Shops in your locality that are "fronts for something else"

[Jack Shaftoe]

The (as far as I know) only brothel in Penryn down here in Cornwall didn't even bother giving itself a front company. This may or may not have something to do with being opposite the police station. For many many years.

[Helvetica Scenario]

Edit: Fuck it.

[Pseudopath]

I want to know who the manic tagger is.

I'm not certain, but I think his name might be an anagram of Anal Strang.

[Lookalike Mark Chapman]

There was (is?) a shop in Strood called Disco Drugs. Never have I been more disappointed.

I can't believe someone - someone else, a real person - has just mentioned the Strood high street 'Disco Drug Store' on this website. That's made me unaccountably happy. It's such a strange shop - last time I saw, they had loads of those foul 'glamorous' sunset images in frames with revolving lamps behind them to make them glow. And - always - really cheap, really stale crisps. And no drugs. Ah, Strood glorious Strood!

Meanwhile, in Tunbridge Wells, there's a Chinese restaurant (run by a Chinese Elvis impersonator), which is supposedly the local outpost for the Chinese mafia. Probably bollocks. But I've never seen anyone eating in there, and there was a mysterious fire recently...

[Papercut]

The is a kebab place in Twickenham that sees such little business (save chucking out time), and whose quality is so bad (everything tastes of salt) that I am convinced it must be a front for something else. Its always bloody open too!

[Paranormalhandy]

There is (or was) a very eerie newsagents in Aberdeen.  Back in 2000, I got stuck in the city during the fuel protests, and stayed at a friend's on George Street.  Venturing out at around 7pm, I went to the nearest shop to buy some milk and bread (which was actually getting quite scarce by day two or three).  I expected to see empty shelves, but this one shop was still more than adequately stocked ... which was strange.  Even stranger was the harsh strip lighting and the feeling that the shop was only half finished - everything was out on the shelves in a strange regimental way, everything in its EXACT place.

Then I turned round and spotted the SECOND part of the shop, a long corridor, about forty feet by twenty, which was lined with every imaginable kind of jazz mag.  Again, they were placed in exactly the same, slightly regimental way - it was like a R S McColls with an Amsterdam sex shop magically grafted on to the side.

[Blue Jam]

There's an incredibly weird newsagents in Bethnal Green which seems to have almost nothing in stock- the first time I went I asked them where the chocolate was and the shopkeeper pointed to a vast empty stack of shelves covering an entire wall and said "we've sold out." They never had more than three newspapers in stock at any one time, and all the toiletries and packets of dry food were covered in dust.

Nextdoor is a barber shop called "Beautiful Gate Top Barber." That always confused me before I realised it's a Judaism thing, they could still do with a "The" in the name though. I don't think I've seen anyone in there either come to think of it.

Across the road is a weird kebab shop which had an "ALL FOOD HALF-PRICE" banner over the sign for ages. There was a half-price pizza place nearby too.

Bloody weird bit of London, Bethnal Green.

[23 Daves]

There's an incredibly weird newsagents in Bethnal Green which seems to have almost nothing in stock- the first time I went I asked them where the chocolate was and the shopkeeper pointed to a vast empty stack of shelves covering an entire wall and said "we've sold out." They never had more than three newspapers in stock at any one time, and all the toiletries and packets of dry food were covered in dust.

That just sounds like a rubbish East London newsagents to me.  There are quite a few dotted about, it's a miracle they stay open.  There was one that was only open half the year on Vartry Road in Stamford Hill.  This was also a road on which numerous members of obscure London indie bands lived, so on any given morning you could find people from Comet Gain, the Chris T-T band and Sergeant Buzfuz stood outside some shuttered windows wondering why they couldn't buy any tobacco for their roll-ups. 

My local newsagent at the moment is similar as well.  Shuts for no reason, and when it is open always has a depleted stock, even running out of ready salted crisps and Coke.  The following exhanges always occur between the locals and the owner:
LOCAL: "Any Coke, boss?"
OWNER: "No, sorry sorry".
LOCAL: "Any crisps, boss?"
OWNER: "Not today, sorry sorry".
LOCAL: "Look, did you get any Dairy Milks in today?"
OWNER: "No we are out, sorry".
LOCAL: "Oh for fuck's sake!" (storms out, continues his journey to another store that actually stocks everyday products).

I doubt it's a front for anything.  I think they're just inept, to be frank, and the lower rents on offer in East London have allowed the rubbish corner stores to survive where the rest of the city has seen them obliterated.  We'll be nostalgic for them in ten years time.

[Cardinal Tit Storm]

There is (or was) a very eerie newsagents in Aberdeen.  Back in 2000, I got stuck in the city during the fuel protests, and stayed at a friend's on George Street.  Venturing out at around 7pm, I went to the nearest shop to buy some milk and bread (which was actually getting quite scarce by day two or three).  I expected to see empty shelves, but this one shop was still more than adequately stocked ... which was strange.  Even stranger was the harsh strip lighting and the feeling that the shop was only half finished - everything was out on the shelves in a strange regimental way, everything in its EXACT place.

Then I turned round and spotted the SECOND part of the shop, a long corridor, about forty feet by twenty, which was lined with every imaginable kind of jazz mag.  Again, they were placed in exactly the same, slightly regimental way - it was like a R S McColls with an Amsterdam sex shop magically grafted on to the side.

Haha, this must surely be the Hutcheon Street shop you're talking about, just off George Street (?). I can't remember it's true name but everyone I know refers to it simply as "The Dodgy Shop". You have to count your change carefully and keep your wits about you in there, especially after midnight. Supposedly you can buy some nasty illegal porn under the counter in addition to the stuff lining the shelves. I've also heard it said that the tinker family who run the place packed their daughter off to work in the sex industry in Eastern Europe at a young age. There's probably no truth to that, but the young son had certainly been working behind the counter so long he was like a character from Open All Hours by the time he hit his teens. I doubt he'd ever been to school, and it was strange to see a kid with such as grown up manner.

Your description makes it sound bigger than it actually is, Paranormalhandy (though it has been through some changes over the years), so if it's not the same shop you were in just count yourself lucky.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Not a shop, but the company my ex-wife worked for had shady mafia connections. They got an ex-worker to shut down a website he put up telling everyone about their activities, and my ex got her phone and computer tapped and (at a menacing 5'3") got a letter given to her threatening her with all kinds of legal action and escorted out of the building by three huge policemen because she "knew too much". I posted some pics of the people she worked for on here ages ago, bunch of horrible millionaire CEO bastards.

[Pogue Mahone]

The (as far as I know) only brothel in Penryn down here in Cornwall didn't even bother giving itself a front company. This may or may not have something to do with being opposite the police station. For many many years.

This establishment, Derry's only gay bar, isn't really a front for anything other than a haven for wanton sexual deviancy, I suppose, but I mention it because it was purposely located opposite a police station to ensure that it wouldn't come under homophobic attack. Anywhere else in the city and I'm sure the place would have been trashed and its patrons beaten to pulps by now.

[lardboy]

There's an antiques shop on Baggot Street in Dublin, that could well be a front.  I've never seen anyone in there and the stock seems to be made up of old shit from the sixties, like framed newspapers with articles about the Beatles or carvings of Irish Generals.  It has very erratic opening hours and unless they are getting money from somewhere else, must have trouble covering the rent every month.

In London, my old video shop near Nine Elms Sainsburys was definitely dodgy, as we found out when they stopped getting any new films in at all and just had cheap 2 for 1 offers on all their existing stock.  As we were regular visitors by this point, they told us about "The List" from which you could order knock off copies of every single film out at the cinema and all the new video releases.  In essence it was a video shop operating as a cover for a video shop, albeit a pirate one.

I've heard that lots of the minicab firms that operate from doorways around Soho are actually friendly local drug dealers, but as I live in Brixton, have not had need to test out the theory.

[Uncle TechTip]

I'm not certain, but I think his name might be an anagram of Anal Strang.

Nah, it's weekender + alcohol = tedium

[Whug Baspin]

"The Green Leaf"

My brother tried to send me there to score for him once, but I think it was closed. I'm living near Aldgate at the moment and quite a few places are cover for speak-easy type smoking places. Also there is a pub near by called the Castle. While it's not related to the topic they have a murial on the wall of the back room showing local characters, workmen, firemen (I think) and a group of men in suits, but one of the men in suits has had his face scratched off, I wish I knew what that was all about, part of me wishes there is a horribly sinister story behind it.

[duckorange]

There's a dodgy kebab shop on the Oxford Road in Reading which operates a brothel upstairs. Class.

[23 Daves]

I've heard that lots of the minicab firms that operate from doorways around Soho are actually friendly local drug dealers, but as I live in Brixton, have not had need to test out the theory.

Yep, they are!  I can confirm that one - I witnessed a friend obtain some weed from a "cab firm" right near the theatre that always seems to have Les Miserables on.

He asked for a taxi as well, and they laughed at him.  "No taxis tonight boss, just weed!" they quipped.  You couldn't blame him for trying, he did need both.

[SetToStun]

There's an Indian restaurant round my way which featured on one of those Roger Cook type telly shows (may have been his, may not) for selling dodgy tax discs and MOTs, I believe. I wondered how they'd stayed in business for so long because the food, quite frankly, is tasteless pap.

[Jemble Fred]

It's gone now but "The Green Leaf" on Landor road in Clapham was a not very subtle front for selling cannabis.
I think I've posted this before, but this was the drill:

Plan

1: Enter shop.
2: Approach joke sales area and purchase e.g. Twix.
3: Turn left through unmarked door and round the corner.
4: Approach Man and buy drugs.
Leave shop, brandishing Twix for the benefit of any watching police.

Aw yeah, great days. I recall having a very edifying chat about Dickens with the intimidating guys who sat out the front once, while I waited for a ladyfriend to 'get the shopping in'.

Of course, it was undoubtedly the most rubbish weed I've ever encountered.

[sick as a pike]

I never went myself but my friend Andy was a frequent Green Leaf customer.  He said that after they were busted, the drug sellers stepped up their security... the man stood slightly further down the corridor.

[Emma Raducanu]

There's a takeaway in Blackpool, where someone found a cock in their kebab. Always wondered whether it's true or not.

[Pogue Mahone]

A story went round in some of the local papers a few years ago of some McDonald's workers jizzing into the Big Macs. How it was discovered was that a woman felt a bit ill, and upon getting a check-up with her doctor, it was found that she had samples of semen in her mouth and stomach.

Essentially, it was a front for games of Soggy Burger.

[Jemble Fred]

A story went round in some of the local papers a few years ago of some McDonald's workers jizzing into the Big Macs. How it was discovered was that a woman felt a bit ill, and upon getting a check-up with her doctor, it was found that she had samples of semen in her mouth and stomach.

Essentially, it was a front for games of Soggy Burger.

Hang on, so in order for there to be any logic in this, she must ONLY eat in McDonalds? No wonder the stupid cow felt ill.

[Blue Jam]

Great pause/snapshot skills there, Paranormalhandy.

[Dr_Gloryhole]

There's a takeaway in Blackpool, where someone found a cock in their kebab. Always wondered whether it's true or not.

I live in Blackpool, I can tell you that this is bollocks.

But, their is a trial on at the moment regarding a Kebab shop owner who liked to shag really ugly 14 year old white girls in the ally behind his kebab shop(he was of middle eastern origin). Anywho, one of these uglies goes missing, with no trace of the body, and he quipped that she was chopped up and put in Kebabs. Of course he denies it all now, but only time will tell. The shop on the other hand has had a huge sign in its window ever since saying "Under new management"

[Paranormalhandy]

Great pause/snapshot skills there, Paranormalhandy.

Erm ... thanks Blue Jam (actually, I must be getting tired, as I first of all read "great snotshot skills .. ")

Anyway, to the Cardinal, I'm not sure where Hutcheson Street is - does it just continue on from George Street, or is it off down a side street?  My mates flat was near a bit of town was which always flooding, out towards the Kittybrewster Retail Park.

Actually, Aberdeen always seemed to have strange corner shops.  There was apparently one off Great Western Road which would give money for returned used pornos, which seems a pretty (and literally) incredible idea.  And then there was (is?) the newsagent on King Street, about one block up from the Lemon Tree junction.  The owner used to have mad sneezing fits in the morning because, as he explained himself, "I'm badly allergic to newsprint".

The only real empornium I ever found in Aberdeen was the one on Urquhart road called "John Winters" (a play on Anne Summers?) which always seemed to have its windows smashed.  Looks like that went the way of the viagra-hawking bondage dodo back in '06:

http://www.sundaymail.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=17042173&method=full&siteid=64736&headline=-pound-16m-crooks-hit-where-it-hurts--in-the-assets--name_page.html

-----

Editted to add this:

http://www.thisisnorthscotland.co.uk/displayNode.jsp?nodeId=149664&command=displayContent&sourceNode=149490&contentPK=18551945&folderPk=85696&pNodeId=149221

Looks like the owner of that shop might go to jail on 22nd October.  It seems he was selling R18 videos without a licence.  And probably knows where Maddie is.

[Monkeyfucker]

not overly relevant, but my mate lives in Glasgow, and orders smoke from the bus that drives through his estate a million times a day (the bus goes through the estate a milloin times a day, not that he buys drugs a million times a day - well i dont think he does anyway )

[Pogue Mahone]

Hang on, so in order for there to be any logic in this, she must ONLY eat in McDonalds?

Not necessarily; it might have been the only take-away she ate that week, and she probably trusted that her husband/sons didn't spunk in her tea behind her back. Anyway, I think a media furore rose about a lady having been a victim of this and someone in McDonald's subsequently let the cat out of the bad. There were sackings.

[Cardinal Tit Storm]

Anyway, to the Cardinal, I'm not sure where Hutcheson Street is - does it just continue on from George Street, or is it off down a side street?  My mates flat was near a bit of town was which always flooding, out towards the Kittybrewster Retail Park.

Hucheon St. is a side street off George St. It's not all that far from Kittybrewster, and the shop there is (or was) the only 24 hour shop for miles around. I used to live on a council estate directly behind Kittybrewster retail park myself (the local taxi drivers called it Beirut), but I'm not sure where this flooding would have happened. Maybe down the hill at the bottom end of Bedford Road, but I never saw it if that was the case.

Ah, it's actually quite pleasant thinking about Aberdeen now that I don't live there anymore. The geography of it won't be very interesting for others though, so I'll shut up now.

[Paranormalhandy]

Ah, it's actually quite pleasant thinking about Aberdeen now that I don't live there anymore. The geography of it won't be very interesting for others though.

You're probably right.  Kitty Brewster would make a great porn star name, though - along with Peter Head.

[gmoney]

Not necessarily; it might have been the only take-away she ate that week, and she probably trusted that her husband/sons didn't spunk in her tea behind her back. Anyway, I think a media furore rose about a lady having been a victim of this and someone in McDonald's subsequently let the cat out of the bad. There were sackings.

Hmmm. That's a particularly common urban legend

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/food/semen.asp