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Hooray! Another adverts thread (good or bad)

Started by Pseudopath, October 04, 2007, 12:10:49 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Cerys

Quote from: Jamie Oliver is fat on December 18, 2012, 11:22:37 AM
Heh, me too

There's surely a one-off christmas advert send up show up for grabs here where we do a Harry Hill-esque cut at some point to an immaculately presented set with similar actors in similar clothes etc

In this one, the correct ending is of course him slitting his mothers throat, before calmly eating his dinner

Charlie Brooker is already on-board

Slitting her throat?  No - he goes feral and rips out the throats and internal organs of everyone present.

Subtle Mocking

I definitely just saw a Google tablet ad in which the woman asked 'Was Rome built in a day?'.

Icehaven

Quote from: KLG-7B on December 18, 2012, 10:55:20 AM
Then, try to imagine the poshest cracker in the world. What the hell would that have inside of it? A lobster?

Or a Faberge egg, rubies and an actual crown.

BritishHobo

Quote from: Subtle Mocking on December 18, 2012, 05:40:21 PM
I definitely just saw a Google tablet ad in which the woman asked 'Was Rome built in a day?'.

I'm endlessly annoyed by the Google Chrome adverts that basically advertise 'things you can do online' as if they're specific perks of Chrome, rather than just things that come with 'having an internet connection' in general.

doppelkorn

Quote from: BritishHobo on December 18, 2012, 11:27:11 PM
I'm endlessly annoyed by the Google Chrome adverts that basically advertise 'things you can do online' as if they're specific perks of Chrome, rather than just things that come with 'having an internet connection' in general.

cf. all car adverts, phone network adverts and perfume adverts which seem to link their product with "enjoying being alive".

Lazy Daisy

The EE ads are mildy amusing, but I've never found myself wanting to watch a film on a mobile then arriving home to continue watching it on the tele, plus Kevin Bacon's attempt at pronouncing mobile makes me laugh.

Jumble Cashback

Am I the only one who's noticed that Kevin Bacon (or the cunt who wrote his script) doesn't actually know how to play 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon'?

The Roofdog

Quote from: icehaven on December 18, 2012, 10:38:43 PM
Or a Faberge egg, rubies and an actual crown.


How pissed off would you be if you got the pen and the bloke next to you got the Faberge egg?

The Roofdog

Quote from: Jumble Cashback on December 20, 2012, 03:04:54 AM
Am I the only one who's noticed that Kevin Bacon (or the cunt who wrote his script) doesn't actually know how to play 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon'?

YES that also pisses me off immensely. "'Kevin' and 'Bacon' are words. Another word is cheese. Therefore Kevin Bacon is connected to cheese." FUCK OFF

Jumble Cashback

You know what pisses me off?  Those fucking Clover adverts.  Clover seem to be trying to push themselves as a 'national institution', as if anyone gives a strolling fuck what butter substitute is smeared on their toast.  This is from parent company, Dairy Crest, the same people who gave us the 'Have You Gone Utterly Butterly?' campaign which, while similarly deluded, at least had the decency to attach some 'humour' to the notion that people might actually devote more than a single synapse of grey matter to their stance in the great 'Interchangeable Tasteless Grease War'.

For some time, Clover have insisted on spreading their strange mixture of overly ambitious brand persona and weird patriotism onto the nation's faces.  Remember this abomination?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKMM_N5nUtY

This was, presumably, designed to encapsulate the same 'British spirit' that was currently being trumpeted out of the arse of Fat Les, architect of the astonishingly witless football anthem, Vindaloo (included below for your viewing horror).  Granted, Clover decided it would walk down a slightly less grim and thuggish road, but the same vacant, flag waving self-importance is there in big, vaguely buttery dollops.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLph6ePNkGQ

Now, it seems, Clover have matured from cuntish, loudmouthed youth into earnest, self-satisfied, middle-age; They've settled down, had a couple of kids and now they think they have earned the right to shake their head and chuckle smugly to themselves as they read the morning paper.  The arrogance is still there, the belief that theirs is the one true wisdom, but now it comes under the bogus banner of 'experience'.  Now they take things a little slower - they read light, middle-brow fiction, buy gift hampers for Christmas and smile wryly at the world rushing around them at oh, what speed!  Now, in the comfort of their armchair by the fire, they think to themselves "I know now what it means to be human.  I know of life's great truth.  I know what shapes our souls and gives all things meaning.  It's fucking margarine."[nb]I recognise that Clover is not technically margarine[/nb]  Or rather, "It's me - I'm the flavourless, yellow cement that holds this great nation together.  I'd better let everybody know".  Here, then, is Clover's latest wave of unspeakable guff, taken from their current marketing campaign, which has run (as far as I know) from 2006 to present.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLyRYkNwlWU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVIZBu3ItHw

To look at them, you'd think that Clover is, in fact, the unseen presence of The Almighty, smiling down in benevolent wisdom upon the living world; the modern equivelant of a burning candle in a renaissance painting.  For the sharply contrasting reality, I present Clover's Wikipedia entry - in its entirety:

QuoteClover is a brand of butter sold in the United Kingdom, produced by the Dairy Crest group. It resembles butter but is easier to spread when cold. It is made from ingredients including vegetable fat and buttermilk. The brand was launched in 1983 and is claimed to be worth £81m at retail value. It is made in Crudgington near Telford.

BritishHobo

Brilliant post. The meaningful, soulful singing of 'that song from them Clover adverts' in those videos make me want throw up.

BlodwynPig

Clover was also used to kill over 500,000 Jews.

Icehaven

There's a slight problem with that (Freudian) Boots advert, with the kid who's routinely embarassed/horrified/enraged by the fact his Dad can't stop smelling his Mum, and it ends with him giving her her Christmas present and pointedly saying 'it's UNscented'' while glowering at Dad. Now, It's an advert for the various perfumes Boots does, and it shows a selection at the end, so it'd be fair to assume the implication is that that's what he's bought his Mum this year. Some scentless perfume.

Cerys

Interesting.  I've been assuming that the bloke is the mum's boyfriend, rather than the boy's dad.

I'd also like to add that the kid has a wonderful way with facial expressions.

Icehaven

Quote from: Cerys on December 20, 2012, 08:22:21 PM
Interesting.  I've been assuming that the bloke is the mum's boyfriend, rather than the boy's dad.

You might be right, I'd mainly assumed it was his Dad as he's mixed race, and his Dad's black and Mum is white. Either way, YOU CAN'T GET SCENTLESS PERFUME. 

The Masked Unit

I always thought he was the mum's boyfriend too - just assumed she had a type.

Subtle Mocking

Quote from: icehaven on December 20, 2012, 08:42:46 PM
Either way, YOU CAN'T GET SCENTLESS PERFUME.

You can, just buy any Calvin Klein fragrance and you're set!

(I'm here all week, unfortunately)

Jumble Cashback

And you know what? I'm not finished.  What the fuck do they mean, "That's one thing we've learned"?  Yeah, we've had a hard year, what with the miscarriage and dad's slow, distressing descent into Alzheimer's; but at least we've weathered the storm and come out of it all a little wiser.  At least now we know that everybody in Britain loves the taste of ffffffffffucking Clover.  It's the sobriety of it all that's so offensive.  The way they try to take a serious, unadorned look at Britain's families, with their highs and lows, and, in doing so, utterly trivialise them.  They're not using these images as a way of encouraging you to donate to a hospice or a homeless shelter, or to highlight the difficulties that face the mentally disabled.  They're using them to sell you a buttery spread.  To glorify their product by equating its worth with that of a FAMILY'S LOVE.  With no fucking irony, no perspective - just unadulterated commercial muck.  Does that seem familiar?  It should.  Because, right around the time the campaign started, this crass obscenity came out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfaLwSRlzfI

Long gone are the days when adverts for edible sundries were content to eulogise the sumptuous taste or smell of their wares - now they must also make it clear that the product is more than just a gastronomic accessory; that it is, in reality, the lifeblood of a nation.  A giver of hope, WORTHY OF YOUR FUCKING TEARS.  Go on, weep!  Weep at the beautiful gift of Clover!  Dry not your eyes, lest you see, for one second, the madness being visited upon you.  Eat the gravy!  Eat it!  If you don't, you don't really love your family!  Pledge to the fucking gravy!  Drink its blood and eat its flesh!

What's worse is that you can imagine the hollow, tactless advertising turds who generated these 'heart-warming' pieces of cunt; all fist-bumping each other for their ingenuity.  Nothing matters to these people.  Anything that can be exploited is fair game, and your miserable, proletarian existence is no exception.  "We want to show the lives of ordinary people, yeah?  We want people to see that, like, we understand poor people and black people and vulnerable people.  How they're all, like, connected.  And, like, even though their lives are ugly and bad, they can all enjoy simple things.  Because, you know, they can understand simple things".  Piss off, you freshly imagined media type - I'm done with you.

So, for all that I might hate a million adverts this Christmas, for attempting to tug a heartstring they lost long ago, at least I will respect that, in most cases, they're just telling a little story.  It might be tastelessly commercial, it might be vomit-enducing, but it's just a little story.  But Clover, fucking Clover, you're doing something altogether different, aren't you?  You're not telling a story - you're trying to encapsulate the breadth of human experience and sell it for £2 in 500g tubs.  Well, you don't know me, Clover.  And you'll never get your buttery fingers 'round my heart.

BritishHobo

I fucking hate adverts that moralize. You're trying to sell me a product, you tosspot, don't you dare try and lecture me on impersonality and the fact that I don't spend enough time with my family. You're not my therapist, or some kind of fucking psychologist, or anyone who actually gives a fuck about me, or families, or togetherness. You're just some prick who wants me to eat his gravy. Fuck off.

In addition, what Cerys is about to say.

Cerys


BritishHobo


Jamie Oliver is fat


KLG-7B

There used to be a staggeringly beautiful Moomins commercial (probably a TV station bumper) from Japan on YouTube (it wasn't related to or similar in style to the Japanese/Finnish/Dutch-produced cartoon, or the 70s anime one).

It was done in a line-drawing, and just seemed to flow. Everything was fluid and really nice. Naturally, some content cunt had it taken down and I haven't been able to find it for years, or even much of a reference to it. If anybody knows what I'm talking about or knows of a copy that would be totes amazeballs (sorry, I've been contracting in a London media company).

Cerys

I'm pretty certain this isn't the one you're looking for - but it's a start.  Any similarity?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MwHqNXuz_c

KLG-7B

Thanks, that's definitely the right animation, but it's different. The one I saw didn't have all that branding on it, was longer, and certainly didn't have "I Just Called To Say I Love You" playing behind it (there was lovely breezy music there instead). The bit with Snufkin turning to the camera with his scarf blowing in the wind confirms that it's the same animation though...

Wow, look at that first clip. It really does flow. Seeing it as such a blatant advert is a bit sad.

Cerys

Yeah, it's glorious.  Sadly, all I can find of the advert itself is broken links and removed content.  Want me to keep trying, or let it go?

KLG-7B

You've done better than me in finding that, but I feel quite certain that the clip I saw was a rare and deleted thing (perhaps the original, unedited clip from the animator's portfolio).

Cerys


BlodwynPig