape of a Doctor Martens boot, the place would invariably be closed. 

There's also a corner store in Hackney which all the locals swear is a front for a drug pusher peddling his wares.  Apparently if you go in there and ask for confectionary, and ask what the price of the Mars bars are, they just say "Just give me some money, yeah?  I don't know what the price is, do I?" and try to get you out as quickly as possible.  Sadly, I've never visited them  myself and couldn't tell you what their location is.

There was also always an urban myth in Southend that the "Lawnmower Repair Shop" in Westcliff was a "front for other activity", but so far as I'm aware it wasn't (don't think it's still there).  At least, when my Dad took his Flymo in to be repaired after a fault, they apparently did a lovely job and even sharpened the blades for him for free - although I suppose you could read something else into that as well if you wanted.

Also, how likely is it that all these places genuinely are fronts for criminal activity?  Is this just lots of different urban myths?  I'd have thought that if you were a drug dealer, a gangland killer or a fraud, the last thing you'd do is open up a shop selling complete and total rubbish, thereby arousing the attention of everyone in the locality.  Surely the best thing to do would be to find a nice secluded house somewhere, keep yourself a bit quiet, and get on with it? 

CaledonianGonzo

Not quite the same thing, but on Easter Road in Edinburgh is an internet cafe that goes under the name of 'International Fund for Caring and Workers Rights' (or something similar), with a boldly highlighted charity number and a big 'holding-hands' around the world-style logo.

It is, however, just your average cybercaff with coffee, cake and deals on multiple print jobs.

Looks like a bit of a tax dodge to me.


extradave

Aren't the blades on a flymo disposable and plastic? Or was that some other mower from the memories of my youth?

George Oscar Bluth II

There's a shop down the end of my road that apparently sells fishing tackle. I've not seen it open in the...oooh...two weeks I've lived here.

Cack Hen

When I worked in Tesco there was this guy about my age (18-ish at the time) who worked on the fish counter, which is right next to the Deli where I worked. Well, I noticed after a while that random people would walk up to me and say "where's X" (name obscured, they didn't actually say X) and if I said he wasn't here, they'd just turn around and walk straight back out of the shop. I found out after a while from chatting to X that he was in fact dealing drugs from the fish counter, often slipping weed inside cheap fish. He had a load of regulars who would come in, ask for whichever type of fish had the drugs they wanted and then just take it through the checkout after slipping X the cash as he hands them the fish.

The funny thing was, his mum worked with me on the Deli sometimes and she was complete oblivious to all of it. It just didn't add up - he had expensive hi-fi equipment, loads of gadgets, phones, expensive designer clothing and he only worked there part time.

non capisco

There used to be a perpetually empty local Italian restaurant called 'Cosa Nostra' when I was in primary school, and when we found out that meant Mafia we instantly assumed the reason it was empty was because there was some kind of South-East Kent wing of the Mafia operating out of it, doing killings and stuff downstairs. Perhaps the obviousness of the name was a double bluff, the Mafia knowing everyone would assume it would be utterly stupid of them to name their secret hideaway 'The Mafia' and have a picture of Al Capone (the leader of the Mafia!!!) on the wall so it couldn't possibly be them. Of course, someone said they saw someone running out the front with a knife sticking out of them once. And went the ill-attended restaurant finally went bust and changed into a chip shop, this was obviously because either the police had busted them or they'd cunningly done it to avoid detection.

Primary school kids are great for things like this. There's always a condemned half-a-building somewhere where "a witch lives".

Pylon Man

Hmm. There's a small Italian resturant that I never saw anyone go into that I walked past every day at school on the way to town which a few years turned into a chip shop.

weekender

There's a shop near me which is ostensibly a paper shop, but really it's just a place where Pakis go in so they can smell each other's dirty curry breath and do their weird praying things.

ziggy starbucks

its well known that the tanning salon place at the bottom of the road is a money laundering exercise by drug dealers.

Derek Trucks

Tanning salons are notorious for money laundering because there's practically no overheads, so the owners can make up whatever figure they want for turnover.  Similar well-known havens are restaurants, amusements arcades and (surprisingly) golf courses.

I view a number of local second hand record/CD shops with suspicion, surely they can't be making any money these days?

ziggy starbucks

Quote from: Derek Trucks on October 01, 2007, 11:29:10 PM
Tanning salons are notorious for money laundering because there's practically no overheads, so the owners can make up whatever figure they want for turnover.  Similar well-known havens are restaurants, amusements arcades and (surprisingly) golf courses.

I didn't know that about the overheads. Thanks. I'll tell everyone about it and pretend its my own knowledge.

Derek Trucks

Glad I could be of service.  To be specific I meant to say it has little in the way of variable overheads, meaning that it would be quite difficult for Customs to satisfactorily disprove any turnover figures.  So for example, you couldn't launder dirty money by opening a off license, as they would wonder how you managed to sell 10,000 bottles of vino when you only bought 1,000 in stock.  But because the only variable cost in a tanning salon is electricity (which isn't particularly easy to convert into sunbed time used) it's much easier for the crooks to say 'Yeah, we had all 4 beds going for 10 hours a day, 6 days a week last month' as they know it would be a bugger to prove otherwise.

Pogue Mahone

There was a shop in Derry (I'm not sure if it's still in operation) that had an overhead sign reading "Cash and Value" but was locally and commonly know as "The Black Market", such was the widespread public knowledge of what went on inside its shady doors. It was run by local republican paramilitaries-come-gangsters as a method to raise and maintain a flow of illegal funds to contribute to their many other dodgy pursuits. It sold a wide array of goods from pirate CDs, DVDs and PlayStation games to fake-brand clothes (such as the infamous Aseeda traksuit bottoms with four stripes down the side of the leg) and brand-name clothing robbed from the back of delivery vans. The primary business of the establishment was inferred to be the selling of crappy household goods, such as light shades, but mainly shitty, cheap-quality symmetrical carpets, which they had rolled out and decked all over the joint, however. There was always a big, tough, shaven-headed, suspicious-looking man standing at the doorway on the lookout for the regular RUC-raid. To counter any potential visit by the authorities, the store had mastered the art of concealment in a hilarious manner; all the CDs and DVDs were stored in boxes that could be closed over and covered with a carpet at the click of a latch. They even had carpets hanging on the walls that could be swiftly unravelled to hide clothes and disguise the shop as a law-abiding carpet-selling establishment.

If the shop is still open (I'll have to investigate), they'll probably be investing in turning walls soon. It was like something out of a surreal comedy where a room could morph into some other entirely different entity with the pulling of a book from a shelf. I've been trying to think of specific examples of this in film, but my mind is blank at the moment ... Can anyone help? It's very common; I know.

Utter Shit

There's a 'shop' up the road from me opposite Rayners Lane station that houses a pirate radio station. Funnily enough it's never been caught AFAIK, despite the fact that this 'shop' is nothing more than a sign and shutters. I've NEVER seen it open, in the three or four years that it has been there. Seen plenty of people popping in and out though.

alan nagsworth

There's a place near where I used to live, a little corner shop wich was pretty much inaccessible due to it being cluttered up with odd rolls of carpet and the occasional second hand dining chair or sofa. I never saw it get any custom, and rarely saw it fronted by any owners. There was no counter, no till, nothing. Just rolls of carpet and chairs... yet it was always open, and just recently on passing it I noticed it has a nice new sign above the front window. It's not a front for something else because it wasn't suspect at all, it was just extremely pointless. I wish I knew why it existed.

samadriel

I once walked into what appeared to be a tiny suburban corner store, but which turned out to be little more than the house of a strange old south-east Asian lady, with a shop awning and cursory signage attached out front.  "You want a Coke?" she asked me from the far side of the shop counter installed in her loungeroom, turning towards her fridge.  Too confused and unsettled to exchange money for goods, I politely declined

Quote from: Pogue Mahone on October 02, 2007, 02:25:24 AM
If the shop is still open (I'll have to investigate), they'll probably be investing in turning walls soon. It was like something out of a surreal comedy where a room could morph into some other entirely different entity with the pulling of a book from a shelf. I've been trying to think of specific examples of this in film, but my mind is blank at the moment ... Can anyone help? It's very common; I know.

The first thing that sprang to mind is the second ad here:

[youtube=425,350]http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2oTREmIOwZ0[/youtube]

Starlit

Quote from: Pogue Mahone on October 02, 2007, 02:25:24 AM
I've been trying to think of specific examples of this in film, but my mind is blank at the moment ... Can anyone help? It's very common; I know.

Moe's Tavern / Friendly Neighbourhood Pet Store in the prohibition episode of The Simpsons.

Neville Chamberlain

There's a shop window round the corner from where I live that's full of bizarre stuff about coffee, quotes about art, lava lamps, kitschy objects, newspaper articles about space, something about the Guinnes Book of Records, strangely-shaped lamps, toys, weird masks and lots of other little things I probably haven't noticed yet. The thing is, it's just a shop window, there doesn't appear to be any shop behind it. If you peer in, you can just about make out an area that looks like it might once have been a shop, but there's never anyone there. Even more oddly, the display changes quite regularly yet I've never seen anyone there. It serves no discernible purpose whatsoever except for something to confuse you while waiting for the bus to turn up.

Neville Chamberlain

There's also a kebab place around the corner from which is quite clearly an al-qaeda cell. I can tell by the beards.

23 Daves

Quote from: Neville Chamberlain on October 02, 2007, 11:31:09 AM
There's also a kebab place around the corner from which is quite clearly an al-qaeda cell. I can tell by the beards.

A friend of Mrs Daves swears blind that many 7-11 outlets in America are being used as cells by Al-Qaeda, primarily because many of the outlets can be found on the ground floor of large towers.  She's talking shit, obviously, but it's pointless getting into a discussion with her about this, because she knows it to be true.

On the other hand, I think my local massage parlour might just be a front for some prostitutes. Their behaviour the last time I popped in seemed suspicious.

chocky909

Chocolate Box on Brixton Water Lane. Apart from the massive hilarity of meaning 'bumhole', this always open tobacconist/confectioners always has half empty shelves and no customers. It's been there for years too. My dad bought some cigarettes there once when he was desperate because a friend lived nearby and it was obvious that he wasn't welcome.

Don_Preston

Well he fast food "Charcoal Grill" was reccently raided and found many Turkish immigrants living and working in the back, and that it was part of a ring.

Then there's "Diamonds" on the way into Bristol. A Massage parlour, but that doesn't even try to hide the fact that more goes on there

It's gone now but "The Green Leaf" on Landor road in Clapham was a not very subtle front for selling cannabis.
I think I've posted this before, but this was the drill:

Plan

1: Enter shop.
2: Approach joke sales area and purchase e.g. Twix.
3: Turn left through unmarked door and round the corner.
4: Approach Man and buy drugs.
Leave shop, brandishing Twix for the benefit of any watching police.

TotalMink

There was a shop in my old neighbourhood in The Hague which had a shop which had a sign with Ireland and a tricolour which read "delicious home cooked irish meals - can deliver". 

The idea of some home cooked irish food was appealing however it was never open and the phone number never ever picked up.........

Neville Chamberlain

Quote from: Don_Preston on October 02, 2007, 12:07:58 PMThen there's "Diamonds" on the way into Bristol. A Massage parlour, but that doesn't even try to hide the fact that more goes on there

Good lord! Does it double up as a bakery too then?!?

drberbatov

There is this bar called Orlando's which someone told me was linked to this dodgy Barksdale chap

Blue Jam

The Aberdeen Steak House/Angus Steak House places are an obvious one, except I actually walked past one last week and saw that every table was occupied. Usually they're nearly empty and yet they still keep going, despite being in places like Oxford Circus and Covent Garden where the rents must be astronomical.

Helvetica Scenario

There was (is?) a shop in Strood called Disco Drugs. Never have I been more disappointed.

alan nagsworth