Author Topic: Mo Mowlam's 3-Way Peace Plea  (Read 779 times)

Mo Mowlam's 3-Way Peace Plea
« on: April 08, 2004, 10:45:45 PM »
CUE: Ulysses 31 - Outro Theme

Extracted from 'The Cramlington Daily Fortnight Gazette'
Author: RCABH (Genius, with the face of comedy, he kinda looks like me)

Ex-Beatle Mo Mowlam has today pleaded with Ex-Green Beret Tony Blair, to sit down at a table with Ex-Pig-Fucker 'Osama Bin Laden' and discuss the controversial issue of 'Piss'.

After a lenghty memo from her press agent, Judith Charmers, Ex-Beatle Mo Mowlam, and one time 'Miss Rectum Of The Year 1834' then realised her controversial error or 'Herring' and pleaded for Ex-Green Beret Tony Blair and one time 'Miss Foliage Of The Year 1976' to sit down at a table with Ex-Pig-Fucker 'Osama Bin Laden' and one time 'Muslim-Cunt-Fuck-Koran-Cunting-Hitler-Cock-Sucking-Cunt Of The Year 1985', and discuss the controversial issue of 'Pasta'....

After an even lenghtier memo, and 'reet good leathering' from her senior advisor 'Dulphn Lundgren', one time star of 'Universal Implosion II' and former 'Miss Cunt-Rim 2002', Mo got her fucking act together and demanded that bitches 'Blair' and 'Laden' sit at a fucking table, and talk, peace stuff, so that they might be nice, and stop all da hollering and da shouting and da shooting and da 'Ow, oooh, ya bugger', type ting...

Replies being none, Mo Mowlam today, earlier, in the morning issued the following statement;

TO:
Tony and Os - A Plea For Pasta

'Hello, I'm Mo Mowlam, ya know, that fat ugly, bald bitch, yeah that's the one, I look kinda like Lou Ferrigno, and I got a fucked up speech impediment, yeah, that's the one,...no,...not Judith Charners, she's me press agent, and she's not even bald ya daffy cunt-stain.....yes, Mo, Mo Mowlam...yeah, you remember, don't you? I'm FUCKING BALD, how can you miss me, ya fucking wank-stain!!! MO FUCKING MOWLAM, I'M MO FUCKING MOWLAM!!!!! Fuck sake, hang on, let me think....shit, no, I can;t think of anything I've done that you'd remember...hang on,..I'm gonna have t' biscuit.....LOOK, I'm fucking bald innit, how many ex-politicians/Beatles, do you know that are FUCKING BALD!!!!! I'M FUCKING BALD, DON'T YOU SEE, I'M FUCKING BALD, LOOK, AT ME, I'M FUCKING BALD, AND I TALK LIKE A RETARDED CHAFFINCH!!!! Fuck sake, yes, that's me....fuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkin' 'ell...
Anyway, look, I'm willing to do WHATEVER it takes to resolve this whole 'Iraq' thing, so, look, here's what I'll do, you can both have me, at the same time..

What ya say?

I AM prepared to wear a bag on me head. Look, don't let looks fool you, I know I got a face like an abortion, but I can fit a whole Spaniel up me arse, and me cunts as wet and versatile as a bloke that juggles eels.

I do have some stipulations though, if we do this, I won't have Osama cummin' in me gob, I got raped by this Muslim bloke once when I was a youngun, and his spunk taste like lederhosen, never again. Tony though, you can do what the fuck ya like, I've heard that ya hung like a chaffinch and you know what to do it, me best mate Dolph Lungdren was havin his nails done t'other day, and ya missus was sat next to him, fuckin' 'ell, some of the stories she was coming out with. Is it true that ya fucked her arseholse so hard she turned inside out? Fucking hope so, yeah dirty great bastard.

Let us know, ya mad bastards.

Mo'

 - RCABH - tuesday 18th March 1990